Middle school boys suck
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Anonymous
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Just a vent post. DS12 came home after sports practice last night and just opened the car door and started sobbing. I guess kids were trash talking his skills in basketball (and height) and he just reached a breaking point. He was upset and saying how is isn't good at any sports (not true, but he is just average) and how no one cares about what he cares about (science/academics) and he just wants friends that can care about science as much as he does. He was so upset and cried for a long time, and I just feel so bad for him.
We talked a lot about how you don't need to remain friends with people who don't make you feel good about yourself. But at this point he feels like he doesn't know anyone at his school who is into what he is into science/STEM wise. His one friend he had made this year that was just as into science moved to Ashburn  I think he was really upset because he was the only 6th grader at his school to move on to regional science fair and none of his friends congratulated him. Which I know MS kids (and maybe boys in particular) can be self-centered and don't think about these things, but ugh I feel for him.
I guess i just wish that sports weren't so important at this age or middle school boys didn't care so much about strength or height. I mean 10 years from now when they are in college the percent of them still playing sports will probably be small! But also why so much trash talking? I feel like that is all they do! My husband said it was normal when he was growing up too, but I know if it bothers him it probably bothers more of them. There is such a fine line between being funny and hurtful. |
Anonymous
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It is a little odd your kid can’t find other STEM kids at school considering STEM is way more popular these days compared to pre-Internet.
My kid wasn’t as isolated at school, but found some regional groups of middle school coders and robotics groups. You should investigate local programs that aren’t tied to a school. They are fairly common these days. |
Anonymous
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My ds is 9 and already dealing with this, I agree it is awful. These boys treat each other so terribly and it’s all very much based on whatever a few kids decide is the most compelling “currency”. I’m hopefully that ds will find some nice friends but he’s really struggling. There are days when he doesn’t want to go to school at all because of the bullying behavior of the other boys.
Sorry I don’t have any advice, just solidarity. |
Anonymous
Yeah I was surprised but I can't think of one boy that is into it at this school. He is in a smaller program within a school so that might be part of the issue, but they came from an ES program that generally made them hate science and I think it carried over. I did advise him that he could talk to girls because I KNOW some girls at his school are interested in STEM stuff but apparently that carries a host of other issues for him lol. He does do some after school groups that are science related but mainly 8th graders who aren't realy interested in befriending a 6th grader WE do do other outside programs but I think sometimes it is just hard to make good friends with folks you don't see every day all day long like the people at school.
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Anonymous
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I feel you OP.
I have a high school boy who is into the arts and is also athletic and a big kid and excels at one sport. But it’s not his passion at all. He has consistently found “mainstream” boys to be not his scene and he hasn’t had much in common with them his whole life. And he likes his arts friends a lot better. Toxic masculinity is alive and well and they are often awful to each other. We as adults encourage it from the time they are little too. What is the first question a boy gets…what sport do you play. Meanwhile if an adult bothers to ask the question what are you into my son will light up and not talk about sports. It’s a season in life. These kids will thrive as adults. |
Anonymous
| Mine was moody at this age as well. By 10th grade (MS during Covid), he had found a crew and is happy, grumbling at stuff like a normal teenager. Also, my DS didn't get hangry, he got morose. Also always super moody if he was getting sick. Sometimes just feeding him something STAT would help his mood, and they are always hungry at that age. |
Anonymous
Some of the boys are into it they are just sheeple and going along with the crowd for now. Be proud you have a kid who knows himself. A gift in the long run. But sorry OP. It is hard. |
Anonymous
| PP. That's not to minimize the trash talking, but could explain why it bothers him sometimes more than others. |
Anonymous
| Can you move schools for middle school? |
Anonymous
| Sorry to hear this. I’m sure it’s no consolation but middle school, girls suck too. Incredible amount of drama and judgement of others. |
Anonymous
| mom of another boy who is struggling as well. he's really into school and doing well academically and he is also very athletic and i feel like he is just doesn't fit in in either group. |
Anonymous
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Your DH is right, it is normal. My kid *is* a very good athlete and still got trash talk from other boys in MS. When they decide on a target, it doesn't matter, they'll find something to pick on and then they just all just pile on. Girls too.
But I'm sorry, OP, it does tear your heart when our kids are experiencing this. The good news is HS will broaden the opportunities for new friends, and will offer much in terms of STEM focused clubs and classes. But I know that's a couple years away. Your kid sounds amazing and just keep supporting him, listening to him, and finding opportunities for him outside of school. Have you started to look at STEM-focus summer camps? Maybe that could be something for him to look forward to. |
Anonymous
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I’m really sorry, OP. I hope he finds his people. My 13 year old has a good mix of friends…some are very athletic, some are very smart, and some are very athletic and smart (and some are average all around, like my son).
The coach needs to shut down the trash talking amongst teammates. I don’t really like trash talking, but understand boys do it…but it should definitely not be tolerated amongst teammates. |
Anonymous
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Thank you everyone. I am sorry for everyone whose kid is struggling too.
He does do some STEM focused summer camps and he is in scouts and does STEM programs through them. So, I know he finds some people through those he can get along with, just hard to maintain friendships when camp is over. But he always has such a blast doing them. |
Anonymous
it is certainly something we can talk about. I don't think he will want to leave his program though. |