DCUM Weblog

The most active thread yesterday was titled, "Magnet application result High School" and posted in the "Montgomery County Public Schools (MCPS)" forum. There are a few annual traditions that we have come to observe on DCUM. These include the college and university admissions season (which seems never-ending this year), private school admissions, and admissions to various public school programs. Those involved in these events follow them with all the intensity of a football fan whose favorite team is in the SuperBowl. The only thing missing is recipes for taco salad being posted as folks prepare for their parties (though to be fair, the parties are also missing). This thread was started back on January 31 with the original poster simply asking when the results for magnet high school admission would be available. Posters responded both with answers that had been communicated by MCPS and by relating past experiences. As expected release dates and times came and went, nerves got a little frazzled and some harsh words were exchanged, but that was just a warm up for the main event. The thread added 20 pages once the results started arriving yesterday. Parents who received notification let others know where the results could be found and posted, either in joy or disappointment, about how their children had fared. As I've mentioned when discussing similar threads, almost nobody is happy with selection policies these days. One poster was convinced that there was social engineering going on to limit certain groups and create diversity. Many posters objected to this allegation and argued that the current system is an improvement on what had been used in the past. Moreover, the poster's vague allegations left many of those who responded confused about exactly what the poster was complaining. The same poster later suggested that Asian boys were being denied opportunties in favor of non-Asian males with worse qualifications. This was met with responses saying that the admissions process is race blind. Regardless, this poster would not give up and repeatedly posted fact-free posts claiming that Asian boys were being discriminated against.

The most active thread yesterday was a bit of an odd ball. Posted in the "Entertainment and Pop Culture" forum and titled, "Country Music Songs to Get a Country Hater to Like Country", the original poster lists a few country songs that she plans to play for someone who "refuses to like country". She invites additional suggestions. I haven't replied in this thread, but I should because I am sort of an expert on this topic. I am married to someone who refuses to like country music and I've managed to get her to attend multiple country concerts and she has even learned to like some of the artists. In that regard, I consider this thread to be a total failure because not one person suggested Steve Earle. Admittedly, his catalog is so large that narrowing it down to a song or two is not easy. Despite this glaring flaw, there are a number of good suggestions in the thread though I think that in many cases posters simply resorted to listing their own favorite country acts with no regard to how a country music hater would respond. Many posters rightly suggested avoiding "the twang", but equally important in my opinion is to avoid steel guitars. While I personally enjoy the instrument, I think it can be triggering to those who don't like country music. Some of the suggestions with which I agree are Kacey Musgraves, though I would stick to her first two albums, and Jason Isbell. Of course, Johnny Cash should go without saying. Overall this is a fun thread and I challenge anyone to get through it without being inspired to listen to at least one of the suggestions.

The most active thread yesterday was titled, "S/O How do you justify having an affair?" and posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. This thread was started amid a horde of similar threads about cheating. As a result, many of those responding assumed the original poster was the author of those other threads and berated her, in many cases assuming that she was a victim of a cheating spouse. However, it appears that the original poster is just someone who likes to start threads willy-nilly and for some reason wanted to put her own spin on the topic rather than join one of the similar threads. The original poster's approach is based on a lot of assumptions that may or may not be correct and her stated goal is simply to know how those who cheat can live with themselves. Very few of the responses address that rather narrow issue. Rather than describing how they live with themselves. posters explain the reasons for the affair. In many cases, this is lack of sex with their spouse and, hence, much of the discussion turns to arguing about the normal frequency of sex between married couples and what constitutes "enough". Affairs are probably the most frequently addressed topic in the forum and nobody should expect anything new to come from a thread such as this. If you are interested in seeing every single debate point ever made on the topic in one place, this thread might be a good candidate given its 24 page length. This thread, like others before it, is full of posters recounting their own experiences of being cheated on.

The college admissions process continues to produce threads that are among the most active. Yesterday's most active thread, for instance, was titled, "Anyone else thinks the whole college admission process is a total farse?" and posted in the "College and University Discussion" forum. The original poster, who presumably meant "farce", assures us that she is not bitter but rather feeling helpless about the college application process which apparently has not gone well for her child. She is most bothered by claims that colleges review applications "holistically" which she does not believe is possible given the huge number of applications that they receive. In her view, colleges are lying to kids. Just about anyone whose child didn't get admitted to their first choice college seems to dislike the current application process. However, there is little agreement about what to do about it. Some posters want to adopt a system like that in Europe in which admissions are primarily based on the results of a single exam. Others propose limiting the number of colleges that can be included on the common application. Many posters are convinced that colleges are intentionally marketing themselves to students who will never be accepted simply to collect the application fees. Other posters attempted to explain how they think the process actually works. If they are correct, which I have no way of knowing, the original poster is essentially correct that the vast majority of applications don't undergo holistic reviews. Some posters argue that if students correctly set their expectations, they will get into one of their targeted colleges. Similarly, posters suggest that college admissions are too often tied to parents desires and egos rather than what is realistic for their children. This causes undo pressure and leads to disappointment.

Yesterday's most active thread was titled, "De facto 'as is'" and posted in the "Real Estate" forum. The original poster has previously purchased four houses, but is in the process of buying a home in northern Virginia for the first time. A home inspector found several items, some of which are fairly big ticket, that needed repair or replacement. Based on the original poster's experience, he expected that he could submit the inspector's report to the sellers and they would then negotiate an amount that the sellers would cover. However, the sellers refused to provide any money in response to the inspector's report. Therefore, the original poster considers this to be an "as is" sale even though it was not advertised that way and asks if this is normal in northern Virginia. Without explicitly saying so, many of those responding make it clear that this is fairly normal behavior for sellers in northern Virginia. Many of those responders criticized the original poster because they believe he should have noticed many of the items the inspector identified before making an offer and other items would not normally be considered in such negotiations. Other posters are more sympathetic to the original poster and agree that there should be some negotiation. Posters on both sides of this argument agree that the original poster should simply walk away from this purchase if he is unhappy about the seller's refusal to negotiate. Much of the thread is devoted to analyzing the list of items identified by the inspector. Many argue that only items that present safety hazards should be covered. The original poster at first estimated that the cost to repair things would be $15,000, but after several posters suggest cheaper alternative ways of addressing the issues, he seems to conclude he could get by at a fraction of this price. As a result, the original poster seems to be reconsidering whether this is even that big of a deal and is going to take the days he has remaining before being required to respond to consider his options. The original poster is fully prepared to walk away from the deal and mentions from that from now on he will negotiate offers with the expectations that sellers will not be willing to negotiate inspection findings.

Because I wasn't able to write a blog post yesterday, today I'll cover the most active threads of the last two days. The most active thread of that period was titled, "Memphis Cops Kill Motorist After Traffic Stop" and posted in the "Off-Topic" forum. Obviously this thread is about the death of Tyre Nichols caused by a beating at the hands of Memphis police officers. The thread was actually started back on January 20, but didn't receive a single reply until the 27th when the media began publicizing the imminent release of body worn camera video. In the two days since, the thread has reached 36 pages. I haven't read all of the pages but it looks like much of the thread consists of debates about what exactly the videos show with some posters thinking that the videos document an unprovoked killing and others arguing that Nichols failed to obey police instructions. Just as in the case of much of the media coverage, considerable attention is paid to the possibility of riots with some posters appearing to be nearly salivating at the chance that liberals would burn down cities. Those posters later hyped any incident consisting of more than a raised voice and even invented a few riots about which to complain. One thing I noticed about this thread was how cynical most posters appeared regarding the criminal charges lodged against the police officers who had been involved in the beating. Almost nobody seemed to accept the possibility that the charges reflected the proper application of the law. Most posters suspected an ulterior motive for the charges even if they couldn't agree on what that motive was. Some posters attributed the charges to an effort to head off riots. Some thought the quick filing of charges was due to the officers being black and suggested that white officers would not have been charged so rapidly. As you would expect of a thread of this length, there are numerous disagreements that are keeping the thread going.

Yesterday's most active thread was one I didn't even know about until this morning. Yet, it managed to reach 17 pages in just one day. Titled, "Check your phone at the door" and posted in the "Tweens and Teens" forum, the original poster says that she noticed in other threads that some parents have a policy of having their children's friends leave their phones at the door when they come over. The original poster thinks such a policy would be appealing and encourage socializing rather than having all the kids sitting around staring at their phones. I would have never guessed that this would turn out to be such a controversial topic. Several posters say that they would be offended if their child were asked to turn over their phone and that they would expect their child to refuse. These parents can't fathom not having the ability to immediately get in touch with their kids. One poster goes so far as to suspect that parents with such policies plan on abusing her child. Other parents either have such policies or see the benefits of them. One parent seems fixated on porn and appears convinced that if she didn't take the kids' phones, they would all be watching porn in her basement. Another parent describes having her child's friend video a tour of her home and then put it on TikTok. One irony I noticed is a number of instances in which phones were confiscated, but other screen-oriented activities such as video games or movies were allowed. I am not sure that exchanging Instagram or TikTok for Grand Theft Auto really encourages socializing, But, my main takeaway from this thread is that there are a significant number of parents who consider it essential that their children have their phones with them at all times. More than one parent described buying their children Apple Watches so that they could still be in touch even if phones had to be turned over.

The most active thread yesterday was titled, "Having an overweight teenage daughter is so hard" and posted in the "Tweens and Teens" forum. The original poster is venting because her 16-year-old daughter is overweight and getting heavier day by day. The poster makes clear that she has not said anything to her daughter about this, but is concerned because her daughter gets very little exercise and, despite eating healthy food, has gone up 4 pants sizes in the past year. The original poster is very discouraged and not sure what, if anything, to do. One of the first things I learned after we started DCUM is how much the first response in a new thread can influence the resulting discussion. Another unhelpful phenomenon is a negative poster who joins the thread early and insists on contributing endlessly. This thread suffered from both of these blights. Not only the first, but also the second response were nearly identical suggestions that the original poster should herself get therapy. I thought that both responses were inappropriate due their implication that the original poster's concern was not valid. Moreover, one of the two posters turned out to be one of those who treats a DCUM thread the way a starved pitbull might treat a raw steak. Once she got her teeth into it, there was no way she was letting go. So, while other posters offered the original poster support and advice for how best to address the situation, this poster continued to focus her acrimony on the original poster. Thirteen pages in, she was still repeating the same criticisms of the original poster that she posted on the first page. As a result, the thread is as much a debate about the original poster as it is a discussion her daughter's weight gain. Weight, especially a woman's weight, is an extremely touchy subject on DCUM at the best of times. Add in an argumentative poster like the one I've described and it is no surprise that the thread was the most active of the day.

The most active topic yesterday was titled "Son pledging there’s definitely hazing" and posted in the "College and University Discussion" forum. The original poster says that she is a nervous wreck because her son has described "pretty bad" hazing during his pledging for a fraternity. I am not completely confident that this post is totally legitimate. The original poster is very sparse with any sort of details and while she asks for advice, doesn't really seem very interested in any that is offered. Several of the posters who responded suggested contacting the university's administration to report the hazing and many warned of the dangers hazing presents. Others advised the original poster to stay out of it because her son is old enough to make his own decisions in such matters. This led to some discussion of the mental development of 18 years olds. A few responses suggested joining ROTC which posters argued offers some of the same camaraderie of frats and any physical stress would be for a good cause. The thread is full of horror stories about fraternities and warnings to steer clear of them. On the other hand, responders argued that the original poster's son should simply try a different frat that might offer a better pledging experience.

The most active topic yesterday was titled, "anyone else strongly consider leaving due to garbage US healthcare?" and posted in the "Off-Topic" forum. The original poster details her frustrating experience trying to determine whether her health insurance will cover a sleep study that was prescribed by her doctor. After several runarounds and hours on the phone, she has been unable to find an answer. In contrast, she describes an incident involving her sister-in-law who suffered a broken arm while travelling in Thailand. Her sister-in-law received excellent care and was only charged $300 even without insurance. Due to the aggravating situation with healthcare in the United States, the original poster is strongly considering moving abroad and asks whether others have similar thoughts. Many posters reply saying that they have great health insurance and never have problems accessing care, and therefore, would not consider leaving the US. Other posters suggest that the original poster's view of foreign healthcare systems may be overly rosy and predict that she couldn't easy get a sleep study in other countries. However, a smattering of those responding also express disappointment with US healthcare and are considering leaving, though their reasons for doing so generally extend beyond healthcare. For the most part, the responses reflect the stratified access to healthcare that exists in the US. Those with financial means get the care that they desire. The poor probably wouldn't even consider a sleep study and primarily rely on the emergency room for care. In the middle is where the US offers a mixed bag, with patients facing hurdles and frustrations such as the original poster has described.