Message
OP, you said: "...trying to figure out if the lack of bonding is due to time or the nanny not trying. I am going to give my nanny more time - though I still don't believe that just my mom's presence somehow prevents the nanny from doing her job."
How many days has your nanny spent with baby? How long are those days? Has G'ma ever gone out and left nanny to do her job?
My point is, no nanny can "bond" within days or even weeks of starting. Bonding happens over time, when a child and a caretaker interact, and the caretaker welcomes the full responsibility of keeping a child happy safe, and healthy.
Your nanny may be (rightfully) worried that G'ma is judging her all the time and telling you nanny is doing a bad job. Nanny may have figured G'ma would prefer to take over, especially if she is there offering ideas and suggestions.
Ask your mom to leave the nanny and baby be. If she can't stay back out of the way while in the house, ask her to go out each day for several hours so the nanny can start to figure out how to care for your newborn.
If your baby doesn't start to adjust within a few weeks of being actually cared for by nanny without any help, then consider making a change.
Meanwhile, sit down and ask your nanny how she thinks it's going, ask her how she soothed 3-month-olds at daycare, tell her any great tips you have for caring for your baby, and then see what happens.
How many days has your nanny spent with baby? How long are those days? Has G'ma ever gone out and left nanny to do her job?
My point is, no nanny can "bond" within days or even weeks of starting. Bonding happens over time, when a child and a caretaker interact, and the caretaker welcomes the full responsibility of keeping a child happy safe, and healthy.
Your nanny may be (rightfully) worried that G'ma is judging her all the time and telling you nanny is doing a bad job. Nanny may have figured G'ma would prefer to take over, especially if she is there offering ideas and suggestions.
Ask your mom to leave the nanny and baby be. If she can't stay back out of the way while in the house, ask her to go out each day for several hours so the nanny can start to figure out how to care for your newborn.
If your baby doesn't start to adjust within a few weeks of being actually cared for by nanny without any help, then consider making a change.
Meanwhile, sit down and ask your nanny how she thinks it's going, ask her how she soothed 3-month-olds at daycare, tell her any great tips you have for caring for your baby, and then see what happens.
I know nannies who charge a fee for texts and a higher fee for calls that happen when the nanny is off work. Seems to help parents stop the habit and act independently.
Of course, you have to charge enough to make your employers unhappy to spend that amount of money...
Of course, you have to charge enough to make your employers unhappy to spend that amount of money...
Agree that there is a lot of ambiguity here. If nanny firmly set dates in writing, nanny is going to have to concede the issue, IMO. But if OP didn't get a definite set plan and dates in writing, then she will need to concede.
It would be best to try to compromise, but if that can't be done, maybe a fresh start would be best for everyone?
It would be best to try to compromise, but if that can't be done, maybe a fresh start would be best for everyone?
Anonymous wrote:Two months ago our nanny of two years asked when would be a good time in August for her to take her 1 week vacation or if we were going anywhere.
We said we were not going anywhere and that the last week of July and first week of August would be best. We have another baby due then and the grandparents can fly in to cover caring for the older child.
We said this verbally and in writing. It seemed agreeable by both sides.
Yesterday, our nanny said she now wants a different week off, later in August. I explained that we went over this in January, made back-up care plans, the grandparents bought their flights, my husband can't take off more work then, etc. And I asked why she changed her plans?
She cited her friend can't get off of work until later and her domestic flights are cheaper later in August.
I am unhappy to hear this, as she did this same thing last summer, only with 1 months notice that she changed her vacation timing, again, based on "cheaper flights" or "her travel friend's cheaper flights." We have a lot of parts this summer to manage and frankly none of them can move. Grandparents can't fly back, husband can't take off of more work on top of paternity leave, and I'll be recovering, caring for a newborn and an energetic toddler.
I left things that we would all have to discuss this further, this is not what we previously discussed nor planned. Does my nanny just not understand? Or what is going on?
For those who missed it, OP said they also take 4 - 6 weeks off a year, and that nanny is paid for those weeks.
OP, do you give nanny plenty of notice (8 weeks+) for those weeks? If so, then you are not at all in the wrong here, since nanny has time to make plans for 4 - 6 weeks a year around your schedule. If these 4 - 6 weeks are last minute, then I can see the side of the PP's saying your poor nanny has only 1 week, yadda yadda, yadda.
In your shoes, I would sit down with nanny and say, "When we discussed your week off earlier, you told us specific dates. We made our plans for other coverage based on the dates you first gave us, and relatives have made their travel plans based on your dates. This year, with so much going on, we simply cannot change our schedules. I am so sorry. We would be willing to discuss your taking a different week off unpaid to travel with your friend, or to have you work one of our weeks off doing all the little kid related odds and ends that never seem to be finished. Let's sit down to talk in a week and see how we can make this work for everyone."
Anonymous wrote:I guess that the expected things are that nanny is dependable, arrives on time, and truly cares about my children. If those things are met, I can forgive almost anything else. If those aren't met, then I am probably looking for someone else.
After that, I think a nanny can excel in three areas:
a) housework. the above vaccuming, cooking, general tidying of the house. Also, being kind of a manager of the house, and being able to be there and tell the plumber what the problem is when he arrives, point out the stains when we get the carpets cleaned, etc.
b) playing with the kids. Doing crafts, making up fun games, teaching the kids their colors and numbers or math. Playing dress up, practicing for the school play or getting that t-ball hit just right, being right on with when to discipline and when a kid is just having a rough day.
c) managing the kids schedules. Knowing when the school/preschool Christmas and Valentine's day parties are and getting the kids ready, making sure that they eat early on Wednesday nights because they have football, knowing when the try-outs are for baseball, writing down when we are out of things like diapers/wipes or laundry detergent or peanut-butter.
The trouble is that often people expect 1, 2 and 3 for the price of #2. #2 is a nanny's job, for kids under 5. #2 + #3 is a Nanny Manager's job for kids 5 - 12+. All 3 job subtypes put together are a Household Manager's job, with kids who need after-school care and vacation care, and parents who need help keeping their home running. Expecting 1 + 2 + 3 from a nanny being paid only nanny rates who is wrangling multiple kids under 5 50+ hours a week is a great way to burn nanny out completely.
Anonymous wrote:OP here. No, I will not allow a nanny to use her cell phone when she is working but I do think I should allow it when she is having lunch, resting, when the baby is napping. Thank you for that suggestion.
I will not allow cell phone use when the baby is awake. That is a deal-breaker for me. I am sorry if that upsets some nannies on this thread but I am paying for a professional and I expect professional behavior.
I will say that I use my smart phone to take pictures of my charge(s), get directions for outings, look up work related info I need right away, and with older kids, I use it to find answers to questions we have as we go through our day. (Googled "what do ducks eat" last week and had a 20 minute discussion about the results.) So no use of a smart phone unless kid(s) are asleep would be a tiny sticking point for me, because I actually use the phone to help me do my job.
The food thing...if your child is like the 12+ I have cared for, they will eat better when they eat WITH their nanny and they eat WHAT the nanny is eating. So, unless you are prepared to train your child to NEVER ask for any of nanny's food, and are also prepared to insist that nanny NEVER offer bites of her food to your child, this seems extreme. Of curse, there will always be stories of nannies who take the last lobster claw for their lunch or what-have-you, but that type of rudeness is rare.
I eat what my charges eat once they are on table food. I don't ever take the last of something, and have never had an employer ask me "Where is the <food item>?" and had to respond, "Um, I ate it all up yesterday."
I once worked for family that would leave partially finished bottles of formula or sippy cups of milk lying around their home for days, and then "discover" the nasty mess and drop the containers of curdled milk in the sink for ME to deal with.
I told them, "If these are left for me to deal with, I will throw them away and go buy new bottles/cups when needed." Miraculously, they managed to stop leaving formula/milk to curdle every weekend.
I had already successfully convinced them that coming in on Monday at 7:30 am to an unutterably disgusting pig sty of a kitchen after I left at 5:30 pm Friday with the kitchen clean, was akin to me visiting their offices over the weekend and randomly throwing papers all over, spilling coffee on important files, and breaking all their pens. They stopped leaving the kitchen a filthy mess.
I told them, "If these are left for me to deal with, I will throw them away and go buy new bottles/cups when needed." Miraculously, they managed to stop leaving formula/milk to curdle every weekend.
I had already successfully convinced them that coming in on Monday at 7:30 am to an unutterably disgusting pig sty of a kitchen after I left at 5:30 pm Friday with the kitchen clean, was akin to me visiting their offices over the weekend and randomly throwing papers all over, spilling coffee on important files, and breaking all their pens. They stopped leaving the kitchen a filthy mess.
OT is federal law, and paying taxes is also the law.
17 x 50 = $850
(17 x 40) + (10 x 25.5) = $935
Generally, taxes (SS/Med, Fed, State) eat up about 25% of your gross pay.
850 - 25% = $637.50
935 - 25% = $701.25
So you need to decide whether you want to push your employers to fully follow payroll laws, and take home much less money per week, like all of us who pay taxes do, or whether you want to just keep quiet, continue to break the law along with your employers, and keep lots more money each week.
Oh, and the reason so many people in DC and the surrounding areas pay legally is because they have government jobs, and risk a serious S#!T storm if they defraud the government of taxes.
17 x 50 = $850
(17 x 40) + (10 x 25.5) = $935
Generally, taxes (SS/Med, Fed, State) eat up about 25% of your gross pay.
850 - 25% = $637.50
935 - 25% = $701.25
So you need to decide whether you want to push your employers to fully follow payroll laws, and take home much less money per week, like all of us who pay taxes do, or whether you want to just keep quiet, continue to break the law along with your employers, and keep lots more money each week.
Oh, and the reason so many people in DC and the surrounding areas pay legally is because they have government jobs, and risk a serious S#!T storm if they defraud the government of taxes.
AshleyBMarion wrote:Hello, I'm doing a nanny share with another family and we are both new to this. As we were discussing needs, some questions came up that we weren't sure how to handle or what a good policy is to ensure both families AND the nanny are happy. Hoping you can help with the below questions:
What's the going hourly rate for a full time nanny share for 2 infants (50 hours week M-F) in Alexandria?
Not in your area, but general industry standard is that each family pays 60 - 75% of their chosen nanny's single family rate. IOW, if the nanny you hire would charge $16/hour to care for 1 baby, you can expect to pay $10 - 12/hour PER FAMILY for her services in a nanny share. Some posters will claim you can pay half nanny's single family rate per family. That will work until your nanny finds out she is underpaid. A nanny share will cost more than a daycare spot.
Your next few questions involve the idea of "guaranteed Hours" vs. pay per hour. Many nannies prefer guaranteed hours, so they can count on getting paid $XXX/week, 52 weeks per year. It's similar to how payment in daycare works. The nanny (daycare) reserves her time (a spot) for your use, and you pay nanny (daycare) whether you choose to use those hours (that spot) or not.
What do you typically offer for vacation, sick and holiday time (paid and unpaid) and how do you split this between families?
15 days PTO , and IMO all those days should be nanny's choice. Why? because unless both share families take vacations simultaneously, nanny will never actually have the luxury of not working for at least 1 family. With a share, you have 4 parents, plus relatives and back-up sitters to take turns watching the kids when nanny is off.Minimum 9 paid holidays (NYE/NYD, Memorial Day, July 4th, Labor Day, Thanksgiving and the day after, Christmas Eve/Day) - if nanny prefers to have other holidays off, these are negotiable.
Do you get agreement from both families to pay the full weekly rate (50hours X hourly rate) every week as a flat require rate like a salary OR treat the nanny as a "freelancer" in that you keep track of the hours worked and pay only for that... For example, if one or both families come home 2 hours earlier on Friday one week, do you only pay for 48 hours vs. the full 50 hours that week?
I would not work without guaranteed hours.
How do you handle the situation when on any given day, one family needs care and the other family does not? For example, a snow day or holiday day when one family still needs to go to work and the other doesn't...do you both still pay the day or only the family that needs the care pays for that day?
Again, guaranteed hours. If nanny is able and available to work and you choose not to use her, she is not penalized financially or forced to take PTO against her wishes.
If one child in the nanny share is sick, and that family still needs to go in to work, how do you handle that? Obviously, you wouldn't want to make the other child sick, but you both still need care.
That is worked out between the families and the nanny, and outlined in the share work agreement. Personally, once a baby starts showing symptoms, I fugure everyone has been exposed and don't worry about sick care specifically.[b]
If MB would like to pay nanny to NOT work for others, then she can ask nanny to forget taking any additional sitting jobs and bill MB for the fees.Otherwise MB is wrong and rude.
Anonymous wrote:Expecting my third child and nanny has asked for a raise and COLA (cost of living adjustment). My other two kids will be in school full time for the rest of the school year and all summer with new baby's arrival and I am a SAHM. Nanny does housework and laundry. What percent raise is suitable? TIA for your help!
OP, how long has nanny worked for you?
Has she had previous raises?
Is she full time (40+ hours/week) or part time?
Does she take care of the kids independently, or does she need to be given instruction and direction daily? IOW, do you leave her to do her job, or does she HAVE to be managed?
How much of her current time is spent as a housekeeper vs time as a "nanny"? How will that change when baby is born?
Frankly, I would guess she is benefiting greatly from your willingness to pay off the books. I would tell her you will pay mileage per IRS for 200 miles a month max, but that you are going to change her pay back to being fully on the books. But I am mean, and hate hearing about tax dodging nannies.
If you don't want to do that, then I would work out the total amount she is getting from you now vs. fully taxed and 50 paid miles per week and present her with a choice:
Nanny, we have run some numbers, and are willing to let you choose what you prefer regarding your off-the-books pay and mileage money.
We can either continue to pay you $XXX per week gross with 25% untaxed and give you $10/week for gas, which would be $ZZZ/week total take home, or we can put your wages back on the books 100% and pay you IRS mileage rate for no more than 50 miles/week. That would give you $AAA weekly take home money.
What method would you prefer?
And I would also suggest you discuss a "petty cash" fund, limited to what you feel is reasonable for activities and meals out per month, and institute a receipt based reporting method.
IOW, if she takes out $30 for X, she returns the change and the receipts in order to get her petty cash replenished.
And FWIW, I have taken my NK out to eat less than 10 times in 4 years. We pack our lunches whenever possible.
Good luck!
If you don't want to do that, then I would work out the total amount she is getting from you now vs. fully taxed and 50 paid miles per week and present her with a choice:
Nanny, we have run some numbers, and are willing to let you choose what you prefer regarding your off-the-books pay and mileage money.
We can either continue to pay you $XXX per week gross with 25% untaxed and give you $10/week for gas, which would be $ZZZ/week total take home, or we can put your wages back on the books 100% and pay you IRS mileage rate for no more than 50 miles/week. That would give you $AAA weekly take home money.
What method would you prefer?
And I would also suggest you discuss a "petty cash" fund, limited to what you feel is reasonable for activities and meals out per month, and institute a receipt based reporting method.
IOW, if she takes out $30 for X, she returns the change and the receipts in order to get her petty cash replenished.
And FWIW, I have taken my NK out to eat less than 10 times in 4 years. We pack our lunches whenever possible.
Good luck!
OP is offering her nanny a free choice. She is not insisting nanny comes to the US, and she will not, presumably, take nanny against her will.
If this nanny decides that the chance to secure a better financial future is worth the loss of seeing her children daily, that is her decision to make, and to suggest otherwise is beyond patronizing.
If this nanny decides that the chance to secure a better financial future is worth the loss of seeing her children daily, that is her decision to make, and to suggest otherwise is beyond patronizing.
Have you investigated the legalities of having your current nanny immigrate to the US? What sort of costs, fees, and paperwork are you facing?
I ask because AP's have to enter the US through a state department program, and because I have been told several times that if there is someone who is a US citizen who is capable of doing a specific job, then no one is allowed to immigrate here to take that job. IOW, since there are tens of thousands of people already living in the US who could be your nanny, you can't import someone for that job.
Of course, if you are diplomatic corps, I guess things might be run differently?
I ask because AP's have to enter the US through a state department program, and because I have been told several times that if there is someone who is a US citizen who is capable of doing a specific job, then no one is allowed to immigrate here to take that job. IOW, since there are tens of thousands of people already living in the US who could be your nanny, you can't import someone for that job.
Of course, if you are diplomatic corps, I guess things might be run differently?
OP, is your nanny paid legally by her Saturday family? If not, you need to take that into account and adjust these figures I am giving you accordingly.
You currently pay $20/hr for 40 hours for 1 child = $800 gross.
Your nanny currently earns $250 (?) gross on weekends.
Therefore, your nanny currently earns $1050 gross for 50 hours of work.
You want to have your nanny care for your kid(s) 50 hours/week. At her rate of $20/hour with OT, she will earn $1100 gross per week.
I would offer her an additional 5 days of PTO as her annual raise, and then you can offer $1 or $2 for the new baby raise. If additional PTO is not reasonable, then you can offer $2 - $3 raise to cover annual and new baby costs.
$1-> $21/hour for 50 hours with OT = $1155, which is $105 more than she is currently earning with 2 jobs. Plus 5 days additional PTO, this is a decent package.
$2-> $22/hour for 50 hours with OT = $1210, which is $160 more than she currently earns with 2 jobs. Plus 5 days additional PTO, this is a good package.
$3-> $23/hour blahdeblah = $1265/week gross, or $215 more than her current wages. This is a good raise, and yes, it's a huge hit to your wallet.
You need to find a number at which you can afford this nanny without resenting her pay and at which your nanny feels well compensated for a job that is adding longer hours and more work.
You currently pay $20/hr for 40 hours for 1 child = $800 gross.
Your nanny currently earns $250 (?) gross on weekends.
Therefore, your nanny currently earns $1050 gross for 50 hours of work.
You want to have your nanny care for your kid(s) 50 hours/week. At her rate of $20/hour with OT, she will earn $1100 gross per week.
I would offer her an additional 5 days of PTO as her annual raise, and then you can offer $1 or $2 for the new baby raise. If additional PTO is not reasonable, then you can offer $2 - $3 raise to cover annual and new baby costs.
$1-> $21/hour for 50 hours with OT = $1155, which is $105 more than she is currently earning with 2 jobs. Plus 5 days additional PTO, this is a decent package.
$2-> $22/hour for 50 hours with OT = $1210, which is $160 more than she currently earns with 2 jobs. Plus 5 days additional PTO, this is a good package.
$3-> $23/hour blahdeblah = $1265/week gross, or $215 more than her current wages. This is a good raise, and yes, it's a huge hit to your wallet.
You need to find a number at which you can afford this nanny without resenting her pay and at which your nanny feels well compensated for a job that is adding longer hours and more work.
|