Most parents don't know what they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can't take direction from a boss you will have trouble. No one likes a touchy nanny.

Just don't hire a professional. Newbies require your direction. Professionals know how to do their job.

Amen! I am a very good nanny with years of experience. I took a job with a family who decided that they want to tell me how to do my job.They gave me zero freedom and no trust.
I found a better job and now they're begging me to stay because "none of the people we are interviewing are anything like you." Maybe giving me the freedom to do my job would have been a good idea after all.
You can't have it all MBs.
You can hire an inexperienced girl looking for a way to pay her bills until she finds a "real" job, who will do things exactly the way you want them done OR you can hire an experienced professional who will take fabulous care of your family and be completely loyal to you as long as you back off and allow her to do her job.

We hired a girl like you describe and can't be happier. I know what I want for my child and I don't care what you think is right. I am the mother, after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, then, I suppose it depends on what you think the goals are. Here's a goal: I want my children to have healthy eating habits. So, yes, I will "micromanage" a nanny who insists on feeding my children jelly sandwiches for lunch.

Or, how about this? My goal is for my children to have appropriate social experiences. So, when you insist on taking my child on playdates where the children are wildly different ages, I don't know the other family, and the only real reason for the playdate is that you know the other nanny, you had better believe I am going to say you can't take my child until I discuss with the other family whether they are open to this playdate given the huge disparity in ages. And when you take my kid anyway and tell my kid to lie to me about going there (three year olds are not great at lying under direction), then you had better believe I am going to fire you.

The two nannies I have had with the biggest "don't tell me how to do my job; I'm a professional" attitudes are the two in the examples above. I fired both of them.

Respect is a two-way street. The OP needs to learn that.

Or you could simply learn what actually makes a top-notch professional nanny.

She often knows about optional childhood nutrition. Personally, I can usually tell you which nutrients your child may be lacking, based on presenting symptoms. Parents have hired me to consult and to help solve eating problems. (I've been actively studying nutrition for decades.) Once I had a pediatrician recommend hydrocortisone shots for a child's skin condition. I asked him and the parents if we could let me try something, and reevaluate in a week. My idea was successful and no shots were needed.

I am a master at developing children's social experiences. I have decades of extensive training and experience with understanding each child's temperament. You can either work against nature, or with nature. I prefer to see what gifts each child has, and work to support whatever it is, that will enhance the child's unique experience within the greater social sphere. When I work with a group of children, that is exactly why parents ask to have their child participate.

I also help parents determine what kind of care/school might be best for their child and how to maximize its benefits and overcome any challenges. Sleep is another topic of concern. You could say that pretty much anything within my area of expertise, I can help solve. I believe my success comes from a profound respect for each child in my care, and for each parent who seeks honest support in providing the best possible upbringing of their child. Being a parent myself, I have a deep respect for the important task of parenting and the sometimes overwhelming associated responsibilities. I value the nuclear family, but for most of us, it also takes a village to do our work as parents in the best possible way.

I am no more accomplished in my field, than you are in your chosen field of study. Early childhood study and practice just happen to be my lifelong passion, and am most fortunate to have had incredible teachers (the children and their families) who have entrusted me with their care, not only in their homes, but in my own home-based half day programs, and in well-established private schools. I've been honored to have been interviewed and quoted by the press, and featured in a discussion on NPR discussing certain issues related to children. And my comments weren't even about my specialty area.

I am here to help where I might be able to, and to continue my path of learning about the needs of children and their families, and how we can mutually support each other. No one does it all, nor has it all. We all are interdependent.

I believe that parents who respect nannies as partners, will receive the most dedicated and tireless care for their children. Good nannies seek to learn how to provide the best possible care for your children. That takes time to know your child, interest, patience, consistency, continuing education and countless other skills. What it requires from you, my fellow parents, is respect for the job, and some indication of value to you. We require your acknowledgement and support for our dedication to your children. We need to know that you appreciate what we are striving to do for your children. We also need you to do your share in this partnership.

Years ago, my first employers made me feel like I had the most important job in the world. Every "request" they might have had, came in a diolog, asking me what i thought. Everyday they showed unbelievable respect for my work with their child. Even though I was only in my early twenties, they always introduced me to people as "Miss (last name)", never by my first name. Today when they introduce me to people, they say my name, and add "who helped (our child) become who she is today". And yes, their child has become an eloquent and brilliant public speaker, who is widely sought after, for her expert opinions in her field.

Good care is not something "anyone can do". To treat it as such, is to violate the vital importance of our work. It is degrading and dehuminizing, and will eventually diminish the quality of the care, and turn away good nannies. The solution is not to keep getting replacement nannies. The "high turnover" reputation of daycares is why many families avoid daycares. The best schools and daycares are the ones that have lots of teachers who have been there "forever". If your nannies are also "high turnover", not much is gained that will benefit your child.

It used to be that if you had a "nanny", your child could be assured if receiving the best possible (paid) care available. It's most unfortunate how our society devalues the care of young children, the most vulnerable little ones who often can't yet speak. What drives parents to treat their caregivers as nothing more than servants who should obey whimsical commands? Were these parents themselves neglected as little children, and can't help themselves? I don't know, but we can see on this forum the constant resentments whirling and the steady stream of insults going back and forth. My bottom line is, if the hard work of childrearing doesn't get done right, we all pay the price. Children know if the closest adults in their lives are on the same team, with the same goals, or not.

Proven success may be your best credential.
*optimal childhood nutrition, not "optional" lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can't take direction from a boss you will have trouble. No one likes a touchy nanny.

Just don't hire a professional. Newbies require your direction. Professionals know how to do their job.

Amen! I am a very good nanny with years of experience. I took a job with a family who decided that they want to tell me how to do my job.They gave me zero freedom and no trust.
I found a better job and now they're begging me to stay because "none of the people we are interviewing are anything like you." Maybe giving me the freedom to do my job would have been a good idea after all.
You can't have it all MBs.
You can hire an inexperienced girl looking for a way to pay her bills until she finds a "real" job, who will do things exactly the way you want them done OR you can hire an experienced professional who will take fabulous care of your family and be completely loyal to you as long as you back off and allow her to do her job.

We hired a girl like you describe and can't be happier. I know what I want for my child and I don't care what you think is right. I am the mother, after all.

Certainly every mother may choose what she wants. If you want everything done your way, don't waste your money on an experienced nanny, who has already learned to do things HER way.

[Anonymous]

Complete agreement on all aspects of childcare is impossible, and intelligent and well-meaning people can disagree on the best course of action. You may think that daytime naps shouldn't exceed two hours, and I may allow my child to nap for as long as he wants. You may want to give meals in a high chair, and I at a regular table. You may think that children shouldn't play outside when it's X degrees, and I may set this threshhold at X-10 degrees. You may want to introduce letters at 3, and I at 4. None of these choices will harm the child in any way, yet they are different. Since the child you care for doesn't happen to be yours, the mother's opinion should prevail, and it's not normal to think that a parent, no matter how much they respect your judgment, will respect it more than their own decisions.

[Anonymous]

All is good, especially when your judgement has some basis, beyond "I said so". That posture may be fine for your child, but not for your parenting partner who often is the primary caregiver. You must actually know a child before you automatically know what's best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All is good, especially when your judgement has some basis, beyond "I said so". That posture may be fine for your child, but not for your parenting partner who often is the primary caregiver. You must actually know a child before you automatically know what's best.

No matter how little you think the working mother knows her child, you, the nanny, know him or her even less - when you look at the totality of his or her life. That child is a stranger to you when you enter his or her life; he isn't, to his mother. You weren't there when he or she was born, and you won't be there when he or she dies. You certainly don't bear the same responsibility as the parents for the way this child will turn out. You are there to support and back the family, not to steer it.

So I don't feel that the parents should have to justify their views to the nanny. Saying "I said so" sounds a bit churlish but "that's the decision we made and we are comfortable with it" sounds perfectly fine. If you don't respect your employer's opinions in parenting, perhaps you're not meant for each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All is good, especially when your judgement has some basis, beyond "I said so". That posture may be fine for your child, but not for your parenting partner who often is the primary caregiver. You must actually know a child before you automatically know what's best.

No matter how little you think the working mother knows her child, you, the nanny, know him or her even less - when you look at the totality of his or her life. That child is a stranger to you when you enter his or her life; he isn't, to his mother. You weren't there when he or she was born, and you won't be there when he or she dies. You certainly don't bear the same responsibility as the parents for the way this child will turn out. You are there to support and back the family, not to steer it.

So I don't feel that the parents should have to justify their views to the nanny. Saying "I said so" sounds a bit churlish but "that's the decision we made and we are comfortable with it" sounds perfectly fine. If you don't respect your employer's opinions in parenting, perhaps you're not meant for each other.

Perhaps you and I simply live in two different worlds. That little bundle that you gave birth to, is a very different person six months down the road. When exactly are you keeping up with him/her? At night? Sat and Sun while you're madly dashing about with a million errands? Maybe you're busy at the office only PT, so there's some time and energy leftover for some parenting. Let's hope so, or is "balance" your big myth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All is good, especially when your judgement has some basis, beyond "I said so". That posture may be fine for your child, but not for your parenting partner who often is the primary caregiver. You must actually know a child before you automatically know what's best.

No matter how little you think the working mother knows her child, you, the nanny, know him or her even less - when you look at the totality of his or her life. That child is a stranger to you when you enter his or her life; he isn't, to his mother. You weren't there when he or she was born, and you won't be there when he or she dies. You certainly don't bear the same responsibility as the parents for the way this child will turn out. You are there to support and back the family, not to steer it.

So I don't feel that the parents should have to justify their views to the nanny. Saying "I said so" sounds a bit churlish but "that's the decision we made and we are comfortable with it" sounds perfectly fine. If you don't respect your employer's opinions in parenting, perhaps you're not meant for each other.

Perhaps you and I simply live in two different worlds. That little bundle that you gave birth to, is a very different person six months down the road. When exactly are you keeping up with him/her? At night? Sat and Sun while you're madly dashing about with a million errands? Maybe you're busy at the office only PT, so there's some time and energy leftover for some parenting. Let's hope so, or is "balance" your big myth?

You don't know anything about my Saturdays or Sundays so don't make things up because it suits your story better. A working parent is a parent all the same, the most important person in a child's life. Yes, good nannies are cherished, and if you're ever rewarded for your contribution to the child's life it will be as Best Supporting Actress, not Best Leading Actress. Good nannies value and appreciate their role as a vital element of the family's support system, not a pit of barely masked contempt for the person who signs their paychecks, or weird competitiveness about primacy of caregiving.

[Anonymous]

Some people envision parenting as giving birth and paying the bills. The actual direct work of raising a child simply isn't feasable if you're not much there, hence the recent phenomon of "absentee parenting". Cute, huh? Kind of like absentee management; we all know how that goes. GL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people envision parenting as giving birth and paying the bills. The actual direct work of raising a child simply isn't feasable if you're not much there, hence the recent phenomon of "absentee parenting". Cute, huh? Kind of like absentee management; we all know how that goes. GL.

It's not recent though, is it? Upper class and aristocracy women always hired nannies for their children and saw their kids probably all of few hours a day. Do you think Queen Elizabeth did much by way of childcare? Diana had fulltime nannies for her children yet no one doubted her as a mother. Mothers aren't meant to be exclusive providers of care to their children; you need a network to raise a sane child and stay sane.

[Anonymous]

Get zero or no experience, if you don't want her to actually USE her experience.

Otherwise, you'll both be endlessly frustrated.
Who needs that??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people envision parenting as giving birth and paying the bills. The actual direct work of raising a child simply isn't feasable if you're not much there, hence the recent phenomon of "absentee parenting". Cute, huh? Kind of like absentee management; we all know how that goes. GL.

It's not recent though, is it? Upper class and aristocracy women always hired nannies for their children and saw their kids probably all of few hours a day. Do you think Queen Elizabeth did much by way of childcare? Diana had fulltime nannies for her children yet no one doubted her as a mother. Mothers aren't meant to be exclusive providers of care to their children; you need a network to raise a sane child and stay sane.

The difference is hiring support help vs primary care. There's always one person doing "the most" waking hours. No? That person, whoever it is, is the "primary caregiver" and knows the child best.

[Anonymous]

Why can't parents get clear about what they want?

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny and this thread is hugely embarrassing; while I consider myself a professional, I will always defer to the parents' wishes....because they are the PARENTS and in the end, I will likely be a little blip in their lives. the nannies on here are so mean to MBs and there's no reason to accost them like this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny and this thread is hugely embarrassing; while I consider myself a professional, I will always defer to the parents' wishes....because they are the PARENTS and in the end, I will likely be a little blip in their lives. the nannies on here are so mean to MBs and there's no reason to accost them like this

I guess you're too young and/or inexperienced to have run into the mb who asked you to spank her child? Good luck to you, but I suggest you use that little head of yours.