Monday's Most Active Threads

The most active thread yesterday "Wedding Gifts for future daughter in law" and posted in the "Off-Topic" forum. The original poster requested suggestions for a wedding gift for her future daughter-in-law who does not wear jewelry. She immediately received a number of suggestions for art, gardening-related items, and a watch. A watch was ruled out because the original poster has just helped her son pick out for for his future bride. Many posters weigh in against art or paintings because they are too personal and there is a good chance the daughter-in-law might not like what is chosen. Nobody really specifically objects to the gardening implement suggestions, but there is no indication that the young couple will have a yard that will allow gardening. Other suggestions include a vase, a quilt, or a classic Chanel purse. Several posters ridicule all of the suggestions as reflecting the interests of "boomers" that will likely not be appreciated by a young woman. When asked for their own suggestions, however, the younger posters don't really offer any ideas. Despite a watch being ruled out, discussion repeatedly returns to suggestions of watches. Some posters say that they no longer wear watches and give reasons why watches are no longer necessary. For instance, one poster says that ovens have clocks so women don't need watches. This provokes a poster to respond saying that, in this case, the original poster should buy her future daughter-in-law an oven. Throughout the thread posters emphasize that the gift should reflect the future daughter-in-law's interests and not the original poster's. The best way to ensure this, posters advise, is to ask the woman what she would like. However, several posters note that it can be uncomfortable asking for gifts. Almost as controversial as watches were the suggestions for a quilt. This was considered by some to be an old fashioned idea that might be more appropriate for rural backwoods regions. But, other posters were big fan of quilts. A few posters suggested forgoing material items and, instead, offering an experience such as a spa day. Many posters said that they were very appreciative of high-quality cookware that they had received as wedding gifts. I don't think any gift suggestion escaped criticism and all of the ideas had their detractors. The thread is actually pretty funny at times and is worth reading merely for the entertainment value. For instance, when a poster's suggestions of a gardening bench or a quilt were ridiculed as coming from a boomer, she responded by confessing to being a boomer, having two cats, and promising to log off DCUM and return to her crochet project. She said that she would leave this thread to the "young whipper snappers".

The next most active thread yesterday was posted in the "Family Relationships" forum. On days like this I wonder if I should rename this forum the "Family Drama" forum or, even more accurately, the "Unnecessary Family Drama" forum. Or, in the case of this thread which was titled, "SIL asked us to take her kids overnight", the "Unnecessary Family Drama that I Can't Believe Anyone is Bothering to Read or Write About" forum. The original poster and her husband have a 4-year-old child. The original poster's brother-in-law and sister-in-law live in the same town and also have a 4-year-old as well as a 7-year-old child. Nevertheless, the two families apparently are not close and don't see each other often. The brother and sister in-laws have previously been provided childcare by the original poster's mother-in-law, but she is no longer able to babysit. The original poster's sister-in-law has an upcoming high school reunion which she wants to attend with her husband. Since they want to be able to drink and not have to worry about driving home, they plan to get a hotel room and have asked the original poster to keep their two children for the night. The original poster has no interest in having the two kids over, one reason cited being that one might throw up and the parents couldn't come and get them. The original poster later clarified that she started this thread in anticipation that others would agree with her and support her refusal to host the children for a night. Therefore, the original poster must be disappointed in the reactions to her post. Several posters agree that it is her right to refuse to care for the kids, but they imply that the original poster is wrong to do so. A number of posters argue that this would be a good opportunity to build a relationship among the cousins. Several posters suggest that the original poster's reasons for not wanting to host are not very convincing and, in a classic DCUM move, the original poster bolsters her case by saying that she doesn't want to enable their drinking because her husband is in Alcoholic Anonymous. She also demonstrates considerable resentment toward her sister-in-law due to the childcare previously provided by her mother-in-law, a convenience that was not provided for her own child. The original poster also says that she is opposed to sleepovers and doesn't plan to allow her own child to attend any. She also accuses the other couple of not using car seats in their expensive SUV because they would damage the leather upholstery. Far from convincing those who respond, the additional information only incenses them more. As one poster responds, "You are very selfish and mean". To be sure, there are those who sympathize with the original poster, with one poster arguing that "Life is transactional" and the original poster is not getting anything in exchange for hosting the children.

Speaking of unnecessary drama, the third most active thread was titled, "I get upset when high-stakes things go wrong, husband doesn't care" and posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. The original poster and her family which includes two young children are vacationing in the French Riviera. As a special treat, the original poster and her husband arranged a babysitter for the children and went out to a fancy restaurant that is famous for its views. However, they were seated in the back where, for the most part, their view was blocked. Moreover, the service was nothing special and, as a result, instead of having a great evening with terrific views, it was just an expensive meal that left the original poster very disappointed. However, the original poster's husband didn't think it was a big deal and thought that they could still have a nice time. He was annoyed that the original poster was upset and accused her of constantly arranging experiences that fail meet her expectations. He told her that if she is not ready for things to go wrong, she should stop booking expensive experiences. The original poster would have liked her husband to also have been upset about the restaurant and been on her side. But, short of that, she asks how she can be more like her husband and deal with disappointment better. While the original poster received some advice about learning to roll with the punches, most of the posters criticized her for being upset about something that they didn't consider a very big deal. Posters repeatedly stressed that the original poster work on feeling gratitude. Being able to afford an evening alone with your husband at a fancy restaurant in the French Riviera is something for which to feel grateful. Others suggested lowering expectations so that the original poster would be less likely to be disappointed. The original poster's description of the lack of a view as "high-stakes" seemed so overblown to some posters that they accused her of being a troll. I can confirm that the poster was posting from France, though I can't confirm or deny anything about the view from the restaurant. The original poster linked to the restaurant's menu and I have to say that if a place is charging $14 for French fries, I'd probably be disappointed in a lot more than just the view.

The final thread at which I'll look today was originally posted in the "General Parenting Discussion" forum but I just moved it to the "Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers" forum where it is more appropriate. Titled, "Why is vacation with young kids so miserable?", the original poster says that her family rented a house by the beach and her two-year-old son wakes up at 6 am and is excited to start the day. The original poster is more tired that she would be at home and wants to know what she is doing wrong. Most of those responding say that this is normal for kids of that age. They don't understand that they should relax. Very little advice that is of immediate practical use to the original poster is offered as far as I can tell. Sime ideas that might work in the future to get offered however. Probably the best advice is to plan active vacations when the kids are this age because you are going to be active anyway. Most posters simply agree that with a two-year-old, vacations are not relaxing and there is not much that you can do about that. Several posters argued in favor of having a nanny or babysitter while on vacation. Others suggested that the original poster's husband do more and allow her some time free from being the primary caregiver.