How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Married people are off limits. Were you not taught morals or values in your home?

DL here. If you feel that way why are you reading and participating on page 47 of this thread? Just curious.

IMO, the sanctity of a marriage is the responsibility of the participants of the marriage. It is not the role of the 7.4 billion people on earth to protect it, in my opinion. If his marriage is rock strong, he will not be interested in an affair with me, I would think. Just like you cannot force someone to cheat, I cannot force him to honour his wife. That's his responsibility, not mine.

Yes, I was taught values and morals. Not everyone sees the world in black and white.

Look at me. I love my husband and I had the respect and love for him to talk to him beforehand about opening up our relationship. How many people would do that rather than lying and sneaking around behind his back. Not many, I gather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Married people are off limits. Were you not taught morals or values in your home?

DL here. If you feel that way why are you reading and participating on page 47 of this thread? Just curious.

IMO, the sanctity of a marriage is the responsibility of the participants of the marriage. It is not the role of the 7.4 billion people on earth to protect it, in my opinion. If his marriage is rock strong, he will not be interested in an affair with me, I would think. Just like you cannot force someone to cheat, I cannot force him to honour his wife. That's his responsibility, not mine.

Yes, I was taught values and morals. Not everyone sees the world in black and white.

Look at me. I love my husband and I had the respect and love for him to talk to him beforehand about opening up our relationship. How many people would do that rather than lying and sneaking around behind his back. Not many, I gather.

How many people would ask an idiotic question like this?
A select few, I gather.


Uhhhh...how do I start an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How many people would ask an idiotic question like this?
A select few, I gather.

Uhhhh...how do I start an affair?

48 pages worth of people, it seems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How many people would ask an idiotic question like this?
A select few, I gather.

Uhhhh...how do I start an affair?

48 pages worth of people, it seems.

I didn't say who would offer their opinion and ANSWER the question (48 pages worth)
I said what clueless person would pose this query to begin with (1 idiotic OP)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I didn't say who would offer their opinion and ANSWER the question (48 pages worth)
I said what clueless person would pose this query to begin with (1 idiotic OP)

Well, it was interesting enough of a question that it garnered 48 pages of responses. If the answer is so obvious, what is your advice then? I'm all ears

[Anonymous]

The OP got 48 pages of advice, further evidence that "there are no stupid questions."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How many people would ask an idiotic question like this?
A select few, I gather.

Uhhhh...how do I start an affair?

48 pages worth of people, it seems.

I didn't say who would offer their opinion and ANSWER the question (48 pages worth)
I said what clueless person would pose this query to begin with (1 idiotic OP)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I didn't say who would offer their opinion and ANSWER the question (48 pages worth)
I said what clueless person would pose this query to begin with (1 idiotic OP)

Well, it was interesting enough of a question that it garnered 48 pages of responses. If the answer is so obvious, what is your advice then? I'm all ears

It's 2018 - Google it

https://www.salon.com/2016/01/08/how_these_5_little_words_can_jump_start_an_illicit_sexual_affair/
https://www.affairhandbook.com/index.php/top-faqs-when-starting-an-affair/
https://www.challies.com/articles/how-an-affair-really-begins/

[Anonymous]

I like how the people giving ADVICE not to do it are the ones getting deleted by DL.

[Anonymous]

Why are the posts being deleted here?

[Anonymous]

The reason it is 48 pages is that the OP seems so hapless and ridiculous it prompted dozens of questions for clarification and criticism. Hardly the same as advice and interest. Delete away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I didn't say who would offer their opinion and ANSWER the question (48 pages worth)
I said what clueless person would pose this query to begin with (1 idiotic OP)

And I suspect you are a typical middle-aged hag that was cheated on. Let yourself go but climbed the ladder? And we’re a total nag to your ex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And I suspect you are a typical middle-aged hag that was cheated on. Let yourself go but climbed the ladder? And we’re a total nag to your ex?

If you are talking to me, DL, I am easily an 8 or more likely a 9 out of 10, and I have never been cheated on. But why I have to defend myself, I don't know.

I think this thread should be reserved for people who actually want to participate and offer advice and not for flaming and attacks. You don't know me and I don't know you so I don't know what your problem is, and frankly I do not care Like I said, flame away. I will await advice from people who actually want to help me with this situation.

One idea suggested was to ask him out for a drink and another was to hint that I haven't bumped into him outside of the office. Any others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1. I'm in a situation like this. She all but falls into my arms -- on a regular basis -- but then won't let herself be in a situation where anything physical can happen. It's not teasing; I'm old enough (sadly) to know when a woman is genuinely into me. I suspect I serve as a nice spur to her fantasies. Great.

I also think this is what a lot of women actually mean when they say they engaged in an "emotional affair." It's transgressive and satisfying for the woman, but she can feel like she didn't cross the line to ho or homewrecker or whatever unfortunate images she harbors of women who cheat. It's (eventually) just frustrating as hell for the dude.

If you haven't closed the deal by now there is a chance that you are too late to ever do so. If you woo her without succeeding then you risk damaging your ability to seduce other women in the workplace by getting a reputation as a Dirty Old or Young Manwhore, who is also, even worse, weak. The best wingman is actually a woman who does not know she is your wingman. This is why I suggested asking how your adored one met her husband. It's a win-win if done correctly. After you find out whether she can be seduced by her expression you should follow up with an indirect compliment. (DO NOT SAY - Your husband is sure a lucky man. DO SAY - How interesting that you met at law school. It must be great meeting someone who works in your field.) You have to make subtly compliment her taste in that quintessential life decision - spousal selection. If you discover that she loves her husband so much she cannot be seduced you should continue the conversation and ask more about the spouse. In this way you influence this attractive woman's image of you. She will be flattered by your interest in her family and think you respect her as a person and friend. She will think you are a genuinely nice guy and will pass that information on to other female colleagues, which will help you in subsequent seduction attempts.

The object of your lust is doubtless a high 7 or 8. The problem for an 8 is that her competition is not other 8s; in her prime she was compared to the 10. Young men waste time going for the rare 10 they encounter. Remember how every guy in the dorm did his utmost to bed that exquisite 10 who never looked at any of them because she had an older wealthy lover? Older men realize that they are not likely to get a 10 and that a high 7/8 can yield greater pleasure. No high-value woman wants anyone else's sloppy seconds. To maximize your chances of seducing her it is critical that you actively establish a reputation within your organization as a Not Dirty Old or Young Manwhore. Your task is to convince the 8 that you are a decent, moral, upstanding person who would never want to make anyone cheat. You must convince her that everyone else has been wrong; you know that she, as she has always suspected, is truly a 10, not an 8. The truth of this conviction -- her inhuman desirability -- has forced you to make a move or go mad with desire.

I believe you have missed your moment with this particular woman but if you are willing to go back to the drawing board, to satisfy her psychically without seeming desperate, perhaps you can regain the momentum. If I were you I would withdraw. She has grown comfortable basking in your attention. I would be courteous and professional the next time I encountered her, friendly in the way you are with other colleagues. I wouldn't even allude to what has passed between you. She will be confused at first, then angry, and then insecure. She won't want to lose her water cooler admirer. Capitalize on that secret fear: What if she is just an 8 and you have realized that and moved on? Show that she no longer moves you. Go directly into the "we're just friends" stage without explanation or rancor. The resulting sleepless nights for her = panties for you.

NP here. Past high school, if people are thinking in terms of ranking by numbers, then they seriously lack maturity. I personally don't think that people engage in affairs based on "wow, she's a 10" or whatever. It's one of two things. Either there's chemistry between two people, and chemistry has nothing to do with how someone rates as far as beauty, whatever. Or it's just a longing for something different, which is why you see men cheat on beautiful wives.

I also think your assessment of the other PP's situation is wrong, which makes me think maybe you're young. The woman PP is talking about is into him. The issue isn't that he didn't seal the deal. He's spot on. She wants the flirting and thrill of an affair, but she doesn't want to actually commit the moral wrong of having an affair. So the flirtation is her way of getting the thrill she wants without having to actually cheat. And that is exactly what an emotional affair is, at least what most people are talking about when they say emotional affair. It's all of the flirtation and interaction without taking it to the physical level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Well, it was interesting enough of a question that it garnered 48 pages of responses. If the answer is so obvious, what is your advice then? I'm all ears

It's 2018 - Google it

https://www.salon.com/2016/01/08/how_these_5_little_words_can_jump_start_an_illicit_sexual_affair/
https://www.affairhandbook.com/index.php/top-faqs-when-starting-an-affair/
https://www.challies.com/articles/how-an-affair-really-begins/

DL here. None of those threads discuss the issue I brought up, which is how to be plausibly deniable while breaking the patient-doctor boundary (and the ball is in my court for that one. Also, not sure why there even is a message board for discussing these things if the answer that is given is "Google it."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Past high school, if people are thinking in terms of ranking by numbers, then they seriously lack maturity. I personally don't think that people engage in affairs based on "wow, she's a 10" or whatever. It's one of two things. Either there's chemistry between two people, and chemistry has nothing to do with how someone rates as far as beauty, whatever. Or it's just a longing for something different, which is why you see men cheat on beautiful wives.

You seem to specialize in the strawman argument My attractiveness questioned, but when I *respond* it's a sign of my immaturity? And cuz like, it's really easy to quantify attractiveness to strangers on the internet without using numbers.

Okayyy....