Au pair informed me she is experiencing depression

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We encouraged her to talk to a counselor. She refused because “I don’t have depression and I’d you force me to do that I’ll go home”. We haven’t abandoned her. We’ve tried to support her. But she doesn’t want to be supported, she wants to deny that there is anything wrong. So here we are.

This is manipulative b.s.

Send her home before she does something drastic that harms your family, house, car, pets, etc.

Depression doesn't have people cause harm. You are getting your mental health conditions confused.

She doesn't want to say anything as when she did she wasn't supported so she is right to just say she's ok now.

Saying “If we force you see a counselor to make sure you’re ok, I’ll go home” is right?!?

How is offering to take them to see a counselor NOT support? Host mom did her due diligence, make an offer and seek help from the LCC. The AP’s reaction shows that they’re too unstable—which is it, you’re depressed or not? You need help or not?

Host mom is at an impasse. Her real mom can force her to get help IF she goes home.

[Anonymous]

OP, should have taken her vs. making it a huge issue, but she choose to make it a huge issue and drama so I can see how it would scare a young girl. I would have figured out her insurance for found a lower cost clinic, made an appointment and taken her, like I would any child or family member in my house (or I cared for) and seen what we could do for her.

Many many people suffer from depression and still go to work and function ok, but they are not as lively and happy which appears to be OP issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, should have taken her vs. making it a huge issue, but she choose to make it a huge issue and drama so I can see how it would scare a young girl. I would have figured out her insurance for found a lower cost clinic, made an appointment and taken her, like I would any child or family member in my house (or I cared for) and seen what we could do for her.

Many many people suffer from depression and still go to work and function ok, but they are not as lively and happy which appears to be OP issue.

Are you a real HM or just an AP commenting on this thread? Do you know how BAD au pairs insurance is? unless they are dying, their insurance cover nothing, and you are talking about mental health? Even people with good insurance sometime don't have covered. Do you know why people get APs? Because they are super busy and don' have the extra bandwidth, some people don't even have enough sick leave to take their kids or them self to the doctor and this family has to no be worrying about the AP while figuring out who will take care of their kids? You are not a host family, get off this thread!

[Anonymous]

OP here. She is now in rematch at her choice. She says she’s decided the number of kids is too many for her at just 19 years old and we should have looked for an older au pair. Well, she came to us in rematch sonour optipns were a bit limited, but okay....

The CC transition document doesn’t tell the full story at all. It will be interesting to see what she does. She says she still doesn’t know if she wants to go home, but she’s in the rematch pool.

In the meantime, our family is frozen out of the system while under “review” to determine whether we are appropriate to continue in the program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is now in rematch at her choice. She says she’s decided the number of kids is too many for her at just 19 years old and we should have looked for an older au pair. Well, she came to us in rematch sonour optipns were a bit limited, but okay....

The CC transition document doesn’t tell the full story at all. It will be interesting to see what she does. She says she still doesn’t know if she wants to go home, but she’s in the rematch pool.

In the meantime, our family is frozen out of the system while under “review” to determine whether we are appropriate to continue in the program.

That's good. Maybe she can find a more supportive family.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I don’t understand why the agency put you under review?

[Anonymous]

I think you definitely overreacted to this situated. What if it was you or DH experiencing depression? Would you have wanted her to get LCC involved in your business? I hope things work out for both AP and your family.

[Anonymous]

What “review” do they need? How to figure out not refunding any money while booting your family?

This is ridiculous. You brought the issue to LCC. AP is rematching presumably for other reasons as you cited.

I’d complain above your LCC and see if your LCC sold you out for some reason. Or the too many kids is merely an excuse to hide the depression reason (much more likely) and ask them what you were supposed to do with an AP like this.

It will sound like an “I told you so” but you should have pulled the plug and asked for a rematch first before AP pulled this crap to get you “reviewed.”

[Anonymous]

OP here. We are being reviewed because it’s our third rematch. Our first au pair year was 100% successful and amazing and we still stay in touch with that au pair (she came back to visit us earlier this year). Our next was a very nice but very disorganized young woman who tried hard but agreed she was not able to work well in a context that required thinking on her feet (she was great at planning for one thing happening six hours later, but couldn’t figure out how to send three kids to school in the morning). We still correspond with her as well even though she was with us for just 3 months. The next was with us for 9 months, during which time she forgot to pick up our kids twice, substantially damaged two of our vehicles (one in a hit and run), lied extensively to us and to the LCC, and was so awful our LCC refused to recommend her to continue in the program. Cultural Care decided she was regretful and put her in the rematch pool.

So yeah, we’re under review as a suspect host family that may not be appropriate for the program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are being reviewed because it’s our third rematch. Our first au pair year was 100% successful and amazing and we still stay in touch with that au pair (she came back to visit us earlier this year). Our next was a very nice but very disorganized young woman who tried hard but agreed she was not able to work well in a context that required thinking on her feet (she was great at planning for one thing happening six hours later, but couldn’t figure out how to send three kids to school in the morning). We still correspond with her as well even though she was with us for just 3 months. The next was with us for 9 months, during which time she forgot to pick up our kids twice, substantially damaged two of our vehicles (one in a hit and run), lied extensively to us and to the LCC, and was so awful our LCC refused to recommend her to continue in the program. Cultural Care decided she was regretful and put her in the rematch pool.

So yeah, we’re under review as a suspect host family that may not be appropriate for the program.

Wow this is insane! This is way to keep your money. How many months do you have left? Are you with Cultural Care? Their LCCs tend to be useless! It is common for a family get frozen after 3+ rematches?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are being reviewed because it’s our third rematch. Our first au pair year was 100% successful and amazing and we still stay in touch with that au pair (she came back to visit us earlier this year). Our next was a very nice but very disorganized young woman who tried hard but agreed she was not able to work well in a context that required thinking on her feet (she was great at planning for one thing happening six hours later, but couldn’t figure out how to send three kids to school in the morning). We still correspond with her as well even though she was with us for just 3 months. The next was with us for 9 months, during which time she forgot to pick up our kids twice, substantially damaged two of our vehicles (one in a hit and run), lied extensively to us and to the LCC, and was so awful our LCC refused to recommend her to continue in the program. Cultural Care decided she was regretful and put her in the rematch pool.

So yeah, we’re under review as a suspect host family that may not be appropriate for the program.

Ouch. Our story is similar but not as bad. Good first year, #2 a dud who could not manage 2 of our 3 kids and we rematched after 2 months. #3 will likely last the rest of the year but we will not extend because I cannot stand the fact that she barely goes out. It’s not a lack of access (transportation or many au pairs in the area), but completely choice and personality.

We have not been Cultural Care because of the matching system. This other practices are not motivating either...

[Anonymous]

OP here. I had a call with the CC program director today and it was exactly what I expected. Long story short, we’re being “allowed” to continue, but one more rematch for any reason other than something “completely unexpected and unpredictable” and we are banned from CC.

Curious what constitutes unexpected and unpredictable. Aunpair disclosing and then denying major mental health issue? Au pair engaging in hit and run? I wonder what would be an “acceptable” rematch reason!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I had a call with the CC program director today and it was exactly what I expected. Long story short, we’re being “allowed” to continue, but one more rematch for any reason other than something “completely unexpected and unpredictable” and we are banned from CC.

Curious what constitutes unexpected and unpredictable. Aunpair disclosing and then denying major mental health issue? Au pair engaging in hit and run? I wonder what would be an “acceptable” rematch reason!

It is an exchange. You were quick to slam AP both here, in person, to the agency but claimed you were too busy to help her get help. I feel bad for the next AP that they are going into such a cold family who only cares about themselves and not her. Of course, given how you handled it, she is going to deny it later on.

[Anonymous]

Yeah - I am going with the agency on this one. You just do not seem like a fit for the program. You got lucky with one ap; failed with 3. Time to take a hard look in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

Don’t worry about the same troll who has been posting on this thread! Get part of your money back and change agency. You don’t want to live with that much stress of having to rematch if things don’t work out. If needed, only rematch for the amount of time you have left and switch agency afterwards.