work from home is messing up my marriage

[Anonymous]

[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your interaction with him when he's at the official? Text? FaceTime? Nothing?

not much. he will text and ask if we are okay. the lunch thing bugs me. he should be taking a break for lunch. he would do that at the office. he's not taking lunch and he's working more than he would be if he goes to the office. 10+ hours a day isn't normal.

I'm beginning to think we've been trolled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound lonely. Do you have other SAHM friends? Do you interact with anyone outside your toddler during the day?

Yes, we do plenty, and I work 2 days a week, but my hours aren't traditional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound lonely. Do you have other SAHM friends? Do you interact with anyone outside your toddler during the day?

Yes, we do plenty, and I work 2 days a week, but my hours aren't traditional.

I still don't get the issue. You're crying because he doesn't have lunch with you?

[Anonymous]

OP - before this schedule he was WFH all the time, or just during COVID?

If/when was going into the office everyday, did he still ignore you in the evening?

I have been WFH a few days a week before COVID, WFH during COVID, and back to a few days a week now. My H has always gone into an office (only WFH for a few weeks in the early part of COVID) until he unexpectedly retired early.

It’s hard to tell if your husband is a jerk who doesn’t want to see you at all, or if you’re not respecting his boundaries and need for a mental and temporal workspace, and as a result he doesn’t want to hang out with you in the evening.

He bugs me regularly when I WHF - wanders into my office w/o knocking, claims he’s not bugging me, watches TV right outside my office (we have other places he can watch TV), asks if I need food or want to take a walk or whatever. It has meant I am more likely to NOT want to spend the evening watching TV or something with him because he’s been around all day.

Your H has made it clear he doesn’t want to be bothered when he’s in his work zone. I know it’s sounds harsh, but you need to respect that. THEN if he continues to be a jerk in non-work hours, you need to decide if you want to put up with that, and if not, ultimatum or divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - before this schedule he was WFH all the time, or just during COVID?

If/when was going into the office everyday, did he still ignore you in the evening?

I have been WFH a few days a week before COVID, WFH during COVID, and back to a few days a week now. My H has always gone into an office (only WFH for a few weeks in the early part of COVID) until he unexpectedly retired early.

It’s hard to tell if your husband is a jerk who doesn’t want to see you at all, or if you’re not respecting his boundaries and need for a mental and temporal workspace, and as a result he doesn’t want to hang out with you in the evening.

He bugs me regularly when I WHF - wanders into my office w/o knocking, claims he’s not bugging me, watches TV right outside my office (we have other places he can watch TV), asks if I need food or want to take a walk or whatever. It has meant I am more likely to NOT want to spend the evening watching TV or something with him because he’s been around all day.

Your H has made it clear he doesn’t want to be bothered when he’s in his work zone. I know it’s sounds harsh, but you need to respect that. THEN if he continues to be a jerk in non-work hours, you need to decide if you want to put up with that, and if not, ultimatum or divorce.

Before covid, we had zero issues. He went into the office 5 days a week. He never worked from home after work. There is also the issue that our toddler bothers him naturally, and he gets upset. I try to stop him, but I can't chase the kid around all day or stay upstairs. A lot of times, he will talk to his dad behind the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a work from home problem.

Op here. It's related. if he wasn't home so much, I wouldn't feel the need to engage with him

So pretend he’s out in the office. He’s working, it just happens to be from home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - before this schedule he was WFH all the time, or just during COVID?

If/when was going into the office everyday, did he still ignore you in the evening?

I have been WFH a few days a week before COVID, WFH during COVID, and back to a few days a week now. My H has always gone into an office (only WFH for a few weeks in the early part of COVID) until he unexpectedly retired early.

It’s hard to tell if your husband is a jerk who doesn’t want to see you at all, or if you’re not respecting his boundaries and need for a mental and temporal workspace, and as a result he doesn’t want to hang out with you in the evening.

He bugs me regularly when I WHF - wanders into my office w/o knocking, claims he’s not bugging me, watches TV right outside my office (we have other places he can watch TV), asks if I need food or want to take a walk or whatever. It has meant I am more likely to NOT want to spend the evening watching TV or something with him because he’s been around all day.

Your H has made it clear he doesn’t want to be bothered when he’s in his work zone. I know it’s sounds harsh, but you need to respect that. THEN if he continues to be a jerk in non-work hours, you need to decide if you want to put up with that, and if not, ultimatum or divorce.

Before covid, we had zero issues. He went into the office 5 days a week. He never worked from home after work. There is also the issue that our toddler bothers him naturally, and he gets upset. I try to stop him, but I can't chase the kid around all day or stay upstairs. A lot of times, he will talk to his dad behind the door.

Isnt that kind of the point of a sahm of a toddler??

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he's better off working at the office because you can't respect his boundaries. He's also probably annoyed with you hence working longer. You seem to lack any realization to your own wrongdoings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your interaction with him when he's at the official? Text? FaceTime? Nothing?

not much. he will text and ask if we are okay. the lunch thing bugs me. he should be taking a break for lunch. he would do that at the office. he's not taking lunch and he's working more than he would be if he goes to the office. 10+ hours a day isn't normal.

10-hour work day is perfectly normal in many professional fields.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a work from home problem.

Op here. It's related. if he wasn't home so much, I wouldn't feel the need to engage with him

So pretend he’s out in the office. He’s working, it just happens to be from home.

I'm not good at pretending. Should I also pretend working 50-60 hours a week is normal? He locks himself in his office on the weekends and every evening for at least 3 hours.

[Anonymous]

My DH wfh now and I rarely see him at all until he is done. He even got a coffee maker for upstairs. Part of it is if he comes down I will want to chat because my work is more flexible. I've learned to leave him be and if I need something that needs to be addressed quickly then I text him just like I would if he was at an office out of the house.

You sound lonely, OP, which is making you (sound) needy, and nobody likes that.

[Anonymous]

I was a SAHM of a toddler and DH worked from home. It's not that difficult to not let your kid interrupt him while working. I get why he doesn't want to spend time with you. You're dramatic and annoying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH wfh now and I rarely see him at all until he is done. He even got a coffee maker for upstairs. Part of it is if he comes down I will want to chat because my work is more flexible. I've learned to leave him be and if I need something that needs to be addressed quickly then I text him just like I would if he was at an office out of the house.

You sound lonely, OP, which is making you (sound) needy, and nobody likes that.

OP here. I wish he would go back to in-person 5 days a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a work from home problem.

Op here. It's related. if he wasn't home so much, I wouldn't feel the need to engage with him

So pretend he’s out in the office. He’s working, it just happens to be from home.

I'm not good at pretending. Should I also pretend working 50-60 hours a week is normal? He locks himself in his office on the weekends and every evening for at least 3 hours.

He's annoyed by you and doesn't want to spend time with you. THAT is the issue. Not that he won't spend lunch with you. Not that he doesn't want to be bothered during the day. The issue is that he doesn't seem to want to spend time with you at all. Address that. Frankly your immaturity needs to be addressed too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a work from home problem.

Op here. It's related. if he wasn't home so much, I wouldn't feel the need to engage with him

So pretend he’s out in the office. He’s working, it just happens to be from home.

I'm not good at pretending. Should I also pretend working 50-60 hours a week is normal? He locks himself in his office on the weekends and every evening for at least 3 hours.

So, as people have said, this isn't a during-work-hours problem. This is an after hours problem. He sounds unhappy with the situation you are in so is limiting contact. You need to stop focusing on the work hours, and leave him alone then. After that, if you maintain some distance during the day, then address the after hours thing.

But seriously, you sound lonely, needy and whiny. All that does is push someone further away.