Should I look for a new nanny?

[Anonymous]

I have a 12 week old baby. My mom lives with us (for the next 2 months) and is taking care of her while I am at work. I hired a part-time nanny to help my mom out while I am in the office. The nanny started 3 weeks ago (while I was still home) - but it does not look like she is connecting with my daughter. My daughter will only take her bottle from my mom - and she needs my mom to put her to sleep as well. The baby cries most of the times when the nanny holds her.

The nanny does play with my baby - but she does not talk to her a lot. She mostly just waves toys at her. Should I be giving my baby more time to connect with the nanny? Or should I be looking for a new nanny? I don't know if I am being too critical of the nanny - I am a FTM so I just having a hard time letting her be with someone other than family.

[Anonymous]

I just experienced this from the other side as a nanny to a new family last week. They just moved here and the grandmother was in town to help out. She said she would back off but it made it super difficult to connect with my new charges and they constantly looked to the grandmother and it was like a game of tug and war. Immediately after the grandmother left town it was like new. They realized they could rely on me and we bonded. They now feel a connection. I suggest giving your nanny time and actually allowing her to bond with your mom not around. My charges are a bit older but still.

Also my previous charge was an infant and the mom worked from home. When she wasn't around I would talk to him constantly and sing silly songs etc. but when I felt she was actually around or lurking, or straight up walking through the room I would kind of get shy and quiet. Your nanny is new and not comfortable and having you and your mother around can only hinder it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced this from the other side as a nanny to a new family last week. They just moved here and the grandmother was in town to help out. She said she would back off but it made it super difficult to connect with my new charges and they constantly looked to the grandmother and it was like a game of tug and war. Immediately after the grandmother left town it was like new. They realized they could rely on me and we bonded. They now feel a connection. I suggest giving your nanny time and actually allowing her to bond with your mom not around. My charges are a bit older but still.

Also my previous charge was an infant and the mom worked from home. When she wasn't around I would talk to him constantly and sing silly songs etc. but when I felt she was actually around or lurking, or straight up walking through the room I would kind of get shy and quiet. Your nanny is new and not comfortable and having you and your mother around can only hinder it

absolutely agree with PP. I think you should give your nanny a chance. it doesn't matter who you hire, having your mother around will make it more difficult for the nanny

[Anonymous]

Disagree with the above. The PP who is a nanny had trouble bonding with the family. You're talking about the nanny bonding with the baby.

I talked to my infant a LOT. Did you hire a nanny with a lot of newborn experience? I'd get someone new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced this from the other side as a nanny to a new family last week. They just moved here and the grandmother was in town to help out. She said she would back off but it made it super difficult to connect with my new charges and they constantly looked to the grandmother and it was like a game of tug and war. Immediately after the grandmother left town it was like new. They realized they could rely on me and we bonded. They now feel a connection. I suggest giving your nanny time and actually allowing her to bond with your mom not around. My charges are a bit older but still.

Also my previous charge was an infant and the mom worked from home. When she wasn't around I would talk to him constantly and sing silly songs etc. but when I felt she was actually around or lurking, or straight up walking through the room I would kind of get shy and quiet. Your nanny is new and not comfortable and having you and your mother around can only hinder it

Do you think something like this is going on, OP? Is your mom hovering?
Or is your nanny calling your mom while she is out having lunch with friends or trying to work from your home and asking her to come and put the baby down for a nap or feed her, or whatever? I personally can't imagine my mom not making plans during the time the nanny was caring for the baby, but not all grandmas are created equal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disagree with the above. The PP who is a nanny had trouble bonding with the family. You're talking about the nanny bonding with the baby.

I talked to my infant a LOT. Did you hire a nanny with a lot of newborn experience? I'd get someone new.

Perhaps you should reread my post. I said I talked to my infant a tons but I'm a bit shy and didn't do it much with family around. I did after I got more comfortable with them though. She doesn't know how much the nanny talks to the baby unless she is constantly lurking or spying. And if that's the case the poor nanny must feel helpless. Not only was the mom home from work, but the nanny is part time and the granother is there also. Honestly I'd be looking for another job

[Anonymous]

My mother has watched my kids for a few years. We have just transitioned to an AuPair. There is NO WAY that your CCP will ever bond with your child like a good grandparent can. My mother is amazing with my children and I know that if I were to fall over dead today my mother would love them and care for them just as much as me and my chidren love my mother almost as much as they love me. Nobody can compete with that.

My mother is moving and we are in the middle of the AP transition. My AP steps back to my mom and luckily my mom has just started to back off and stay at her own home for a few days. The AP is now finally able to breathe and get into her own groove. She does great and has much more confidence when my mom is not around.

You are being VERY unrealistic in thinking that the nanny and baby will bond with your mom there.

I have acknowledge MULTIPLE times to my AP that I fully realize that my mom makes her job awkward. I've told her to just hang in there, soon she will be the driver, but I simply cannot tell my mom to get out of my house. She loves my children as if they are her own and this transition is very sad for my mom. I have to balance supporting my AP and acknowledging the tough position she is in with my mom's feeling.

You will NEVER find a nanny who will be able to do her job to the fullest of her ability with your mom hanging around.

[Anonymous]

*grandmother Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disagree with the above. The PP who is a nanny had trouble bonding with the family. You're talking about the nanny bonding with the baby.

I talked to my infant a LOT. Did you hire a nanny with a lot of newborn experience? I'd get someone new.

Who said anything about bonding with family? Rather it be an infant or preschooler, it's hard to connect when grandparents are around. And pp said she talked to the baby.

[Anonymous]

I think it's hard for your nanny to bond with the kids as long as grandma's around. I'd give her more time. Why cooperate with the efforts of your non-favorite provider when your favorite is right there? There's an alternative and that alternative is Grandma, who is pretty awesome, right? The nanny might be awesome too, but the baby's not going to bother figuring that out until there are no alternatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced this from the other side as a nanny to a new family last week. They just moved here and the grandmother was in town to help out. She said she would back off but it made it super difficult to connect with my new charges and they constantly looked to the grandmother and it was like a game of tug and war. Immediately after the grandmother left town it was like new. They realized they could rely on me and we bonded. They now feel a connection. I suggest giving your nanny time and actually allowing her to bond with your mom not around. My charges are a bit older but still.

Also my previous charge was an infant and the mom worked from home. When she wasn't around I would talk to him constantly and sing silly songs etc. but when I felt she was actually around or lurking, or straight up walking through the room I would kind of get shy and quiet. Your nanny is new and not comfortable and having you and your mother around can only hinder it

OP here: I can understand if she is shy because my mom and/ or me are around. But I guess the hard part for me is - if she is not connecting while we are around, I just have to trust that they will connect when we are not around. Do you think it would be helpful for my mom to leave the baby with the nanny - and go to a different floor of the house/ different room so that the nanny can bond with the baby (for a few hours everyday)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disagree with the above. The PP who is a nanny had trouble bonding with the family. You're talking about the nanny bonding with the baby.

I talked to my infant a LOT. Did you hire a nanny with a lot of newborn experience? I'd get someone new.

OP here: The nanny has had experience working at a daycare (and the youngest child there was 3 months old). So she does not have a lot of just newborn experience. I will probably give her some more time to try to bond with my little one without me or my mom hovering, but I might also have to consider finding a nanny with more newborn experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced this from the other side as a nanny to a new family last week. They just moved here and the grandmother was in town to help out. She said she would back off but it made it super difficult to connect with my new charges and they constantly looked to the grandmother and it was like a game of tug and war. Immediately after the grandmother left town it was like new. They realized they could rely on me and we bonded. They now feel a connection. I suggest giving your nanny time and actually allowing her to bond with your mom not around. My charges are a bit older but still.

Also my previous charge was an infant and the mom worked from home. When she wasn't around I would talk to him constantly and sing silly songs etc. but when I felt she was actually around or lurking, or straight up walking through the room I would kind of get shy and quiet. Your nanny is new and not comfortable and having you and your mother around can only hinder it

OP here: I can understand if she is shy because my mom and/ or me are around. But I guess the hard part for me is - if she is not connecting while we are around, I just have to trust that they will connect when we are not around. Do you think it would be helpful for my mom to leave the baby with the nanny - and go to a different floor of the house/ different room so that the nanny can bond with the baby (for a few hours everyday)?

Your mom should go out shopping, have lunch with you at your office, get her hair done, go to the gym, and do whatever she wants to do. That is why you hired a nanny.

[Anonymous]

First off, a 12 week baby doesn't know who is who so she's Not favoring grandma over nanny. However, the nanny can't possibly get the baby to do anything with grandma hovering. If your mom is there, why is the nanny? I've dealt with fussy babies who were spoiled by grandma but only after she had left. I'd never start a job with a grandparent home, they're worse than the parents. Grandma needs to be completely out of the pic while nanny is there or this will never work. She will constantly jump in and take over and/or criticize the nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced this from the other side as a nanny to a new family last week. They just moved here and the grandmother was in town to help out. She said she would back off but it made it super difficult to connect with my new charges and they constantly looked to the grandmother and it was like a game of tug and war. Immediately after the grandmother left town it was like new. They realized they could rely on me and we bonded. They now feel a connection. I suggest giving your nanny time and actually allowing her to bond with your mom not around. My charges are a bit older but still.

Also my previous charge was an infant and the mom worked from home. When she wasn't around I would talk to him constantly and sing silly songs etc. but when I felt she was actually around or lurking, or straight up walking through the room I would kind of get shy and quiet. Your nanny is new and not comfortable and having you and your mother around can only hinder it

Do you think something like this is going on, OP? Is your mom hovering?
Or is your nanny calling your mom while she is out having lunch with friends or trying to work from your home and asking her to come and put the baby down for a nap or feed her, or whatever? I personally can't imagine my mom not making plans during the time the nanny was caring for the baby, but not all grandmas are created equal

My mom is not really going out - she stays at home when the nanny is there. I don't think she is hovering - she actually wants the nanny to do more with the baby - but I will admit she is mostly in the next room or close by. When feeding or sleeping - she will let the nanny try for 30 minutes or so, before she tries to help. I know when the baby is playing - she stays out of the way. But as I mentioned - the nanny does not seem to talk too much to the baby (not sure if it is because she is shy or if she is not connecting with the baby).