work from home is messing up my marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH works from home for three days, but keep in mind that this has only been going on for eight months. He goes into the office for two days. He expects me not to talk to him or walk into the office ALL DAY from 8 am- after 6 pm. He also has been doing a lot of work after the kids go to bed at 8 pm. Before the 3-day schedule, he worked from every day starting when COVID-19 happened. I feel it's unreasonable to expect no interaction for so many hours when he works from home. We also have a toddler. I tried to get him to have lunch with us but gave up after a while because I would have to set a timer; otherwise, he would return to work after 15 minutes. Lately, I feel ignored, and what's the point of being married if you aren't spending time together? We never watch TV together. As I sit here, I am crying. When something big happens, I am hesitate to talk to him anymore, but I feel he cares about his computer or phone more than engaging with me.

Haven't read the whole thread and I know this is months old, but -- OP or others in this situation, see the bold. One, he has a home office. That is golden, do you not realize that? Couples in smaller homes without a separate room to dedicate as an office do not have this luxury. So leave him to it.

The much, much larger issue is "doing a lot of work after the kids go to bed at 8" -- THAT needs to be fixed. What's the reason for the after-hours work? Have you asked? Has he given a reply that makes sense? I'm not seeing that you and he have discussed this frankly, OP, so:

Is there a project he's crunching on, so it's really a temporary thing, this work at night? Does he see an end in sight?
Or does he feel he's not efficient enough during daytime working hours and he's pressuring himself to do more?
Or does he maybe have a boss who doesn't like remote work but has to allow it, so the boss (spoken or unspoken) pressures employees to do more and more?

Start with those questions. Tell him you miss his company, but don't complain that you "feel ignored." I would absolutley tell him-- calmly and without tears -- that you find yourself hesitating to talk abaout important things with him because you feel it's somehow "interrupting" his work. (And be sure you are not trying to have those talks when he's in working hours, OP.)

Your communication overall sounds off, and you seem a bit skittish around him. I'm older and woul just tell my DH what was up and ask him questions bluntly. Why are you so hesitant?