sometimes its not as outright abusive as domestic violence etc. Sometimes apathy can be soul-deadening. Maybe it is the easier way out...maybe it is only short-term needs...but you seem to have a very black and white view of the world. sometimes life or a marriage is more complicated. besides...some people place a lot less value on monogamy than you seem to. For some its not as big a deal breaker. |
ha! we should be friends....great minds think alike. |
So you think that having an affair indicates that a mother is generally irresponsible and can't be a good parent? The point is that the kid needs her mom. Sure, it's a crappy situation and people do it all the time but that doesn't make it right. |
Of course I dont automatically assume that a cheating spouse cant be a good parent but then I have never been in that situation. What happens when emotions get involved and the other spouse feels that they have been greatly wronged? Can you all really say that I am the only person that MIGHT have the thought of screwing over an ex that cheated on you through custody? Serisouly? I find that laughable and completly incorrect having seen and heard of so many peoples divorces and read so many stories here about how bad it was in the divorce and what can be done to make him/her pay. If the idea of me contemplating this scenario makes me a vindictive asshole then so be it; at least I can still be honest with myself. ![]() |
I agree with you FBO.
If it's vindictive and selfish, hey then that is the pot calling kettle black as a cheater is doing the same thing. |
Except now you're using your kids as pawns. |
^^ Correct. And using kids as pawns in mommy & daddys sick game is just wrong. But it happens ALL the time.
Interesting debate though. ![]() |
PP here: If we had to go the family court route, I can easily proove I have always been the primary care giver of our children. When they were little, I put my career on hold to be with them full time. Now that they are older, my work schedule revolves around their schedule so I am the one who gets them to school, goes to parent teacher meetings, picks them up after school, and take them to their after school activities. Even if my husband was as vendictive as you, I don't think he would push the custody issue because he wouldn't want the responsibility or the change in his lifestyle. I have already checked out options with a divorce attorney and if I went that route there is stuff in husband's corner that I could strongly challenge/limit his access to the kids. As others have indicated, our marriage isn't black and white and it is complicated why we remain married. An affair for me would be an escape, a way to find the affection I do not get in my marriage. If I found a man that could accept my situation for what it is and could be discrete, then I could easily see myself going forward with the affair. |
Please let me be clear - I really wasnt trying to pick at you or your statement. I just posted one of the thoughts that popped in my head while reading your post and it actualy turned into a pretty interesting conversation! I agree with you however that in some relationships, it is only something very small that is missing and if you can get that something elsewhere, and still maintain your personal responsibilities, then there are times when doing something like cheating can actually HELP the relationship. Youre right. The hard part is finding someone in a similar situation, or at least someone who can respect and understand the situation. ![]() |
Exactly! How can you justify turning your kids into the victims? As far as I'm concerned, that is much worse than cheating. I don't care if other people do it. It is still wrong. |
If the spouse doesn't care than that's a different story. I think the deception of an affair is always wrong, for the cheater too. It's like they don't think they deserve someone's full intimacy, so they split themselves. Sex with this person, martital support etc. from someone else. I know all about being in a sexless, soul crushing marriage. Digging out of it is the hardest, scariest thing I've ever done. It takes facing your issues head on, all your shit. We will either make it and have a fulfilling relationship or we will divorce and remain cooperative coparents. I see having an affair as a distraction from doing that and facing those issues. It's not fair to me, to look for a short term escape. I'd rather face this head on and see if we have a chance and if not, I will move on and hopefully have become a better person and have developed the tools I need to suceed the next time around (recognizing my part in our failed marriage). I don't personally see how an affair would help that process or speed that up. I think it would confuse things and slow things down. |
It's easier than you think to find the right man if you actually look. |
What does this mean? As a husband or for an affair? |
For an affair. |
Yeah. This x1000000 |