Tuesday's Most Active Threads

The most active thread yesterday was titled, "Is it true that 90% of women aim for the top 5% of men?" and posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. The original poster says that he has heard the claim made in the title from his adult daughter and her friends. However, in a subsequent post, the original poster claims to be a 31 year old who is wildly successful at dating women a decade younger than himself. Doing the math, he would have been a minor when his adult daughter was born and is claiming to date women her age or below. In other threads, the poster has discussed his wife. Call me cynical, but I'm not buying any of this. Moreover, I have questions about the type of guy who would be obsessing about this sort of thing. As for the topic itself, it combines many themes from other discussions such as women primarily being interested in tall, educated, financially successful men. The number of posters claiming to have statistics about such things provoked enough eye-rolling that I was concerned about potential damage to my eye muscles. This thread was particularly obnoxious in the frequency of posters using terms such as "high-value men" or "high-value women" and talking about the "market value" of individuals. I've never been the world's biggest romantic, but if this is how you are approaching dating, no wonder things are not working out. A significant number of posters in this thread claim to be very knowledgeable about the desires of members of the opposite sex. Women know what men want and men know what women want and both think the other gender is misguided. Multiple posters claim to be among the top 1% of this and top 10% of that and to be dating nothing but others like them. Call me a cynic for the second time but I really doubt that folks with all of that going for them are spending their free time posting in DCUM's relationship forum. I'm fairly convinced that most of this thread consists of trolls trying to troll each other and none of them realizing that they are being trolled themselves. Maybe I should start a new website for trolls to date each other? All the guys can claim to be 6'5", earn 900k annually, and to have been a star lacrosse player at Harvard. All the women can claim to be supermodels with PhDs in early childhood education. Since none of them likely ever leave their houses, they probably won't ever learn the truth.

The second most active thread yesterday was posted in the "Travel Discussion" forum. Titled, "What do you want in a beach rental?", the original poster says that she has inherited her mother's beach house and wants to rent it out. She needs to update the house and asks what people expect in a beach rental. Posters seem to be quite interested in providing input. The most common suggestions are probably a well-stocked kitchen and good curtains or blinds for the bedroom windows. The most controversial topic is whether to allow dogs or not. For many posters this is non-negotiable either for posters wanting to bring dogs or for those refusing to stay at a place that allows dogs. Even some posters who have dogs don't want to stay in a beach house that allows dogs. Several posters emphasized that cleanliness is important so they suggested having a good cleaning crew. Given the number of suggestions, I assume that the original poster will have plenty of ideas, though she may be overwhelmed.

Next was a thread titled "Yes, tiny violin - did anyone else struggle first years of law partnership?" and posted in the "Money and Finances" forum. The original poster has the self-awareness to know that relative to what others struggle with, this problem is relatively minor. But, relative or not, it is still a problem. Either the original poster or the original poster's spouse (it's not clear which is posting) is in the second year of having been made a partner at a law firm. Their monthly income was significantly reduced and required deductions have made meeting expenses difficult. They must make quarterly tax payments which their regular income doesn't cover. They get an end-of-the-year payment but last year most of it went to taxes. The original poster is wondering if things will get better. In a follow-up post, the original poster clarifies that their annual salary is $800k, but after the various required expenses and deductions, they are left with closer to $240k. I am not familiar with how law partners are compensated and was fascinated to see how $800k could turn into $240k so quickly. It turns out that this is a fairly complex topic and even some current or former law partners struggled to understand what is going on. The bottom line for the original poster is that the family's income is lower than what it was prior to becoming a partner. On top of that, they had just purchased a new home and enrolled another child in private school just before encountering the reduced income. The bad news for the original poster is that the last two years have been good ones for law firms and the next few may be worse. So, the original poster may have to expect even lower income. Moreover, some posters warn that it may be years before the benefits of partnership appear. Other posters report having been in or still being in similar situations. So, this is not exactly a unique situation. There is considerable sympathy for the original poster and the majority of those responding appear to be trying to be helpful. But, as can be expected, a number of posters enjoy kicking someone who is down and mostly criticize or otherwise respond unhelpfully. Nevertheless, as I write this, the current last post in the thread looks like it would be extremely helpful to the original poster. It was written by someone who went through an nearly identical experience and has advice how to get through it.

The final thread at which I'll look today was posted in the "Family Relationships" forum. Titled, "SIL constantly escaping her family life", the original poster says that her brother and his wife have four children under the age of six. Her sister-in-law devotes a tremendous amount of time to activities away from her family. The family has help so the original poster is not concerned about the children's health and well-being, but she considers it a problem that her sister-in-law does not devote more effort to her family. Apparently the original poster's brother would like to get a divorce, but doesn't want to have to split custody of the kids. Of the responses I read, most of the posters seemed to side with the sister-in-law who they believe has understandably prioritized her own mental health over the demands of parenting. One poster unapologetically says that she acts the same way. Some posters even believe that criticizing the sister-in-law is sexist because nobody would criticize a man who spend a similar amount of time away from his family. I can only assume that these posters have never read a single other thread on DCUM, because I can assure you that such a man would be heavily criticized. Some posters are kind of conflicted because they see value in a mother maintaining independent activities and doing things for herself. But, in this case, the sister-in-law appears to be overdoing it. As such, these posters think that some scaling back of activities could be in order. At any rate, this is mostly a theoretical exercise because the original poster won't give her brother or sister-in-law unsolicited advice and she has not be asked for any.