Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sex life has nothing to do with my kids. I know I am a great mother and if I decided to have an affair, it would have nothing to do with them. If the fall out was that my husband and I divorced, then I am confident that I would be a great single mom and continue to meet their needs like I do everyday.

If my husband was a saint, I would not be considering an affair. Hurt goes both ways in that regard. If I find some happiness being with another man, so be it. It is better than where I am at now.

Sounds like you are not happy. If so, why not be honest and talk to your spouse. Why the need to go the coward's way out and look out for yourself vs your family? Ugh if he were to leave you and take the kids, he would definitely deserve it, since obviously you can only think about yourself.

Not the PP here, but you have no many idea how many years she may have been actively trying to talk to her DH about their marriage. I know I spent YEARS trying to fix things. Eventually, you just say, if he doesn't care enough, why should i?

Then if she spent years trying to fix a broken marriage to no avail, time to end the marriage. Why cheat? It's the cowards way out because it's robbing everyone of a real chance to move on. Her husband and she should find someone that makes them happy. If intimacy is so dead in the marriage and can't be revived, the answer is divorce not an affair.

Plenty of people can't divorce because of financial instability, wanting to stay together until kids are out of school, etc...

Still doesn't excuse cheating. And I call BS. If the spouse started drinking too much, abusing you or the kids, the person would find a way out. What you mean is that it is incovenient to end a marriage and that stability. Where there is a will there is a way. You aren't serving your kids well to cheat on their other parent. Rebuilding a marriage takes a ton of hard work and courage. It makes patience and forgiveness even when the other person doesn't "deserve" it. Cheating is the easy way out and it's only taking your short term needs into account.

Anonymous wrote:I advocate the affair option. Some relationships are complicated --sexless for years, e.g. ZERO sex, closet gay spouse potentially, addiction issues, etc -- and sometimes you can avert your eyes and just allow affair on both sides if at that point in time it is too hard to financially separate, etc. Life is not black/white situation, there are many shades of gray here. Some people can't afford to divorce without severaly compromising their children's standard of living, quality of life.....

FBO wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

FBO wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sex life has nothing to do with my kids. I know I am a great mother and if I decided to have an affair, it would have nothing to do with them. If the fall out was that my husband and I divorced, then I am confident that I would be a great single mom and continue to meet their needs like I do everyday.

If my husband was a saint, I would not be considering an affair. Hurt goes both ways in that regard. If I find some happiness being with another man, so be it. It is better than where I am at now.

I dont really want to pick on this post but the poster makes an assumption that I wanted to ask about.

You state that if you did cheat, and things went downhill with your DH, that you would divorce and be a good single mother. Im just curious as to what makes you think you would still be a single mother after you cheated and facilitated a divorce? Would your current DH just let you have the kids like that and be no part?

I only ask because if my ex had cheated on me and that was why we had gotten a divorce, I would make it VERY difficult, if not completely impossible for her to ever get custody of our child.

Just a thought anyway.

So vindictive. Isn't it about what is best for the child and not your own need for revenge?

Why is that vindictive? It would come down to trust. If I lost all trust in a spouse, then how could I trust them with our kid? Whos to say that they will not make more irresponsilbe decisions that DO later hurt the child. Also, if you look at patterning, this happens all the time but with the roles reversed. Daddy does something wrong, and mommy makes it her lifes mission to make him pay for it using the kid. Its a stereotype becuase it happens all the time. Thsi would be no different.

Either way, its a crappy situation to be in. I just asked the question to see if others thought about it as well.

Anonymous wrote:

So you think that having an affair indicates that a mother is generally irresponsible and can't be a good parent? The point is that the kid needs her mom. Sure, it's a crappy situation and people do it all the time but that doesn't make it right.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you FBO.

If it's vindictive and selfish, hey then that is the pot calling kettle black as a cheater is doing the same thing.

FBO wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sex life has nothing to do with my kids. I know I am a great mother and if I decided to have an affair, it would have nothing to do with them. If the fall out was that my husband and I divorced, then I am confident that I would be a great single mom and continue to meet their needs like I do everyday.

If my husband was a saint, I would not be considering an affair. Hurt goes both ways in that regard. If I find some happiness being with another man, so be it. It is better than where I am at now.

I dont really want to pick on this post but the poster makes an assumption that I wanted to ask about.

You state that if you did cheat, and things went downhill with your DH, that you would divorce and be a good single mother. Im just curious as to what makes you think you would still be a single mother after you cheated and facilitated a divorce? Would your current DH just let you have the kids like that and be no part?

I only ask because if my ex had cheated on me and that was why we had gotten a divorce, I would make it VERY difficult, if not completely impossible for her to ever get custody of our child.

Just a thought anyway.

Anonymous wrote:
PP here:

If we had to go the family court route, I can easily proove I have always been the primary care giver of our children. When they were little, I put my career on hold to be with them full time. Now that they are older, my work schedule revolves around their schedule so I am the one who gets them to school, goes to parent teacher meetings, picks them up after school, and take them to their after school activities. Even if my husband was as vendictive as you, I don't think he would push the custody issue because he wouldn't want the responsibility or the change in his lifestyle. I have already checked out options with a divorce attorney and if I went that route there is stuff in husband's corner that I could strongly challenge/limit his access to the kids.

As others have indicated, our marriage isn't black and white and it is complicated why we remain married. An affair for me would be an escape, a way to find the affection I do not get in my marriage. If I found a man that could accept my situation for what it is and could be discrete, then I could easily see myself going forward with the affair.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you FBO.

If it's vindictive and selfish, hey then that is the pot calling kettle black as a cheater is doing the same thing.

Except now you're using your kids as pawns.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sex life has nothing to do with my kids. I know I am a great mother and if I decided to have an affair, it would have nothing to do with them. If the fall out was that my husband and I divorced, then I am confident that I would be a great single mom and continue to meet their needs like I do everyday.

If my husband was a saint, I would not be considering an affair. Hurt goes both ways in that regard. If I find some happiness being with another man, so be it. It is better than where I am at now.

Sounds like you are not happy. If so, why not be honest and talk to your spouse. Why the need to go the coward's way out and look out for yourself vs your family? Ugh if he were to leave you and take the kids, he would definitely deserve it, since obviously you can only think about yourself.

Not the PP here, but you have no many idea how many years she may have been actively trying to talk to her DH about their marriage. I know I spent YEARS trying to fix things. Eventually, you just say, if he doesn't care enough, why should i?

Then if she spent years trying to fix a broken marriage to no avail, time to end the marriage. Why cheat? It's the cowards way out because it's robbing everyone of a real chance to move on. Her husband and she should find someone that makes them happy. If intimacy is so dead in the marriage and can't be revived, the answer is divorce not an affair.

Plenty of people can't divorce because of financial instability, wanting to stay together until kids are out of school, etc...

Still doesn't excuse cheating. And I call BS. If the spouse started drinking too much, abusing you or the kids, the person would find a way out. What you mean is that it is incovenient to end a marriage and that stability. Where there is a will there is a way. You aren't serving your kids well to cheat on their other parent. Rebuilding a marriage takes a ton of hard work and courage. It makes patience and forgiveness even when the other person doesn't "deserve" it. Cheating is the easy way out and it's only taking your short term needs into account.

sometimes its not as outright abusive as domestic violence etc. Sometimes apathy can be soul-deadening. Maybe it is the easier way out...maybe it is only short-term needs...but you seem to have a very black and white view of the world. sometimes life or a marriage is more complicated. besides...some people place a lot less value on monogamy than you seem to. For some its not as big a deal breaker.

Anonymous wrote:It's easier than you think to find the right man if you actually look.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's easier than you think to find the right man if you actually look.

What does this mean? As a husband or for an affair?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's easier than you think to find the right man if you actually look.

What does this mean? As a husband or for an affair?

For an affair.