Hi, DCUM. I'm Wiccan and while I'm not, at least in my own eyes, polytheistic (I believe all parts of the Divine, male and female, are really connected as one), but I'm constantly faced with how monothestic our culture is. Does it personally do me bodily harm? No. Does it point out to everybody else how 'different' and 'edgy' I am? Not really. Do I notice it? Of course.

In God we trust.
God bless you.
One nation, under God.
God bless America.
God damn it.

These are so widely accepted in our society that nobody cares if it's a Catholic or an atheist saying it. But if I were to say "Goddess bless America" or "Gods be damned" when I stub my toe, that would not go over well.

I don't mind a lack of physical space to practice my religion, as I have always been very solitary. I'd rather be alone in a forest surrounded by the nature that we're all connected to than be inside surrounded by things that were made by man.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a westerner, but am currently in a class studying shakti and have just been introduced to Navaratri. Please share more. I would love to hear about it.

Aww yay! I'm the OP and I'm a devotee of the Goddess (so I belong to the Shakta sect of Hinduism). Sure I can share a few things; let me know if you have any questions.

The Divine Mother worshipped in both Tantric and Vedic traditions of Hinduism, and in Shakta Hinduism, she's the supreme reality - Godhead is conceived of as feminine, as she is the Creatrix of the Universe. All the male gods are her disciples and she is their guru. She creates, preserves and destroys the universe in endless cycles. This is her divine play of consciousness, her lila. In Tantra, she is ultimately neither male nor female (or agender, or really any gender), and everything is her - all the suffering and horror in the world, and all happiness, is the Goddess. All prosperity, all injustice, all beauty, all pain - all of this is the Goddess. Everything is an illusion of her making. The delights and horrors of Earth are not real, only she is real, and she takes us to union with Shiva.

(The best way to describe the relationship between Shakti and Shiva - the Divine Mother and her consort, the Primordial Yogi - is to compare an ocean to its waves. Shiva is the still ocean, Shakti is the ripples and the waves. He is consciousness, she is matter. He is the static principle, she is the dynamic one.)

This is very similar to my Wiccan/Pagan beliefs.

Blessed be.

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter that OP is presenting as a woman? Why does that give her access to the ladies' room? If I put on a dress and makeup, I can go to the ladies' room too? What if I don't? Why can't a man go to the ladies room unless he puts on makeup and a dress? Isn't that discrimination?

OP, are you legally a man or a woman?

Either it is okay for society to provide separate facilities for men and women to do their business or not. If that's okay, then a person should have to be legally a woman to use the ladies room, right?

My drivers license and birth certificate are both marked Female.

Anonymous wrote:My only issue with this post is that you admit you stay in the stall until everyone else leaves. The line for the bathroom is long enough without you taking up a stall for longer than you need it because you're "scared." Scared of what? That someone will say you look like a dude? No woman is going to try to kick your ass for being in the bathroom. No woman is going to rape you in there. It's not the men's bathroom. Pull up your big girl panties and give up the stall for the next woman who needs it. Don't forget to flush.

If I know that there's a huge line waiting, of course I won't stay in the stall! But if when I go in there's only one other stall occupied and nobody else comes in? I wait for her to leave.

Thank you to the words of support, folks, and for keeping this conversation civil.

Please be aware that I know I can make people uncomfortable. That's part of why I try and wait until a bathroom is empty, and try to not draw attention to myself. I don't want to scare you or trigger you. I don't know what you're going through, what you've experienced. (Maybe I look like the man who raped you. I totally get why you would not want to see me in the bathroom where you think you are safe). All I can do is try to make the interactions we have in the bathroom as brief as possible.

And I would actually really like a large, unisex bathroom. Numerous stalls with floor to ceiling doors, large stalls completely ADA accessible, stalls with urinals because urinals save lots of water, and communal sinks.

Why have men and women bathrooms in the first place? I don't have to have "stats" to prove anything. Unless he/she is fully transitioned he is still a man and until they make all restrooms unisex there are some women/girls not comfortable going to the bathroom with a biological man. A tall women/lesbian can not rape me last time I checked

Fully transitioned is a difficult thing to judge as it really depends on the person.
Also, a woman can absolutely rape you regardless of if she's taller than you or has a different sexual orientation than you. She can forcibly penetrate you with whatever happens to be nearby. She can sexually assault you in other ways.
(Also, just to throw this out there: women can rape men. Men can be victims of rape by men and women.)

No. You must sail in as if you belong there. Go in the stall, do your business and come out. Don't wait on people to leave to wash your hands.

You are drawing attention to yourself by trying to not draw attention to yourself. Women just go into the bathroom - they don't gird their loins and prepare for battle. If someone asks what you are doing in there, you answer truthfully - You need to pee. So pee, wash your hands and leave.

I agree with this and it's something I'm working on, but I still get hit with a rush of anxiety and panic just before I open the door.

If you are getting that many UTI's maybe something else is wrong. Men/male parts generally do not get UTI's like women (in less you've done a complete transformation and not sure what that is involved).

http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/understanding-u...ary-tract-infections-treatment

Not a troll, I promise.

I have never heard the term "Cis" and I doubt the majority of people have been using it for 20 years. I do not wish to be referred to as "CIS" gendered so if people have the right to ask people to call them what they want to be called then we have the right not to be called CIS.

Just end this fight right now and declare that what you all really want is UNISEX bathrooms.

Just because you haven't heard the word does not mean it's isn't common. I liken this word to "straight" (versus gay or bisexual). Cis is just an adjective, just like trans is.

Sorry all, I had to step into a meeting.

If you're dressed like a woman and look like a woman I don't see how anyone even looks differently at you? Lots of women look manly.

Depending on how closely you pay attention and how much you care, some people can tell. I'm also nervous and anxious to begin with so I may just be paranoid that people are looking at me.

What can someone like me do in the future to make your life easier if I see you in a ladies room, besides smile and seem welcoming? If there is a line, should I offer you my place in it if I'm in front of you, or would it be better not to draw attention. And if there isn't really a line, would you like some friendly conversation about the weather, or not, or depends on the day?

Just be kind. I normally don't like to talk with strangers and am very quiet in general, so I like to be ignored. But I had somebody compliment me on my shoes and outfit and that made my entire day. We talked a little about fashion and a left with a recommendation for a shoe company that makes comfortable flats for larger feet. I knew that she knew but she never mentioned it.

OP help me understand - are you close to completing transition or still beginning phases? What kind of experiences have you had so far in women's bathrooms?

"Completing transition" is different for every trans person. I have not and will not have bottom surgery, but I have been on HRT for years.
I've had women scream at me and call me nasty things. I've had parents cover their children's eyes. I've also had a lot of absolutely non-story experiences where the women in the bathroom didn't care that I was in there.

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry about your experience but it sounds like you think that your rights trump others. Why is that ok?

I don't think my rights are more important. I think my rights are equally as important.

Good morning DCUM.

I am a woman who was born with a penis and raised as male. I am on HRT (hormone replacement therapy), present, and live as a woman. I do everyday activities like go to work and go grocery shopping. I encounter stares and whispers everywhere I go.

Sometimes I have to pee. I try to plan ahead by going before I leave in my safe home, but sometimes I have to venture into a public bathroom. My first response at needing to go is to always try and hold it; I actually get really frequent UTIs because of this. I am terrified every single time I have to go in public. I try to find a family/single bathroom, but a lot of places don't have them.

So I'll put my head down, hunch my shoulders and draw into myself as I open the door to the woman's bathroom. If there's a line, I close the door and find another one. If it's an emergency, I try and brave the line. When one becomes available, I make a beeline for the closest stall, do my business (while sitting down), and wait until I think the room is empty. It's only then that I venture out to wash my hands and leave.

I used to use the men's restroom early in my transition. I got punched, verbally abused, and had a very large and intimidating man threaten to rape me. I am in fear for my life. I am in fear that some man will say or do something that will ruin my day, my week, my life.

You have rights to feel safe when you go to the bathroom. Why do I not have those rights either?

Please be respectful of my experiences and my life as you respond. Thank you.

I am a transgender woman. I have a penis and have no intention of ever having surgery to change it into a vagina. Yet, I am still a woman.

I have been physically attacked using men's restrooms before. I have had men threaten to rape me while in a men's BR before, and I have been in legitimate fear of my life in men's restrooms before.

I just need to pee! Stalls are fine and I like to sit. I somehow manage to find the self-control to point my penis down into the bowl, and I make a mess I clean it up.

But I will always try to hold it before going to a public restrooms. Always.

I am a solitary witch. I go to a few meet-ups now and then in my area and will sometimes travel up to PA to an earth religion sanctuary that does events.

This is slightly different, but I'm having trouble logging out. I click the log out button on the DCUM home page yet still remain logged in.

I'd like to be able to log in when I wish to discuss certain topics and be anonymous for all of my other postings.

Anonymous wrote:

Gaia wrote:Hi, DCUM.

After a long break, I am back to speak with you about my experiences as a transgender woman.

Please be respectful to me and my life.

Do you feel that "cisgender" people need to define themselves as such? I've seen a trend toward this.

I have a love/hate relationship with labels. I appreciate that the word exists; it makes people who are transgender seem less "other", as now we're not the only ones who use a word (trans/cis) in front of our gender.

I think it's similar to the word "straight" and how having a word for that orientation makes people who identify as "gay" or "bisexual" or "pansexual" or any other sexuality that they identify with seem less odd or taboo.

I don't think he's a troll. Google his username and you'll find posts by him on other forums where he repeats the same drivel.

Hi, DCUM.

After a long break, I am back to speak with you about my experiences as a transgender woman.

Please be respectful to me and my life.