work from home is messing up my marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since she keeps pushing back, I call troll.

I think she's just incredibly immature and lacks any ability to see her own wrongdoing.

You're probably right. Frankly, I wish she was just bored and trolling. If it's real, then this doesn't bode well for her marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a work from home problem.

Op here. It's related. if he wasn't home so much, I wouldn't feel the need to engage with him

So pretend he’s out in the office. He’s working, it just happens to be from home.

I'm not good at pretending. Should I also pretend working 50-60 hours a week is normal? He locks himself in his office on the weekends and every evening for at least 3 hours.

He's annoyed by you and doesn't want to spend time with you. THAT is the issue. Not that he won't spend lunch with you. Not that he doesn't want to be bothered during the day. The issue is that he doesn't seem to want to spend time with you at all. Address that. Frankly your immaturity needs to be addressed too.

This doesn't sound fair to the OP. He married her. If she's annoying him so much he should also address the issue. He's also working 13 hours a day and then more on the weekends according to OP.

Yes its 10 hours in one post, then 13 in another, then all weekend in the next.
OP is either a troll or her husband really f*ing hates her annoying ass.

op here. it's hard to know what he's actually doing between 8 pm and 11 pm, but he's in his office EVERY evening in front of the computer, and he has a spreadsheet open. he's a statistician. he tells me it's not work but personal stuff for a publication. he doesn't watch TV or do other activities besides working, eating, and playing with the kids. he also works for a few hours on the weekend. honestly, it could be 6 hours. I work all day on Saturday, but the kids tell me he's in his office most of the day working. He doesn't watch TV much. he doesn't seem to have the need to do stuff outside of work. i think he views work like a hobby.

So he neglects your toddler? Either you're a moron or you're a troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a work from home problem.

Op here. It's related. if he wasn't home so much, I wouldn't feel the need to engage with him

NP, that is a YOU problem, not a him WFH problem. Have you considered getting a job? He isn't your plaything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a work from home problem.

Op here. It's related. if he wasn't home so much, I wouldn't feel the need to engage with him

NP, that is a YOU problem, not a him WFH problem. Have you considered getting a job? He isn't your plaything.

I do have a PT job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH wfh now and I rarely see him at all until he is done. He even got a coffee maker for upstairs. Part of it is if he comes down I will want to chat because my work is more flexible. I've learned to leave him be and if I need something that needs to be addressed quickly then I text him just like I would if he was at an office out of the house.

You sound lonely, OP, which is making you (sound) needy, and nobody likes that.

OP here. I wish he would go back to in-person 5 days a week.

No wonder he doesn't want to spend time with you. Even just in a short online interaction you are incredibly annoying

I'm surprised he doesn't go to the office every day, because he has two toddlers at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a work from home problem.

Op here. It's related. if he wasn't home so much, I wouldn't feel the need to engage with him

So pretend he’s out in the office. He’s working, it just happens to be from home.

I'm not good at pretending. Should I also pretend working 50-60 hours a week is normal? He locks himself in his office on the weekends and every evening for at least 3 hours.

He's annoyed by you and doesn't want to spend time with you. THAT is the issue. Not that he won't spend lunch with you. Not that he doesn't want to be bothered during the day. The issue is that he doesn't seem to want to spend time with you at all. Address that. Frankly your immaturity needs to be addressed too.

This doesn't sound fair to the OP. He married her. If she's annoying him so much he should also address the issue. He's also working 13 hours a day and then more on the weekends according to OP.

Yes its 10 hours in one post, then 13 in another, then all weekend in the next.
OP is either a troll or her husband really f*ing hates her annoying ass.

op here. it's hard to know what he's actually doing between 8 pm and 11 pm, but he's in his office EVERY evening in front of the computer, and he has a spreadsheet open. he's a statistician. he tells me it's not work but personal stuff for a publication. he doesn't watch TV or do other activities besides working, eating, and playing with the kids. he also works for a few hours on the weekend. honestly, it could be 6 hours. I work all day on Saturday, but the kids tell me he's in his office most of the day working. He doesn't watch TV much. he doesn't seem to have the need to do stuff outside of work. i think he views work like a hobby.

So he neglects your toddler? Either you're a moron or you're a troll

They may have a babysitter. For someone who name calls you actually sound more of the moron not to consider they may have other childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a work from home problem.

Op here. It's related. if he wasn't home so much, I wouldn't feel the need to engage with him

So pretend he’s out in the office. He’s working, it just happens to be from home.

I'm not good at pretending. Should I also pretend working 50-60 hours a week is normal? He locks himself in his office on the weekends and every evening for at least 3 hours.

He's annoyed by you and doesn't want to spend time with you. THAT is the issue. Not that he won't spend lunch with you. Not that he doesn't want to be bothered during the day. The issue is that he doesn't seem to want to spend time with you at all. Address that. Frankly your immaturity needs to be addressed too.

This doesn't sound fair to the OP. He married her. If she's annoying him so much he should also address the issue. He's also working 13 hours a day and then more on the weekends according to OP.

Yes its 10 hours in one post, then 13 in another, then all weekend in the next.
OP is either a troll or her husband really f*ing hates her annoying ass.

op here. it's hard to know what he's actually doing between 8 pm and 11 pm, but he's in his office EVERY evening in front of the computer, and he has a spreadsheet open. he's a statistician. he tells me it's not work but personal stuff for a publication. he doesn't watch TV or do other activities besides working, eating, and playing with the kids. he also works for a few hours on the weekend. honestly, it could be 6 hours. I work all day on Saturday, but the kids tell me he's in his office most of the day working. He doesn't watch TV much. he doesn't seem to have the need to do stuff outside of work. i think he views work like a hobby.

Does anyone watch your toddler??????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a work from home problem.

Op here. It's related. if he wasn't home so much, I wouldn't feel the need to engage with him

So pretend he’s out in the office. He’s working, it just happens to be from home.

I'm not good at pretending. Should I also pretend working 50-60 hours a week is normal? He locks himself in his office on the weekends and every evening for at least 3 hours.

He's annoyed by you and doesn't want to spend time with you. THAT is the issue. Not that he won't spend lunch with you. Not that he doesn't want to be bothered during the day. The issue is that he doesn't seem to want to spend time with you at all. Address that. Frankly your immaturity needs to be addressed too.

This doesn't sound fair to the OP. He married her. If she's annoying him so much he should also address the issue. He's also working 13 hours a day and then more on the weekends according to OP.

Yes its 10 hours in one post, then 13 in another, then all weekend in the next.
OP is either a troll or her husband really f*ing hates her annoying ass.

op here. it's hard to know what he's actually doing between 8 pm and 11 pm, but he's in his office EVERY evening in front of the computer, and he has a spreadsheet open. he's a statistician. he tells me it's not work but personal stuff for a publication. he doesn't watch TV or do other activities besides working, eating, and playing with the kids. he also works for a few hours on the weekend. honestly, it could be 6 hours. I work all day on Saturday, but the kids tell me he's in his office most of the day working. He doesn't watch TV much. he doesn't seem to have the need to do stuff outside of work. i think he views work like a hobby.

Does anyone watch your toddler??????

Op here. Yes, we have a babysitter when I work. I also make lunch for Dh almost every day. I leave prepared food when I work. I do all the cooking because he refuses to cook. Our youngest is really energetic and gets into EVERYTHING. He drives us both nuts. Dh may be avoiding me and the kids because he gets annoyed by all the noise.

[Anonymous]

A marriage needs maintenance. I’d start with a weekly date night - you don’t have to go out, but on that designated night, he is not on his pc from 8-11 pm & is doing something with you. Can be literally anything - a show you can watch together, play video games, cook something for tomorrow, work on a little home improvement project - anything that you two agree to do together.

Commit to doing this together every Wed night or whatever day you choose for 8 wks.

If he balks at that, then marriage counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A marriage needs maintenance. I’d start with a weekly date night - you don’t have to go out, but on that designated night, he is not on his pc from 8-11 pm & is doing something with you. Can be literally anything - a show you can watch together, play video games, cook something for tomorrow, work on a little home improvement project - anything that you two agree to do together.

Commit to doing this together every Wed night or whatever day you choose for 8 wks.

If he balks at that, then marriage counseling.

op here. i have tried this but he won't do anything that requires us to leave the kids home alone. if we watch TV or a movie, he will cut it short or ask me if an hour is enough because he's tired or some other excuse. it sounds awful as I am writing this out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH works from home for three days, but keep in mind that this has only been going on for eight months. He goes into the office for two days. He expects me not to talk to him or walk into the office ALL DAY from 8 am- after 6 pm. He also has been doing a lot of work after the kids go to bed at 8 pm. Before the 3-day schedule, he worked from every day starting when COVID-19 happened. I feel it's unreasonable to expect no interaction for so many hours when he works from home. We also have a toddler. I tried to get him to have lunch with us but gave up after a while because I would have to set a timer; otherwise, he would return to work after 15 minutes. Lately, I feel ignored, and what's the point of being married if you aren't spending time together? We never watch TV together. As I sit here, I am crying. When something big happens, I am hesitate to talk to him anymore, but I feel he cares about his computer or phone more than engaging with me.

Did you really set a timer for lunch? I’d be annoyed if DH tried to micromanage me like that. 20 minutes is a typical lunch for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A marriage needs maintenance. I’d start with a weekly date night - you don’t have to go out, but on that designated night, he is not on his pc from 8-11 pm & is doing something with you. Can be literally anything - a show you can watch together, play video games, cook something for tomorrow, work on a little home improvement project - anything that you two agree to do together.

Commit to doing this together every Wed night or whatever day you choose for 8 wks.

If he balks at that, then marriage counseling.

op here. i have tried this but he won't do anything that requires us to leave the kids home alone. if we watch TV or a movie, he will cut it short or ask me if an hour is enough because he's tired or some other excuse. it sounds awful as I am writing this out.

also, this is a different issue, but every time I try to put a simple decoration on the door, he takes it down because he thinks it will damage the door. he's paranoid about damaging stuff. doesn't like when I hang art. he sucks all the joy out of me. I recently put up a V-day decoration, and he took it down. our door is glass but a lot of the neighbors put up stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH works from home for three days, but keep in mind that this has only been going on for eight months. He goes into the office for two days. He expects me not to talk to him or walk into the office ALL DAY from 8 am- after 6 pm. He also has been doing a lot of work after the kids go to bed at 8 pm. Before the 3-day schedule, he worked from every day starting when COVID-19 happened. I feel it's unreasonable to expect no interaction for so many hours when he works from home. We also have a toddler. I tried to get him to have lunch with us but gave up after a while because I would have to set a timer; otherwise, he would return to work after 15 minutes. Lately, I feel ignored, and what's the point of being married if you aren't spending time together? We never watch TV together. As I sit here, I am crying. When something big happens, I am hesitate to talk to him anymore, but I feel he cares about his computer or phone more than engaging with me.

Did you really set a timer for lunch? I’d be annoyed if DH tried to micromanage me like that. 20 minutes is a typical lunch for me.

Yes, I have because he needs to learn to take breaks. He's obsessed with work, and it's not healthy. It makes him irritable because he doesn't have a life outside of work. He snaps at the kids easily. He also has back pain issues. His eyes are always red.

[Anonymous]

Pretend he’s at the office five days a week.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP,

It sounds like your husband is a "workaholic". You may want to read up on that. If he's doing personal statistical work you may want to make sure he's not day trading or doing something that's covered up by a spreadsheet image when you come in.

Marital counseling might help but if he doesn't like to go on dates with you, and doesn't think he has a problem, he might balk at counseling.

Regarding door decorations...maybe get an over the door wreath hanger.