Interesting topic OP.

I think we should treat kids as capable people, and give them things to learn and accomplish as they're ready.

It can be more work to let your 5 year old "wash dishes" but it let's them feel like they're contributing and feel good about that.

If she's doing well at school, she might actually like having some clearer boundaries and routine. It sounds like she rules the roost a bit and that can make kids feel uncomfortable.

I know it can seem exhausting in the short term to set a boundary (like no ice cream before dinner), but it creates way more work in the longer term if you keep caving.

For your food battles, read Ellyn Satter and stick to it with her.

For the other stuff, I really like Janet Lansbury on behavior, and How to Talk so Kids Will Listen.

I hear you re: being an older Mom with limited energy, but think of it like this: If you don't invest the time & energy now into setting healthy boundaries, you'll be paying the price when you're even older with less energy!

I think it depends on you and your kid's personality.

Travel with my first DS was incredibly anxiety inducing for me. He didn't like to sit still for 1 minute and would whine and cry incessantly. Plus, he got air sick, but was too young for any medication. He was an early riser and would not adjust to time change, so we'd go out west for a week, and wake up every morning before 4 am.

Travel with my second DS was a different story. For him, it was an absolute luxury to get me to himself, sitting down, for several hours just for snuggling. He was so chill and would just happily sit and eat the entire flight. No tears.

You know your personality and your kid's. Would you enjoy the trip? Would your child? Don't worry about what people on social media are doing. Do what's right for your family.

It won't be long before you can pass them a tablet and they'll entertain themselves for hours.

My kids love everything in miniature. They'd love a little "beach" bag with some chapstick, sunscreen, water squirter, cheap sunglasses... that sort of thing.

Anonymous wrote:This all makes me sad. No one on here sounds like they enjoy their kids.

For basically all of human history, children were reared in communities. This idea that we should be around our children 24/7 and not be worn out by it sometimes is crazy.

I love my kids to pieces but if it was just the 3 of us all weekend long, every weekend, and I had a checked out spouse, I'd be losing my mind.

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thanks for the responses. While I had been hoping for more at least one hour of screen time post - I appreciate that less time is better.

Currently my 4 year old gets one hour during the 2 year olds nap and the 2 year old gets none. He only gets TV, we do not own any tablet and he is not allowed on my phone. I was thinking I was on the low end, but I guess not. We do stay busy getting out to the playground/woods in the early morning and a water activity in the afternoon and then all the activities while at home but my 4 year old is high energy.

I am grateful for the opportunity to spend this time with my kids, but damn if I'm not exhausted between 1-3. Way more tired than when I am out of the house working.

OP this all sounds fine.

When my oldest was 4, he'd do some quiet time prior to video time during his little brother's nap. Him successfully completing quiet time "earned" his video time so he learned very quickly he actually had to stay in his room and play quietly. You could try that if you wanted to reduce video time during the nap.

But, if not, then don't worry about it. This is working for you and your family right now and honestly that's what's most important.

Anonymous wrote:

jsmith123 wrote:OP is your day care not year round? Do you have any child care during the summer?

If we had no child care, our 4 year old would probably spend at least a few hours on screens because DH and I both have full time jobs.

I have the choice to pull them in the summer and not pay. I’m a teacher so I did.

Ah, gotcha.

I wouldn't really worry about it tbh. Maybe next summer just put them in a half day camp for a few weeks to vary it up a bit.

DS2 is solid and has been since he was a baby. He was also on the clingy side, wanted to me held a lot, and it was terrible for my back.

He's 4 now, and I see other parents still picking up and carrying their kids who are the same age, and it makes me a bit wistful, because I just can't do it.

My advice is to get a carrier that puts the weight on your hips, not your shoulders or back.

And when he's old enough to want to explore, get one of those "learning towers" in the kitchen so he's not asking to be held all the time.

Give it some time. They should recover a bit.

OP is your day care not year round? Do you have any child care during the summer?

If we had no child care, our 4 year old would probably spend at least a few hours on screens because DH and I both have full time jobs.

I'm giving each of my kids a little bag with a couple books, sun screen, chap stick, and a couple other very small "summer" things. My kids are still little enough that anything new is exciting for them, even if the gifts are mostly practical.

Ice cream sounds like a good tradition too!

I am only in control of my own behavior, so I try to act in a way that I won't regret later on. If avoidance isn't possible, I'm polite.

I also always try to remind myself of the saying: "Never argue with a crazy person. Onlookers won't know the difference."

OP you should be able to get recs for a psychiatrist and evaluation from her pediatrician.

Start with a shorter period of time to build up to success.

Use one of those nap timers that you can make it turn green after X minutes. When the clock turns green, quiet time is over.

Slowly increase the amount of time. I wouldn't expect too much at this age. Maybe 45 min at the most?

Give him 2 "passes" at the beginning of quiet time, and if he needs you he has to use a pass to leave his room.

Every time he's successful at "quiet time" (i.e. stays in his room until the green light comes on unless he uses a pass), he gets a reward.

In our house the reward is their only video time of the day, which is highly motivating for my kids. It also serves to stretch out my down time which I like.

Anonymous wrote:Buck up your chin and get a little more adventurous. Don't be so scared to do anything. "Driving east, checking into a hotel too late..." Good lord. Are you ever going to have another one? Or a third? You'll never leave the house with your mindset!

Given the age of this child, I'm guessing the parents haven't had a lot of opportunity to travel. The more you do this type of thing, the more comfortable you feel, but the first time can be daunting!