Dating as a 45+ woman

[Anonymous]

It's a myth that middle-aged women are competing with women half their age in the dating market. I'm in my mid-30s, and many of my male friends have trouble finding girlfriends their age (or at all). They have good jobs and own their own homes too. The typical 50-something man, even with a good job and a house, has no chance of ending up with a woman 2-3 decades younger.

Also, maybe it's the men that I know, but none of them try to date much younger women. I tried to set up my mid-30s male friend with my late-20s friend, but both balked at the 7 year age gap.

When I was 25, anyone over 30 seemed ancient. And no, being rich does not make up for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a myth that middle-aged women are competing with women half their age in the dating market. I'm in my mid-30s, and many of my male friends have trouble finding girlfriends their age (or at all). They have good jobs and own their own homes too. The typical 50-something man, even with a good job and a house, has no chance of ending up with a woman 2-3 decades younger.

Also, maybe it's the men that I know, but none of them try to date much younger women. I tried to set up my mid-30s male friend with my late-20s friend, but both balked at the 7 year age gap.

When I was 25, anyone over 30 seemed ancient. And no, being rich does not make up for that.

This doesn't happen among friends groups. It's the sneaky link you meet online.

If the guys you're friends with have trouble finding a girlfriend at all then of course they can't date younger. They're below average already since they don't even have what it takes to date their own age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sense - and this is from my attractive single/divorced friends - is that if you're a good looking 45 year women, there are unlimited options for sex with randoms, including with very young men. But that comes with all the risks. It is extremely easy, however. My particular friend doesn't even bother with online. She just walks into a bar. Sometimes a hotel bar. Sometimes something different. Has no intention of seeing them again. One and done. Literally, hundreds. Can't say she's in the best place. Her judgement is terrible. But she is very attractive. Very charismatic. She prefers them young - "easier to control" are her words. She completely dissociates sex from connection. She finds it very easy to find partners. She hurts a lot of feelings.

My other equally attractive, very successful, very rich friend is having a harder time finding a partner. She's relationship oriented. She does not do casual. She's done some online dating. Here and there she has had something that lasts for a bit. But she hasn't met anyone she's genuinely passionate about. She noted that with online dating, it's so easy to get into the swipe next mindset. Nothing really gets a chance to develop organically. She's taking a timeout and is presently lusting over her housepainter. But she did note that the very few dateable 45-55 men genuinely go younger for relationships. She's not attracted to older or the dregs. But she needs connection to be intimate so she's not doing randoms. She's no longer really actively pursuing things.

Like a PP mentioned it’s easy to find men to sleep with if that’s your thing because the bar is so low. You don’t need to be compatible in any way other than physically and even then there’s wiggle room. Finding a genuine connection with someone is much much more difficult obviously. Your relationship friend should jump back into the dating apps. There are men that are looking for a long term relationship and genuinely understand that dating younger is not the best way to find a like minded person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a myth that middle-aged women are competing with women half their age in the dating market. I'm in my mid-30s, and many of my male friends have trouble finding girlfriends their age (or at all). They have good jobs and own their own homes too. The typical 50-something man, even with a good job and a house, has no chance of ending up with a woman 2-3 decades younger.

Also, maybe it's the men that I know, but none of them try to date much younger women. I tried to set up my mid-30s male friend with my late-20s friend, but both balked at the 7 year age gap.

When I was 25, anyone over 30 seemed ancient. And no, being rich does not make up for that.

Please. You have no idea what they are doing or who with. If they think they have a shot with you they aren't going to tell you about your competition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be competing with single, never-married women half your age on apps and in clubs. Be realistic about it.

I am 46. I can compete with them any day of the week. I look better than most of them. All of it depends on attractivess level.

You are truly delusional if you think any man would ever pick a 50 year old woman over a 25 year old woman.

They might pick the 50 year old to be in a relationship with, bc there is more to a relationship than looks, but yeah - no 46 year old looks better than “most” 25 year olds. That is delusion.

NP here. I’m 45 and still look pretty good. My friends are also fit and attractive.

You are kidding yourself if you look better than most 25 year olds.

I’m still married. My twice divorced friend was doing well on the dating scene post divorce. She slept with more men in one year than in 40 years combined. She had this giant ego. Then it hit her that while it is easy to have sex, it was much harder to connect. Now she is in a very bad place after partying for a few years.

[Anonymous]

If you're 40 looking for a guy, look for someone 45-50. It's true that most men are looking for someone younger than them but it's crazy to assume that most 45 or 50 year old men want a relationship with a 20 year old. They might want sex with her but any man that thinks he can have a serious relationship with one is too brain dead to be worth your time anyway.

If you want men to be attracted to you, be a normal BMI. Don't be overweight or obese. That's literally all it takes. Men don't care about your nails or your hair. They see your body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a myth that middle-aged women are competing with women half their age in the dating market. I'm in my mid-30s, and many of my male friends have trouble finding girlfriends their age (or at all). They have good jobs and own their own homes too. The typical 50-something man, even with a good job and a house, has no chance of ending up with a woman 2-3 decades younger.

Also, maybe it's the men that I know, but none of them try to date much younger women. I tried to set up my mid-30s male friend with my late-20s friend, but both balked at the 7 year age gap.

When I was 25, anyone over 30 seemed ancient. And no, being rich does not make up for that.

Please. You have no idea what they are doing or who with. If they think they have a shot with you they aren't going to tell you about your competition.

PP here. Yes, I agree older men try go for younger women all the time. But the chances of success, even for a hook-up, is extremely low. I have had no female friends who have hooked up with an older guy, and I have heard about tons of their flings. My male friends tell me they get no dates out of online dating or one date after a year of using it and have asked me for advice, so I know for a fact they aren't dating anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a myth that middle-aged women are competing with women half their age in the dating market. I'm in my mid-30s, and many of my male friends have trouble finding girlfriends their age (or at all). They have good jobs and own their own homes too. The typical 50-something man, even with a good job and a house, has no chance of ending up with a woman 2-3 decades younger.

Also, maybe it's the men that I know, but none of them try to date much younger women. I tried to set up my mid-30s male friend with my late-20s friend, but both balked at the 7 year age gap.

When I was 25, anyone over 30 seemed ancient. And no, being rich does not make up for that.

Please. You have no idea what they are doing or who with. If they think they have a shot with you they aren't going to tell you about your competition.

PP here. Yes, I agree older men try go for younger women all the time. But the chances of success, even for a hook-up, is extremely low. I have had no female friends who have hooked up with an older guy, and I have heard about tons of their flings. My male friends tell me they get no dates out of online dating or one date after a year of using it and have asked me for advice, so I know for a fact they aren't dating anyone.

I must be a part of a minuscule group of men, but I am early 40s and have loved online dating in DC.

[Anonymous]

I'm male in my 50s and above average looking for my age. I think women who are above average looking my age are in very high demand. I had a nice online conversation with a woman my age but she decided not to meet me. She said she was busy/sick blah blah blah. A week later I ran into her at a coffee shop. She was on a date with a guy in his 30s. They seemed to be having a very engrossing conversation. She looked very confident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be competing with single, never-married women half your age on apps and in clubs. Be realistic about it.

I am 46. I can compete with them any day of the week. I look better than most of them. All of it depends on attractivess level.

You are truly delusional if you think any man would ever pick a 50 year old woman over a 25 year old woman.

I am not 50. I am 46. Tell that to the 27-year-old I have been seeing for 6 months.

You tell him Mommy.

My youngest kid is 8.

I have told him. He does not want to date near his age for several years because he is not looking for marriage. I am not either.

He has told me that I look better than most women his age. (Which is true). Everyone says this. Not just him.

I won’t remarry anyone so it’s fine for now. I am not looking for serious. Long term monogamous casual is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm male in my 50s and above average looking for my age. I think women who are above average looking my age are in very high demand. I had a nice online conversation with a woman my age but she decided not to meet me. She said she was busy/sick blah blah blah. A week later I ran into her at a coffee shop. She was on a date with a guy in his 30s. They seemed to be having a very engrossing conversation. She looked very confident.

This seems true. I’m 41 and was online dating last year. Lots of interest from men 10-15 years older but I found I was not interested in anyone even 8 years older. Younger men had no issues with dating older - most men are ambivalent on having kids so the ones who are willing to date older are usually mature and openminded. For what it’s worth I also tried 10 years younger and found it too much - I set my matches to 8 on both sides but preferred under 5 years difference. Younger men look better, are less angry, more emotionally intelligent and feminist. Older guys have more baggage, less hair, and more rigid and traditional in gender roles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be competing with single, never-married women half your age on apps and in clubs. Be realistic about it.

I am 46. I can compete with them any day of the week. I look better than most of them. All of it depends on attractivess level.

You are truly delusional if you think any man would ever pick a 50 year old woman over a 25 year old woman.

They might pick the 50 year old to be in a relationship with, bc there is more to a relationship than looks, but yeah - no 46 year old looks better than “most” 25 year olds. That is delusion.

NP here. I’m 45 and still look pretty good. My friends are also fit and attractive.

You are kidding yourself if you look better than most 25 year olds.

I’m still married. My twice divorced friend was doing well on the dating scene post divorce. She slept with more men in one year than in 40 years combined. She had this giant ego. Then it hit her that while it is easy to have sex, it was much harder to connect. Now she is in a very bad place after partying for a few years.

Yes, this - it always boggles my mind when women think that because a man will sleep with them, it necessarily means he likes or cares about her or that it somehow correlates to how objectively attractive she is. Single guys will sleep with just about anyone who will let them. I truly think figuring this out and really internalizing it in my early 20s helped me make better choices with who I wanted to invest my time on. Of course if all you want is sex then no problem and have fun, but it doesn’t tell you much about anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be competing with single, never-married women half your age on apps and in clubs. Be realistic about it.

I am 46. I can compete with them any day of the week. I look better than most of them. All of it depends on attractivess level.

You are truly delusional if you think any man would ever pick a 50 year old woman over a 25 year old woman.

They might pick the 50 year old to be in a relationship with, bc there is more to a relationship than looks, but yeah - no 46 year old looks better than “most” 25 year olds. That is delusion.

NP here. I’m 45 and still look pretty good. My friends are also fit and attractive.

You are kidding yourself if you look better than most 25 year olds.

I’m still married. My twice divorced friend was doing well on the dating scene post divorce. She slept with more men in one year than in 40 years combined. She had this giant ego. Then it hit her that while it is easy to have sex, it was much harder to connect. Now she is in a very bad place after partying for a few years.

Yes, this - it always boggles my mind when women think that because a man will sleep with them, it necessarily means he likes or cares about her or that it somehow correlates to how objectively attractive she is. Single guys will sleep with just about anyone who will let them. I truly think figuring this out and really internalizing it in my early 20s helped me make better choices with who I wanted to invest my time on. Of course if all you want is sex then no problem and have fun, but it doesn’t tell you much about anything else.

Yea, which is why I never sleep with a man until after a month or so. Allows him invest more emotionally and also decide whether he’s actually interested in the relationship

[Anonymous]

From what I can see - as an observer with divorced friends - it's a little unusual out there. Whether its older women with younger men or vice versa. Attractive 45 year olds are appealing for a lot of people.

Genuine relationships are different though. Most likely it will be the same generation. And then it's more like two animals circling each other. Very different. Things become real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be competing with single, never-married women half your age on apps and in clubs. Be realistic about it.

I am 46. I can compete with them any day of the week. I look better than most of them. All of it depends on attractivess level.

You are truly delusional if you think any man would ever pick a 50 year old woman over a 25 year old woman.

They might pick the 50 year old to be in a relationship with, bc there is more to a relationship than looks, but yeah - no 46 year old looks better than “most” 25 year olds. That is delusion.

NP here. I’m 45 and still look pretty good. My friends are also fit and attractive.

You are kidding yourself if you look better than most 25 year olds.

I’m still married. My twice divorced friend was doing well on the dating scene post divorce. She slept with more men in one year than in 40 years combined. She had this giant ego. Then it hit her that while it is easy to have sex, it was much harder to connect. Now she is in a very bad place after partying for a few years.

Thank you Gloria Steinem