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Weird Playdates - am I overreacting?
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Anonymous
| My child is almost 6 and does have tantrums quite often on leaving a playdate--is having such a fun time and is disappointed to leave. This may not be totally typical, but it does happen. |
Anonymous
| Op, do you even like children? little kids eat a lot. if you don't want to feed them then host playdates after lunch time. geez! also, if you can't afford hosting 3 playdates a week don't host them. as for the children going into personal rooms, just tell them matter a factly that they should stay out of these rooms and move on. also, set a time limit with the invite, like other pp's said, such as "would you like to come play from 3 to 5?" also do you ever go over to other peoples homes? it may make it easier for you since you seem to not like to share your home and food. |
Anonymous
I agree with this. I'm one of those people. I do manage to be mostly gracious, in that I keep making food when my first 3 offerings are rejected by the visiting kid. Or I pull out closet toys when the visiting kid tells me she doesn't "like any of Susie's toys." In other words, even the most ill-behaved guests get my best effort for those two hours! They don't know any differently. But I'm sick of my house being trashed. I'm sick of spoiled kids. I'm sick of being asked to wipe the foreign butt of a 5.5 year old kid who has to poop while at my house. It's just easier to enroll DC in a mellow dance or soccer class a few times a week, or head to the park. |
zumbamama
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| Personally, I am flattered if they want to eat more! In my culture, it is custom to stuff your guests' bellies until they can eat no more. But I also understand if you are on a budget and have several playdates a week...that can get expensive. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Ok I'm not going to answer questions like, "Do you even like children?" It's just ridiculous.
That dad was a stranger to me - because I have yet to develop a friendship with this mom even. I will add that mom asked him why he lingered inside the house also. Both her kids got hyped up again and ran outside to play while DC was too tired so stayed inside with me. So then mom asked her husband, "Why are you in here while the kids are alone outside? Why don't you go outside and watch them?" He said, "Ohhh, they're fine, don't worry" and then tried to participate in our conversation about just woman stuff. It was so strange. I had a mom from DC's preschool invite us over to her house last week for lunch. I wouldn't say she's my friend yet, but we talk when we see each other at DC's school and I think she's a nice person and our kids are the same age . I can't imagine my husband stopping by at her house while we were already there for 3 hours and then hanging out there for 30 minutes. She's never seen my husband, doesn't know anything about him. It just seems very weird. My guestroom doors were closed to say they were 'off-limits' to everybody. I also told them to stay out of those rooms. Yes, I should have been much more firm with these playdates but isn't there some responsibility on the mom and her own kids to behave? They didn't ask for nuggets they most certainly whined. The nuggets disappeared quickly so they got upset about the possibility that they might not have any more and, yes, they whined for more. I had to quickly bake more. Remember, I had nuggets, veggies, fruit, and pasta (which was for mom and me but the kids ate that too). It was a full lunch. When their nuggets were done and while more were baking, they proceeded to try to take food off DC's plate. Is that normal too for 6 year old's? DC is a little less than 5 and he has never taken food off anyone's plate, even if it was a piece of chocolate cake, which DC loves. |
Anonymous
Maybe your kid wouldn't be so tired if he wasn't afraid to ask for more than 3 nuggets. Poor thing needs some food. |
Anonymous
|
My little boy is 2 and can eat more than 4 chicken nuggets. He is also really, really active.
It kind of sounds like you expect playdates to resemble etiquette tea parties. These are young kids with a lot of energy and great appetites. If you aren't able to handle that in your home (and that's certainly your choice) you should consider not having kids over for playdates. Also at the ages you note aren't they old enough to have playdates without both Moms there? That might at least eliminate your annoyance with the adults. |
Anonymous
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Sorry everyone but taking food off of another kids plate is obnoxious as hell - and the mother should have stopped this.
The boys need to go to etiquette school and you are better off w/o this woman's kids over for playdate - it aint worth it and life is short. |
Anonymous
OP here. So you're saying 6 yo taking food off a kids plate is normal? And 6 yo's running and barging through closed doors in the upstairs of a house they're in for the first time is also normal? Again, I'm ignoring the snide remarks and questions and only addressing the serious ones. Sorry, I'm not going there so don't waste your time being mean. |
Anonymous
| The other kid's mom should have stepped in to control her child and teach him to ask and not whine for more food. It is a parents responsibility to teach manners. I am in complete agreement with the OP. If the parent is there, tht parent should be responsible for her child's actions. If the parent was not there, than the host mom is responsible. And for those moms that open their houses to all, can I drop my kid off one day for a few hours? Make sure you feed her and keep her occupied. I'll honk when I am ready to pick her up. Have fun cleaning the mess! Hope to see you again soon! (and while you're at it - can you pack up a few more nuggets for the road?) |
Anonymous
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Couple things:
When kids go through a growth spurt, their appetite can change dramatically. My son has amazed me on occasion with his alternating voraciousness and complete disinterest in food. Re: 6 y.o. behavior, while a lot of kids are gettind the manners and good behavior thing down at this age, some need more supervision/reminders than others, and some kids wind each other up quite a bit even when on any other day they KNOW how to behave. Also, annectdotally, I have heard from moms of older kids that 7 can be another emotional, challenging age. I think the only fould committed here is bad planning. Use it as a learning experience. |
Anonymous
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Yes, it sounds like the kids were unruly and not the most well-behaved, and yes, it sounds like they overstayed their welcome. Despite that, yes, OP is overreacting.
I think there are several things here that would help OP have more pleasant playdates in the future. 1. Sounds like there is a considerable age/temperament difference between these children (at almost six, wild)) and OP's child (not yet 5, calm). Maybe you should be more discerning and make sure you know that your child and the other children are more similar in demeanor and age. It also sounds like you might do better with only one child over at a time. 2. Sounds like you should have playdates for a set time, as PPs have suggested, and this should not be during a mealtime. 3. Sounds like you should only invite over children if you know the parents better, or only have playdates if the children are dropped off, or meet in a neutral location so that you can leave when you are ready. (I'm sorry, but the dad stopping by thing might be slightly unusual, but it is not nearly the weirdo weasely behavior you suggest. Are they neighbors? It's especially not weird if they live relatively close by.) 4. Sounds like you need to be firmer with both the parents and the children about boundaries. No parent should be offended if you ask, "Hey, can you help me get them out of our bedroom? There are breakables/valuables/whatever in there and I don't want them to get hurt." It is rude for children to barge into rooms with closed doors, true, but they are just kids. 5. If you do have children over for a meal, for goodness sake, be glad that they eat. Grabbing food off of other people's plates is rude, but if they were starving and your child wasn't eating his, it's not that hard to figure out why they might do that. You could also say, "Oh, I don't think Bobby is done yet. Your nuggets will be ready in a minute. Want some crackers until they're done?" Not that hard. |
Anonymous
I don't know if it's "normal" or not but it's of course not something that would be tolerated in my home. And if the kids aren't mine I'd gently correct them too. But the point is...that's where I'd stop. I wouldn't be fuming about the audacity of these kids or their Mom days later and I wouldn't be complaining about having to bake extra chicken nuggets on a parenting message board. It's your house. You make the rules. What's the big deal? |
Anonymous
These are all really great suggestions! Hope OP takes note. |
Anonymous
| the only thing that sounds TOO bad about the play date is that it lasted 4 hours. That would be grueling to me if I had to be polite in front of an ill-behaved child's parent while the parent does nothing to correct their own wild child. All the rest sounds no fun but on the normal side. |