Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with good character don't sleep with married men.

Justify it all you want. The other woman lacks integrity and is disrespecting the family just like the husband is.

This. Plus if the OW didn't participate the husband would have a pretty tough time having an affair. "You're married? Go home to your wife."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ PP here. The cheating spouse is never absolved of responsibility. I just think it's tougher to cheat without a willing participant.

Sure, but cheaters also lie. They say they're separated or divorced. I know people (male and female) who have discovered that their boyfriend/girlfriend was married well after the fact.

I would call the supposed ex to verify.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ PP here. The cheating spouse is never absolved of responsibility. I just think it's tougher to cheat without a willing participant.

Sure, but cheaters also lie. They say they're separated or divorced. I know people (male and female) who have discovered that their boyfriend/girlfriend was married well after the fact.

I would call the supposed ex to verify.

Okay, so you, as a single person, meet a person who asks you on a date. On the basis of that interaction, you agree and you have long conversations with the person about various things. In conversation, they mention that they were married previously but are not married now. You say, oh, that's unfortunate, how long ago was that, what is the name of your ex, I need to call them to make sure you're REALLY divorced.

That's really what you'd do, in that situation?

Anonymous wrote:Most women here are wives. There is a lot of projection going on. It goes the other way too. Most men would be pissed off at the other guy more than at the cheating wife, because his property rights were infringed on. People are obsessed with possession, I guess.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ PP here. The cheating spouse is never absolved of responsibility. I just think it's tougher to cheat without a willing participant.

Sure, but cheaters also lie. They say they're separated or divorced. I know people (male and female) who have discovered that their boyfriend/girlfriend was married well after the fact.

I would call the supposed ex to verify.

Okay, so you, as a single person, meet a person who asks you on a date. On the basis of that interaction, you agree and you have long conversations with the person about various things. In conversation, they mention that they were married previously but are not married now. You say, oh, that's unfortunate, how long ago was that, what is the name of your ex, I need to call them to make sure you're REALLY divorced.

That's really what you'd do, in that situation?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ PP here. The cheating spouse is never absolved of responsibility. I just think it's tougher to cheat without a willing participant.

Sure, but cheaters also lie. They say they're separated or divorced. I know people (male and female) who have discovered that their boyfriend/girlfriend was married well after the fact.

I would call the supposed ex to verify.

Okay, so you, as a single person, meet a person who asks you on a date. On the basis of that interaction, you agree and you have long conversations with the person about various things. In conversation, they mention that they were married previously but are not married now. You say, oh, that's unfortunate, how long ago was that, what is the name of your ex, I need to call them to make sure you're REALLY divorced.

That's really what you'd do, in that situation?

I would get to know him and his friends first- before any intimacy. If he is dodgy about including me in his life, then that would be a HUGE red flag.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women here are wives. There is a lot of projection going on. It goes the other way too. Most men would be pissed off at the other guy more than at the cheating wife, because his property rights were infringed on. People are obsessed with possession, I guess.

Exactly. See: Red Ball on Playground example

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with good character don't sleep with married men.

Justify it all you want. The other woman lacks integrity and is disrespecting the family just like the husband is.

This is it. It isn't either/or - both shoulder blame. Remember the golden rule.

The Golden Rule is flawed.

There is no question of integrity when no promises have been made. OW doesn't owe you any respect. It is pointless to expect it.

And I suppose that the same would hold true for the OW, right? No one has made any commitment to her either (that includes the married guy). No respect necessary..

Anonymous wrote:Because it's easier to direct anger at the outsider than examining the problems in the marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women here are wives. There is a lot of projection going on. It goes the other way too. Most men would be pissed off at the other guy more than at the cheating wife, because his property rights were infringed on. People are obsessed with possession, I guess.

Exactly. See: Red Ball on Playground example

In that situation I would be pissed at my dh. In fact, the OW could fall off the face of the earth for all I care, she means nothing to me. Dh is the guy that I have a relationship with and he is the one who I would be talking to. Honestly, I think that the vast majority of married people would feel the same way.

I think the OW/OM likes to think of themselves as a key player, someone who would need to be reckoned with. But from what I've seen the OW/OM are usually left in the dust, like a forgotten broken toy. Sad but true.

Anonymous wrote:I agree.

The other woman does not know the wife personally therefore she does not technically "owe" her anything. Respect, integrity, etc.

That is the responsibility of the husband in these types of situations.

The primary reason wives get so mad at the other women is because they have a lot of bottled up anger/emotion that they need to express, + would like to impose it all on their philandering husbands.

But if they are choosing to take the husbands back and work on the marriage, it would be counterproductive to lash out at him.

So they tend to lash out at the other woman and thus, blame her. She becomes an easy scapegoat simply by default.

(Not saying she is innocent by any means.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree.

The other woman does not know the wife personally therefore she does not technically "owe" her anything. Respect, integrity, etc.

That is the responsibility of the husband in these types of situations.

The primary reason wives get so mad at the other women is because they have a lot of bottled up anger/emotion that they need to express, + would like to impose it all on their philandering husbands.

But if they are choosing to take the husbands back and work on the marriage, it would be counterproductive to lash out at him.

So they tend to lash out at the other woman and thus, blame her. She becomes an easy scapegoat simply by default.

(Not saying she is innocent by any means.)

This is the most fucked up thing I have ever read. Whether I know someone or not, we have social codes in civilized society. Worldviews like yours are why our society is increasingly selfish and narcissistic.

How about this? Why don't you look that woman's children in the eyes and tell them why you decided to fuck their dad without having the integrity to insist that he confront his wife so that you could build a relationship with him based on something other than lies? There's nothing virtuous or blameless about lying and cheating.