When do you leave a husband who is not serious about my ticking biological clock?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s what to do OP, assuming you have a job and can possibly do this on your own:

Go ahead with the ultimatum, recognizing that the purpose of an ultimatum is not to coerce the guy into having a kid. Be clear to him on that. Instead, it is so that YOU can have clarity and knowledge to make a decision to stay or leave.

If he makes it clear that he isn’t interested, go ahead and walk. Get pregnant using a donor. Move into a cheap apartment so that you can cover the daycare expenses and hopefully save up a down payment. Once the kid reaches kindergarten age, that is when you and your kid move into a condo or TH in a reasonably good school district. (This assumes you are in DC or some other area where a SFH is not doable on a single income.) I have friends who are single moms by choice, one and done, and very happy.

If you are able to support yourself and your child then go for it. Being a single mom is WAY easier than coparenting with a man-child or man who does not want to parent. Ask me how I know.

No one I know who is a single mom by choice regrets it and I know at least 10. But I know many more women who really regret that they did not have a baby or adopt when they were in their 30s or early 40s.

Men really don’t seem to feel the same absence. At least not American men.

My mom is a single mom by choice and I resent her and haven’t spoken to her in 10 years. I honestly think she was selfish to get pregnant with me and I’m childfree by choice. So think carefully if you want to bring a child into this world and raise him or her with less resources. To the PP, I think the women you say regret not having a baby are looking for elder care and are anxious about being alone in old age. Guess what? Having a baby doesn’t mean anyone will care about them in old age. It’s easy to be wistful.

Curious what you resent about your childhood. Many children with 2 parents also grow up with “less” resources than others. Sounds like you are just really materialistic and self centered. Maybe there were some other things you aren’t going to tell us on here but merely having “less” resources is a terrible reason to resent a parent.

I am a thread hijacker. I grow up with limited resources as well, but it wasn't due to we actually had no resource. It was that my parents were willing to send $$$$ to my cousins, while let me wear the same sweatshirt from Walmart every day for entire high school.

Haha! I’ll join you in hijacking the thread just to show the long lasting impact of bad parenting. I grew up with married parents who also let me go without so they could send money to extended family. Then it was so they could give money away to church. You bet I’m resentful.

[Anonymous]

There are a few deal breakers in marriage. Religion, fidelity and the decision to have kids are just a few. My husband significantly delayed us having our second child and I seriously considered leaving. When I was finally going to pull the trigger we had a second child. I didn't have an ultimatum I just knew what I wanted.

I think a person who wants kids having kids is more important than the relationship. I would let your husband know your feelings and express your thoughts just once. Set a time horizon and if it doesn't happen or changes aren't made to make it happen leave. Cut your losses and meet someone who is more like minded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s what to do OP, assuming you have a job and can possibly do this on your own:

Go ahead with the ultimatum, recognizing that the purpose of an ultimatum is not to coerce the guy into having a kid. Be clear to him on that. Instead, it is so that YOU can have clarity and knowledge to make a decision to stay or leave.

If he makes it clear that he isn’t interested, go ahead and walk. Get pregnant using a donor. Move into a cheap apartment so that you can cover the daycare expenses and hopefully save up a down payment. Once the kid reaches kindergarten age, that is when you and your kid move into a condo or TH in a reasonably good school district. (This assumes you are in DC or some other area where a SFH is not doable on a single income.) I have friends who are single moms by choice, one and done, and very happy.

If you are able to support yourself and your child then go for it. Being a single mom is WAY easier than coparenting with a man-child or man who does not want to parent. Ask me how I know.

No one I know who is a single mom by choice regrets it and I know at least 10. But I know many more women who really regret that they did not have a baby or adopt when they were in their 30s or early 40s.

Men really don’t seem to feel the same absence. At least not American men.

My mom is a single mom by choice and I resent her and haven’t spoken to her in 10 years. I honestly think she was selfish to get pregnant with me and I’m childfree by choice. So think carefully if you want to bring a child into this world and raise him or her with less resources. To the PP, I think the women you say regret not having a baby are looking for elder care and are anxious about being alone in old age. Guess what? Having a baby doesn’t mean anyone will care about them in old age. It’s easy to be wistful.

Curious what you resent about your childhood. Many children with 2 parents also grow up with “less” resources than others. Sounds like you are just really materialistic and self centered. Maybe there were some other things you aren’t going to tell us on here but merely having “less” resources is a terrible reason to resent a parent.

I’m the PP who wrote that I’m estranged from my mother. My mother is a narcissist who thinks that just because she birthed me that she is entitled to my money and resources. She actually wasn’t a good mother at all and I really had no one to advocate for me growing up. But all she thinks is if I hadn’t given birth to you, you couldn’t have to gone on to college. So she is emotionally disturbed and yes, I resent her. It takes money to survive in this world so resources do count. I moved to another country where she’ll never find me and my life is for the better.

Thank you for sharing. That really sucks and I’m glad you got some distance away from your mom. Please know that your mother would have also been a narcissist if she had been married. Having two parents does decrease the odds of having no one to advocate for a child, but does not eliminate that possibility altogether. If OP is a decent person with friends and a support network, she will do fine.