When do you leave a husband who is not serious about my ticking biological clock?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No ultimatum. He does not want kids obviously. The last thing you want to do is guilt DH into it. Not good for child or anyone. You either need to accept or move on.

I agree. He doesn't want kids, why would you force him into it? Either accept it or move on.

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did he say about children before marriage?

Is the self-centered generally or just ignorant about how women's fertility works? If the latter, maybe make an appointment with your OB/GYN or a fertility expert that can explain that now is your moment (especially if you want more than one child).

You have rights, and becoming a mother is not something you should compromise on (unless you agreed to this before marriage). Good luck.

I scheduled an appointment with a fertility expert. DH skipped it citing work deadline. When I got back and told him that the specialist asked why we waited so long to have kids he blew up at me and said I will NOT paint him out to be the bad guy because we did not have money to TTC earlier.

There's your answer. Time to leave. I saw this as someone who did not leave in my 30s and then spent my 40s going through fertility treatments solo. I don't recommend that path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did he say about children before marriage?

Is the self-centered generally or just ignorant about how women's fertility works? If the latter, maybe make an appointment with your OB/GYN or a fertility expert that can explain that now is your moment (especially if you want more than one child).

You have rights, and becoming a mother is not something you should compromise on (unless you agreed to this before marriage). Good luck.

I scheduled an appointment with a fertility expert. DH skipped it citing work deadline. When I got back and told him that the specialist asked why we waited so long to have kids he blew up at me and said I will NOT paint him out to be the bad guy because we did not have money to TTC earlier.

Well…DH is right.

[Anonymous]

Believe me, it is a million times easier to have a child on your own than with a guy who won't cooperate. Not wanting a child now will turn into not helping raise the child or contribute to the house because he never wanted them in the first place.

Get out, get to a fertility specialist, and get pregnant now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happy accident. Marrying a woman under the understanding that you'll have children = you can't be shocked when she stops using BC.

There is no such thing as happy accidents when people are not interested in having kids. You are gross.

No, it's gross to marry someone who wants kids when you don't. I'm childfree and I think it's despicable to deceive people. Deception begets deception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happy accident. Marrying a woman under the understanding that you'll have children = you can't be shocked when she stops using BC.

There is no such thing as happy accidents when people are not interested in having kids. You are gross.

No, it's gross to marry someone who wants kids when you don't. I'm childfree and I think it's despicable to deceive people. Deception begets deception.

Op did not indicate in prior posts that having children was discussed and agreed upon before marriage. She might have communicated to him but did he communicate her his preference and did she choose not to listen?

[Anonymous]

You need less an ultimatum, more a discussion. It’s really a discussion you should have been having at least once a year since you got married (we did ours on our anniversary) in terms of what you’re looking for together this year, next year, five years, etc.

So have one tomorrow. DH, I think we need to start trying for kids now, for fertility and time of life reasons. DH says yes, great, next step is pop a prenatal and start having sex. DH says no, you ask him what his proposed timeline or conditions are (my DH wanted $1M in specific accounts to feel very confident of providing for his children). If he can’t answer the latter question that is your answer and I’m really sorry for you, your DH is a jerk who married you under false pretenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No ultimatum. He does not want kids obviously. The last thing you want to do is guilt DH into it. Not good for child or anyone. You either need to accept or move on.

Agree. Please do not have a child with this man. The child will pay the price. -adult child of an aging man who never wanted children.

Men who want to be fathers will have a plan to do so and will follow through enthusiastically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happy accident. Marrying a woman under the understanding that you'll have children = you can't be shocked when she stops using BC.

I think this might be relatively common but I think it is so, so, SO wrong.

[Anonymous]

If you want a baby and he doesn't, that is one issue (a BIG issue)

If you aren't in a happy marriage, that is another issue.

They may overlap but my sense from your post is that it may not be a heathy relationship (?) in which case having a baby is a bad idea. Perhaps your husband knows this, perhaps you are so overcome by want for a child that you are willing to overlool it- but if you do, be warned you may be a single parent at times with split custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did he say about children before marriage?

Is the self-centered generally or just ignorant about how women's fertility works? If the latter, maybe make an appointment with your OB/GYN or a fertility expert that can explain that now is your moment (especially if you want more than one child).

You have rights, and becoming a mother is not something you should compromise on (unless you agreed to this before marriage). Good luck.

I scheduled an appointment with a fertility expert. DH skipped it citing work deadline. When I got back and told him that the specialist asked why we waited so long to have kids he blew up at me and said I will NOT paint him out to be the bad guy because we did not have money to TTC earlier.

There's your answer. Time to leave. I saw this as someone who did not leave in my 30s and then spent my 40s going through fertility treatments solo. I don't recommend that path.

Run, don’t walk, while you still have time. It won’t get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No ultimatum. He does not want kids obviously. The last thing you want to do is guilt DH into it. Not good for child or anyone. You either need to accept or move on.

I agree. He doesn't want kids, why would you force him into it? Either accept it or move on.

This!

Yes op you have to accept it and stay or leave and have a child by other means. May this be your first act of live for yourself and your future child.

[Anonymous]

^act of love

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happy accident. Marrying a woman under the understanding that you'll have children = you can't be shocked when she stops using BC.

Totally heinous behavior, and likely to lose your husband over it if he realizes what you've done. If you want a baby more than a husband, why not just divorce and go to a sperm bank? Don't eff up the life of someone who you purportedly love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happy accident. Marrying a woman under the understanding that you'll have children = you can't be shocked when she stops using BC.

Totally heinous behavior, and likely to lose your husband over it if he realizes what you've done. If you want a baby more than a husband, why not just divorce and go to a sperm bank? Don't eff up the life of someone who you purportedly love.

I think if you go off BC, you should tell him you’re doing so. At a minimum the person trying to avoid pregnancy should be the person responsible for avoiding pregnancy.