Nanny questioning how we spend our money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is an entitled, greedy woman, with little regard for the well-being of her innocent child. So sad.

Oh, please. She puts a family vacation with her child and a safer, more reliable car for her husband and children above throwing more money at the nanny every time the nanny asks, and despite her sense that the nanny is already fairly paid? Yup, she clearly has no regard for the well-being of her child. The nannies on this board are stunningly immature and unsophisticated about the world. The OP never told the nanny she was broke and wouldn't be spending money on anything; she just said they don't have funds for a raise right now. A professional nanny would say "got it" and either look for a new job or get back to work with a smile or try to get them to commit to a raise in six months or a year. Or maybe all of the above. She certainly would not snipe at her boss about how the boss spends money.

OP, you are right: How you spend your money is none of the nanny's business. Some nannies think they are shareholders in the family finances. If she's disappointed, there is some chance that you will lose her. Personally, I would rather replace the nanny than be subject to emotional blackmail (pay up or you'll traumatize your child) from an unprofessional twit. If you get any further attitude about the car or the vacation, I would sit nanny down and tell her that kind of commentary is inappropriate and needs to stop, and that you understand her disappointment but if she can no longer be happy in her job, you need to replace her. These things are best nipped in the bud.

And for the harpies, no, I don't have trouble keeping nannies long term and it isn't because I pay whatever the nannies ask for. It's because I hire professional adults and expect them to behave as such.

You are a stunningly terrible person. I know exactly which mother bitch you are, as your tone gives you away every time. If she didnt want commentary on her finances, it should have never entered the conversation. Who made OPs finances part of the discussion? Hmm? OP did when she lied. No one is a twit here but you and OP.

[Anonymous]

"MB here.

OP - I think that if you had framed your original post in a way that indicated you have a nanny who has been with you for two years and who has received two raises and bonuses in that time, but is now asking for another raise less than a year from the last one, and questioning your expenditures simultaneously, you would have gotten a different reaction.

Those facts - just on the bare bones of them - paint a very different picture than your original post.

Unfortunately, all of your follow-up emails support the tone of your original post, if not the facts. You may have a nanny who is inappropriately questioning and pressing. But your nanny may have a boss who communicates that the nanny is unimportant and needs to "stay in her place".

You just don't sound very nice, so your tone makes it difficult to take your side. I can easily imagine the counterpoint from your nanny. My bet would be that both of you have valid points in some areas and poor judgment/behavior in others. "

+1 - another MB
Also don't think it's right to not pay her while you go on vacation, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is an entitled, greedy woman, with little regard for the well-being of her innocent child. So sad.

Oh, please. She puts a family vacation with her child and a safer, more reliable car for her husband and children above throwing more money at the nanny every time the nanny asks, and despite her sense that the nanny is already fairly paid? Yup, she clearly has no regard for the well-being of her child. The nannies on this board are stunningly immature and unsophisticated about the world. The OP never told the nanny she was broke and wouldn't be spending money on anything; she just said they don't have funds for a raise right now. A professional nanny would say "got it" and either look for a new job or get back to work with a smile or try to get them to commit to a raise in six months or a year. Or maybe all of the above. She certainly would not snipe at her boss about how the boss spends money.

OP, you are right: How you spend your money is none of the nanny's business. Some nannies think they are shareholders in the family finances. If she's disappointed, there is some chance that you will lose her. Personally, I would rather replace the nanny than be subject to emotional blackmail (pay up or you'll traumatize your child) from an unprofessional twit. If you get any further attitude about the car or the vacation, I would sit nanny down and tell her that kind of commentary is inappropriate and needs to stop, and that you understand her disappointment but if she can no longer be happy in her job, you need to replace her. These things are best nipped in the bud.

And for the harpies, no, I don't have trouble keeping nannies long term and it isn't because I pay whatever the nannies ask for. It's because I hire professional adults and expect them to behave as such.

OP here, thank you, you are like one of the only people who read what I wrote and didn't jump to crazy conclusions. You make sense and I agree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is an entitled, greedy woman, with little regard for the well-being of her innocent child. So sad.

Oh, please. She puts a family vacation with her child and a safer, more reliable car for her husband and children above throwing more money at the nanny every time the nanny asks, and despite her sense that the nanny is already fairly paid? Yup, she clearly has no regard for the well-being of her child. The nannies on this board are stunningly immature and unsophisticated about the world. The OP never told the nanny she was broke and wouldn't be spending money on anything; she just said they don't have funds for a raise right now. A professional nanny would say "got it" and either look for a new job or get back to work with a smile or try to get them to commit to a raise in six months or a year. Or maybe all of the above. She certainly would not snipe at her boss about how the boss spends money.

OP, you are right: How you spend your money is none of the nanny's business. Some nannies think they are shareholders in the family finances. If she's disappointed, there is some chance that you will lose her. Personally, I would rather replace the nanny than be subject to emotional blackmail (pay up or you'll traumatize your child) from an unprofessional twit. If you get any further attitude about the car or the vacation, I would sit nanny down and tell her that kind of commentary is inappropriate and needs to stop, and that you understand her disappointment but if she can no longer be happy in her job, you need to replace her. These things are best nipped in the bud.

And for the harpies, no, I don't have trouble keeping nannies long term and it isn't because I pay whatever the nannies ask for. It's because I hire professional adults and expect them to behave as such.

OP here, thank you, you are like one of the only people who read what I wrote and didn't jump to crazy conclusions. You make sense and I agree with you.

Hahaha. OP you are either a troll or extremely dense. You lied to your nanny. She's angry you lied. Maybe she shouldn't have commented, but what you did was quite insulting. Since you agree with this ass wipe PP, don't worry yourself about replacing her. She will quit soon enough. Hopefully as soon as you get back from a terrible vacation, with no notice, and when you really need her. Why bother to post if you're just going to ignore the opinions you don't like, even if its the majority.

[Anonymous]

Another example how,
"You get what you pay for."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is an entitled, greedy woman, with little regard for the well-being of her innocent child. So sad.

Oh, please. She puts a family vacation with her child and a safer, more reliable car for her husband and children above throwing more money at the nanny every time the nanny asks, and despite her sense that the nanny is already fairly paid? Yup, she clearly has no regard for the well-being of her child. The nannies on this board are stunningly immature and unsophisticated about the world. The OP never told the nanny she was broke and wouldn't be spending money on anything; she just said they don't have funds for a raise right now. A professional nanny would say "got it" and either look for a new job or get back to work with a smile or try to get them to commit to a raise in six months or a year. Or maybe all of the above. She certainly would not snipe at her boss about how the boss spends money.

OP, you are right: How you spend your money is none of the nanny's business. Some nannies think they are shareholders in the family finances. If she's disappointed, there is some chance that you will lose her. Personally, I would rather replace the nanny than be subject to emotional blackmail (pay up or you'll traumatize your child) from an unprofessional twit. If you get any further attitude about the car or the vacation, I would sit nanny down and tell her that kind of commentary is inappropriate and needs to stop, and that you understand her disappointment but if she can no longer be happy in her job, you need to replace her. These things are best nipped in the bud.

And for the harpies, no, I don't have trouble keeping nannies long term and it isn't because I pay whatever the nannies ask for. It's because I hire professional adults and expect them to behave as such.

OP here, thank you, you are like one of the only people who read what I wrote and didn't jump to crazy conclusions. You make sense and I agree with you.

Sit the nanny down and tell her that her commentary needs to stop?

Do you really think that will work? Do you think that will make the nanny happy and sweet, once again? Will that make the nanny's feelings just go away? Will that solve the whole problem?

No. You wish that would work (it is a cheap solution!) but it won't.

Here's what will work: Sit down with the nanny. Say something like this, "I see you are feeling upset about the raise issue. I don't want there to be bad feelings between us. It must be especially hard with us traveling abroad and buying new vehicles. I understand you being confused. We value what you do, and the kids love you, and I don't want you to think otherwise. I guess I wasn't completely honest the other day. It's not so much that we can't afford it. It's that we just gave you a raise 9 months ago, and I think it's a bit soon to raise your rate again. Why don't we revisit this in ___ months?"

And that's all. Instead of saying, "naughty girl, stop this immediately!" you are being respectful of her feelings, and hearing her. It's the way you hope she will treat your kids, and the way you'd like to be treated yourself, I'm sure.

You've said that you don't think she is doing her job any better, so why should she get a raise? Here's why: most people do get better with more experience. In the case of a nanny, after two years, she most likely knows the best way to calm your children. she knows what books they like, she knows which one has a talent for art, and which one needs a lot of time alone. These things are invisitble, but they still have value. More importantly, your children have a bond with her. That bond is invisible--it's not like a salesman meeting a quota--but it is still there and still has value.

Finally, I have no advice about the Jamaica thing, except to say she will be hurt and mad. You may think you are saving money, but there WILL be a cost to treating someone so badly.

[Anonymous]

Ha! Not paying her the week you are away? Wow. So she just shouldn't pay get bills but stand by until you get back? What is an extra $1 an hour at the least?? Extra $40 week! Cheap cheap cheap!!!!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like another new nanny for that poor child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha! Not paying her the week you are away? Wow. So she just shouldn't pay get bills but stand by until you get back? What is an extra $1 an hour at the least?? Extra $40 week! Cheap cheap cheap!!!!

OP doesn't really care about the nanny's bills. She thinks she should have saved a stash of money for just such occasions. She also thinks nanny's greedy. Oh, and she wants her to take careful, loving care of her children.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I am a fairly young nanny, but I think upgrading from a 7 year old car is perfectly fine! You mentioned she has received a raise and bonus within her 2 years with you all, again that is fine, but I would hope if you all plan to keep her for another year, she'd receive a raise for the 3rd anniversary. Also, it is none of her business about your finances, many people plan vacations a year or two in advance so you do not need to explain this to her. But, you are wrong for knowing all this time that you would not need her that week and never mentioned it to her, if she's your full-time nanny, you should have given her a month or two notice (at least) so I think you should pay her for the week so it doesn't cause anymore issues. I hope things work out for you all.

[Anonymous]

OP
you seem to only reply to posters who agree with you so I doubt you'll answer back.

Here's my issue with your post. Not the raise, the car, the money. Yes it's your family and your money.

My issue is you not discussing or paying your nanny when you go on vacation. Yes your nanny can take her PTO (does she have PTO?). But how can she plan a vacation for her self with no advanced knowledge?

If your boss, company, whatever told you Monday morning THIS MONDAY as in tomorrow that starting Tuesday for a week the company was closed. Unpaid time off unless you want to us PTO.
How would you feel? How would you react?

Ok another instance does your nanny have to tell you in advance if she is going on vacation? Can she just say Friday while she's waking out the door, oh I'll see y'all in two weeks. Bye. Would you be ok with that?

Personally I would take that time to find a new job. But that's me. You're an adult, your husband is an adult and your nanny is an adult. You all can have an open conversation. Communication is what you all are lacking. And in this instance it's your lack of communication OP. You should have prepared your nanny for you and your family going way.

[Anonymous]

OP doesn't deserve a nanny, nor can she afford one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I hope you are paying your nanny for the week you will be in Jamaica.

No. We will not be using her services that week.

I find this weird. We pay our nanny a salary. If we go on vacation, she comes to the house to check on it, make sure everything's in order, and do housekeeping. She is paid for this time, which honestly takes only half or less the time she'd normally spend with the children.

All this is stipulated in the contract.

We don't dock her pay when it is convenient for us. She takes her 15 days of holiday/sick leave as she sees fit, and it has nothing to do with our vacation schedule.

???

[Anonymous]

PS: as an employer, I fully expect that my nanny--who is smart, capable, and reliable--should be looking for better opportunities every chance she gets. I do not expect loyalty, I anticipate I earn it by being a good employer, being a good communicator, and paying as well as I can.

I do want people who work for us to be clear about their expectations, and to be polite, professional, and caring (to the children).

Where I live, $18-$19 or even $20/hour for a nanny who is a full-time domestic manager (eg does housekeeping, too) is standard rate. If you're paying much below this, beware--a good nanny is going to find a family who can pay more.