Traveling With Toddlers...How Much to Push Them?
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Anonymous
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Trying to get a realistic perspective, because all the FB groups I'm in and articles I read are all like, "Do it! Travel with your kids anywhere at any age! My kid has flown 100 times in the past year and we love it!"
And everyone seems to have these rosy stories of fancy international trips with their little kids. But how do you do these trips with toddlers while still keeping them comfortable and happy? The long flights / connections / delays, being cooped up in a stroller, disrupted sleep/food/routines, etc? Like, how far do you push your kid in order to get that dream trip in, especially if you know the kid is too young to appreciate or remember it? We love to travel and have done a lot of family trips, especially before COVID, but I found that after the baby phase, when they can pretty much sleep and breastfeed anywhere and are easily portable in the carrier, I have to really work to keep my kid happy during travel. She hates to sit buckled in for long periods of time, whether it's in the car for a road trip, in the stroller for urban exploration, on a plane, etc. She doesn't nap on the go. So that really limits the kind of travel we do with her. It's usually a rental house somewhere pretty where we can have short excursions but come back for naptime every day. Plenty of time for her to roam around a park or playground. Not much sightseeing. No hikes. Shorter flights, direct only. No extreme time zone changes (since we usually only have a week or less). What am I missing? How do other parents do these epic trips with multiple toddlers/preschoolers? Are the kids on tablets for hours per day? Or are they unicorn kids that will sleep anywhere , eat anything, and calmly sit in a stroller while their parents run around the city ? |
Anonymous
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Ok, I'm very much one of those people who believes you can travel with little kids and do things like international trips and trips to cities and things that people often stay away from with kids. But here are some of my tips based specifically on what you say in your OP:
Give up on the idea of your "dream trip". Traveling with kids means allowing your kids to influence the course of the trip. Like we're not going to stay out at jazz clubs until 3am with a toddler, even though that's very much a thing I like doing when I travel. But I've also discovered some joyful things this way. I've sat on a beach at 6am, with no one around, and sung songs with my 1 year old while the waves roll in. I've walked through a light drizzle in the early morning hours in Seattle right as the coffee shops open, with a kid in a stroller. I have a fond memory of napping on our hotel room bed in Paris with my 3 yr old, with the windows open and a street performer playing a violin somewhere below. These things happened because a child's schedule sometimes dictates early morning entertainment, afternoon naps, and the like. Let it happen and embrace it. More specifically: be prepared. I never go anywhere, ever, without at least 4-5 snacks in my bag. Ever. I never want to be in a situation where I'm hunting for an age-appropriate meal in a foreign city as a child melts down. Same with water. Same with a toy or two. But also: look at the world through your child's eyes. Once you realize what appeals to them and excites them, you can often find something they'll like almost anywhere. All cities have parks and playgrounds. Animals are almost always a hit, even pigeons. On the other hand, kids hate: waiting, listening to the grown ups talk about grown up things for long periods of time. Arrange your day to avoid this stuff. Do not try to drag a toddler to a museum with a 30 minute wait at the entrance. Do not expect to spend leisurely afternoons at a coffee shop with a child who no longer reliably naps in a stroller. And finally: if something goes wrong, it's okay. Meltdowns in the airport? It's okay. Have to scrap your dinner plans to do take out at home because your kid got carsick? It's okay. It's life. Make a memory of it, find a way to laugh at the mishaps, tell the story later with good humor. Travel isn't about things being perfect and everyone being happy all the time. It's about trying new things, seeing the world from a new perspective, stretching yourself a bit and seeing if you grow in the process. It's all good. |
Anonymous
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Lots of tv and tablet time on the plane, and naps on the go, which were actually easier than naps at home.
There's some planning to it, as I would manipulate naps to happen upon takeoff and try to arrive in the evening so toddler would fall asleep for the night and minimize jet lag. But yes, mostly I had a unicorn child who loved tv hotels, and whose sleep could be easily manipulated. (He was a terrible terrible sleeper at home, so just a travel unicorn.) I have not traveled with two yet, but my second feels similar in this regard. |
Anonymous
| We're an international family that HAD to take our children to visit our parents across oceans, but that doesn't mean we pushed them, OP. We entertained them, and fed them and rocked them to sleep, and pointed out innumerable vehicles (for one) and animals (for the other) and did everything we could to make the trip a pleasant one... for them. Because a calm and contented toddler means a relieved and contented mother and father. We never had any problems going to Asia and Europe. My DD had to go to the emergency room in a European country for an eye allergy and then a cut lip that required a stitch, and my DS was seen by a doctor in an Asian country for a sudden high fever, but that's the extent of our toddler misadventures. And now these same toddlers are teens, I can tell you that the younger kids adjust far better to the jet lag than the older ones! |
jsmith123
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I think it depends on you and your kid's personality.
Travel with my first DS was incredibly anxiety inducing for me. He didn't like to sit still for 1 minute and would whine and cry incessantly. Plus, he got air sick, but was too young for any medication. He was an early riser and would not adjust to time change, so we'd go out west for a week, and wake up every morning before 4 am. Travel with my second DS was a different story. For him, it was an absolute luxury to get me to himself, sitting down, for several hours just for snuggling. He was so chill and would just happily sit and eat the entire flight. No tears. You know your personality and your kid's. Would you enjoy the trip? Would your child? Don't worry about what people on social media are doing. Do what's right for your family. It won't be long before you can pass them a tablet and they'll entertain themselves for hours. |
Anonymous
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First, some kids are just good travelers while others aren’t. Canureally do anything about that.
Pre-covid, my older child was in seven different countries before he was two. And without screens. He had no problem with motion sickness and either slept or was read to for the long flights. Younger kid is a different story. She never even liked being in the stroller much less a plane seat. She screamed and puked for our first and last flight with her (covid hit too but we pretty much swore off taking her anywhere that involved flying after that first and last disastrous trip. We’ll try again next year after the kids can be vaccinated and hope her advanced age will help. |
Anonymous
I'm one of those people who traveled extensively with my kids from the time they were born until they moved out (well they are not all there yet). You hit the nail on the head. You have to work hard to keep them happy. For me, it was so worth it. I had big age gaps between my kids so if I didn't suck it up and keep the young ones happy, my older kids would not have had the experiences I wanted them to have. I don't have great ideas. I'm just acknowledging that if you want to travel, you have to work hard at it. |
Anonymous
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I've traveled overseas with my toddler. I'm not an expert but I've had successful trips with her (though still much, much less fun than without a kid -- I look forward to older ages...).
Step 1, have just one 
Other tips: -Train them to sleep in a Pack n Play or travel crib in a relatively dark and quiet room. -Don't ever start letting them run around in public - then they will be used to sitting in their seat/stroller on a plane or at a restaurant. This is a habit that's easier to never start in the first place than to break. -Bring toys that encourage quiet, engaged play, like a busy board, sticker books and coloring books -- preferably something new they've never seen before. -Stay in an Airbnb, cottage or suite with a closing door so you can be separate from them after bedtime. -Try to stick to the kid's schedule or routine. It's annoying to have to stick around after bedtime, but there are ways to relax and you can arrange for childcare (accompanying grandma, for example) if you want a date night. That said. |
Anonymous
| Whoops, hit send too early! That said, there's never a way to meltdown-proof a trip -- but I disagree with the common phrase that it's "parenting in a different location." It can still be fun. |
Anonymous
| I will speak from the other side - I had twins and it was NOT worth it for me to push travel when they were little. We did a couple of easy domestic flights to the beach and that was plenty. However, by the time they were 4.5 (no naps), we chose to start taking bigger trips again and had really, really great times. Which is just to say that different things work for different families - especially depends on kid personalities and spacing. |
Anonymous
+1 I had two close-age kids and zero desire for ambitious trips when they were little. We did long visits with grandparents who live in a resort-like mountain community, beach house rentals, campgrounds. Started doing more interesting trips once they were in elementary school. But I can definitely see that with a wider age range you might want to do those trips for the older kids while working around the needs of the youngest. |
Anonymous
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Overseas family here. Kid had been on 30+ flights before age 2 including a few long hauls back stateside.
Easiest: 0-16 months before they are very mobile, are still taking long naps, happy to be worn in a carrier or nap in their stroller. Our kid was almost impervious to time differences during the first year which was very helpful. Hardest: 16-24 months when they are typical toddlers and can’t be reasoned with. The flights will be the hardest, and kids will be impacted much more by long time zone differences. Expectations for the sightseeing have to be cut in third. During this age range our aim is one outing in the morning and one in the afternoon, with playtime in the hotel before and after breakfast, before and after nap at the hotel, and before dinner. Easier (but still not easy): 24 months and up. iPads, sticker books, coloring books, all the snacks are great on flights. Kids understand and follow directions when they need to stay seated with a seatbelt on. Potty training makes things easier, kids more apt to eat different foods at restaurants. I think if you haven’t done a big overseas trip and you want to, and have the time and resources for it, then you should plan carefully and go for it. Who knows if a year or two years or more from now whether you’re going to be able to have the break in your schedule, the finances, the family situation that would permit you to go. Seize the opportunity (but really dial down your expectations of what you’ll see and do while there!) |
Anonymous
| I think people with more money can afford to take the risk of a crappy vacation with kids. We have to scrimp and save, so for us it just didn’t seem worth it to deal with the crying from being over tired etc. my kids weren’t naturally easily travelers so we just didn’t do the crazy trips. |
Anonymous
The bolded really feels like the right answer. There are SO MANY factors even beyond personalities - age gap is a big one I'm seeing on this thread that I wouldn't have though of, but makes perfect sense - if your kids are 9, 7 and 2 and you say "well, I'm not traveling with a toddler" that's really limiting for your older kids. If your kids are 2, 3 and 5, heck yeah, wait until they are 4, 5, and 7 to start traveling, you've still got plenty of time to see the world as a family. The other factor is the importance of the trip. If the grandparents and other family members live overseas, that's much more of a reason to do multiple international trips than just a general "we like traveling!" It's pretty clear to me, OP, that you WANT to be a person who travels extensively with your toddler and loves it, but you're not, and it actually wouldn't be fun for either of you. So don't do it! There are no mom merit badges for stuff like this. It's a season, it's totally fine to just wait until travel sounds appealing again, even if that's several years down the road. |
Anonymous
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I echo what PPs have said about it being really dependent on your child. Some kids are just naturally easier travelers. My daughter has zero issues with switching time zones. We took her to Italy at 22 months and she got over jetlag in a day and adjusted her schedule to stay up and have late dinners with us and sleep in till 9 am the next morning. My son is the same. He loves sleep so being in a new place isn't going to stop him from sleeping well.
With the actual travel (long flights, etc) for most people it's just unpleasant and it speaks to your level of tolerance for discomfort. Yes there are kids that vomit or scream the whole flight but for most it's not that extreme. Taking a 6 hour flight may mean sitting and entertaining your child for six hours straight. It's exhausting but some parents do it for the sake of the destination and some parents are just too scared to try. I have a friend that is a pediatrician and hasn't really taken any vacations or trips with her two small kids. There's nothing to indicate that they would be horrible travelers but she's too scared to even attempt it. I have other friends that travel a ton but always have grandparents to help. It'll be like 6 adults for 2 kids so they can manage long trips because the parents are not doing everything ok their own. |