Nanny's vacation

[Anonymous]

Two months ago our nanny of two years asked when would be a good time in August for her to take her 1 week vacation or if we were going anywhere.

We said we were not going anywhere and that the last week of July and first week of August would be best. We have another baby due then and the grandparents can fly in to cover caring for the older child.
We said this verbally and in writing. It seemed agreeable by both sides.

Yesterday, our nanny said she now wants a different week off, later in August. I explained that we went over this in January, made back-up care plans, the grandparents bought their flights, my husband can't take off more work then, etc. And I asked why she changed her plans?
She cited her friend can't get off of work until later and her domestic flights are cheaper later in August.

I am unhappy to hear this, as she did this same thing last summer, only with 1 months notice that she changed her vacation timing, again, based on "cheaper flights" or "her travel friend's cheaper flights." We have a lot of parts this summer to manage and frankly none of them can move. Grandparents can't fly back, husband can't take off of more work on top of paternity leave, and I'll be recovering, caring for a newborn and an energetic toddler.

I left things that we would all have to discuss this further, this is not what we previously discussed nor planned. Does my nanny just not understand? Or what is going on?

[Anonymous]

I try to assume the best intentions, but it looks like she is gaming you for an extra week of vacation. That being said, she has still given you plenty of notice of the change, and I think you jumped the gun making rigid plans so far in advanced. If this is her week of vacation to choose, I think it'd be pretty bad to force her to take it when it most suits you.

From the sound of it, you're expecting a baby and the grandparents would have been coming the previously schedule weeks anyway. I think you need to move forward with whatever your coverage would have been had she decided to travel at any other time than around your due date. You are perfectly within your right to expect her to work during the time the grandparents are in town. Dont let her get an extra week of vacation from you, but acknowledge that you were probably a little eager in your planning.

[Anonymous]

I can see why this is frustrating for you. However, you've been given a solid 3-4 months of notice. I know for a fact that most major airlines will allow you to change flights for free up until 60 days before the date of travel (if there is a difference in the cost of flights you aphave to pay but there is no change fee). Therefore, you should be able to change the grandparents flight without much problem.

Could your husband possibly adjust his paternity leave with his employer? I've heard of many moms adjusting their maternity leave (I.e. They have 12 weeks of leave so they take 6 when the baby is first born, go back to work for a few months, and then take 6 more weeks later when the baby is more fun/active); could your husband possibly choose not to start his until later so it overlaps with your nannies trip?

I do see both sides of this, but ultimately you've been given ample time to figure it out. If you really want to hold it over your nanny you could say something like "We agreed you could take your paid vacation on these dates. Since you are changing the dates now, we will be forced to hire another caregiver (instead of being able to use grandparents or paternity leave), so now we won't be able to pay you for the week of your vacation, unless you take it on the dates previously arranged."

Ultimately though you'll just end up with a pissed off nanny and it might not be worth it. I'd suck it up and figure it out, especially if you're otherwise happy with her job performance.

[Anonymous]

With our manny he gets to pick one week of vacation and we get to designate one week. We also ask that he gives us six week's notice of which week he wants to take.

Either your nanny gets to pick her week of vacation or doesn't. What does your contract say? If she gets to pick her week you have to let her pick her week, however inconvenient it may be.

[Anonymous]

OP here, we take 4-6 weeks of vacation a year where she is paid and she takes one of her choosing. That's not the point.

She has a habit of choosing a week and we plan around it, and then changing it. This is the second year in a row where she agreed to a specific week and then changed it months later, this time affecting several adults and a big family change.

And no, the grandparents weren't coming anyways. They were told the nannys plan and thus blocked their busy schedules and booked flights. They can come anytime during my three month leave. Ideally they come when the nanny takes vacation, which was the trigger. They actually cannot come later in August.

Btw, many many jobs require you get your vacation week approved before putting it on the calendar. that's not even what we are asking. We are asking for a date so we can plan our childcare situation, and not revisit everything every month.

[Anonymous]

Offer to pay for the flight that accommodates your time since it's not a week of her choosing

[Anonymous]

So OP's nanny can keep changing her personal vacation week until when? The day before she maybe leaves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With our manny he gets to pick one week of vacation and we get to designate one week. We also ask that he gives us six week's notice of which week he wants to take.

Either your nanny gets to pick her week of vacation or doesn't. What does your contract say? If she gets to pick her week you have to let her pick her week, however inconvenient it may be.

That sounds pretty inconvenient as an employee working for a two person employer. You change your vacation to exactly when the grandparents leave and husband returns to work from his (likely) two week paternity leave?

Please speak with your nanny again and explain the unique situation this summer and what was previously discussed.

Have you also spoken with her on how you both will work together during your mat leave and then once you go back to work? If not, please do that soon because as kids age or new babies come onto the scene there can be a lot to get on the same page about. She might not want to even handle two kids!
But if she does, you two should be able to work something considerate out for both you and her regarding her personal vacation timing, or re-timing. If she chooses to screw you over to save a couple bucks then I would worry about her judgement or priorities. There are nannies out there that would "get" the situation here. Just like you wouldn't go plan your vacation during earnings season, tax season or during a major reorg at the office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see why this is frustrating for you. However, you've been given a solid 3-4 months of notice. I know for a fact that most major airlines will allow you to change flights for free up until 60 days before the date of travel (if there is a difference in the cost of flights you aphave to pay but there is no change fee). Therefore, you should be able to change the grandparents flight without much problem.

Could your husband possibly adjust his paternity leave with his employer? I've heard of many moms adjusting their maternity leave (I.e. They have 12 weeks of leave so they take 6 when the baby is first born, go back to work for a few months, and then take 6 more weeks later when the baby is more fun/active); could your husband possibly choose not to start his until later so it overlaps with your nannies trip?

I do see both sides of this, but ultimately you've been given ample time to figure it out. If you really want to hold it over your nanny you could say something like "We agreed you could take your paid vacation on these dates. Since you are changing the dates now, we will be forced to hire another caregiver (instead of being able to use grandparents or paternity leave), so now we won't be able to pay you for the week of your vacation, unless you take it on the dates previously arranged."

Ultimately though you'll just end up with a pissed off nanny and it might not be worth it. I'd suck it up and figure it out, especially if you're otherwise happy with her job performance.

I don't know what universe you live in, but most of the domestic airlines charge a $150-$200 change fee for the tickets that most people buy (non refundable). The only airline that doesn't is Southwest.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. Why did you even post, OP? You were given thoughtful responses, but you simply want to be pissy. This is your nanny's week to choose, and you want to force her to take it when it works best for you. You say she has a habit of this but you only let her choose one week of vacation. So in actuality this has happened twice in two years, and each time you had a month at least (this time you have several) to refigure your plans. My advice is to get the fuck over it, stop acting like she does this to you all the time, and be honest about the fact that you don't actually want her to have a week of her choice; you want her to choose something convenient for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see why this is frustrating for you. However, you've been given a solid 3-4 months of notice. I know for a fact that most major airlines will allow you to change flights for free up until 60 days before the date of travel (if there is a difference in the cost of flights you aphave to pay but there is no change fee). Therefore, you should be able to change the grandparents flight without much problem.

Could your husband possibly adjust his paternity leave with his employer? I've heard of many moms adjusting their maternity leave (I.e. They have 12 weeks of leave so they take 6 when the baby is first born, go back to work for a few months, and then take 6 more weeks later when the baby is more fun/active); could your husband possibly choose not to start his until later so it overlaps with your nannies trip?

I do see both sides of this, but ultimately you've been given ample time to figure it out. If you really want to hold it over your nanny you could say something like "We agreed you could take your paid vacation on these dates. Since you are changing the dates now, we will be forced to hire another caregiver (instead of being able to use grandparents or paternity leave), so now we won't be able to pay you for the week of your vacation, unless you take it on the dates previously arranged."

Ultimately though you'll just end up with a pissed off nanny and it might not be worth it. I'd suck it up and figure it out, especially if you're otherwise happy with her job performance.

I don't know what universe you live in, but most of the domestic airlines charge a $150-$200 change fee for the tickets that most people buy (non refundable). The only airline that doesn't is Southwest.

Maybe OP should not have encouraged them to buy the tickets so many months in advanced. Really, OP screwed up and she wants someone to blame. Vacation plans change, and 4 months notice is extremely reasonable.

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny and I think what OP's nanny did was wrong. I would tell her that plans were made after she made her choice of weeks and cannot be changed.

Since you changed for her last year, she probably thinks there is no problem with changing again. Just say no, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, I see two issues. One, you're asking too much to ask her to make plans six months in advance, and then require her to use one of two weeks that work for you. That really wasn't fair of you if you're going to call that the week of her choosing.

Second, you could have said that you would not approve leave at all within x weeks of your due date on either side, but you didn't say that either.

Finally, you have months and months to work this out. Hire a temp for the week. It doesn't have to be grandparents. You also don't have to give her the weeks off that grandparents are here. She can help you with the infant, or keep your older child on his/her schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Why did you even post, OP? You were given thoughtful responses, but you simply want to be pissy. This is your nanny's week to choose, and you want to force her to take it when it works best for you. You say she has a habit of this but you only let her choose one week of vacation. So in actuality this has happened twice in two years, and each time you had a month at least (this time you have several) to refigure your plans. My advice is to get the fuck over it, stop acting like she does this to you all the time, and be honest about the fact that you don't actually want her to have a week of her choice; you want her to choose something convenient for you.

So the nanny employee wants to go on vacation a certain week regardless of how difficult that week may be for her employer. This conversation comes up in tons of different jobs and industries.

First you nicely explain how difficult that week will be, and you have valid one-time reasons. Essentially you will have to pay for new back-up care at a time when the Mom is recovering and can't drive, there is a new 3 week old infant in the house, the toddler needs a familiar face and schedule, the Dad must be back at work, and no family is able to be there. Any nanny should understand how difficult that week could be, it will be very telling if she is able to play ball with you and move things around. Especially if the rationale and request were made a couple months ago.

I'm with the other PP, you may have a nanny on your hands that doesn't want to deal with more than one kid. Much more bang for her buck to bounce around to 1 kid families only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see why this is frustrating for you. However, you've been given a solid 3-4 months of notice. I know for a fact that most major airlines will allow you to change flights for free up until 60 days before the date of travel (if there is a difference in the cost of flights you aphave to pay but there is no change fee). Therefore, you should be able to change the grandparents flight without much problem.

Could your husband possibly adjust his paternity leave with his employer? I've heard of many moms adjusting their maternity leave (I.e. They have 12 weeks of leave so they take 6 when the baby is first born, go back to work for a few months, and then take 6 more weeks later when the baby is more fun/active); could your husband possibly choose not to start his until later so it overlaps with your nannies trip?

I do see both sides of this, but ultimately you've been given ample time to figure it out. If you really want to hold it over your nanny you could say something like "We agreed you could take your paid vacation on these dates. Since you are changing the dates now, we will be forced to hire another caregiver (instead of being able to use grandparents or paternity leave), so now we won't be able to pay you for the week of your vacation, unless you take it on the dates previously arranged."

Ultimately though you'll just end up with a pissed off nanny and it might not be worth it. I'd suck it up and figure it out, especially if you're otherwise happy with her job performance.

I don't know what universe you live in, but most of the domestic airlines charge a $150-$200 change fee for the tickets that most people buy (non refundable). The only airline that doesn't is Southwest.

Maybe OP should not have encouraged them to buy the tickets so many months in advanced. Really, OP screwed up and she wants someone to blame. Vacation plans change, and 4 months notice is extremely reasonable.

Who doesn't plan schedules with their own boss, family and nanny when they are expecting a new child and know the due date?

Who doesn't clear their vacation plans with their bosses first?