When do you leave a husband who is not serious about my ticking biological clock?

[Anonymous]

I am at the end of my rope. Whenever I see someone announce their pregnancy I burst into tears. I wanted this SO SO badly. I thhought I found the right man and married at the right age so I had time to have kids.

Well...marriage has been a roller coaster with financial issues, and now at 34 I am dying to have a baby but my husband doesn't seem interested.

What choice do I have besides an ultimatum? Should I just walk?

[Anonymous]

Therapy?

[Anonymous]

I walked once I was sure the issue was never going to resolve to my satisfaction. I was patient. I married my ex when I was 26. We discussed kids before marriage. At 30 I told him I wanted to be pregnant within the next 2 years. At 31 I reminded him that I wanted to be pregnant very soon. He stopped sleeping with me. I moved out about 6 months later.

He didn't want to discuss it, didn't want to go to counseling. His idea of discussing it was to ignore it and hope that I understood. I got the message so I left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I walked once I was sure the issue was never going to resolve to my satisfaction. I was patient. I married my ex when I was 26. We discussed kids before marriage. At 30 I told him I wanted to be pregnant within the next 2 years. At 31 I reminded him that I wanted to be pregnant very soon. He stopped sleeping with me. I moved out about 6 months later.

He didn't want to discuss it, didn't want to go to counseling. His idea of discussing it was to ignore it and hope that I understood. I got the message so I left.

Did you tell him before you filed or did you move out? How did you end it?

[Anonymous]

Yes, that is worthy of an ultimatum. You should not have one ounce of guilt for wanting to have children. Unlike other marital issues that can happen whether you're in your 20's or your 50's, having kids definitely has a ticking clock. That is definitely a deal breaker not wanting to have children and is reason enough to quit the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Trial separation, and tell him exactly why.

[Anonymous]

Happy accident. Marrying a woman under the understanding that you'll have children = you can't be shocked when she stops using BC.

[Anonymous]

What did he say about children before marriage?

Is the self-centered generally or just ignorant about how women's fertility works? If the latter, maybe make an appointment with your OB/GYN or a fertility expert that can explain that now is your moment (especially if you want more than one child).

You have rights, and becoming a mother is not something you should compromise on (unless you agreed to this before marriage). Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Yep ultimatum time.

[Anonymous]

No ultimatum. He does not want kids obviously. The last thing you want to do is guilt DH into it. Not good for child or anyone. You either need to accept or move on.

[Anonymous]

You say there are financial issues in the marriage, OP. What are you doing to help with the finances?

It is not immature for a man not to want to bring children into the world that he's not sure he can support financially. And it's an imposition on society for a woman to bear children she can't support without looking to the government to bail her out.

On the other hand, if your spouse previously indicated he wanted to have kids, and you are financially in a position to support one or more children now, different story. At some point it can become a basic incompatibility in the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happy accident. Marrying a woman under the understanding that you'll have children = you can't be shocked when she stops using BC.

There is no such thing as happy accidents when people are not interested in having kids. You are gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No ultimatum. He does not want kids obviously. The last thing you want to do is guilt DH into it. Not good for child or anyone. You either need to accept or move on.

I agree. He doesn't want kids, why would you force him into it? Either accept it or move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did he say about children before marriage?

Is the self-centered generally or just ignorant about how women's fertility works? If the latter, maybe make an appointment with your OB/GYN or a fertility expert that can explain that now is your moment (especially if you want more than one child).

You have rights, and becoming a mother is not something you should compromise on (unless you agreed to this before marriage). Good luck.

I scheduled an appointment with a fertility expert. DH skipped it citing work deadline. When I got back and told him that the specialist asked why we waited so long to have kids he blew up at me and said I will NOT paint him out to be the bad guy because we did not have money to TTC earlier.

[Anonymous]

"Doesn't seem interested" ?

What does that mean? Have you told him "I am ready for a baby this year"? Or do you just ooh and ahh at baby stuff and hope he'll get the hint?

Before having children, I hope you 2 are communicating openly.