Reset conversation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would honestly just rematch. This seems like a big personality mis-match and I guarantee there are MANY au pairs out there who would love to go skiing most weekends. Hell, I'll be your au pair if you pay for me to ski on the weekends!!!

The not putting the cup away is a MAJOR red flag for me. We had a nanny for a year before we started the Au Pair program and she did this all the time. She would rinse (not wash) any dishes that she and my daughter used but flat refused to do any "housework". If we left a coffee cup out or a wine glass from the evening before she wouldn't rinse those and it probably took more effort to move them to the side and not rinse them just to make a point.

We also had an au pair who wouldn't put things away that she hadn't used (from the dishwasher). It was really a bit of a disaster and ended in rematch. If you're going to be petty, you're not a good fit for our family.

OP is not being paid to ski though, most of the time they spend in the country house is during AP's free time. It would be the equivalent of your boss asking you to spend the weekend in an out of state office meaning you can't spend the time with your family but are only needed to work 3 hours during the whole weekend (and will only be paid for those 3 hours) yet you can't leave the office. It's AP giving up her free time so OP can feel like she has control over her AP.

The cleaning parents dishes/cups/glasses, is NOT a nanny or AP job, sure it's petty of someone not to wash it when they are cleaning up everything else but it's also incredibly disrespectful to NOT clean after yourself. How much work is it to put your own cup in the dishwasher after you are done? You would probably be complaining on here if your AP left cups for you to clean every evening, she is not wrong for not wanting to clean up after your mess and you wouldn't be wrong for not wanting to clean up after hers.

Families who use the ''it's part of being a part of our family'' to make APs do things they don't do themselves or expect her to tolerate things they wouldn't tolerate from their AP is massive piss taking imo.

Not OP. By this standard, you could also compare this situation to her being a salaried employee going to a conference once/month on the weekend for her employer. She won't get pay travel time. She won't get pay over time. She gets pay the same salary. Employer pays for her meals and hotels. That is it. You don't get to see your family during that time. Of course if your job requires you to be at the a weekend conference every week of the month, it becomes a problem but that is the same analogy. Of course PP is going to say it is not the same thing. Like AP is part of the family unless the family is doing something AP don't like... Then AP is an employee until the employer is doing something AP don't like...

According to some people on this forum (probably the reader who has never been a HM nor an AP), you should treat your AP better than your family member, better than your employee and better than yourself. There is no exceptional circumstance. They should be on that high pedestal all the time.

Other poster, but it is not the same thing because an employee can refuse to spend unpaid time off doing work without fearing to lose their home or legal status in the country, AP don't have that freedom because like you can see, the first minute they say no (some) hf seem to begrudge them for it and are already thinking about rematch.

If you are going to compare an AP to an employee at least stick to the law. Legally the AP should work no more than 10 hours a day and have 1 and half consecutive day off. Her free time should be hers to do as she pleases, which she obviously can't do if she is expected to be somewhere in the middle of nowhere with the host family where she has no other choice but to stay with the hf.

Most employers also don't live with their boss so the analogy would work better if the salaried employee in your scenario lived at the office working until 8:30pm everyday (limiting her social life to start with) and was on top of it all expected to give up two of her days off for free twice a month (!) to please her employer and not risk getting fired/homelessness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would honestly just rematch. This seems like a big personality mis-match and I guarantee there are MANY au pairs out there who would love to go skiing most weekends. Hell, I'll be your au pair if you pay for me to ski on the weekends!!!

The not putting the cup away is a MAJOR red flag for me. We had a nanny for a year before we started the Au Pair program and she did this all the time. She would rinse (not wash) any dishes that she and my daughter used but flat refused to do any "housework". If we left a coffee cup out or a wine glass from the evening before she wouldn't rinse those and it probably took more effort to move them to the side and not rinse them just to make a point.

We also had an au pair who wouldn't put things away that she hadn't used (from the dishwasher). It was really a bit of a disaster and ended in rematch. If you're going to be petty, you're not a good fit for our family.

OP is not being paid to ski though, most of the time they spend in the country house is during AP's free time. It would be the equivalent of your boss asking you to spend the weekend in an out of state office meaning you can't spend the time with your family but are only needed to work 3 hours during the whole weekend (and will only be paid for those 3 hours) yet you can't leave the office. It's AP giving up her free time so OP can feel like she has control over her AP.

The cleaning parents dishes/cups/glasses, is NOT a nanny or AP job, sure it's petty of someone not to wash it when they are cleaning up everything else but it's also incredibly disrespectful to NOT clean after yourself. How much work is it to put your own cup in the dishwasher after you are done? You would probably be complaining on here if your AP left cups for you to clean every evening, she is not wrong for not wanting to clean up after your mess and you wouldn't be wrong for not wanting to clean up after hers.

Families who use the ''it's part of being a part of our family'' to make APs do things they don't do themselves or expect her to tolerate things they wouldn't tolerate from their AP is massive piss taking imo.

Not OP. By this standard, you could also compare this situation to her being a salaried employee going to a conference once/month on the weekend for her employer. She won't get pay travel time. She won't get pay over time. She gets pay the same salary. Employer pays for her meals and hotels. That is it. You don't get to see your family during that time. Of course if your job requires you to be at the a weekend conference every week of the month, it becomes a problem but that is the same analogy. Of course PP is going to say it is not the same thing. Like AP is part of the family unless the family is doing something AP don't like... Then AP is an employee until the employer is doing something AP don't like...

According to some people on this forum (probably the reader who has never been a HM nor an AP), you should treat your AP better than your family member, better than your employee and better than yourself. There is no exceptional circumstance. They should be on that high pedestal all the time.

Other poster, but it is not the same thing because an employee can refuse to spend unpaid time off doing work without fearing to lose their home or legal status in the country, AP don't have that freedom because like you can see, the first minute they say no (some) hf seem to begrudge them for it and are already thinking about rematch.

If you are going to compare an AP to an employee at least stick to the law. Legally the AP should work no more than 10 hours a day and have 1 and half consecutive day off. Her free time should be hers to do as she pleases, which she obviously can't do if she is expected to be somewhere in the middle of nowhere with the host family where she has no other choice but to stay with the hf.

Most employers also don't live with their boss so the analogy would work better if the salaried employee in your scenario lived at the office working until 8:30pm everyday (limiting her social life to start with) and was on top of it all expected to give up two of her days off for free twice a month (!) to please her employer and not risk getting fired/homelessness.

Not sure what your are talking about! my husband travels for work and cannot say no, he will lose his job. You can't have it both ways!! When I am selected to go a conference, I don't get the option to say no. Maybe you should stop commenting on things you know nothing about?

[Anonymous]

I also have to travel frequently for my job. I usually take AP and toddler with me. Would I rather be at home? Usually. So it doesn’t seem unreasonable to expect AP to come to weekend home if you schedule her. I would try and find fun perks she can do there. Buy a temporary gym pass. Find a nail salon and book her a mani/pedi. Is there a crafting studio or lesson (knitting, jewelry making, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Op still hasn’t explained how the audit will get 1.5 data off when she’s working all week plus held hostage weekends at the snow house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op still hasn’t explained how the audit will get 1.5 data off when she’s working all week plus held hostage weekends at the snow house.

She will not. Her time off is the break she gets when she's not working/on call as OP wants child care which is what the issue with skiing is. She is looking at skiing as fun for the AP, but its really work for the AP as she'll be helping with the kids. Plus, OP should include travel time as work time so Friday night to Sunday should be the work hours. OP should just hire a weekly babysitter at the ski house instead. Having to work Thursday/Friday night plus all weekend (and M/T/W) is not good for the AP. She's also treating the AP as a husband replacement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would honestly just rematch. This seems like a big personality mis-match and I guarantee there are MANY au pairs out there who would love to go skiing most weekends. Hell, I'll be your au pair if you pay for me to ski on the weekends!!!

The not putting the cup away is a MAJOR red flag for me. We had a nanny for a year before we started the Au Pair program and she did this all the time. She would rinse (not wash) any dishes that she and my daughter used but flat refused to do any "housework". If we left a coffee cup out or a wine glass from the evening before she wouldn't rinse those and it probably took more effort to move them to the side and not rinse them just to make a point.

We also had an au pair who wouldn't put things away that she hadn't used (from the dishwasher). It was really a bit of a disaster and ended in rematch. If you're going to be petty, you're not a good fit for our family.

OP is not being paid to ski though, most of the time they spend in the country house is during AP's free time. It would be the equivalent of your boss asking you to spend the weekend in an out of state office meaning you can't spend the time with your family but are only needed to work 3 hours during the whole weekend (and will only be paid for those 3 hours) yet you can't leave the office. It's AP giving up her free time so OP can feel like she has control over her AP.

The cleaning parents dishes/cups/glasses, is NOT a nanny or AP job, sure it's petty of someone not to wash it when they are cleaning up everything else but it's also incredibly disrespectful to NOT clean after yourself. How much work is it to put your own cup in the dishwasher after you are done? You would probably be complaining on here if your AP left cups for you to clean every evening, she is not wrong for not wanting to clean up after your mess and you wouldn't be wrong for not wanting to clean up after hers.

Families who use the ''it's part of being a part of our family'' to make APs do things they don't do themselves or expect her to tolerate things they wouldn't tolerate from their AP is massive piss taking imo.

Not OP. By this standard, you could also compare this situation to her being a salaried employee going to a conference once/month on the weekend for her employer. She won't get pay travel time. She won't get pay over time. She gets pay the same salary. Employer pays for her meals and hotels. That is it. You don't get to see your family during that time. Of course if your job requires you to be at the a weekend conference every week of the month, it becomes a problem but that is the same analogy. Of course PP is going to say it is not the same thing. Like AP is part of the family unless the family is doing something AP don't like... Then AP is an employee until the employer is doing something AP don't like...

According to some people on this forum (probably the reader who has never been a HM nor an AP), you should treat your AP better than your family member, better than your employee and better than yourself. There is no exceptional circumstance. They should be on that high pedestal all the time.

Other poster, but it is not the same thing because an employee can refuse to spend unpaid time off doing work without fearing to lose their home or legal status in the country, AP don't have that freedom because like you can see, the first minute they say no (some) hf seem to begrudge them for it and are already thinking about rematch.

If you are going to compare an AP to an employee at least stick to the law. Legally the AP should work no more than 10 hours a day and have 1 and half consecutive day off. Her free time should be hers to do as she pleases, which she obviously can't do if she is expected to be somewhere in the middle of nowhere with the host family where she has no other choice but to stay with the hf.

Most employers also don't live with their boss so the analogy would work better if the salaried employee in your scenario lived at the office working until 8:30pm everyday (limiting her social life to start with) and was on top of it all expected to give up two of her days off for free twice a month (!) to please her employer and not risk getting fired/homelessness.

Not sure what your are talking about! my husband travels for work and cannot say no, he will lose his job. You can't have it both ways!! When I am selected to go a conference, I don't get the option to say no. Maybe you should stop commenting on things you know nothing about?

Depends on your job. My husband can say no to travel, has canceled if someone gets sick and only has to go to a few mandatory conference but if he didn't it probably would not be a big deal. Other jobs you cannot say no. But, its a bit absurd to make a nanny or AP constantly travel as its very hard to entertain kids in hotel rooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would honestly just rematch. This seems like a big personality mis-match and I guarantee there are MANY au pairs out there who would love to go skiing most weekends. Hell, I'll be your au pair if you pay for me to ski on the weekends!!!

The not putting the cup away is a MAJOR red flag for me. We had a nanny for a year before we started the Au Pair program and she did this all the time. She would rinse (not wash) any dishes that she and my daughter used but flat refused to do any "housework". If we left a coffee cup out or a wine glass from the evening before she wouldn't rinse those and it probably took more effort to move them to the side and not rinse them just to make a point.

We also had an au pair who wouldn't put things away that she hadn't used (from the dishwasher). It was really a bit of a disaster and ended in rematch. If you're going to be petty, you're not a good fit for our family.

OP is not being paid to ski though, most of the time they spend in the country house is during AP's free time. It would be the equivalent of your boss asking you to spend the weekend in an out of state office meaning you can't spend the time with your family but are only needed to work 3 hours during the whole weekend (and will only be paid for those 3 hours) yet you can't leave the office. It's AP giving up her free time so OP can feel like she has control over her AP.

The cleaning parents dishes/cups/glasses, is NOT a nanny or AP job, sure it's petty of someone not to wash it when they are cleaning up everything else but it's also incredibly disrespectful to NOT clean after yourself. How much work is it to put your own cup in the dishwasher after you are done? You would probably be complaining on here if your AP left cups for you to clean every evening, she is not wrong for not wanting to clean up after your mess and you wouldn't be wrong for not wanting to clean up after hers.

Families who use the ''it's part of being a part of our family'' to make APs do things they don't do themselves or expect her to tolerate things they wouldn't tolerate from their AP is massive piss taking imo.

Not OP. By this standard, you could also compare this situation to her being a salaried employee going to a conference once/month on the weekend for her employer. She won't get pay travel time. She won't get pay over time. She gets pay the same salary. Employer pays for her meals and hotels. That is it. You don't get to see your family during that time. Of course if your job requires you to be at the a weekend conference every week of the month, it becomes a problem but that is the same analogy. Of course PP is going to say it is not the same thing. Like AP is part of the family unless the family is doing something AP don't like... Then AP is an employee until the employer is doing something AP don't like...

According to some people on this forum (probably the reader who has never been a HM nor an AP), you should treat your AP better than your family member, better than your employee and better than yourself. There is no exceptional circumstance. They should be on that high pedestal all the time.

Other poster, but it is not the same thing because an employee can refuse to spend unpaid time off doing work without fearing to lose their home or legal status in the country, AP don't have that freedom because like you can see, the first minute they say no (some) hf seem to begrudge them for it and are already thinking about rematch.

If you are going to compare an AP to an employee at least stick to the law. Legally the AP should work no more than 10 hours a day and have 1 and half consecutive day off. Her free time should be hers to do as she pleases, which she obviously can't do if she is expected to be somewhere in the middle of nowhere with the host family where she has no other choice but to stay with the hf.

Most employers also don't live with their boss so the analogy would work better if the salaried employee in your scenario lived at the office working until 8:30pm everyday (limiting her social life to start with) and was on top of it all expected to give up two of her days off for free twice a month (!) to please her employer and not risk getting fired/homelessness.

Not sure what your are talking about! my husband travels for work and cannot say no, he will lose his job. You can't have it both ways!! When I am selected to go a conference, I don't get the option to say no. Maybe you should stop commenting on things you know nothing about?

Depends on your job. My husband can say no to travel, has canceled if someone gets sick and only has to go to a few mandatory conference but if he didn't it probably would not be a big deal. Other jobs you cannot say no. But, its a bit absurd to make a nanny or AP constantly travel as its very hard to entertain kids in hotel rooms.

Families have different needs. And most families don’t stay in hotels anymore but stay in a full functioning house. If traveling with the family is part of the job then that’s what OP’s family needs are and I am sure she can find an AP who is ok with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op still hasn’t explained how the audit will get 1.5 data off when she’s working all week plus held hostage weekends at the snow house.

She will not. Her time off is the break she gets when she's not working/on call as OP wants child care which is what the issue with skiing is. She is looking at skiing as fun for the AP, but its really work for the AP as she'll be helping with the kids. Plus, OP should include travel time as work time so Friday night to Sunday should be the work hours. OP should just hire a weekly babysitter at the ski house instead. Having to work Thursday/Friday night plus all weekend (and M/T/W) is not good for the AP. She's also treating the AP as a husband replacement.

I am not op but let me tell you how this will work in my family. We all travel Friday morning. AP is off Saturday and work Sunday evening. She gets her 1.5 off. It doesn’t matter if she is in a stupid city it is part of the job for that weekend and that is why some family need APs. The weekend she is off she can do what she wants and you can complain all you , if OP is not breaking any rule she is fine !

[Anonymous]

I travel frequently for work and have thus far always brought infant now toddler. I screen for au pairs who like to travel and put it in our handbook. I have taken au pairs to Europe, Asia, and random boring to gritty US cities. If AP doesn’t want to for all or part of the trip, she has to use her vacation time (it’s never happened). Our AP gets every evening and weekend off, but works until 4:00 on Friday. I don’t feel bad if she’s “stuck in Rehoboth or Rome or Tokyo or Kansas City. A an AP that is really in it for the cultural exchange should be able to entertain herself for the odd weekend away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would honestly just rematch. This seems like a big personality mis-match and I guarantee there are MANY au pairs out there who would love to go skiing most weekends. Hell, I'll be your au pair if you pay for me to ski on the weekends!!!

The not putting the cup away is a MAJOR red flag for me. We had a nanny for a year before we started the Au Pair program and she did this all the time. She would rinse (not wash) any dishes that she and my daughter used but flat refused to do any "housework". If we left a coffee cup out or a wine glass from the evening before she wouldn't rinse those and it probably took more effort to move them to the side and not rinse them just to make a point.

We also had an au pair who wouldn't put things away that she hadn't used (from the dishwasher). It was really a bit of a disaster and ended in rematch. If you're going to be petty, you're not a good fit for our family.

OP is not being paid to ski though, most of the time they spend in the country house is during AP's free time. It would be the equivalent of your boss asking you to spend the weekend in an out of state office meaning you can't spend the time with your family but are only needed to work 3 hours during the whole weekend (and will only be paid for those 3 hours) yet you can't leave the office. It's AP giving up her free time so OP can feel like she has control over her AP.

The cleaning parents dishes/cups/glasses, is NOT a nanny or AP job, sure it's petty of someone not to wash it when they are cleaning up everything else but it's also incredibly disrespectful to NOT clean after yourself. How much work is it to put your own cup in the dishwasher after you are done? You would probably be complaining on here if your AP left cups for you to clean every evening, she is not wrong for not wanting to clean up after your mess and you wouldn't be wrong for not wanting to clean up after hers.

Families who use the ''it's part of being a part of our family'' to make APs do things they don't do themselves or expect her to tolerate things they wouldn't tolerate from their AP is massive piss taking imo.

Not OP. By this standard, you could also compare this situation to her being a salaried employee going to a conference once/month on the weekend for her employer. She won't get pay travel time. She won't get pay over time. She gets pay the same salary. Employer pays for her meals and hotels. That is it. You don't get to see your family during that time. Of course if your job requires you to be at the a weekend conference every week of the month, it becomes a problem but that is the same analogy. Of course PP is going to say it is not the same thing. Like AP is part of the family unless the family is doing something AP don't like... Then AP is an employee until the employer is doing something AP don't like...

According to some people on this forum (probably the reader who has never been a HM nor an AP), you should treat your AP better than your family member, better than your employee and better than yourself. There is no exceptional circumstance. They should be on that high pedestal all the time.

Other poster, but it is not the same thing because an employee can refuse to spend unpaid time off doing work without fearing to lose their home or legal status in the country, AP don't have that freedom because like you can see, the first minute they say no (some) hf seem to begrudge them for it and are already thinking about rematch.

If you are going to compare an AP to an employee at least stick to the law. Legally the AP should work no more than 10 hours a day and have 1 and half consecutive day off. Her free time should be hers to do as she pleases, which she obviously can't do if she is expected to be somewhere in the middle of nowhere with the host family where she has no other choice but to stay with the hf.

Most employers also don't live with their boss so the analogy would work better if the salaried employee in your scenario lived at the office working until 8:30pm everyday (limiting her social life to start with) and was on top of it all expected to give up two of her days off for free twice a month (!) to please her employer and not risk getting fired/homelessness.

Not sure what your are talking about! my husband travels for work and cannot say no, he will lose his job. You can't have it both ways!! When I am selected to go a conference, I don't get the option to say no. Maybe you should stop commenting on things you know nothing about?

How much if your travel time is paid? How much time are you guaranteed off per week in a contract, if you’re salaried? It’s not the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would honestly just rematch. This seems like a big personality mis-match and I guarantee there are MANY au pairs out there who would love to go skiing most weekends. Hell, I'll be your au pair if you pay for me to ski on the weekends!!!

The not putting the cup away is a MAJOR red flag for me. We had a nanny for a year before we started the Au Pair program and she did this all the time. She would rinse (not wash) any dishes that she and my daughter used but flat refused to do any "housework". If we left a coffee cup out or a wine glass from the evening before she wouldn't rinse those and it probably took more effort to move them to the side and not rinse them just to make a point.

We also had an au pair who wouldn't put things away that she hadn't used (from the dishwasher). It was really a bit of a disaster and ended in rematch. If you're going to be petty, you're not a good fit for our family.

OP is not being paid to ski though, most of the time they spend in the country house is during AP's free time. It would be the equivalent of your boss asking you to spend the weekend in an out of state office meaning you can't spend the time with your family but are only needed to work 3 hours during the whole weekend (and will only be paid for those 3 hours) yet you can't leave the office. It's AP giving up her free time so OP can feel like she has control over her AP.

The cleaning parents dishes/cups/glasses, is NOT a nanny or AP job, sure it's petty of someone not to wash it when they are cleaning up everything else but it's also incredibly disrespectful to NOT clean after yourself. How much work is it to put your own cup in the dishwasher after you are done? You would probably be complaining on here if your AP left cups for you to clean every evening, she is not wrong for not wanting to clean up after your mess and you wouldn't be wrong for not wanting to clean up after hers.

Families who use the ''it's part of being a part of our family'' to make APs do things they don't do themselves or expect her to tolerate things they wouldn't tolerate from their AP is massive piss taking imo.

Not OP. By this standard, you could also compare this situation to her being a salaried employee going to a conference once/month on the weekend for her employer. She won't get pay travel time. She won't get pay over time. She gets pay the same salary. Employer pays for her meals and hotels. That is it. You don't get to see your family during that time. Of course if your job requires you to be at the a weekend conference every week of the month, it becomes a problem but that is the same analogy. Of course PP is going to say it is not the same thing. Like AP is part of the family unless the family is doing something AP don't like... Then AP is an employee until the employer is doing something AP don't like...

According to some people on this forum (probably the reader who has never been a HM nor an AP), you should treat your AP better than your family member, better than your employee and better than yourself. There is no exceptional circumstance. They should be on that high pedestal all the time.

Other poster, but it is not the same thing because an employee can refuse to spend unpaid time off doing work without fearing to lose their home or legal status in the country, AP don't have that freedom because like you can see, the first minute they say no (some) hf seem to begrudge them for it and are already thinking about rematch.

If you are going to compare an AP to an employee at least stick to the law. Legally the AP should work no more than 10 hours a day and have 1 and half consecutive day off. Her free time should be hers to do as she pleases, which she obviously can't do if she is expected to be somewhere in the middle of nowhere with the host family where she has no other choice but to stay with the hf.

Most employers also don't live with their boss so the analogy would work better if the salaried employee in your scenario lived at the office working until 8:30pm everyday (limiting her social life to start with) and was on top of it all expected to give up two of her days off for free twice a month (!) to please her employer and not risk getting fired/homelessness.

Not sure what your are talking about! my husband travels for work and cannot say no, he will lose his job. You can't have it both ways!! When I am selected to go a conference, I don't get the option to say no. Maybe you should stop commenting on things you know nothing about?

How much if your travel time is paid? How much time are you guaranteed off per week in a contract, if you’re salaried? It’s not the same thing.

For the sake of argument i will respond one last time. I work 40 hours/week for a salary. I never work on weekend. When I travel I might be working 80 hours/week. My weekend is guarantee off. But some conferenced start on Sunday. So I travel on Saturday, go there Sunday, Monday, etc. Maybe leave Thursday and still work on Friday. Get the same salary. Don't get any travel time paid. Get reimbursed for food and hotel. That is it. Depending on the boss they might say take it easy on Friday. Of course your argument is the same: "it is not the same".
I am done arguing with you. I am not even sure what you are doing on this forum because I bet your are the same poster who is not an AP nor a HF but you love arguing about this topic. Maybe find something better to do. You are all over every threads arguing about all kind of random stuffs. Get a live already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would honestly just rematch. This seems like a big personality mis-match and I guarantee there are MANY au pairs out there who would love to go skiing most weekends. Hell, I'll be your au pair if you pay for me to ski on the weekends!!!

The not putting the cup away is a MAJOR red flag for me. We had a nanny for a year before we started the Au Pair program and she did this all the time. She would rinse (not wash) any dishes that she and my daughter used but flat refused to do any "housework". If we left a coffee cup out or a wine glass from the evening before she wouldn't rinse those and it probably took more effort to move them to the side and not rinse them just to make a point.

We also had an au pair who wouldn't put things away that she hadn't used (from the dishwasher). It was really a bit of a disaster and ended in rematch. If you're going to be petty, you're not a good fit for our family.

OP is not being paid to ski though, most of the time they spend in the country house is during AP's free time. It would be the equivalent of your boss asking you to spend the weekend in an out of state office meaning you can't spend the time with your family but are only needed to work 3 hours during the whole weekend (and will only be paid for those 3 hours) yet you can't leave the office. It's AP giving up her free time so OP can feel like she has control over her AP.

The cleaning parents dishes/cups/glasses, is NOT a nanny or AP job, sure it's petty of someone not to wash it when they are cleaning up everything else but it's also incredibly disrespectful to NOT clean after yourself. How much work is it to put your own cup in the dishwasher after you are done? You would probably be complaining on here if your AP left cups for you to clean every evening, she is not wrong for not wanting to clean up after your mess and you wouldn't be wrong for not wanting to clean up after hers.

Families who use the ''it's part of being a part of our family'' to make APs do things they don't do themselves or expect her to tolerate things they wouldn't tolerate from their AP is massive piss taking imo.

Not OP. By this standard, you could also compare this situation to her being a salaried employee going to a conference once/month on the weekend for her employer. She won't get pay travel time. She won't get pay over time. She gets pay the same salary. Employer pays for her meals and hotels. That is it. You don't get to see your family during that time. Of course if your job requires you to be at the a weekend conference every week of the month, it becomes a problem but that is the same analogy. Of course PP is going to say it is not the same thing. Like AP is part of the family unless the family is doing something AP don't like... Then AP is an employee until the employer is doing something AP don't like...

According to some people on this forum (probably the reader who has never been a HM nor an AP), you should treat your AP better than your family member, better than your employee and better than yourself. There is no exceptional circumstance. They should be on that high pedestal all the time.

Other poster, but it is not the same thing because an employee can refuse to spend unpaid time off doing work without fearing to lose their home or legal status in the country, AP don't have that freedom because like you can see, the first minute they say no (some) hf seem to begrudge them for it and are already thinking about rematch.

If you are going to compare an AP to an employee at least stick to the law. Legally the AP should work no more than 10 hours a day and have 1 and half consecutive day off. Her free time should be hers to do as she pleases, which she obviously can't do if she is expected to be somewhere in the middle of nowhere with the host family where she has no other choice but to stay with the hf.

Most employers also don't live with their boss so the analogy would work better if the salaried employee in your scenario lived at the office working until 8:30pm everyday (limiting her social life to start with) and was on top of it all expected to give up two of her days off for free twice a month (!) to please her employer and not risk getting fired/homelessness.

Not sure what your are talking about! my husband travels for work and cannot say no, he will lose his job. You can't have it both ways!! When I am selected to go a conference, I don't get the option to say no. Maybe you should stop commenting on things you know nothing about?

Depends on your job. My husband can say no to travel, has canceled if someone gets sick and only has to go to a few mandatory conference but if he didn't it probably would not be a big deal. Other jobs you cannot say no. But, its a bit absurd to make a nanny or AP constantly travel as its very hard to entertain kids in hotel rooms.

Families have different needs. And most families don’t stay in hotels anymore but stay in a full functioning house. If traveling with the family is part of the job then that’s what OP’s family needs are and I am sure she can find an AP who is ok with it.

Not sure what you are talking about. We only stay in hotels or camp. No rental homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I travel frequently for work and have thus far always brought infant now toddler. I screen for au pairs who like to travel and put it in our handbook. I have taken au pairs to Europe, Asia, and random boring to gritty US cities. If AP doesn’t want to for all or part of the trip, she has to use her vacation time (it’s never happened). Our AP gets every evening and weekend off, but works until 4:00 on Friday. I don’t feel bad if she’s “stuck in Rehoboth or Rome or Tokyo or Kansas City. A an AP that is really in it for the cultural exchange should be able to entertain herself for the odd weekend away.

That is really crummy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I travel frequently for work and have thus far always brought infant now toddler. I screen for au pairs who like to travel and put it in our handbook. I have taken au pairs to Europe, Asia, and random boring to gritty US cities. If AP doesn’t want to for all or part of the trip, she has to use her vacation time (it’s never happened). Our AP gets every evening and weekend off, but works until 4:00 on Friday. I don’t feel bad if she’s “stuck in Rehoboth or Rome or Tokyo or Kansas City. A an AP that is really in it for the cultural exchange should be able to entertain herself for the odd weekend away.

That is really crummy.

Yeah, who wants to go to Rome or Tokyo? The horror! You actually were up front about your needs with the AP upfront, she agreed to them, and then you have the audacity to take her to Europe??? True Cruella Daville stuff, this is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would honestly just rematch. This seems like a big personality mis-match and I guarantee there are MANY au pairs out there who would love to go skiing most weekends. Hell, I'll be your au pair if you pay for me to ski on the weekends!!!

The not putting the cup away is a MAJOR red flag for me. We had a nanny for a year before we started the Au Pair program and she did this all the time. She would rinse (not wash) any dishes that she and my daughter used but flat refused to do any "housework". If we left a coffee cup out or a wine glass from the evening before she wouldn't rinse those and it probably took more effort to move them to the side and not rinse them just to make a point.

We also had an au pair who wouldn't put things away that she hadn't used (from the dishwasher). It was really a bit of a disaster and ended in rematch. If you're going to be petty, you're not a good fit for our family.

OP is not being paid to ski though, most of the time they spend in the country house is during AP's free time. It would be the equivalent of your boss asking you to spend the weekend in an out of state office meaning you can't spend the time with your family but are only needed to work 3 hours during the whole weekend (and will only be paid for those 3 hours) yet you can't leave the office. It's AP giving up her free time so OP can feel like she has control over her AP.

The cleaning parents dishes/cups/glasses, is NOT a nanny or AP job, sure it's petty of someone not to wash it when they are cleaning up everything else but it's also incredibly disrespectful to NOT clean after yourself. How much work is it to put your own cup in the dishwasher after you are done? You would probably be complaining on here if your AP left cups for you to clean every evening, she is not wrong for not wanting to clean up after your mess and you wouldn't be wrong for not wanting to clean up after hers.

Families who use the ''it's part of being a part of our family'' to make APs do things they don't do themselves or expect her to tolerate things they wouldn't tolerate from their AP is massive piss taking imo.

Not OP. By this standard, you could also compare this situation to her being a salaried employee going to a conference once/month on the weekend for her employer. She won't get pay travel time. She won't get pay over time. She gets pay the same salary. Employer pays for her meals and hotels. That is it. You don't get to see your family during that time. Of course if your job requires you to be at the a weekend conference every week of the month, it becomes a problem but that is the same analogy. Of course PP is going to say it is not the same thing. Like AP is part of the family unless the family is doing something AP don't like... Then AP is an employee until the employer is doing something AP don't like...

According to some people on this forum (probably the reader who has never been a HM nor an AP), you should treat your AP better than your family member, better than your employee and better than yourself. There is no exceptional circumstance. They should be on that high pedestal all the time.

Other poster, but it is not the same thing because an employee can refuse to spend unpaid time off doing work without fearing to lose their home or legal status in the country, AP don't have that freedom because like you can see, the first minute they say no (some) hf seem to begrudge them for it and are already thinking about rematch.

If you are going to compare an AP to an employee at least stick to the law. Legally the AP should work no more than 10 hours a day and have 1 and half consecutive day off. Her free time should be hers to do as she pleases, which she obviously can't do if she is expected to be somewhere in the middle of nowhere with the host family where she has no other choice but to stay with the hf.

Most employers also don't live with their boss so the analogy would work better if the salaried employee in your scenario lived at the office working until 8:30pm everyday (limiting her social life to start with) and was on top of it all expected to give up two of her days off for free twice a month (!) to please her employer and not risk getting fired/homelessness.

Not sure what your are talking about! my husband travels for work and cannot say no, he will lose his job. You can't have it both ways!! When I am selected to go a conference, I don't get the option to say no. Maybe you should stop commenting on things you know nothing about?

Depends on your job. My husband can say no to travel, has canceled if someone gets sick and only has to go to a few mandatory conference but if he didn't it probably would not be a big deal. Other jobs you cannot say no. But, its a bit absurd to make a nanny or AP constantly travel as its very hard to entertain kids in hotel rooms.

Families have different needs. And most families don’t stay in hotels anymore but stay in a full functioning house. If traveling with the family is part of the job then that’s what OP’s family needs are and I am sure she can find an AP who is ok with it.

Not sure what you are talking about. We only stay in hotels or camp. No rental homes.

Reading comprehension failure, the keyword here is "most".