Reply to How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My sex life has nothing to do with my kids.  I know I am a great mother and if I decided to have an affair, it would have nothing to do with them.  If the fall out was that my husband and I divorced, then I am confident that I would be a great single mom and continue to meet their needs like I do everyday.

If my husband was a saint, I would not be considering an affair.  Hurt goes both ways in that regard.  If I find some happiness being with another man, so be it.  It is better than where I am at now.[/quote]

Sounds like you are not happy. If so, why not be honest and talk to your spouse. Why the need to go the coward's way out and look out for yourself vs your family? Ugh if he were to leave you and take the kids, he would definitely deserve it, since obviously you can only think about yourself.[/quote]

Not the PP here, but you have no many idea how many years she may have been actively trying to talk to her DH about their marriage.  I know I spent YEARS trying to fix things.  Eventually, you just say, if he doesn't care enough, why should i?[/quote]

Then if she spent years trying to fix a broken marriage to no avail, time to end the marriage. Why cheat? It's the cowards way out because it's robbing everyone of a real chance to move on. Her husband and she should find someone that makes them happy. If intimacy is so dead in the marriage and can't be revived, the answer is divorce not an affair.[/quote]

Plenty of people can't divorce because of financial instability, wanting to stay together until kids are out of school, etc...[/quote]

Still doesn't excuse cheating. And I call BS. If the spouse started drinking too much, abusing you or the kids, the person would find a way out. What you mean is that it is incovenient to end a marriage and that stability. Where there is a will there is a way. You aren't serving your kids well to cheat on their other parent. Rebuilding a marriage takes a ton of hard work and courage. It makes patience and forgiveness even when the other person doesn't "deserve" it. Cheating is the easy way out and it's  only taking your short term needs into account. [/quote]

sometimes its not as outright abusive as domestic violence etc.  Sometimes apathy can be soul-deadening.   Maybe it is the easier way out...maybe it is only short-term needs...but you seem to have a very black and white view of the world.  sometimes life or a marriage is more complicated.  besides...some people place a lot less value on monogamy than you seem to.  For some its not as big a deal breaker.[/quote]

If the spouse doesn't care than that's a different story. I think the deception of an affair is always wrong, for the cheater too. It's like they don't think they deserve someone's full intimacy, so they split themselves. Sex with this person, martital support etc. from someone else. I know all about being in a sexless, soul crushing marriage. Digging out of it is the hardest, scariest thing I've ever done. It takes facing your issues head on, all your shit. We will either make it and have a fulfilling relationship or we will divorce and remain cooperative coparents. I see having an affair as a distraction from doing that and facing those issues. It's not fair to me, to look for a short term escape. I'd rather face this head on and see if we have a chance and if not, I will move on and hopefully have become a better person and have developed the tools I need to suceed the next time around (recognizing my part in our failed marriage). I don't personally see how an affair would help that process or speed that up. I think it would confuse things and slow things down. [/quote]

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