morning routine is KILLING us (5.5 year old)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, everyone.

A few things:
1. It doesn’t seem if he wakes up hungry. Breakfast seems to be another obstacle on his way. Should we do breakfast right away? Or breakfast in the car? I am not sure.

2. I won hundred percent agree with the no playing. How do we introduce this? How do we enforce it without more screaming?

3. He cannot sleep in his clothes. He runs very hot.

He doesn't leave his room until he is dresses. Period

This is where we keep stalling. He’ll just...scream in his room. Then what?

And to PP, I’d love suggestions and ive gotten plenty. Just because I don’t want to change his sleep does not mean I’m not here for help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much begging on your part! What are you? Mother Theresa?
Read 1, 2, 3 Magic and stop pleading and start counting.
You are going to get dressed. You are going to leave the house in 3.

People who give these responses obviously do not have spirited kids. What do you think happens when you get to 3? My DD could care less. Consequences- she could care less; doesn't phase her when she is worked up. Also doesn't phase her later OR change the behavior the next day.

OP- I could have written this post about my 5yo DD. She is exactly the same way, down to being fine once we finally get in the car. We have tried earlier bedtimes, earlier wake ups, changing order of routine in the AM, picking out clothes the night before. It's exhausting because nothing seems to work. An outfit that she is happy with on Tuesday night is suddenly extremely uncomfortable Wednesday morning.

It makes getting to school (and work for me) on time seem impossible. I think part of it is just anxiety. I am starting to accept that it's going to be this way, she needs to "get it out" for some reason. She seems to feel very rushed in the morning no matter how much time we have.

A few things that seem to (maybe) help....I TRY to stay calm. I tell her she needs to be dressed before she leaves her room (this does cause meltdown #1, but at least the hard part is over after that.) She puts on at least 3-4 different outfits. During this time I make a breakfast that can be finished in car--mini bagel and cream cheese mostly. The night before I put clean socks in her shoes and keep them right by the door (more than 1/2 the time I end up picking these up as she runs out the door barefoot). I also try to sprinkle in positive feedback when she accomplishes something, but it's unclear if that has any effect.

IF she is dressed with time to spare- I will put on a show in the kitchen for her to watch while she eats breakfast and I do finishing touches--shoes and socks, jacket, pony tail, etc. (Note- this sometimes causes another meltdown when its time to turn off, but I can do the above in less than a minute and it takes her 10-15 with at least one meltdown..)

And just a reminder to you-- it's nothing you are doing wrong. I think it's just the way they are wired. I'm the same parent to my 3 year old and he's a dream to get ready.

LOL with calling this "spirited." She's your boss, just admit it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much begging on your part! What are you? Mother Theresa?
Read 1, 2, 3 Magic and stop pleading and start counting.
You are going to get dressed. You are going to leave the house in 3.

People who give these responses obviously do not have spirited kids. What do you think happens when you get to 3? My DD could care less. Consequences- she could care less; doesn't phase her when she is worked up. Also doesn't phase her later OR change the behavior the next day.

OP- I could have written this post about my 5yo DD. She is exactly the same way, down to being fine once we finally get in the car. We have tried earlier bedtimes, earlier wake ups, changing order of routine in the AM, picking out clothes the night before. It's exhausting because nothing seems to work. An outfit that she is happy with on Tuesday night is suddenly extremely uncomfortable Wednesday morning.

It makes getting to school (and work for me) on time seem impossible. I think part of it is just anxiety. I am starting to accept that it's going to be this way, she needs to "get it out" for some reason. She seems to feel very rushed in the morning no matter how much time we have.

A few things that seem to (maybe) help....I TRY to stay calm. I tell her she needs to be dressed before she leaves her room (this does cause meltdown #1, but at least the hard part is over after that.) She puts on at least 3-4 different outfits. During this time I make a breakfast that can be finished in car--mini bagel and cream cheese mostly. The night before I put clean socks in her shoes and keep them right by the door (more than 1/2 the time I end up picking these up as she runs out the door barefoot). I also try to sprinkle in positive feedback when she accomplishes something, but it's unclear if that has any effect.

IF she is dressed with time to spare- I will put on a show in the kitchen for her to watch while she eats breakfast and I do finishing touches--shoes and socks, jacket, pony tail, etc. (Note- this sometimes causes another meltdown when its time to turn off, but I can do the above in less than a minute and it takes her 10-15 with at least one meltdown..)

And just a reminder to you-- it's nothing you are doing wrong. I think it's just the way they are wired. I'm the same parent to my 3 year old and he's a dream to get ready.

Thank you so much for this. Sounds so familiar! And yes our 4 year old is PERFECT also! I know he has anxiety. I’ll look into how the anxiety impacts this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much begging on your part! What are you? Mother Theresa?
Read 1, 2, 3 Magic and stop pleading and start counting.
You are going to get dressed. You are going to leave the house in 3.

People who give these responses obviously do not have spirited kids. What do you think happens when you get to 3? My DD could care less. Consequences- she could care less; doesn't phase her when she is worked up. Also doesn't phase her later OR change the behavior the next day.

OP- I could have written this post about my 5yo DD. She is exactly the same way, down to being fine once we finally get in the car. We have tried earlier bedtimes, earlier wake ups, changing order of routine in the AM, picking out clothes the night before. It's exhausting because nothing seems to work. An outfit that she is happy with on Tuesday night is suddenly extremely uncomfortable Wednesday morning.

It makes getting to school (and work for me) on time seem impossible. I think part of it is just anxiety. I am starting to accept that it's going to be this way, she needs to "get it out" for some reason. She seems to feel very rushed in the morning no matter how much time we have.

A few things that seem to (maybe) help....I TRY to stay calm. I tell her she needs to be dressed before she leaves her room (this does cause meltdown #1, but at least the hard part is over after that.) She puts on at least 3-4 different outfits. During this time I make a breakfast that can be finished in car--mini bagel and cream cheese mostly. The night before I put clean socks in her shoes and keep them right by the door (more than 1/2 the time I end up picking these up as she runs out the door barefoot). I also try to sprinkle in positive feedback when she accomplishes something, but it's unclear if that has any effect.

IF she is dressed with time to spare- I will put on a show in the kitchen for her to watch while she eats breakfast and I do finishing touches--shoes and socks, jacket, pony tail, etc. (Note- this sometimes causes another meltdown when its time to turn off, but I can do the above in less than a minute and it takes her 10-15 with at least one meltdown..)

And just a reminder to you-- it's nothing you are doing wrong. I think it's just the way they are wired. I'm the same parent to my 3 year old and he's a dream to get ready.

Well, you are wrong! My two kids are/were beyond spirited. DD has severe ADHD too. Hyper, screamer, could bang the door for hours. This book changed everything, because if hanged how I act. Yes, my beyond active, spirited, stubborn kids stopped all the procrastination and tantrums once I (that is the key here) once I started to act as the book suggested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dressing the night before seems 1) gross 2) totally lazy

He needs to learn to get up in the morning and get dressed.

I would start by waking him up a lot earlier. You will be less stressed with more time and you will have more time to be chilled and patient with him.

He may eat breakfast after he is dressed and if there is time after breakfast, he may play. Tell him that the night before (no playing or breakfast until dressed and teeth brushed) and again when he wakes up.

This worked for all three of mine. One needed an additional motivator too, which was, "This is what time we need to leave for school. If you aren't dressed and ready, you'll be going in your pajamas." To some kids this is a motivator, to some, it would awesome! Depends on your child.

OP here. Everything you wrote is exactly what we’re doing. We tell him, if you have time after this you can do this.

But, he screams. Aside from hitting him every time he screams, we don’t know what to do. If we get angry, he gets angrier. It is a miserable morning.

I also said in my post that waking him up early is not an option. It’s somehow makes the morning even worse. He is not a kid that you can wake up early.

There are options besides hitting him and getting angry. Stay calm. Say no. Remain firm. He's getting a reaction out of you so stop giving him the satisfaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, everyone.

A few things:
1. It doesn’t seem if he wakes up hungry. Breakfast seems to be another obstacle on his way. Should we do breakfast right away? Or breakfast in the car? I am not sure.

2. I won hundred percent agree with the no playing. How do we introduce this? How do we enforce it without more screaming?

3. He cannot sleep in his clothes. He runs very hot.

He doesn't leave his room until he is dresses. Period

This is where we keep stalling. He’ll just...scream in his room. Then what?

And to PP, I’d love suggestions and ive gotten plenty. Just because I don’t want to change his sleep does not mean I’m not here for help.

Then there needs to be incentive to come out of his room. Keep toys out of his room.

If eating breakfast and having playtime doesn't motivate him to get dressed so he can leave his room, then yes, let him scream. Then carry him to the car in pjs. You dont get an easy way out of this OP. But I don't think it will take more than a couple days for him to realize it is much more fun and enjoyable to get dressed then come down to eat and play.

[Anonymous]

What does he sleep in if he can’t sleep in clothes? We went thru a phase of sleeping in clothes with my son at that age. He wore light sweat pants/athletic pants and a t-shirt and if it was cold, we’d put a sweat shirt on him in the morning. Fresh underwear at night. If your son sleeps hot, maybe he’d sleep in just (clean) underwear so getting dressed will be a little easier without having to take off the PJs? We have 3 kids and now they all get dressed very first thing. Like immediately after getting out of bed, as soon as their feet hit the floor, they put on their clothes (laid out the night before) and then go straight to the bathroom and brush teeth before anything else. My daughters sometimes want a different outfit than the one agreed on the night before, I will give them like 30 seconds to grab a different shirt or whatever, I do not care at all if it matches.

Definitely try breakfast in the car. I was also super tired in the morning and dragged my feet getting out the door, so I grew up eating on the way to school.

Do you have a Timey Timer? I think that’s the name, it’s like a clock that has a red bar that gets smaller so the kids can see how much time they have left? My son has ADHD and we used to use that at night time, which was our difficult time. We’d set it for 30 minutes and the longer it took him to do PJs/brush teeth the less time he would have to play in his room before bed. It sort of worked, but he had lots of melt downs.

And if you have to physically drag him and force him into his car seat while he screams, so be it. He needs to understand you have to leave at X time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much begging on your part! What are you? Mother Theresa?
Read 1, 2, 3 Magic and stop pleading and start counting.
You are going to get dressed. You are going to leave the house in 3.

People who give these responses obviously do not have spirited kids. What do you think happens when you get to 3? My DD could care less. Consequences- she could care less; doesn't phase her when she is worked up. Also doesn't phase her later OR change the behavior the next day.

OP- I could have written this post about my 5yo DD. She is exactly the same way, down to being fine once we finally get in the car. We have tried earlier bedtimes, earlier wake ups, changing order of routine in the AM, picking out clothes the night before. It's exhausting because nothing seems to work. An outfit that she is happy with on Tuesday night is suddenly extremely uncomfortable Wednesday morning.

It makes getting to school (and work for me) on time seem impossible. I think part of it is just anxiety. I am starting to accept that it's going to be this way, she needs to "get it out" for some reason. She seems to feel very rushed in the morning no matter how much time we have.

A few things that seem to (maybe) help....I TRY to stay calm. I tell her she needs to be dressed before she leaves her room (this does cause meltdown #1, but at least the hard part is over after that.) She puts on at least 3-4 different outfits. During this time I make a breakfast that can be finished in car--mini bagel and cream cheese mostly. The night before I put clean socks in her shoes and keep them right by the door (more than 1/2 the time I end up picking these up as she runs out the door barefoot). I also try to sprinkle in positive feedback when she accomplishes something, but it's unclear if that has any effect.

IF she is dressed with time to spare- I will put on a show in the kitchen for her to watch while she eats breakfast and I do finishing touches--shoes and socks, jacket, pony tail, etc. (Note- this sometimes causes another meltdown when its time to turn off, but I can do the above in less than a minute and it takes her 10-15 with at least one meltdown..)

And just a reminder to you-- it's nothing you are doing wrong. I think it's just the way they are wired. I'm the same parent to my 3 year old and he's a dream to get ready.

LOL with calling this "spirited." She's your boss, just admit it.

Have to agreewith you there. Spirited bcs mom is usless.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm.. op there is an option... not to get angry and not to think hitting is the only option. Imagine staying calm? Like an adult should?
Perhaps you are not an adult?

[Anonymous]

NP. To both of you at 9:03 and 9:20 -- I think each of your strategies are fantastic! Often there is no one "correct" answer to these situations, but it is clear that you both have been to this rodeo before and can problem-solve. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Do not start the eating in the car habit. It is unnecessary. He can eat at home if he wants to eat. Do you want your car to look like garbage truck? Bad habit to get started.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm.. op there is an option... not to get angry and not to think hitting is the only option. Imagine staying calm? Like an adult should?
Perhaps you are not an adult?

OP here and DH and I have really improved on this. We don’t get angry. I might sound angry here, because I’m tired. My SON screams at us, but we have been better about not angry back.

[Anonymous]

Can you skip breakfast all together? I can't eat at all when I first wake up, I eat breakfast 2 hours later usually. Our son is similar to yours btw. If you ask him how to improve the routine, what does he suggest? We stopped brushing teeth in the morning as it was adding so much stress, and only do it once a day at night. Also no phone or tv before breakfast, but sounds like you don't have time for that anyway. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm.. op there is an option... not to get angry and not to think hitting is the only option. Imagine staying calm? Like an adult should?
Perhaps you are not an adult?

OP here and DH and I have really improved on this. We don’t get angry. I might sound angry here, because I’m tired. My SON screams at us, but we have been better about not angry back.

If he scream, he goes to his room, shut the door. He can scream there. When he calms down and stops screaming he may come out. He is welcome to stay in his room and scream all the way until you need to leave. Then he goes to school as-is.

I don't scream to my children and I expect them to not scream at me. It isn't how we communicate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you skip breakfast all together? I can't eat at all when I first wake up, I eat breakfast 2 hours later usually. Our son is similar to yours btw. If you ask him how to improve the routine, what does he suggest? We stopped brushing teeth in the morning as it was adding so much stress, and only do it once a day at night. Also no phone or tv before breakfast, but sounds like you don't have time for that anyway. Hang in there!

And to add to what something recommended above - help him understand how much time is left for something. Perhaps it's not being in control and not having a clear sense of time is what's pissing him off (it would piss me off!).