When do you leave a husband who is not serious about my ticking biological clock?

[Anonymous]

This relationship will not get better with time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This relationship will not get better with time.

Or if you add the stress of having kids.

[Anonymous]

I left a bf at 29 who didn't want to have kids until late 30's. I was scared I wouldn't be able to. We were planning to get married. Had a kid at 30 with an abusive jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was me, My wife and I we’re going on happily, I never said I didn’t want kids I said I was open to the idea but I really want them.

We had fertility issues which kind of focused her on it even more, after a year of treatment she was pregnant. I never had or understood the drive to have a kid, any time I saw them it wasn’t really at all attractive; my experience with children was hearing them scream in restaurants, seeing my friends who had them become really lame and boring or watching them be obnoxious to their parents.

Before we started fertility treatments my wife gave me an ultimatum, she said that she wanted this and it was pretty much nonnegotiable, I responded that I’m not dying for this but I’m open to it if it happens.

Fast forward and I’ve got a 17, 15 and 12-year-old, they are devoid of appreciation for anything, lazy, messy and are huge barriers to our intimate life, however I couldn’t love them any more than I do.

Of all my friends only one couldn’t wait to have kids and he is divorced From an absolute monster of a woman who he has the unfortunate task of coparenting with, the rest of us could honestly take them or leave them but seem to be doing pretty good jobs of being dads.

I obviously don’t know your husband or how he responds to extortion but sometimes we need a kick in the ass to get things moving.

Np: Wow this is such a real and beautiful post. Thank you for sharing!

[Anonymous]

Freeze your eggs and go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Believe me, it is a million times easier to have a child on your own than with a guy who won't cooperate. Not wanting a child now will turn into not helping raise the child or contribute to the house because he never wanted them in the first place.

Get out, get to a fertility specialist, and get pregnant now.

This - having a child with a man who didn’t really want to parent is the single biggest regret of my life. It would have been much better to soli parent - better for me and a more stable, more loving environment for my kids. You cannot understand the pain of parental neglect or rejection and the pain of watching the pain.

[Anonymous]

Divorce him and use a sperm donor to have one on your own. Don't have more than one though unless you have a really strong village around you and/or can afford a nanny.

[Anonymous]

You’re a fool to have a baby with a man he expressed he doesn’t want to be a father. Unless he is wealthy, don’t do this to yourself!!

[Anonymous]

He doesn't want a child, at least not with you. The two of you are not compatible. Why drag the torment out any longer?

[Anonymous]

Yesterday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was me, My wife and I we’re going on happily, I never said I didn’t want kids I said I was open to the idea but I really want them.

We had fertility issues which kind of focused her on it even more, after a year of treatment she was pregnant. I never had or understood the drive to have a kid, any time I saw them it wasn’t really at all attractive; my experience with children was hearing them scream in restaurants, seeing my friends who had them become really lame and boring or watching them be obnoxious to their parents.

Before we started fertility treatments my wife gave me an ultimatum, she said that she wanted this and it was pretty much nonnegotiable, I responded that I’m not dying for this but I’m open to it if it happens.

Fast forward and I’ve got a 17, 15 and 12-year-old, they are devoid of appreciation for anything, lazy, messy and are huge barriers to our intimate life, however I couldn’t love them any more than I do.

Of all my friends only one couldn’t wait to have kids and he is divorced From an absolute monster of a woman who he has the unfortunate task of coparenting with, the rest of us could honestly take them or leave them but seem to be doing pretty good jobs of being dads.

I obviously don’t know your husband or how he responds to extortion but sometimes we need a kick in the ass to get things moving.

Np: Wow this is such a real and beautiful post. Thank you for sharing!

You think this is beautiful? This guy says he can take or leave being a parent. He resents his children for not being appreciative enough, and interfering with his sex life. He sounds extremely immature and selfish. If your husband is like him, do leave him please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was me, My wife and I we’re going on happily, I never said I didn’t want kids I said I was open to the idea but I really want them.

We had fertility issues which kind of focused her on it even more, after a year of treatment she was pregnant. I never had or understood the drive to have a kid, any time I saw them it wasn’t really at all attractive; my experience with children was hearing them scream in restaurants, seeing my friends who had them become really lame and boring or watching them be obnoxious to their parents.

Before we started fertility treatments my wife gave me an ultimatum, she said that she wanted this and it was pretty much nonnegotiable, I responded that I’m not dying for this but I’m open to it if it happens.

Fast forward and I’ve got a 17, 15 and 12-year-old, they are devoid of appreciation for anything, lazy, messy and are huge barriers to our intimate life, however I couldn’t love them any more than I do.

Of all my friends only one couldn’t wait to have kids and he is divorced From an absolute monster of a woman who he has the unfortunate task of coparenting with, the rest of us could honestly take them or leave them but seem to be doing pretty good jobs of being dads.

I obviously don’t know your husband or how he responds to extortion but sometimes we need a kick in the ass to get things moving.

Np: Wow this is such a real and beautiful post. Thank you for sharing!

You think this is beautiful? This guy says he can take or leave being a parent. He resents his children for not being appreciative enough, and interfering with his sex life. He sounds extremely immature and selfish. If your husband is like him, do leave him please.

And the sarcasm went right over you head huh? Bless your heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was me, My wife and I we’re going on happily, I never said I didn’t want kids I said I was open to the idea but I really want them.

We had fertility issues which kind of focused her on it even more, after a year of treatment she was pregnant. I never had or understood the drive to have a kid, any time I saw them it wasn’t really at all attractive; my experience with children was hearing them scream in restaurants, seeing my friends who had them become really lame and boring or watching them be obnoxious to their parents.

Before we started fertility treatments my wife gave me an ultimatum, she said that she wanted this and it was pretty much nonnegotiable, I responded that I’m not dying for this but I’m open to it if it happens.

Fast forward and I’ve got a 17, 15 and 12-year-old, they are devoid of appreciation for anything, lazy, messy and are huge barriers to our intimate life, however I couldn’t love them any more than I do.

Of all my friends only one couldn’t wait to have kids and he is divorced From an absolute monster of a woman who he has the unfortunate task of coparenting with, the rest of us could honestly take them or leave them but seem to be doing pretty good jobs of being dads.

I obviously don’t know your husband or how he responds to extortion but sometimes we need a kick in the ass to get things moving.

Np: Wow this is such a real and beautiful post. Thank you for sharing!

You think this is beautiful? This guy says he can take or leave being a parent. He resents his children for not being appreciative enough, and interfering with his sex life. He sounds extremely immature and selfish. If your husband is like him, do leave him please.

He didn't say he could take it or leave it NOW. He said that's how he felt before his actual children existed. He also did not say he resents them. He pointed out that they (like all teens/tweens) have some really negative qualities that can make them hard to love and yet, he could not love them more. His point is not every guy is just dying to have kids but most end up loving the heck out of their children and doing a good job of parenting them.

[Anonymous]

Same situation with my DH when I was 34. He kept saying he wasn’t ready yet but would be and I was starting to consider leaving. I actually accidentally got pregnant (a medication cancelled out my BC and I wasn’t aware of the interaction), and he freaked out. I said I would terminate and divorce, or keep the baby and stay and we’d just have the one. He asked for a week to sit with the news. He decided he was on board with having a baby after a couple days, but we started couples counseling. It turned out he was resistant because of childhood issues, he went to therapy on his own and we now have 3 children, the last two planned.

I would not at all recommend this sequence of events, but would highly recommend couples counseling. It didn’t take long for his issues to surface once we talked with a professional, and I’m glad I didn’t ditch an otherwise great relationship over baggage he didn’t know he had. I’m lucky it worked out, and it was a crappy first trimester. But I really wanted kids and probably would have left without counseling if I hadn’t gotten pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happy accident. Marrying a woman under the understanding that you'll have children = you can't be shocked when she stops using BC.

There is no such thing as happy accidents when people are not interested in having kids. You are gross.

No, it's gross to marry someone who wants kids when you don't. I'm childfree and I think it's despicable to deceive people. Deception begets deception.

Completely agree. I’d absolutely stop using BC and not tell him.

This is disgusting. Do you have no morals or ethics? Just as it's not OK for a guy to slip off his condom secretly it is NOT OK to stop taking BC without telling your partner. Vile disgusting advice.