Au pair informed me she is experiencing depression

[Anonymous]

OP here. LCC talked to her, says AP told LCC the same stuff she’s told me, but also that she’s been feeling better in the last few weeks. AP also told LCC she usually feels like this during this time of year. LCC says “I made her promise to tell one of us if she feels worse” and said it was a nice conversation. So...LCC seems to be taking the position of seeing this as no big deal.

I asked for a support meeting anyway so that we could all discuss this together. Not sure how that will go! I also sent a long email noting concerns about undisclosed history of depression and the fact that it’s apparently been going on for long enough that “these past weeks” have been an improvement. Not sure if I should escalate this within the agency so they take my concerns (and her health!!!) seriously.

[Anonymous]

Document everything in the emails, and cc your agency’s area manager. If AP has been experiencing depression long enough to be feeling better these past few weeks,why did your AP share her struggles with you now?! AP isn’t being honest. Your LCC is ridiculous- does she truly believe this AP, who lied on her application and has hidden her depression for months, will actually “promise to tell” if she feels worse? Your LCC is treating your AP like she’s in grade school.
OP- you need to take charge of your household and do what’s right for everyone. Send your AP to rematch.

[Anonymous]

She's not going to last the year. Take control of the situation and protect your family. Rematch. It will be interesting if they allow her to rematch with another family and hide why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's not going to last the year. Take control of the situation and protect your family. Rematch. It will be interesting if they allow her to rematch with another family and hide why.

Huge red flag. This is what the agency will do. OP - still not your problem. Do what's best for YOU and YOUR kids. Don't sacrifice your kids' safety for AP.

[Anonymous]

I had a similar situation with an AP who was struggling mentally, and I detailed as much as possible in an email to LCC to the agency office. The LCC’s initial reaction wasn’t one of understanding, as she minimized the mental health issues and categorized it as differences in expectations. This AP was not picked-up by any family and ultimately was sent home. After the APs departure, LCC’s final conclusion: “she was too young.”

[Anonymous]

I would suggest asking your AP if she would like to speak with someone at a county Mental Health Center. Seasonal Affective Disorder is treatable, and many people struggle with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. LCC talked to her, says AP told LCC the same stuff she’s told me, but also that she’s been feeling better in the last few weeks. AP also told LCC she usually feels like this during this time of year. LCC says “I made her promise to tell one of us if she feels worse” and said it was a nice conversation. So...LCC seems to be taking the position of seeing this as no big deal.

I asked for a support meeting anyway so that we could all discuss this together. Not sure how that will go! I also sent a long email noting concerns about undisclosed history of depression and the fact that it’s apparently been going on for long enough that “these past weeks” have been an improvement. Not sure if I should escalate this within the agency so they take my concerns (and her health!!!) seriously.

She's not going to get better if no one is showing her and helping her get help. If you can take the time to write a nasty gram about her to the LCC, you can help her get to a therapist and primary care doctor. She probably will not tell you if she feels worse as you have been clear neither you nor the LLC will help. She is reaching out for help. Help her. You can send emails about her all over the place but cannot take the time to help her get help? Is that how you'd want your child treated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. LCC talked to her, says AP told LCC the same stuff she’s told me, but also that she’s been feeling better in the last few weeks. AP also told LCC she usually feels like this during this time of year. LCC says “I made her promise to tell one of us if she feels worse” and said it was a nice conversation. So...LCC seems to be taking the position of seeing this as no big deal.

I asked for a support meeting anyway so that we could all discuss this together. Not sure how that will go! I also sent a long email noting concerns about undisclosed history of depression and the fact that it’s apparently been going on for long enough that “these past weeks” have been an improvement. Not sure if I should escalate this within the agency so they take my concerns (and her health!!!) seriously.

She's not going to get better if no one is showing her and helping her get help. If you can take the time to write a nasty gram about her to the LCC, you can help her get to a therapist and primary care doctor. She probably will not tell you if she feels worse as you have been clear neither you nor the LLC will help. She is reaching out for help. Help her. You can send emails about her all over the place but cannot take the time to help her get help? Is that how you'd want your child treated?

If this were my child, I’d want her to come home and be supported by friends and family. I wouldn’t want her trying to navigate a complex mental health issue with the limited support and understanding that could be provided by a host family she has known for a few months. I’d want to understand what is really happening, and I wouldn’t want to leave her thousands of miles away without her lifelong support system. And I’d hope the host family and agency would care enough not to gloss over it and apply band-aids and call it good enough.

[Anonymous]

OP here with an update. Au pair, after finally talking to her parents, is now adamant that she’s not depressed and doesn’t have depression at all, and tells the LCC that now we are just twisting her behavior to say it all looks like depression. Au pair says “it is winter blues” and “my parent say I don’t have depression and everyone who knows me well says I don’t have depression”. This is now flipping back on us because au pair is telling LCC that (five months in) she is not feeling welcomed by our family (which is the same thing she said about her first host family, where she lasted two months).
Somehow, this is coming back to bite us and now we are being portrayed as a bad host family that is misconstruing the words and actions of our (fluent in English) au pair, making up this business about depression, and really not just being welcoming enough.

[Anonymous]

Of course she’s fighting back and blaming it all on you, many APs do this when faced with their own issues and consequences (in this case, rematch). Your LCC should be experienced with these contradictions, and with how an AP will say she’s looking for a more welcoming, inclusive family, regardless of the HF’s reasons for rematch.
I hope you’re in rematch?

[Anonymous]

My AP had similar mental health issues, and simply could not function. After explaining to the agency the reasons for rematch, the AP turned things against us and described how we didn’t welcome her enough because we left the house early one Sunday morning (two months after her arrival) for our kid’s swim practice, and didn’t include her. It’s ridiculous, and she just did it to save face. It’s much scarier for them to acknowledge a mental health issue that needs treatment, especially if their friends and family are enabling them to be avoidant.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand how they check these things. Our au pair has a history of situational depression and was treated for it. On the agency interview forms it says no such history. I don’t think it would be outcome determinative, but we would have wanted to know.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand how they check these things. Our au pair has a history of situational depression and was treated for it. On the agency interview forms it says no such history. I don’t think it would be outcome determinative, but we would have wanted to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. Au pair, after finally talking to her parents, is now adamant that she’s not depressed and doesn’t have depression at all, and tells the LCC that now we are just twisting her behavior to say it all looks like depression. Au pair says “it is winter blues” and “my parent say I don’t have depression and everyone who knows me well says I don’t have depression”. This is now flipping back on us because au pair is telling LCC that (five months in) she is not feeling welcomed by our family (which is the same thing she said about her first host family, where she lasted two months).
Somehow, this is coming back to bite us and now we are being portrayed as a bad host family that is misconstruing the words and actions of our (fluent in English) au pair, making up this business about depression, and really not just being welcoming enough.

I think its sad between you and the LLC, that neither one has done anything to support her and get her treatment. She may be fluent but she may not fully grasp it as well as you think. But, either way, other countries treat depression differently which is why her parents are saying that and you either rematch as you don't want to help/deal with her or you get her help. You don't sound very welcoming or supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. LCC talked to her, says AP told LCC the same stuff she’s told me, but also that she’s been feeling better in the last few weeks. AP also told LCC she usually feels like this during this time of year. LCC says “I made her promise to tell one of us if she feels worse” and said it was a nice conversation. So...LCC seems to be taking the position of seeing this as no big deal.

I asked for a support meeting anyway so that we could all discuss this together. Not sure how that will go! I also sent a long email noting concerns about undisclosed history of depression and the fact that it’s apparently been going on for long enough that “these past weeks” have been an improvement. Not sure if I should escalate this within the agency so they take my concerns (and her health!!!) seriously.

She's not going to get better if no one is showing her and helping her get help. If you can take the time to write a nasty gram about her to the LCC, you can help her get to a therapist and primary care doctor. She probably will not tell you if she feels worse as you have been clear neither you nor the LLC will help. She is reaching out for help. Help her. You can send emails about her all over the place but cannot take the time to help her get help? Is that how you'd want your child treated?

If this were my child, I’d want her to come home and be supported by friends and family. I wouldn’t want her trying to navigate a complex mental health issue with the limited support and understanding that could be provided by a host family she has known for a few months. I’d want to understand what is really happening, and I wouldn’t want to leave her thousands of miles away without her lifelong support system. And I’d hope the host family and agency would care enough not to gloss over it and apply band-aids and call it good enough.

I would want mine to come home too but different cultures have different feelings on depression. I would more want it because of how the host family and LCC are dealing with it.