work from home is messing up my marriage

[Anonymous]

My DH and I had to figure out this dynamic as well. I am fully remote and he works from home most days. The thing is, my job is very lax, and when I see him — in the kitchen or in passing, like when he steps out of his office For coffee or the bathroom to his office — I want to chat. He kindly asked that I pretend like he’s not home. Because he doesn’t want to get out of his work “headspace”. It’s hard for me, but I appreciate that he is at home, and when he is done, we can chat, eat, and interact. And a lot sooner, since he doesn’t have a 30 minute commute.

One problem we did have, is after he is on meetings all day, he did not want to be bothered. He would rather go sit with the dog, than have a conversation with an adult. We figured , that usually he would have the time driving home to regroup before having to interact with family . So I give him about an hour. It’s crazy, even when we’re both at home all day, we usually have our first conversation at 6:30 PM.

If there’s something important, he will send me a text or we will plan time to discuss. To some this sounds cold, but it works for us. My DH is very type A and an executive at work, so he is used to time-boxing things. After 20 years, He has learned to turn it off for family, but if I absolutely need to have a discussion at 2 PM about the exterminator that’s about to stop by, for example; it helps for us to have a scheduled “meeting”. (Funny in his job he establishes rules for WFH and expects that everyone is doing the same thing)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH wfh now and I rarely see him at all until he is done. He even got a coffee maker for upstairs. Part of it is if he comes down I will want to chat because my work is more flexible. I've learned to leave him be and if I need something that needs to be addressed quickly then I text him just like I would if he was at an office out of the house.

You sound lonely, OP, which is making you (sound) needy, and nobody likes that.

OP here. I wish he would go back to in-person 5 days a week.

No wonder he doesn't want to spend time with you. Even just in a short online interaction you are incredibly annoying

[Anonymous]

So tell him to go back to the office 5 days a week so you can have free run of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a work from home problem.

Op here. It's related. if he wasn't home so much, I wouldn't feel the need to engage with him

So pretend he’s out in the office. He’s working, it just happens to be from home.

I'm not good at pretending. Should I also pretend working 50-60 hours a week is normal? He locks himself in his office on the weekends and every evening for at least 3 hours.

So, as people have said, this isn't a during-work-hours problem. This is an after hours problem. He sounds unhappy with the situation you are in so is limiting contact. You need to stop focusing on the work hours, and leave him alone then. After that, if you maintain some distance during the day, then address the after hours thing.

But seriously, you sound lonely, needy and whiny. All that does is push someone further away.

This. I wouldn't want to spend time with OP either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a work from home problem.

Op here. It's related. if he wasn't home so much, I wouldn't feel the need to engage with him

So pretend he’s out in the office. He’s working, it just happens to be from home.

I'm not good at pretending. Should I also pretend working 50-60 hours a week is normal? He locks himself in his office on the weekends and every evening for at least 3 hours.

He's annoyed by you and doesn't want to spend time with you. THAT is the issue. Not that he won't spend lunch with you. Not that he doesn't want to be bothered during the day. The issue is that he doesn't seem to want to spend time with you at all. Address that. Frankly your immaturity needs to be addressed too.

This doesn't sound fair to the OP. He married her. If she's annoying him so much he should also address the issue. He's also working 13 hours a day and then more on the weekends according to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH wfh now and I rarely see him at all until he is done. He even got a coffee maker for upstairs. Part of it is if he comes down I will want to chat because my work is more flexible. I've learned to leave him be and if I need something that needs to be addressed quickly then I text him just like I would if he was at an office out of the house.

You sound lonely, OP, which is making you (sound) needy, and nobody likes that.

OP here. I wish he would go back to in-person 5 days a week.

OP, you are 1/2 the problem. Maturity/mentally healthy is being able to adjust to the situation that you are in.

'Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.' -Albert Einstein

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a work from home problem.

Op here. It's related. if he wasn't home so much, I wouldn't feel the need to engage with him

So pretend he’s out in the office. He’s working, it just happens to be from home.

I'm not good at pretending. Should I also pretend working 50-60 hours a week is normal? He locks himself in his office on the weekends and every evening for at least 3 hours.

He's annoyed by you and doesn't want to spend time with you. THAT is the issue. Not that he won't spend lunch with you. Not that he doesn't want to be bothered during the day. The issue is that he doesn't seem to want to spend time with you at all. Address that. Frankly your immaturity needs to be addressed too.

This doesn't sound fair to the OP. He married her. If she's annoying him so much he should also address the issue. He's also working 13 hours a day and then more on the weekends according to OP.

It sounds like he has addressed the issues and OP just whines and cries about it instead of respecting it.

[Anonymous]

I dont get the issue.

You like it when he's at the office and not interacting with you.

He doesnt interact with you while WFH, but you incessantly seek him out to bother him. You let your child interrupt him. You think him being home means you have full access to him.

Just stop. Stop bothering him during work hours. Try watching your child for once, and don't let him interrupt his work.

You are literally going to end up divorced because you are so naggy and annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a work from home problem.

Op here. It's related. if he wasn't home so much, I wouldn't feel the need to engage with him

So pretend he’s out in the office. He’s working, it just happens to be from home.

I'm not good at pretending. Should I also pretend working 50-60 hours a week is normal? He locks himself in his office on the weekends and every evening for at least 3 hours.

He's annoyed by you and doesn't want to spend time with you. THAT is the issue. Not that he won't spend lunch with you. Not that he doesn't want to be bothered during the day. The issue is that he doesn't seem to want to spend time with you at all. Address that. Frankly your immaturity needs to be addressed too.

This doesn't sound fair to the OP. He married her. If she's annoying him so much he should also address the issue. He's also working 13 hours a day and then more on the weekends according to OP.

Yes its 10 hours in one post, then 13 in another, then all weekend in the next.
OP is either a troll or her husband really f*ing hates her annoying ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a work from home problem.

Op here. It's related. if he wasn't home so much, I wouldn't feel the need to engage with him

So pretend he’s out in the office. He’s working, it just happens to be from home.

I'm not good at pretending. Should I also pretend working 50-60 hours a week is normal? He locks himself in his office on the weekends and every evening for at least 3 hours.

He's annoyed by you and doesn't want to spend time with you. THAT is the issue. Not that he won't spend lunch with you. Not that he doesn't want to be bothered during the day. The issue is that he doesn't seem to want to spend time with you at all. Address that. Frankly your immaturity needs to be addressed too.

This doesn't sound fair to the OP. He married her. If she's annoying him so much he should also address the issue. He's also working 13 hours a day and then more on the weekends according to OP.

He has told her he needs to her pretend he isn't there during the day. But she won't let up, and she doesn't understand how irritating this has to be. I find it maddening to tell someone repeatedly what the problem is and they simply don't hear or accept the answer. They want me to be the one to change what I am doing to suit them. Just because.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a work from home problem.

Op here. It's related. if he wasn't home so much, I wouldn't feel the need to engage with him

So pretend he’s out in the office. He’s working, it just happens to be from home.

I'm not good at pretending. Should I also pretend working 50-60 hours a week is normal? He locks himself in his office on the weekends and every evening for at least 3 hours.

He's annoyed by you and doesn't want to spend time with you. THAT is the issue. Not that he won't spend lunch with you. Not that he doesn't want to be bothered during the day. The issue is that he doesn't seem to want to spend time with you at all. Address that. Frankly your immaturity needs to be addressed too.

This doesn't sound fair to the OP. He married her. If she's annoying him so much he should also address the issue. He's also working 13 hours a day and then more on the weekends according to OP.

It sounds like he has addressed the issues and OP just whines and cries about it instead of respecting it.

It sounds like he works too much and it's driving OP crazy. He's not addressing the issue by ignoring her, pretending to be working, or obsessively working. He doesn't get a free card.

[Anonymous]

Since she keeps pushing back, I call troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since she keeps pushing back, I call troll.

I think she's just incredibly immature and lacks any ability to see her own wrongdoing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a work from home problem.

Op here. It's related. if he wasn't home so much, I wouldn't feel the need to engage with him

So pretend he’s out in the office. He’s working, it just happens to be from home.

I'm not good at pretending. Should I also pretend working 50-60 hours a week is normal? He locks himself in his office on the weekends and every evening for at least 3 hours.

He's annoyed by you and doesn't want to spend time with you. THAT is the issue. Not that he won't spend lunch with you. Not that he doesn't want to be bothered during the day. The issue is that he doesn't seem to want to spend time with you at all. Address that. Frankly your immaturity needs to be addressed too.

This doesn't sound fair to the OP. He married her. If she's annoying him so much he should also address the issue. He's also working 13 hours a day and then more on the weekends according to OP.

It sounds like he has addressed the issues and OP just whines and cries about it instead of respecting it.

It sounds like he works too much and it's driving OP crazy. He's not addressing the issue by ignoring her, pretending to be working, or obsessively working. He doesn't get a free card.

Agreed to a degree. He has told her what he needs but she refuses to leave him alone during the day. What else is he supposed to do. He talked about it, she ignored it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a work from home problem.

Op here. It's related. if he wasn't home so much, I wouldn't feel the need to engage with him

So pretend he’s out in the office. He’s working, it just happens to be from home.

I'm not good at pretending. Should I also pretend working 50-60 hours a week is normal? He locks himself in his office on the weekends and every evening for at least 3 hours.

He's annoyed by you and doesn't want to spend time with you. THAT is the issue. Not that he won't spend lunch with you. Not that he doesn't want to be bothered during the day. The issue is that he doesn't seem to want to spend time with you at all. Address that. Frankly your immaturity needs to be addressed too.

This doesn't sound fair to the OP. He married her. If she's annoying him so much he should also address the issue. He's also working 13 hours a day and then more on the weekends according to OP.

Yes its 10 hours in one post, then 13 in another, then all weekend in the next.
OP is either a troll or her husband really f*ing hates her annoying ass.

op here. it's hard to know what he's actually doing between 8 pm and 11 pm, but he's in his office EVERY evening in front of the computer, and he has a spreadsheet open. he's a statistician. he tells me it's not work but personal stuff for a publication. he doesn't watch TV or do other activities besides working, eating, and playing with the kids. he also works for a few hours on the weekend. honestly, it could be 6 hours. I work all day on Saturday, but the kids tell me he's in his office most of the day working. He doesn't watch TV much. he doesn't seem to have the need to do stuff outside of work. i think he views work like a hobby.