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morning routine is KILLING us (5.5 year old)
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Anonymous
This is what we did many years ago. Rest assured, she was given a bath and then dressed in clean clothes before being put to bed in clean sheets. Easiest and best change we ever made for this difficult but wonderful child. |
Anonymous
Yes, yes you do. |
Anonymous
And when he's 8? 10? |
Anonymous
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Do you wake him up or does he wake up naturally? It honestly sounds like he is grumpy from bot enough sleep. My 5 year old wake up in the am fine and gets dressed in our bedroom usually a race with me or dad.
But after nap (somedays) if i wake her at the needed time she is miserable for 30 min since i interrupted her sleep cycle. No reasoning with her at all. |
Anonymous
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He's screaming because the screaming is working. He's getting your attention, even if it's in a negative way, and distracting you from the morning routine.
Most families have a pretty rushed morning routine, and se may be feeling stressed and overwhelmed by the urgency and frustration he's picking up from you. Or feeling like he's just being swept along by the current, subject to everyone else's time crunch. So I'm going to throw out a suggestion that's 180 degrees from the others I've read here: can you figure out a way to give him your total attention in the morning, for say, 15 minutes, before he has to start his morning routine? Even if it means getting up earlier yourself to have your own stuff done before you wake him up. A few minutes of calm, quiet together time might set the stage for better cooperation, especially if you can find little ways to keep coming back to that connection throughout the rest of the morning routine. You could talk with him the night before, maybe pull out a new book, or an old favorite, and set it on his nightstand. Tell him you're saving it for first thing in the morning, and you'll read it together before he even gets dressed. That you know mornings are really busy sometimes, but tomorrow you're going to read together for a bit first, and when the book is finished, then you'll help him get dressed. But make it clear ahead of time that this is only for the length of the book, and after that it will be time to get dressed and have breakfast. Then in the morning, while you read to him, maybe bring him a protein snack, as several PPs have suggested. Something like string cheese or a glass of milk, whatever he can manage without making a mess, and some water (If you limit water in the evenings to prevent accidents or lots of bathroom trips in the night, he may need to re-hydrate in the mornings. Dehydration might not be the root cause of your issues, but it certainly wouldn't help his mood, so it's worth adding to your list of things to try.) Have a nice snuggle while you read, then continue chatting lightly and gently about his favorite parts of the book, or fun plans for the day, while you start helping him dress. Keep as much eye contact and physical touch as you can while you do this, so he still feels that connection. Hopefully, he'll feel fairly anchored and calm after all this, and you can slip out and leave him to finish on his own (might not work the first day!). Then you could have one parent sit and chat with him while he eats breakfast, so he still has that connection. If he screams when you step away or ask him to do something on his own, remind him that you're here, you're nearby, and as soon as he's finished that task, he can join you in [this room] and you'll do [this task] together. Then ignore the screaming completely. If you need to go back in briefly, keep pointing toward the next moment he'll have your undivided attention, as soon as he does what you've asked. You can't cave, though, or you'll only prove to him that screaming works! I'm not saying he has to be the center of everything in the morning, that you need to rearrange everything to cater to his whims; just that he may need to feel a little more connected to mom and dad amid all the the flurry of activity before a long day without you. It may take a while to figure out what works to keep him feeling like your attention is still on him, without having to scream to get it (or you having to be glued to his side the whole time). But I'd say try those 15 minutes for a week, and find a few little points of reconnection throughout the morning routine, and see what happens. Even if you don't think this would work, and you'd rather try one of the other suggestions here, I still think it might help to start your new approach on the weekend. You can go through your regular weekday routine, exactly as you normally would, starting at the same time, in the same way as usual, but before some sort of outing that doesn't have a specific time frame. Then you and DH can stay calmer because the stakes are lower. He can scream for half an hour if he likes, and you don't have to cave just because everyone has to get to work and school somehow. After two days in a row, he should be starting to get the picture, and hopefully Monday would be a little better. |
Anonymous
| One other suggestion, similar to one of the PPs is to set up a system where he is rewarded for each step of the routine that he does without screaming/complaining/procrastinating. He could get a marble in a jar for each part of the routine and after he gets so marbles, he gets a reward. Over time, you spread out the marbles, so he has to do the whole routine without issues to get the marble. This approach changes the mood and attitude -- rather than the morning routine being something that will result in punishment, it is an opportunity for him to earn something. |
Anonymous
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Does he get enough down time to play?
Sounds like he's not much of a morning bird which is fine, not everybody is, but it's even harder when you're 5 yrs old and can't articulate it/recognize it AND your parents are yelling at you every.step.of.the.way. Have you tried using your silly voice for small things like getting shoes on (and dressed)? I make up a silly voice and pretend I'm going to put my kid's shoes on his ears/head/shoulder ,etc and "Mr. Shoe" finds the feet...-that type of thing. It integreates your 100% (positive) attention, there's a bit of play time, and it sets the mood much better. I've had limited success of singing a song or counting to 60 with my kids. It gives them a known endpoint and sorta distracts them. "I'm going to count to 60 and I'll have you all dressed....starting counting now...1,2,3, etc." and then I rush to dress him (yes, sometimes I will dress my kids in the morning b/c they're so grumpy and half asleep - llike OP's kid I don't want to start that battle and and if it means I switch out pj shirt for a normal shirt for them so be it). Don't waste time with breakfast at home. In the car. Or can he eat it at school (not sure what type of schooling setup you have - private school?, pod, daycare, etc.)? |
Anonymous
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I have not read the whole thread, but my 6yo is not a morning person. I don't love the idea of him sleeping in his clothes (mostly because I would have to buy all new pants for him cause who wants to sleep in jeans?), so instead, I just put his clothes on him while he's still mostly asleep. Bottoms first, and then pull him into my lap for the top and it helps wake him up a little bit. I also let him cuddle in my lap for 2-5 minutes which helps as well. A few minutes of focused attention will probably go a long ways to making the morning easier for everyone.
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Anonymous
When he realizes he doesn’t get his way by screaming this will stop. |
Anonymous
I once drove off with only one of my children. The other thought I was bluffing. She ended up going to K an hour late and was mortified and now she knows I'm not kidding. (Her dad was home with her, it's not like I left a five-year old home alone). But she really thought she would control the morning. I said "we're leaving at 7:15" and just kept repeating it. She refused to get her shit together so she got left at home and her twin went to school on time. Maybe this won't work if you only have one though, I don't know. |
Anonymous
It doesn't mean their kids don't scream, it means they get nothing when they do it. They aren't allowed to scream and then still watch TV, or scream and then still get ice cream, or scream and have anyone listen to them. It can also mean there are consequences to the behavior. You're discussing being unable to stop a child from doing it, but there can still be a consequence, whether it seems to work or not. |
Anonymous
NP. I completely agree with this. I'm an extremely affectionate mom, but when I ask for something to be done, it gets done. If I start counting, they know with 100% certainty that when I get to 3, there will be an action (I learned not to count unless I really wanted to follow through on my thread). You have to start this early from the tantruming toddler ages. I routinely carried my kids kicking and screaming out of restaurants if they couldn't behave (and other patrons thanked me), just yesterday I carried my son out of daycare without shoes because he hid them and I wasn't playing that game. If I were this mom- I would tell the 5 year old that once the clock reached 10 minutes until time to go, I would be dressing him. And I would absolutely force clothes on him, carry him to the car and buckle him in. He would get a sippy of milk and dried cereal or a cereal bar in the car. The next day, I'd give him the same options and ask if he wanted me to dress him again. I don't hit or scream and I always give options. I have seen kids arrive to daycare in pajamas. They are laughed at by other students and it doesn't happen again. |
Anonymous
If a child was screaming at me, I would leave the room and tell him that we'd discuss when he'd calmed down. |
Anonymous
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Sounds like your kid is not a morning person. I feel his pain!
My kids are teens, but one of my kids was like that at that age. I did wake her up 30=45 minutes earlier than I would otherwise, because it took her awhile to get moving. I also moved the clock she used ahead by 20 minutes, so she would be out the door on time. Use their inability to tell time to your advantage. Get your kid dressed. Breakfast and shoes are on him. He can put his shoes on in the car. If he doesn't eat breakfast because he is "playing", well, sometimes kids have to learn the hard way that they'll feel hungry. Life lessons, you know? |
Anonymous
Yes, that is you not tolerating it. |