Anonymous wrote:Love you OP for your openness and your grace in handling these questions. Thanks!

To me, it seems like there are more transgender children and teens now than there were when I was growing up. Do you think that's true or just that there's more awareness and acceptance now? If you think there has been a true increase, do you have a theory as to why?

It's on my list of things to start explaining to my kids so that they understand and accept it in their peers.

I think that as acceptance grows, people are more likely to come out. Nobody knows the number of transgender people in the world because so many hide it, ignore it, or keep it to themselves.

It's still taboo to be transgender, but is gradually becoming more accepted. People are becoming more aware. I didn't know what being transgender meant until I was in college, and suddenly everything I had felt growing up made sense. Kids now are learning what it is earlier, so they are able to identify their feelings and identity at a greater rate than in previous times.

Thank you for teaching your children. I'm sure they'll grow up to be loving, accepting, and empathetic. Great skills to have!

Anonymous wrote:How old are you now and how old were you when you started transitioning?

I ask because of Caitlyn Jenner, how terrible to live 65 years unhappy!

I'm in my 30's now, and was 29 when I started transitioning.

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. I'm the poster from your previous thread who has a Wiccan family member and posted a few times clarifying things based on my experience. I thought your other thread was great and hope this one stays similarly respectful. I am a grad student and recently wrote a paper on providing culturally competent therapy to transgender people that also involved a number of interviews with trans* friends and friends of friends. At this point, I am basically a straight married ciswoman, but earlier in life, I had girlfriends, some of whom were DMAB, so I'm familiar with being the partner of someone who is beginning HRT or considering surgery.

I don't have many questions, but here's one:

What is your relationship with your ex-wife like now? How did your father react to you coming out to him? Was your mother still alive at that time?

To what extent you are a trans* activist? Does your professional situation involve gender identity? Are you active politically? Do you participate in trans* focused social activities?

Hi! I'm glad you've stopped by. I appreciated and enjoyed your input on my other AMA.

My relationship with my ex is...strained. Our entire relationship was intense and tumultuous. She's supportive of my transition and is okay with me continuing to be a parent to our children, but she wants nothing to do with me.

My mother never knew. I regret that she will never know the true me, but I'm confident that she would love me. My father was originally opposed to my religion when I was a teenager, but knew that if was too vocal about it he would lose me, and because I am his only family left he learned to accept my faith. The same thing happened when I came out to him as being transgender; he wasn't happy, but accepted it just so he could stay in my life.

My career does not have to do with gender identity. I'm somewhat politically active, in that I vote and try to stay informed. I go to trans rallies and some meetups, but I'm very shy and introverted so most of my connections with other Wiccans and other trans people are online.

Anonymous wrote:How old were your children when you transitioned? Do they see you as a second mother or as their father?

I apologize if the questions are offensive, but I am curious.

They were both in elementary school. My divorce came before the official transition, and that was harder on them than this has been. They see me as their parent. They call me MiMi, as my ex was not okay with them calling me Mom.

Anonymous wrote:How do your children cope with your transition?

They're fine for the most part. The hardest part for them has been the divorce, not my transition. I don't get to see them as much as I (and they!) would like, so I make sure to talk to them every day. We skype so that they're able to see my transition and not be surprised at the changes in me from visit to visit.

Anonymous wrote:If you were to date a cisgender woman who wanted biological children, would you consider stopping HRT long enough to get her pregnant?

MtF HRT makes you sterile while you are on them, and doctors are not sure if that sterility would continue after stopping them. I would be very unlikely to stop the hormones just for that chance. I'd be open to her having biological children through sperm donation! I thought about storing my sperm before I started HRT, but that was an expense I could not afford.

Anonymous wrote:How was the response at your work - assuming you were a male when hired and are still at the same place since you officially transitioned? (You may not be)

I moved after I started transitioning, just to give myself a completely fresh start. My current job has only known me as a woman. Somebody I thought was a friend outed me to my boss, but my boss does not mind. I haven't told any coworkers.

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids and how is your relationship with them?

A middle schooler and a late elementary schooler. I have a great relationship with them. They're supportive of me. I keep an open dialogue with them about my transition so they know what to expect. They know that I'm still me, and they like having two moms. The younger one loves to help me shop, to dress me, and to do my makeup!

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel like you "pass?"

If not, do you wish you'd started HRT younger?

I pass if I put a lot of work into it. I have long hair and wear makeup because society views that as feminine. I'd like to have short hair and never wear makeup because I'm lazy, but I'm more likely to be viewed as a man that way. HRT has given me breasts (I'm a B cup and very proud!) and has redistributed some of my fat, so my body is more feminine than it was.

I don't like to think about "what ifs". If I started HRT younger, I might not have had my second child.

Anonymous wrote:

Gaia wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you know you were transgendered before you were married? Is that why you got divorced? I assume you were straight during marriage?

Can you talk about the process of becoming transgendered? (more like when you came out to everyone?)

I knew something wasn't really right before I got married, but I was young and thought that things would sort themselves out as I aged. They didn't! Yes, I was straight (in that as a DMAB, I am attracted to people with vaginas and breasts). I now identify as a lesbian woman, but I'm more asexual now.

I came out to my wife and some of my closest friends. Some of my friends were supportive, and others I have not heard from since that conversation.

So interesting. This are really personal questions so feel free to ignore, but I'm curious so...

Would you have normal intercourse with a woman now or would that feel weird to you to use your penis in that way now that you've transitioned?
Would you consider dating another transgender woman (one that still has her penis)?

I assume by "normal intercourse" you mean penis in vagina? It depends on what the woman I'm with wants. A big side effect of MtF HRT is a decreased libido, so I have very little interest in sex now. If I'm with a woman, there are many, many other ways to pleasure her without using my penis.

I'd be open to dating another transwoman! She would understand my experiences and we would obviously have a lot in common.

Anonymous wrote:How do you feel about Caitlyn Jenner? Kristen Beck? Do you think all this media attention is helpful or harmful?

BTW, I think it's very brave to try and live your authentic life, even though it is so much more difficult.

I adore Laverne Cox. I think she's a wonderful spokesperson. I think that any kind of viability of transgender people is wonderful, but I think that the media only showcasing privileged people who have the resources to have surgery (including facial reconstruction and breast augmentation) can be harmful to the many trans people who will never be able to look as good, or dress as good, as these celebrities.

Here's a great article that talks more about that: http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/06/trans-activists-need-to-remember-indp-of-jenner/

Anonymous wrote:I think you are brave to do this.

I will admit I don't think this is the healthiest way to live ones life, but I am not in your shoes so I do my best to understand why you may choose to live your life this way.

Have you ever regretted doing this to yourself?

Do you have children? Do you want them?

Why do you still have male genitalia if you feel you are a woman?

Thank you, PP. I understand your viewpoint, and appreciate that you are willing to take steps towards understanding.

I didn't "do this to myself". I made the choice to accept it and make changes to my life to reflect my true self, which I guess is a small sementic difference but one that I think is important. No, I do not regret it.

I do have children. I have a tween and an elementary schooler. My ex has custody of them, but I see them frequently. I'm not able to have any more biological children (side effect of the HRT).

I still have male genitalia because SRS (sexual reassignment surgery) is expensive. It's at least $20k for a MtF (male to female) reconstructive. I do not have that kind of money. I'm also pretty attached to my penis. It's been part of me my whole life, and has brought me sexual pleasure many times. Even though the sex with it felt...wrong, somehow, I still enjoyed it. I don't feel like I need a vagina to be a woman.

Anonymous wrote:How was your relationship with your father?

It was fine. He worked a lot when I was growing up, but we became closer after my mother died. I'm an only child, so we were the only family the other had. I talk to him a couple of times a week now. He's retired and his girlfriend, who he met at his senior activity club, are currently on a year long trip traveling the country.

Anonymous wrote:Are you attracted to men or women? How do you address being transgender when approaching a possible date?

I'm attracted to people with vaginas and breasts. (Not everybody who has those genitalia is a woman, just as not every woman has them.) I'm pretty much asexual now (a side effect of HRT), but if I were to date, I would bring up my history before the first date.

Anonymous wrote:So I think I would say that being transgender isn't about who you are attracted to, it's about how you as a person identify yourself (in very general, simplistic terms).

But are you physically attracted to men or women? And if it's women, and you're dating a woman, is she a lesbian? Or if it's a man, is he gay b/c he has male parts as do you, or would you also date someone who is transgender? I guess I don't understand how that all works.

Good for you for being brave to open yourself up to this.

Here's a great tool for understand the spectrum that is gender/sex/orientation: http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2015/03/the-genderbread-person-v3/

I'm physically attracted to women. If I'm dating a woman, she can decide what term to use for herself. I've dated once since starting my transition, and she identified as a straight woman because she was attracted to my penis. Some lesbians are not open to dating transwomen because they don't like penises, other lesbians will date transwomen because of the woman-ness in our minds. I agree, it's confusing and complicated! I personally think that trying to use labels can be harmful when it comes to orientation. Just be attracted to who you are, and don't try to fit yourself in a box. Makes life much more simple!