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Anonymous wrote:Gaia wrote:Hi OP. I am a trans woman.
I am very shy and hate having attention paid to me, so while I would be very flattered if you told me, I would still be uncomfortable.
I would much rather be told that I'm beautiful than that I look DFAB. The first is talking about how I look now, while the second is talking about how I looked before.
Sorry, what is DFAB?
Oh, I'm sorry. I forget that these acronyms and words aren't common knowledge.
DFAB = designated female at birth
It means you were born with a vagina.
I can't afford to put that much on at once. I don't remember the last time I had that much money sitting in my bank account for more than 10 minutes after payday.
I have to put two week's worth of food $ on every two weeks for two kids. Those transaction fees add up.
It sucks.
I have to put two week's worth of food $ on every two weeks for two kids. Those transaction fees add up.
It sucks.
Hi OP. I am a trans woman.
I am very shy and hate having attention paid to me, so while I would be very flattered if you told me, I would still be uncomfortable.
I would much rather be told that I'm beautiful than that I look DFAB. The first is talking about how I look now, while the second is talking about how I looked before.
I am very shy and hate having attention paid to me, so while I would be very flattered if you told me, I would still be uncomfortable.
I would much rather be told that I'm beautiful than that I look DFAB. The first is talking about how I look now, while the second is talking about how I looked before.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What are you thoughts on Ladyboys and Tranny porn?
I've really never given it much thought. I support people watching whatever kind of legal porn excites them, though I personally have no vested interest in it. I dislike people with fetishes of transwomen.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Gaia wrote:Anonymous wrote:My very dear friend was DMAB and transitioned 10 years ago. She is so beautiful and strong, and I'm proud of her everyday.
I'm sure, based on your tone from your posts, you make many people in your life proud as well. We are who we are.
Best of luck to you.
Thank you so much, PP. I hope so it. I know that I'm a disappointment to many and that is a difficult thing to accept.
The PP here, for us - she is the same person she always has been. She has always been her, we just didn't see her as well because we saw the man outside hiding her. Once she transitioned, we saw her more clearly. It took some people more time to accept it.
Anyone who is disappointed, never saw the real the you.
That's exactly how I feel, PP. How lucky your friend is to have you.
These two posts were me, sorry.
A great basic resource in understanding the different between gender, sex, orientation, attraction, and expression is here:
http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2015/03/the-genderbread-person-v3/
http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2015/03/the-genderbread-person-v3/
Anonymous wrote:My very dear friend was DMAB and transitioned 10 years ago. She is so beautiful and strong, and I'm proud of her everyday.
I'm sure, based on your tone from your posts, you make many people in your life proud as well. We are who we are.
Best of luck to you.
Thank you so much, PP. I hope so it. I know that I'm a disappointment to many and that is a difficult thing to accept.
Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't think you've addressed this yet: now that you are able to fully present yourself as female, can you speak to the differences in how you are treated by others? Do people talk to you differently than when they perceived you as a man? Treat you differently? (Not people who have known you all along-- your colleagues, random people at stores, etc.)
I am interrupted so much more as a woman. I'm not taken as seriously. Before, my thoughts and opinions weren't questioned and now, I feel like I'm under constant scrutiny. This is especially true when it comes to politics or STEM related topics. I can show emotion now when before, I always had to remain stoic or risk being told to "man up".
I make less money than I used to. I changed jobs and moved to a new city after I transitioned, so I don't know if it was a CoL adjustment, my new company having less funds to work with or what, but my wallet is definitely lighter now.
Anonymous wrote:OP, would you date and be intimate with another trans-woman who still had a penis?
Possibly. I have very little interest in sex now and haven't the slightest clue how to pleasure somebody else with a penis, so I'd be hesitant. (More of an inexperienced, nervousness rather than one stemmed from repulsion.)
Anonymous wrote:Finally, some sane voices on this thread. I posted a somewhat critical assessment of OP and it was deleted. Not sure why as this thread should be for the cheerleaders and the critics.
But anyway, OP your thing seems to be more about clothes than a real identity crisis. Maybe you were just a crossdresser?
My "thing" is not just about clothes; that's just what people have asked about.
Wearing feminine clothing before I made the choice to transition felt completely wrong. I absolutely did not want to wear women's clothing as a man. Doing so felt like wearing even more of a costume than the male role I had been playing all of my life. I wanted to be able to express myself as a woman and be perceived as a woman. To do that, I have to dress the part.
Anonymous wrote:Gaia wrote:Anonymous wrote:Good thread. Informative and helpful on some levels.
I just have one question and it comes from a very personal place with me.
Why did you get married and have children if you knew it wasn't who you were? I ask this because I'm in the same position as your ex wife. I am she only with 3 children to whom my ExH ripped to shreds when I accidentally walked in on him playing dress up. It wasn't fair to me that he took away the best years of my life living a lie.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. It absolutely wasn't fair to you, or to my ex wife. Your life wasn't completely wasted, though, as now you have children. As much of a mistake my marriage was, I have my two beautiful children that are the best thing I've ever done.
My ex and I didn't mean to get pregnant. We were in college and thought we were infallible, so we were not always careful with birth control. Her parents pressured us to get married and I'd always been taught that's what men should do in those situations, so we wed. It was a mistake. We both knew it was a mistake and were heading towards divorce before I came out to her.
That's not an excuse, I know. I'm not sure what the outcome of our lives would have been had we not gotten married, but I very firmly avoid thinking about what if's.
No offense and I understand what you're trying to do here but with all due respect you're not the one stuck raising the children with no help and no husband or father. Keyword being FATHER. My sons did not need another mother. They needed a Dad to throw a baseball, teach them to ride a bike, go camping. A healthy male role model to bear some positive influence and talk to about topics that are awkward to talk to their mother about. They needed the benefits of a traditional family. I didn't make a decision to be a single mom. That was a decision he made for me by lying about what he was. I'm just trying to do the best I can. However, in the end I'll be the one alone while he's exploring his new identity.
I could care less what gender you live your life as. However, I don't support what you did to your family and nothing you say will change my position on that. Your wife did not make a choice to raise children with another woman and I'm sure she wasn't dreaming of trying to convince her children that an alternate lifestyle full of ridicule and violence was ok. Do you realize how cruel other kids can be? Do you even know what your kids are putting up with at school? You didn't have the right to make these decisions for them and to say you don't think about the 'what ifs' is bullshit. It's quite obvious in this situation you only thought about yourself.
Hi, PP. I'm sorry it's taken me awhile to reply to you. I read your other response mentioning how my comment hurt you so badly and I want to apologize for that. I wasn't trying to minimize the pain you're in and the hurt your ex has caused you. You're no longer able to lead the life you want after your ex decided to live the live that she wants. It's unfair to you, absolutely.
I am selfish. I want to be happy and I deserve to be happy. I wasn't happy before. My children could see that. I'm still very involved in their lives; I still run around and play with them. I teach my older child how to play both soccer and piano. We go to baseball games and to the ballet.
My kids didn't lose their father. They lost that title for me, absolutely. But I'm still here. I look slightly different now, but it's still me. I'm happy now, and that makes me a much better parent than I was.
I can't take away what happened to you. I can't make it better. I don't know if anything can, though I sincerely wish that you find it. You were betrayed and your world shattered. For that, I am truly, truly sorry.
Anonymous wrote:OP, what were you most excited to wear when you transitioned?
Where do you like to shop? Do you tend to wear a lot of skirts and dresses, or still like pants? I know you mentioned you like to just put your hair in a ponytail and wear no makeup or light makeup, curious if you'd rather dress casually, or like to dress up?
There wasn't one particular thing. I was excited to wear shirts with more elegant silhouettes than is common in shirts for men. I like having more choices in what I wear; I can wear a dress or a skirt or pants to the office when previously, pants and a button down were my only option. I like bras. They're absolutely annoying to deal with, but I'm truly happy that I now have breasts to have to deal with!
I buy most of my clothes online. I've been hassled in stores before, so buying from the safety of my computer screen is easier. I'll go shopping with my children, though. My youngest has designated her my personal shopper and I feel braver with them with me.
I have low confidence days. Not days doubting who I am or regretting it, but days where the crushing knowledge of the huge weight I have to face everyday gets to me. On those days, I'll dress up more and spend more time on my appearance as a kind of psychological battle armor with which to show the world who I really am. Other days, I wear jeans. I don't really like skinny legs because my weight is still somewhat distributed as it was previously, and I refuse to wear boyfriend jeans or boxy t-shirts Clothes with no shape read to a lot of people as more male, especially if there is somebody of "questional" (ugh!) gender wearing them.
Anonymous wrote:Thanks for doing this thread. I have a couple questions for you:
Have you watched the Amazon original series Transparent? If so, what did you think of it?
Were you gender non-conforming as a child? How did your parents respond?
Do you have any suggestions for parents of gender-nonconforming kids, particularly of gender-nonconforming boys? I feel like it's easier for gender-nonconforming girls since girls can get away with being "tomboys" as young kids but society is less tolerant of little boys dressing up in princess dresses and choosing pink and purple as their favorite colors.
I have not seen it yet, mainly because I'm nervous. What if the show portrays my life and experiences poorly? What if it shows it correctly and is too hard for me to watch?
I wasn't very gender non-conforming because that would have made me stick out. I practiced being a "real boy" and mimicked traditional boy behavior that I saw in my peers. I kept up the facade even while alone.
I think that it's important for gender noncomforming children to see their parents stick up for them. It's one thing to say "I love you even while wearing a pink dress, little Johnny" and another for little Johnny to see you defending him against other people for wearing that dress.
Let them explore. Give them options. Maybe today they like wearing dresses, but tomorrow they want to wear pants. Don't make this change a big deal. Listen to them. Do research so you understand what they are like, and what the world will be like when they enter it. Be supportive and loving. Hug them often, because the world will probably be cruel to them.
Anonymous wrote:Good thread. Informative and helpful on some levels.
I just have one question and it comes from a very personal place with me.
Why did you get married and have children if you knew it wasn't who you were? I ask this because I'm in the same position as your ex wife. I am she only with 3 children to whom my ExH ripped to shreds when I accidentally walked in on him playing dress up. It wasn't fair to me that he took away the best years of my life living a lie.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. It absolutely wasn't fair to you, or to my ex wife. Your life wasn't completely wasted, though, as now you have children. As much of a mistake my marriage was, I have my two beautiful children that are the best thing I've ever done.
My ex and I didn't mean to get pregnant. We were in college and thought we were infallible, so we were not always careful with birth control. Her parents pressured us to get married and I'd always been taught that's what men should do in those situations, so we wed. It was a mistake. We both knew it was a mistake and were heading towards divorce before I came out to her.
That's not an excuse, I know. I'm not sure what the outcome of our lives would have been had we not gotten married, but I very firmly avoid thinking about what if's.
Anonymous wrote:I guess this is more of a comment than a question, and it's a stupid one at that.
When I notice someone who I think may be transgender, I tend to take a longer look at them than I would someone else. It's not general curiousity, but specifically curiousity about their gender. It bothers me that I do this - I don't want to seem like I'm staring, or make someone uncomfortable, or do anything that is unkind or cruel in any way. I think it is my mind's way of trying to categorize, in the same way I take a longer look at anything else when I can't place it in the "correct" mental box at first glance. Again, it bothers me that I do this, but taking a second look seems to happen automatically.
What, in your position, do you make of this? Do you notice people doing this with you at times? If so, is it uncomfortable for you? If so, how can someone like me do something that eases that discomfort? A smile? I REALLY don't mean to be offensive.
I notice, but I've never liked people to pay attention to me. Being in the spotlight, even before my transition, was difficult for me.
I can generally tell a curious stare from a hostile one and while I'd much rather take somebody being intrigued by me over one that makes me happy that looks can't kill, I still get uncomfortable. A smile would help, but not as much as realizing that you really don't need to know the gender or sex of that stranger. You wouldn't stare at an amputee, wondering about how they lost that limb, so please don't stare at me.
Anonymous wrote:jsteele wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How does everyone feel about having a transgendered formerly male teacher in elementary school? DC law would encourage their hiring, however, I would like to know how parents feel about this honestly. I have very mixed feelings. On the one hand, given that students themselves may be confronting and dealing with such issues or may help kids who have a parent that is going through transition, even at an early age, it could be important to have a role model that has been through this sort of thing. Then again, I think it might also bring alot of questions and confusion to kids at an early age before they're ready to deal with this.
I would have no issue with this, my primary focus would be on whether she is a good teacher for my child.
Then again, I am one of those transgender "former males" myself.
And as someone who has had some anxiety about how I, my family and most of all my child will be received upon starting in DCPS because of my life history: thank you for giving me hope, 90%+ of the posters in this thread.
Would love it if you did an AMA!!
I might, insofar that I felt it could incrementally build toward more acceptance (I'll even take tolerance when an improvement). With an eye to both how my child is treated, a little bit about me personally- and if it helps a great teacher or two who happens to be trans, that would be great too.
OTOH, it feels
a) time consuming, and I am busy like any other over committed DC working parent of mid - high SES (to bring in that infamous recent thread)
and b) many people on this thread make me wonder if things really aren't That Bad in terms of attitudes- actually pretty heart warming. Then again there is DCUM, and what we will find when we actually jump into our DCPS school in August.
I thought this was you, but I guess not:
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/476473.page
Someone has beat you to it.
Not me! Good for her. I'm also in my 30s and MTF trans, but from there we diverge: live in DC not VA, one kid not plural, married not divorced, Catholic not Wiccan... but on a number of things that people ask about there is a commonality of experience.
Haven't read it all, but she seems to be doing a great job at education and most people seem to be nice/respectful in questions - so goodness all around.
Hi, PP! I'd love it if you'd feel comfortable sharing some of your experiences in my thread.