Nanny questioning how we spend our money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, MB, you deserve this treatment. You bought a new car and are taking the family to Jamaica -- then crying poor to your nanny on why you can't give her a raise?!

It is so outrageous that I fear you are a troll.

I would think so as well but my NF pulled the same shit. I asked for a raise because I will have all four kids full time and was told they couldn't afford it then the next day they told me they were going off for a week and a half to Mexico the next month. it was the same month as Christmas and all four got new tvs, 2 dirt bikes, electric scooters and other expensive gifts. I am now looking for a job. Don't claim poor and then go and buy expensive gifts.

Sorry but you are not entitled to their money. They can buy whatever they want. Think of it this way, you aren't doing enough to DESERVE a raise and they are trying to be nice by saying it's not in the budget. It is unfortunate that the conversation came up for you right before Christmas, but any other time of the year they would have been saving your feelings.

NP and she never said that nanny is entitled to their money, but it is complete and total bullshit to cry poor whenever a nanny asks for a raise when it is so glaringly obviously untrue. We aren't stupid, and we are more privy to your spending habits than most people. If you want to deny a raise request fine, but don't lie and expect your nanny to pretend with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, MB, you deserve this treatment. You bought a new car and are taking the family to Jamaica -- then crying poor to your nanny on why you can't give her a raise?!

It is so outrageous that I fear you are a troll.

I would think so as well but my NF pulled the same shit. I asked for a raise because I will have all four kids full time and was told they couldn't afford it then the next day they told me they were going off for a week and a half to Mexico the next month. it was the same month as Christmas and all four got new tvs, 2 dirt bikes, electric scooters and other expensive gifts. I am now looking for a job. Don't claim poor and then go and buy expensive gifts.

Sorry but you are not entitled to their money. They can buy whatever they want. Think of it this way, you aren't doing enough to DESERVE a raise and they are trying to be nice by saying it's not in the budget. It is unfortunate that the conversation came up for you right before Christmas, but any other time of the year they would have been saving your feelings.

NP and she never said that nanny is entitled to their money, but it is complete and total bullshit to cry poor whenever a nanny asks for a raise when it is so glaringly obviously untrue. We aren't stupid, and we are more privy to your spending habits than most people. If you want to deny a raise request fine, but don't lie and expect your nanny to pretend with you.

Very well said. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every employer is afraid to hire women who may become pregnant. Heavy investment in a fly-by-night is a bitch.

If YOUR boss did the same to you,
you wouldn't NEED a nanny, would you???


Shame on you, ladies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, MB, you deserve this treatment. You bought a new car and are taking the family to Jamaica -- then crying poor to your nanny on why you can't give her a raise?!

It is so outrageous that I fear you are a troll.

I would think so as well but my NF pulled the same shit. I asked for a raise because I will have all four kids full time and was told they couldn't afford it then the next day they told me they were going off for a week and a half to Mexico the next month. it was the same month as Christmas and all four got new tvs, 2 dirt bikes, electric scooters and other expensive gifts. I am now looking for a job. Don't claim poor and then go and buy expensive gifts.

Sorry but you are not entitled to their money. They can buy whatever they want. Think of it this way, you aren't doing enough to DESERVE a raise and they are trying to be nice by saying it's not in the budget. It is unfortunate that the conversation came up for you right before Christmas, but any other time of the year they would have been saving your feelings.

Excuse me but I go above and beyond what is expected. I do things that aren't expected of me to make their lives easier. I DESERVE a raise and a wage which is liveable on and I am not scraping by while they go on vacations. They can't afford a 50 cents an hur raise but all the boys have tvs in their room (even the two year old) and each one has game systems and I-pads. Don't lie and tell me you can't afford it but then drop over a 1000.00 on a toy for a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, MB, you deserve this treatment. You bought a new car and are taking the family to Jamaica -- then crying poor to your nanny on why you can't give her a raise?!

It is so outrageous that I fear you are a troll.

I would think so as well but my NF pulled the same shit. I asked for a raise because I will have all four kids full time and was told they couldn't afford it then the next day they told me they were going off for a week and a half to Mexico the next month. it was the same month as Christmas and all four got new tvs, 2 dirt bikes, electric scooters and other expensive gifts. I am now looking for a job. Don't claim poor and then go and buy expensive gifts.

Sorry but you are not entitled to their money. They can buy whatever they want. Think of it this way, you aren't doing enough to DESERVE a raise and they are trying to be nice by saying it's not in the budget. It is unfortunate that the conversation came up for you right before Christmas, but any other time of the year they would have been saving your feelings.

NP and she never said that nanny is entitled to their money, but it is complete and total bullshit to cry poor whenever a nanny asks for a raise when it is so glaringly obviously untrue. We aren't stupid, and we are more privy to your spending habits than most people. If you want to deny a raise request fine, but don't lie and expect your nanny to pretend with you.

Exactly. I never said I was entitled to their money but in the Summer/School Break when I go from one toddler to four children full time, I think my rate should increase since I would have more kids. Fifty cents an hour is not asking for a lot. It is a slap in the face to deny that then to go and buy a very expensive gift for a toddler who doesn't even need it..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I hope you are paying your nanny for the week you will be in Jamaica.

No. We will not be using her services that week.

You sound horrible and I have a feeling that your nanny is looking for another job. In fact I would bet money on it. I hope she leaves you high and dry and you have a horrible time finding a nanny. People like you shouldn't have nannies.

[Anonymous]

MB here.

OP - I think that if you had framed your original post in a way that indicated you have a nanny who has been with you for two years and who has received two raises and bonuses in that time, but is now asking for another raise less than a year from the last one, and questioning your expenditures simultaneously, you would have gotten a different reaction.

Those facts - just on the bare bones of them - paint a very different picture than your original post.

Unfortunately, all of your follow-up emails support the tone of your original post, if not the facts. You may have a nanny who is inappropriately questioning and pressing. But your nanny may have a boss who communicates that the nanny is unimportant and needs to "stay in her place".

You just don't sound very nice, so your tone makes it difficult to take your side. I can easily imagine the counterpoint from your nanny. My bet would be that both of you have valid points in some areas and poor judgment/behavior in others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here.

OP - I think that if you had framed your original post in a way that indicated you have a nanny who has been with you for two years and who has received two raises and bonuses in that time, but is now asking for another raise less than a year from the last one, and questioning your expenditures simultaneously, you would have gotten a different reaction.

Those facts - just on the bare bones of them - paint a very different picture than your original post.

Unfortunately, all of your follow-up emails support the tone of your original post, if not the facts. You may have a nanny who is inappropriately questioning and pressing. But your nanny may have a boss who communicates that the nanny is unimportant and needs to "stay in her place".

You just don't sound very nice, so your tone makes it difficult to take your side. I can easily imagine the counterpoint from your nanny. My bet would be that both of you have valid points in some areas and poor judgment/behavior in others.

+1 from another MB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here.

OP - I think that if you had framed your original post in a way that indicated you have a nanny who has been with you for two years and who has received two raises and bonuses in that time, but is now asking for another raise less than a year from the last one, and questioning your expenditures simultaneously, you would have gotten a different reaction.

Those facts - just on the bare bones of them - paint a very different picture than your original post.

Unfortunately, all of your follow-up emails support the tone of your original post, if not the facts. You may have a nanny who is inappropriately questioning and pressing. But your nanny may have a boss who communicates that the nanny is unimportant and needs to "stay in her place".

You just don't sound very nice, so your tone makes it difficult to take your side. I can easily imagine the counterpoint from your nanny. My bet would be that both of you have valid points in some areas and poor judgment/behavior in others.

+1 from another MB.

+2 from a nanny and previous poster. Perhaps she is adequately compensated, and that really should have been your response to her, but your posts do not put you in a flattering light. She very well may be asking for this raise to test the waters and see if it is worth continuing to put up with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
MB here.

OP - I think that if you had framed your original post in a way that indicated you have a nanny who has been with you for two years and who has received two raises and bonuses in that time, but is now asking for another raise less than a year from the last one, and questioning your expenditures simultaneously, you would have gotten a different reaction.

Those facts - just on the bare bones of them - paint a very different picture than your original post.

Unfortunately, all of your follow-up emails support the tone of your original post, if not the facts. You may have a nanny who is inappropriately questioning and pressing. But your nanny may have a boss who communicates that the nanny is unimportant and needs to "stay in her place".

You just don't sound very nice, so your tone makes it difficult to take your side. I can easily imagine the counterpoint from your nanny. My bet would be that both of you have valid points in some areas and poor judgment/behavior in others.


+1 from another MB.

+2. Another MB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Finding out you are taking a vacation very soon, without paying me would drive me over the edge. Your nanny is going to despise you.

+1! How inconsiderate of you OP. I hope your nanny finds another job. My guess if that you are not paying appropriately for her services, especially without guaranteed hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny ask for a raise a couple weeks back after her two year anniversary with us. At the time I told her we didn't have the money to increase her pay. Everything was fine as far as I could tell. But Friday DH came home with a new car, which we have been planning for for a while now since his old car was getting annoying and minor things kept failing. But now that our nanny saw the new car she has been standoffish and she even mentioned it in a snarky way when she left Friday. I can't convey the tone but basically she said "I see you guys got a new car, I'm glad you had the budget for that."

I don't know how to smooth things over with her without just telling her to mind her own business. Anyone have any advice? I know it's going to only get worse unless I address it because as soon as the kids get out of school we are going to go to Jamaica with the kids and I haven't told her we won't need her that week.

Please help.

You lied to her. She has all the right in the world to be snarky after that. You could have said "Sorry, we already gave you a raise a while ago and don't feel it's time for another one just yet.", but you chose to take the easy way out, lie and pretend you didn't have the money. Nope, not okay.

And then you are taking a week off and not even tell her? Nope, not okay either. First of all, you should be paying her during that time. You can not demand she take her personal time just because YOU feel like taking a vacation. That's ridiculous. You sound like a bad employer and I do hope she quits on you during that week and treats you exactly the same way you treat her

[Anonymous]

Op, how much do you pay her per hour and how many hours does she have? Then, what were the increases you gave her? And how much is she asking now? I am asking all those question to appropriately address your question; however like all the other posters here, I agree that it is not ok for you to not pay her for the time you are going on vacation with your family, especially since you haven't even given her any notice. If you have a contract, what does it say about vacation (you going on vacation and her not having to pay) , if you haven't addressed that part, I strongly advise you to pay her because it is out of her control that you are traveling and regardless she still has the same amount of bills to take care of. For example if you ask for a raise at your job and the denied it, but later you see that they are planning in buying new computers (while the ones they have are not even old), you would be a little mad about it. And then, if your company has to close it's doors for 1 week because it was flooded or something, you will most likely still get paid. So please, even if you think your nanny is questioning how you spend your money, she is still a human being and has feelings and needs (bills) and she still needs to be paid for the week you are traveling. Don't take be a mean and resentful person just because of that simple remark. There are so much more things to worry about in life than to spend your time plotting how to get back at your nanny because she said a comment. And in addition, if she is good to your kids, why would you be mean to her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I hope you are paying your nanny for the week you will be in Jamaica.

No. We will not be using her services that week.

She's not an Independent Contractor, she is your employee. It is unforgivable not to offer guaranteed hours to a FT nanny.

NP here. "Unforgivable"? BS. Some nannies get guaranteed hours. Many don't. It's a perk, and a form of compensation, that necessarily comes out of the family's overall childcare budget. Some nannies prefer to max out their hourly rate rather than getting guaranteed hours.

Obviously this nanny has worked for two years without guaranteed hours and is comfortable with that, or she'd be asking for guaranteed hours rather than a raise.

Without knowing the nanny's current hourly rate and responsibilities, none of us have any basis for being critical of this OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is an entitled, greedy woman, with little regard for the well-being of her innocent child. So sad.

Oh, please. She puts a family vacation with her child and a safer, more reliable car for her husband and children above throwing more money at the nanny every time the nanny asks, and despite her sense that the nanny is already fairly paid? Yup, she clearly has no regard for the well-being of her child. The nannies on this board are stunningly immature and unsophisticated about the world. The OP never told the nanny she was broke and wouldn't be spending money on anything; she just said they don't have funds for a raise right now. A professional nanny would say "got it" and either look for a new job or get back to work with a smile or try to get them to commit to a raise in six months or a year. Or maybe all of the above. She certainly would not snipe at her boss about how the boss spends money.

OP, you are right: How you spend your money is none of the nanny's business. Some nannies think they are shareholders in the family finances. If she's disappointed, there is some chance that you will lose her. Personally, I would rather replace the nanny than be subject to emotional blackmail (pay up or you'll traumatize your child) from an unprofessional twit. If you get any further attitude about the car or the vacation, I would sit nanny down and tell her that kind of commentary is inappropriate and needs to stop, and that you understand her disappointment but if she can no longer be happy in her job, you need to replace her. These things are best nipped in the bud.

And for the harpies, no, I don't have trouble keeping nannies long term and it isn't because I pay whatever the nannies ask for. It's because I hire professional adults and expect them to behave as such.