Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced this from the other side as a nanny to a new family last week. They just moved here and the grandmother was in town to help out. She said she would back off but it made it super difficult to connect with my new charges and they constantly looked to the grandmother and it was like a game of tug and war. Immediately after the grandmother left town it was like new. They realized they could rely on me and we bonded. They now feel a connection. I suggest giving your nanny time and actually allowing her to bond with your mom not around. My charges are a bit older but still.

Also my previous charge was an infant and the mom worked from home. When she wasn't around I would talk to him constantly and sing silly songs etc. but when I felt she was actually around or lurking, or straight up walking through the room I would kind of get shy and quiet. Your nanny is new and not comfortable and having you and your mother around can only hinder it

Do you think something like this is going on, OP? Is your mom hovering?
Or is your nanny calling your mom while she is out having lunch with friends or trying to work from your home and asking her to come and put the baby down for a nap or feed her, or whatever? I personally can't imagine my mom not making plans during the time the nanny was caring for the baby, but not all grandmas are created equal

My mom is not really going out - she stays at home when the nanny is there. I don't think she is hovering - she actually wants the nanny to do more with the baby - but I will admit she is mostly in the next room or close by. When feeding or sleeping - she will let the nanny try for 30 minutes or so, before she tries to help. I know when the baby is playing - she stays out of the way. But as I mentioned - the nanny does not seem to talk too much to the baby (not sure if it is because she is shy or if she is not connecting with the baby).

Anonymous wrote:Why is grandma stepping in? Is the nanny getting flustered and saying "I can't do this - you do it" or is your mom jumping in when it is difficult? Your mom needs to not jump in - at all - even if it has been awhile. She can offer suggestions of what works for her, but if she jumps in, all that is happening is your nanny is going to feel more and more like she can't figure it out (and that it is being reported back to you), and your child WILL start to favor your mom as she gets older.

My daughter wouldn't take a bottle from my own husband when I was transitioning back to work, if I was there. She'd nurse or take a bottle from me, but not him. He would get frustrated, I would get frustrated, I'd jump in. I finally just left (because I had no choice) and the first day sucked, and then they figured it out and it was fine. (He came up with the idea of giving her a bottle in the bath, which was where she was most relaxed anyway, and then once she realized it wasn't so bad she just took it any time.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced this from the other side as a nanny to a new family last week. They just moved here and the grandmother was in town to help out. She said she would back off but it made it super difficult to connect with my new charges and they constantly looked to the grandmother and it was like a game of tug and war. Immediately after the grandmother left town it was like new. They realized they could rely on me and we bonded. They now feel a connection. I suggest giving your nanny time and actually allowing her to bond with your mom not around. My charges are a bit older but still.

Also my previous charge was an infant and the mom worked from home. When she wasn't around I would talk to him constantly and sing silly songs etc. but when I felt she was actually around or lurking, or straight up walking through the room I would kind of get shy and quiet. Your nanny is new and not comfortable and having you and your mother around can only hinder it

Do you think something like this is going on, OP? Is your mom hovering?
Or is your nanny calling your mom while she is out having lunch with friends or trying to work from your home and asking her to come and put the baby down for a nap or feed her, or whatever? I personally can't imagine my mom not making plans during the time the nanny was caring for the baby, but not all grandmas are created equal

My mom is not really going out - she stays at home when the nanny is there. I don't think she is hovering - she actually wants the nanny to do more with the baby - but I will admit she is mostly in the next room or close by. When feeding or sleeping - she will let the nanny try for 30 minutes or so, before she tries to help. I know when the baby is playing - she stays out of the way. But as I mentioned - the nanny does not seem to talk too much to the baby (not sure if it is because she is shy or if she is not connecting with the baby).

Hi op! I'm the nanny that responded to you first that had a similar experience. I definitely think your mom should completely avoid being around at all. What you are describing seems more like a mommys or grand mommys helper type job vs a full force nanny and your nanny didn't sign up to be a helper or ask for an assistant. I'm a introverted person and only shy or quiet when I'm not completely comfortable. Once my families are used to me and I feel that I carry on with the baby as if they are not even around. But in the beginning it makes you feel like every little thing you say is being listened to and analyzed. Just the way you are analyzing that she stimulates with toys but not words. Everyone is different and I just bet this is the case with your nanny, esp if she's had baby experience. Not only that but she is probably wondering why you hired her if your mom is available or sitting in the next room waiting for her turn at whatever task the nanny doesn't complete after 30 min go by.

I worked for a work from home mom and had an infant as I mentioned before. His room was down the hall and she kept the monitor until I asked for it, so usually she had it while I was rocking, calming him etc. she would hear him giving me a hard time and after a few minutes come in to help. I finally explained to her that he needed to get through his tantrums or crying spells with me and asked her to only come if I asked her to. After all it's not like she couldn't see what we were doing. Even though he was extremely young at the time he still knew her smell and noticed the pattern and would fight sleep waiting for her to come in and he hoped he'd get to nurse from her. I had a meeting with her and told her that the only time I wanted her to actually nurse him was when he was very sick and needed that comfort. Other wise I planned on feeding him the pumped milk from the bottle and she could pump if she needed to relieve herself. She had to allow me to do my job. Of course all of this was discussed rationally and in a kind matter and now we are still friends even though we've moved on. Have a sit down with your nanny please and see what she is thinking and come up with a plan that Works for you both. If she is a professional she will be mature about this. Good luck!!!???

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just experienced this from the other side as a nanny to a new family last week. They just moved here and the grandmother was in town to help out. She said she would back off but it made it super difficult to connect with my new charges and they constantly looked to the grandmother and it was like a game of tug and war. Immediately after the grandmother left town it was like new. They realized they could rely on me and we bonded. They now feel a connection. I suggest giving your nanny time and actually allowing her to bond with your mom not around. My charges are a bit older but still.

Also my previous charge was an infant and the mom worked from home. When she wasn't around I would talk to him constantly and sing silly songs etc. but when I felt she was actually around or lurking, or straight up walking through the room I would kind of get shy and quiet. Your nanny is new and not comfortable and having you and your mother around can only hinder it

Do you think something like this is going on, OP? Is your mom hovering?
Or is your nanny calling your mom while she is out having lunch with friends or trying to work from your home and asking her to come and put the baby down for a nap or feed her, or whatever? I personally can't imagine my mom not making plans during the time the nanny was caring for the baby, but not all grandmas are created equal

My mom is not really going out - she stays at home when the nanny is there. I don't think she is hovering - she actually wants the nanny to do more with the baby - but I will admit she is mostly in the next room or close by. When feeding or sleeping - she will let the nanny try for 30 minutes or so, before she tries to help. I know when the baby is playing - she stays out of the way. But as I mentioned - the nanny does not seem to talk too much to the baby (not sure if it is because she is shy or if she is not connecting with the baby).

Hi op! I'm the nanny that responded to you first that had a similar experience. I definitely think your mom should completely avoid being around at all. What you are describing seems more like a mommys or grand mommys helper type job vs a full force nanny and your nanny didn't sign up to be a helper or ask for an assistant. I'm a introverted person and only shy or quiet when I'm not completely comfortable. Once my families are used to me and I feel that I carry on with the baby as if they are not even around. But in the beginning it makes you feel like every little thing you say is being listened to and analyzed. Just the way you are analyzing that she stimulates with toys but not words. Everyone is different and I just bet this is the case with your nanny, esp if she's had baby experience. Not only that but she is probably wondering why you hired her if your mom is available or sitting in the next room waiting for her turn at whatever task the nanny doesn't complete after 30 min go by.

I worked for a work from home mom and had an infant as I mentioned before. His room was down the hall and she kept the monitor until I asked for it, so usually she had it while I was rocking, calming him etc. she would hear him giving me a hard time and after a few minutes come in to help. I finally explained to her that he needed to get through his tantrums or crying spells with me and asked her to only come if I asked her to. After all it's not like she couldn't see what we were doing. Even though he was extremely young at the time he still knew her smell and noticed the pattern and would fight sleep waiting for her to come in and he hoped he'd get to nurse from her. I had a meeting with her and told her that the only time I wanted her to actually nurse him was when he was very sick and needed that comfort. Other wise I planned on feeding him the pumped milk from the bottle and she could pump if she needed to relieve herself. She had to allow me to do my job. Of course all of this was discussed rationally and in a kind matter and now we are still friends even though we've moved on. Have a sit down with your nanny please and see what she is thinking and come up with a plan that Works for you both. If she is a professional she will be mature about this. Good luck!!!???

Thanks for the actual helpful advice to work with the nanny. And when I hired the nanny - I did tell her my mom was going to be around - I did not just spring that on her when she showed up. She met my mom when we interviewed. We discussed that my mom was there as a resource so that the nanny could turn to her in the initial weeks to learn what works with my baby. I do agree that now that the nanny has figured out what my daughter likes (and better understands her schedule) - my mom needs to take a more hands-off approach. Since my mom likes being at home right now - I have asked her to stay on a different floor - or go out for walks (she does not drive) to give the nanny and baby the space needed to bond.