Anonymous wrote:I could never take a mother away from her children. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:We are relocating from overseas and are so lucky that we will be able to bring a nanny with us. Our current nanny is wonderful. Really, really exceptional in her work and our daughter adores her and so do I. She has been with us since my daughter was 3 months old - she is now 2.5. We've also had a little baby since then that she has helped take care of. She has asked us repeatedly if she can please come with us and I wouldn't hesitate for a second if it wasn;t for the fact that she has her own two children.. I have asked her how she would feel being so far away from them etc and while she know it will be difficult, she is also very confident that the kids will be taken well care of by her extended family ("they have many mothers", i.e. it is a different culture where siblings, cousins etc all live in a big compound and take care of each others' kids). There is no father in the picture.

The other option we have is to bring a temporary nanny we have used when our regular nanny has been on leave. She is also very nice, but cannot compare with our regular nanny. No kids though.

So, what to do? I partly feel that if I tell her you can't come because you have kids I am discriminating against her (I would certainly feel that if someone told me I didn't get a job because I have kids!); at the same time I would feel guilty if she moved away from her own kids to take care of mine. For her the reason to go is obvious - she would make so much more money here than she could ever do back home and can therefore help her kids get a good life.

What would you do?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are many cultures where it is fairly common for a parent, even a mom, to work in a different country in order to earn money.

I think this is largely the nannies' choice. If she wants to come and you want to bring her, then let her come. Set up a way she can go home for some significant period of time every year, be in touch w/ her family while she's with you, and help her figure out how to get funds back to her family easily.

This is an uncomfortable kind of scenario for many Americans because it seems so at odds with how we view family, but it's actually extremely common in many Asian and Island countries.

How horrible you are. That's so sad.

The PP is actually right, this is very common in many countries.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are relocating from overseas and are so lucky that we will be able to bring a nanny with us. Our current nanny is wonderful. Really, really exceptional in her work and our daughter adores her and so do I. She has been with us since my daughter was 3 months old - she is now 2.5. We've also had a little baby since then that she has helped take care of. She has asked us repeatedly if she can please come with us and I wouldn't hesitate for a second if it wasn;t for the fact that she has her own two children.. I have asked her how she would feel being so far away from them etc and while she know it will be difficult, she is also very confident that the kids will be taken well care of by her extended family ("they have many mothers", i.e. it is a different culture where siblings, cousins etc all live in a big compound and take care of each others' kids). There is no father in the picture.

The other option we have is to bring a temporary nanny we have used when our regular nanny has been on leave. She is also very nice, but cannot compare with our regular nanny. No kids though.

So, what to do? I partly feel that if I tell her you can't come because you have kids I am discriminating against her (I would certainly feel that if someone told me I didn't get a job because I have kids!); at the same time I would feel guilty if she moved away from her own kids to take care of mine. For her the reason to go is obvious - she would make so much more money here than she could ever do back home and can therefore help her kids get a good life.

What would you do?

Let your nanny make the decision. This is her family, her life and her choice. Do not patronize her by taking on ANY guilt for her choices - she is your kid's nanny and you are not her mother.

But be willing to let her quit gracefully and go home if she is too homesick.

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if your nanny left behind orphaned children to care for you? Imagine her pain.

This is the OP... Wow, I didn't expect some of the reactions here, especially not being accused of modern slavery. I am genuinely coming from a good place and do not want to exploit anyone and never would. This nanny is very dear to me (and dare I say, we are to her as well).

I hadn't considered the option of bring her with us (because of the kids) until she asked me if she could come when I informed her we would be moving. While my initial reaction was no, I then started thinking whether I am really the one who should be making these decisions for her and am I discriminating against her if I don't give her the job. I know she will be very upset if we get someone else instead, but at the same time I have a hard time being the reason she would move away from her kids. I want to add that I have told her that if she doesn't come with us we want to pay for her kids' schooling so that she will still have a better financial situation back home regardless of whether she moves or not.