morning routine is KILLING us (5.5 year old)

[Anonymous]

We are STUCK with our 5.5 year old son. Please offer advice beyond “get him tested for XYZ”, as even then it won’t be some magical answer. He is typical developmentally and does NOT have any difficulty at school behaviorally. More so, he loves loves loves school.

Every morning is a battle. Every morning is like the first day. Clothes, shoes, out the door...he screams at every step. Today we were 30 mins late because of his fits.

“Let’s get dressed! I’ll help you!”
“WHAT?! Why?! No! I hate getting dressed! It’s the worst!”

“Time to eat!”
“Noooooooo I’m playing”

“Shoes!”
“Ahhhhh! I never get to play. I hate you! This is stupid!”
We’ve tried consequences: he screams even more and it stalls the morning even more. We’ve tried charts and checklist and photos (I’m a former teacher so we are pretty organized!) We’ve tried talking to him during non peak times. Every morning is like his memory is erased and we start again.

I’m not comfortable waking him up earlier because then he’s tired AND grumpy. It’s an even worse day if we wake him up.

Once he’s in the car, it is like nothing happened. He’s chatty, happy. Bounces out of the car and into school.

[Anonymous]

1. No playing in the morning, unless *maybe* if everything else is done
2. Put him to sleep in his clothes for the next day
3. Breakfast immediately after waking up

[Anonymous]

The illusion of choice might help here.

Instead of saying let's get dressed, say "Larlo, you can wear the green shirt or the red shirt -- which do you prefer."

The option isn't to get dressed, it's you're getting dressed and you can pick what to wear.

With time changes, do you give him a heads up in advance? "Larlo, in five minutes we are leaving."

You can also make someone else the bad guy. Doesn't want to put on shoes? "Larlo, you know they won't let you go to school without shoes. So if you don't put on shoes, they will probably make you sit in the principal's office. You'll probably miss recess. Wouldn't that be terrible?

Another thought: maybe shorten the timeline between getting up and getting in the car. He gets up, he gets dressed (shoes included), he gets in the car. Breakfast is handed to him to eat on the way. There's no time in that schedule to mess about and play. You can also use that time to fully get ready and spend his get ready time fully on him.

[Anonymous]

Don’t rule out ADHD. My son was similar - loved school and did well. But the tendency to hyperfocus led to huge outbursts whenever he was interrupted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t rule out ADHD. My son was similar - loved school and did well. But the tendency to hyperfocus led to huge outbursts whenever he was interrupted.

OP here and we are not ruling it out, but I’d love some suggestions on what worked for your child!

[Anonymous]

Re: choice. He’s unfortunately too old for this “trick” and it doesn’t work on him, at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. No playing in the morning, unless *maybe* if everything else is done
2. Put him to sleep in his clothes for the next day
3. Breakfast immediately after waking up

I second all of this since the first two will solve most of your problems. For the third, perhaps breakfast in the car.

[Anonymous]

Dress him the night before
Slip on shoes like crocs
If he doesn’t eat he goes hungry.

[Anonymous]

Dressing the night before seems 1) gross 2) totally lazy

He needs to learn to get up in the morning and get dressed.

I would start by waking him up a lot earlier. You will be less stressed with more time and you will have more time to be chilled and patient with him.

He may eat breakfast after he is dressed and if there is time after breakfast, he may play. Tell him that the night before (no playing or breakfast until dressed and teeth brushed) and again when he wakes up.

This worked for all three of mine. One needed an additional motivator too, which was, "This is what time we need to leave for school. If you aren't dressed and ready, you'll be going in your pajamas." To some kids this is a motivator, to some, it would awesome! Depends on your child.

[Anonymous]

Getting dressed the night before changed our mornings. I was against it at first but got over it quickly when we no longer had that fight.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, everyone.

A few things:
1. It doesn’t seem if he wakes up hungry. Breakfast seems to be another obstacle on his way. Should we do breakfast right away? Or breakfast in the car? I am not sure.

2. I won hundred percent agree with the no playing. How do we introduce this? How do we enforce it without more screaming?

3. He cannot sleep in his clothes. He runs very hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dressing the night before seems 1) gross 2) totally lazy

He needs to learn to get up in the morning and get dressed.

I would start by waking him up a lot earlier. You will be less stressed with more time and you will have more time to be chilled and patient with him.

He may eat breakfast after he is dressed and if there is time after breakfast, he may play. Tell him that the night before (no playing or breakfast until dressed and teeth brushed) and again when he wakes up.

This worked for all three of mine. One needed an additional motivator too, which was, "This is what time we need to leave for school. If you aren't dressed and ready, you'll be going in your pajamas." To some kids this is a motivator, to some, it would awesome! Depends on your child.

OP here. Everything you wrote is exactly what we’re doing. We tell him, if you have time after this you can do this.

But, he screams. Aside from hitting him every time he screams, we don’t know what to do. If we get angry, he gets angrier. It is a miserable morning.

I also said in my post that waking him up early is not an option. It’s somehow makes the morning even worse. He is not a kid that you can wake up early.

[Anonymous]

Natural consequences is what I'd do here.

Let him go out the door in his pjs, with no shoes, and no breakfast. Pack all that stuff with you. See what happens. It's likely he'll ask to wear shoes because his feet will get cold, his friends will ask him why he's wearing pajamas instead of regular clothes, and he'll probably be starving by lunch. Then you can tell him this is why you make him do these things.

[Anonymous]

My son was the same (still is some days, he’s 6.5). What works well most days he’s struggling is to have a race to get dressed. Against me, or against a timer.

I also had a deal that If he was completely ready (including shoes and coat) he could have iPad time until it was time to leave. So he had incentive to be as quick as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Natural consequences is what I'd do here.

Let him go out the door in his pjs, with no shoes, and no breakfast. Pack all that stuff with you. See what happens. It's likely he'll ask to wear shoes because his feet will get cold, his friends will ask him why he's wearing pajamas instead of regular clothes, and he'll probably be starving by lunch. Then you can tell him this is why you make him do these things.

We have considered this. But I also can’t imagine picking him up and dragging him to the car and forcing him into his car seat… That kind of stuff. Sounds violent and physically exhausting. If he would willingly get in the car in pajamas, and unfed, then I would consider this option.