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Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
Weird Playdates - am I overreacting?
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Anonymous
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OP here.
Yes, I did tell the kids they may not go into the bedrooms or guest rooms, only DC's room, but they did not seem to care. I don't usually see a kid who's about 6 running around a house that he's come to for the first time. without consent from anybody, even without DC. So he had no care or regard for playing with DC, he was just searching for more toys around the house, hoping he'd find them in DC's bedroom. I suppose the toys I had laid out in the family room weren't enough for them. I placed those toys that were either too expensive or fragile for playdates in our computer room and I closed that door completely. He barged right in without anyone's consent or knowledge in his search for more toys and began to play with these very same toys I was trying to hide. He tantrumed when mom said it was finally time to go also. I fully expect all this for a 3 yo, maybe even a 4 yo. Strange for a 6 year old, no? I thought it was weasely for dad and daughter to come into my home because dad used the excuse that he had stopped by only to give something to mom. I did not invite him in, he walked in without asking. He also said was sorry he missed lunch. I'm sure he was joking but I just thought it strange behavior for a first time playdate. I also thought it was weaseley because even after I told mom that DC is tired and started putting the toys away, she noticed that her 6 yo was still hyped up, acting crazy wild, and probably needed to expend more energy. So she let him play longer at our home even after I hinted to her. Dad's entrance, along with her ignoring my hints, all seemed a bit clueless or weasely to me. DC said he enjoyed having the kids over but that he didn't like how aggressive and crazy they behaved. So our house is off limit for this playdate at least. You're right, we'll go to parks and libraries from now on. |
Anonymous
Right on. I've gotten that way, too. I just can't be bothered to get wrapped up in some wacked-out chicken nugget rationing scenario. I pretty much have one good mom friend -- I've met too many crazy ones. Even when the contact is as minimal as drop-off/pick-up playdates. Too scary. |
Anonymous
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Your 6 year old only ate 3 nuggets?? I find that more strange than some of the other things that bothered you.
I also love how you said you can't afford 3 boxes of chicken nuggets a week to support those "Crazy" 6 year old appetites. That's about $12, we're talking frozen food here. |
Anonymous
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OP -- Sorry everyone's harping on the nugget thing. You did lose us on that.
Yes, the behavior of the 6 year old child running around your house sounds odd. It's just weird to me. As I said before, 6 year old (or even 5) is really not IMO playdate age. When I think of "Let's have a playdate for our children and the moms will hang out and chat" -- that's always been kids ages preschool or younger. For whom I cut a lot more slack, in terms of running around, opening and closing private doors, etc. Preschool kids don't usually have too much choice in who their moms and dads arrange for them to have a playdate with. You do what works best for the parents. You are talking about a school aged child, who cames to play with your child. In my experience, this is someone the child knows from kindergarten or first grade, and the child asks, "Hey, Mom, can Jimmy come over to play?" You pick the kid up after school, or the other mom drops the kid off at your house for a few hours, and then you call when it is time for the kid to go home, or you drop the kid off yourself. If this was a new potential friend, I guess it makes sense that the mom hung around, but unless she were also MY friend, in general I wouldn't have wanted her there. Having the other mom around while the kids are playing makes it hard for you to enforce your own house rules, which you absolutely were entitled to do. I certainly would not have sat around and let my 6 year old run crazily through another person's house. So yes, this mom sounds a bit odd -- at a minimum, she wasn't controlling her own kid. That's not to mention clearly overstaying her welcome. Yes, 4 hours is a long time for such a playdate -- I'm still trying to figure out -- was this on a weekend? This family doesn't sound like they will be compatible friends for your child and your family in the future. |
Anonymous
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OP - I can see how the nugget thing bothered you know - you clearly were so annoyed with the situation that I am sure every movement this family did irritated you.
I am actually a very generous host as far as amount of food, time limit etc except for when it comes to my in laws - I get irritated even the minute they walk in and it goes down hill from there. I think that you should not have this family over again for a playdate - perhaps in the nicer weather do something outside and each family bring their own food - it doesnt even seem like your child loved this kid so it is not worth the stress. |
Anonymous
| I agree with what the PP said. I met a lovely woman who unfortunately has an obnoxious child. I learned the hard way that going to their house or coming to mine was too stressful b/c her son refused to share, would complain about the type of toys available, etc. I switched the playdates to at a local playground and for the most part they work out really well with minimal conflict. I'd cancel them alltogether frankly but I do think this kid needs to learn how to share and his mom is doing her best but doesn't seem to have alot of opportunities so I'm using my kid as the guinea pig! |
Anonymous
| OP, I think it's your highly negative tone and perjorative description of your guests that is getting people going. These kids didn't ask for more nuggets...they "whined" for them. They didn't play with your child's toys...they "salivated" over them. The children's father didn't stop by...he "weaseled" his way into your house. Can you see why people feel that you are deliberately taking the harshest, most unfeeling view of these people? It's hard to sympathize with you after that. |
Anonymous
OP, this is a red flag for me. I simply cannot wrap my head around this situation -- why, why, why on earth would you not invite him in, or expect him not to come inside? If Mom is at my house and Dad drops by to give her something, I just cannot fathom opening the door, sticking out my hand, and saying, "Thanks for dropping this off. Later!" -- or sending Mom outside or to the door to get it. The only polite thing that I can think of is answering the door, introducing yourself to Dad, and immediately saying, "Please, come in." And while I assume that you mean that you would have invited him in but he walked in first (I guess? I hope?), and that is ruder than waiting to be invited in, I really think he gets a pass on that one. It would not occur to me that if my spouse and child were in someone's house and I had to stop by for something that I would be relegated to standing on the front porch. |
Anonymous
| Overreacting? You're not reacting AT ALL. Pardon me, but ....get a grip, set some guidelines, set a definite timeframe, inform the other parent that your teaching your child to clean up, and so clean up will be part of the playdate, and that you will kindly ask them to do the same thing at their house, tell them personal rooms are out of bounds, and let them eat you out of house and home. Speak up, for goddsakes....the kids are looking for exactly where the boundaries are, just tell them. |
Anonymous
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OP, you're off your rocker. Do you not get along with people in general? Do you find other kids generally to be more wild and out of control than normal?
Guess what. Your sense of "normal" is really off. Someone has to give it to you straight. The pp who pointed out your pejorative descriptions is right. I feel no sympathy for you. |
Anonymous
| Give OP a break. I think she was annoyed at what the dad did because 1) by that time, mom and boys wore out their welcome and 2) I do think it is odd that he came by with his daughter for 30 mins? Why didn't his wife end the playdate at that time and they all leave together? I also don't think it is okay and normal for a 1st grader to run around a stranger's house -- remember, this was the first playdate -- the problem here is the parents, who don't enforce boundaries with the child. OP was in an awkward situation to say something when the mom was right there - probably waiting for mom to step in and dicipline her child (as I would). What I've learned from this post is that it seems that people on this board have different expectations as to what is acceptable behavior for a 6 year old and what is not -- personally, it sounds like those kids could use a little more dicipline. If I was OP, I would have been upset too. |
Anonymous
Why should the OP allow a stranger to barge into her house? Remember, she doesn't know these people. Dad should have called the mom to tell her that she forgot something and he was dropping it off. Mom would then tell playdate host that husband will swing by to drop something off - is that ok? But - what could possibly be so important that he couldn't wait until they all were home. A lot of people are quick to judge OP and despite her dramatic overkill word choice, I owuld be peeved too at this family. But, I easily get irritated and still manage to have friends. Imagine that! As a PP stated - until you really get to know each other - be on your best behavior! |
Anonymous
| I agree that this was the playdate from hell but if the parent is not controlling her kids then I would have had no hesitation to set them straight in my house with my rules. |
Anonymous
| So the mother of the kids at her playdate was okay to let in but not the father? Huh? Just chalk this up to bad planning and meet somewhere neutral in the future. |
Anonymous
Yes, I think that some people just shouldn't host play dates at all. You have to be gracious if you want to be a hostess. It's funny, we've come a long way since my childhood when we used to play with all the kids in our neighborhood. Now we invite strangers (kids) into our houses, and let our children visit strangers' houses without ever meeting the parents. It IS a little weird. My friends in different parts of the country think we're nuts here in DC, and this is one good example of why. 
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