morning routine is KILLING us (5.5 year old)

[Anonymous]

Put his shoes on when you're in the car - since he seems to be in a better mood once in the car/once in motion it will be one less battle. Same thing with breakfast. Plus, you can then let him sleep for an extra 15/20 min since all you have to do is bathroom/clothes to get out the door.

[Anonymous]

He sleeps more than 12 hours at that age—-makes me wonder if he has sleep apnea and he isn’t actually getting restful sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are STUCK with our 5.5 year old son. Please offer advice beyond “get him tested for XYZ”, as even then it won’t be some magical answer. He is typical developmentally and does NOT have any difficulty at school behaviorally. More so, he loves loves loves school.

Every morning is a battle. Every morning is like the first day. Clothes, shoes, out the door...he screams at every step. Today we were 30 mins late because of his fits.

“Let’s get dressed! I’ll help you!”
“WHAT?! Why?! No! I hate getting dressed! It’s the worst!”

Ok. I’m picking this shirt and this pair of pants. I will email your teacher and let her know that you decided to not follow the school’s rules. I hope you decide to change once you get to the car, that way you won’t get in trouble with the teacher.

“Time to eat!”
“Noooooooo I’m playing”

No response. Kids know that if they don’t eat at a meal, they get to wait until the next meal. They don’t have to eat more than a bite or two, but they won’t have a snack, and I would no problem emailing the teacher and telling her NOT to give him a snack or send him to office to call home.

“Shoes!”
“Ahhhhh! I never get to play. I hate you! This is stupid!”

You are welcome to carry your shoes to the car. You may want a towel to dry them off. Let me know if you want help once we’re in the car.

We’ve tried consequences: he screams even more and it stalls the morning even more. We’ve tried charts and checklist and photos (I’m a former teacher so we are pretty organized!) We’ve tried talking to him during non peak times. Every morning is like his memory is erased and we start again.

I’m not comfortable waking him up earlier because then he’s tired AND grumpy. It’s an even worse day if we wake him up.

Once he’s in the car, it is like nothing happened. He’s chatty, happy. Bounces out of the car and into school.

Earlier to bed, earlier to wake. He sounds like he takes a while to wake up and be congenial.

Regardless, the car leaves at x time. You can choose HOW to get in it, you don’t get to choose WHETHER to go. If I have to carry the child to the car, so do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, everyone.

A few things:
1. It doesn’t seem if he wakes up hungry. Breakfast seems to be another obstacle on his way. Should we do breakfast right away? Or breakfast in the car? I am not sure.

2. I won hundred percent agree with the no playing. How do we introduce this? How do we enforce it without more screaming?

3. He cannot sleep in his clothes. He runs very hot.

So no food until lunch, done. Have him sleep naked, then he HAS to get dressed. Get those toys out of sight, then offer ONE when he is ready to go.

[Anonymous]

Breakfast in the car.
My children could not eat right away after waking up. Their stomach needed time to also "wake up" - I am the same way.
Our school started an early morning exercise program, then breakfast which really helped.

Our solution was get up, get dressed and moving - a run down the block and back on the days we didn't have FIT club.
If there wasn't a school breakfast, I would have down breakfast in the car or parking lot picnic to give them enough time to be ready to eat.

Mine could and did often sleep in his next day outfit - his idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you are letting him be in charge. He is 5 not 2. Why is he allowed to scream at you? Or scream in general?
He needs to get dressed in the morning as soon as he gets up. If he does this he can have X ( whatever currency works, screens, piece of candy in lunch etc) If he does not then he loses X. X can be later in the day, it doesnt have to be immediate for a 5yo.
My kid hates the idea of going to bed early so that is something we use, along with screens.
I would not tolerate screaming at his age.

I have no idea where he learned to scream. We actually have a very quiet house. It’s like his morning power move. It is infuriating. I don’t know how we allowed it? We don’t know how to get him to stop. Other than to lock him in his room?

He does not behave this way at school, and he does not have difficulty with any other transitions. It is the mornings that are absolutely terrible. Every morning. It’s like he is surprised he has to get dressed again.

I always think parents who say things like: "I would not tolerate screaming" are living in a different world. What does that even mean? If you have a kid who is too disregulated or impulsive to respond to consequences, you cannot stop it, short of muzzling the kid.

It doesn't mean their kids don't scream, it means they get nothing when they do it. They aren't allowed to scream and then still watch TV, or scream and then still get ice cream, or scream and have anyone listen to them. It can also mean there are consequences to the behavior. You're discussing being unable to stop a child from doing it, but there can still be a consequence, whether it seems to work or not.

exactly. I am a PP who said I wouldn’t put up with it. No I don’t physically stop it. But if my kid screamed at me at age 5 there would be no screens that day, no dessert, no fun stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. No playing in the morning, unless *maybe* if everything else is done
2. Put him to sleep in his clothes for the next day
3. Breakfast immediately after waking up

This, strict morning routine. Breakfast and getting fully dressed first. No other option. If its not done, there is no screen time outside school for the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Natural consequences is what I'd do here.

Let him go out the door in his pjs, with no shoes, and no breakfast. Pack all that stuff with you. See what happens. It's likely he'll ask to wear shoes because his feet will get cold, his friends will ask him why he's wearing pajamas instead of regular clothes, and he'll probably be starving by lunch. Then you can tell him this is why you make him do these things.

We have considered this. But I also can’t imagine picking him up and dragging him to the car and forcing him into his car seat… That kind of stuff. Sounds violent and physically exhausting. If he would willingly get in the car in pajamas, and unfed, then I would consider this option.

NP here. Unfortunately, a lot of parenting involves playing the long game. You’re in a cycle of constant screaming abd battles. If you try the above, things will be temporarily worse but then they will get better. It’s going to be a crap day. Your kid will scream. Stop being afraid of his screams. You need to decide to be calm abd enforce this. Tell him it’s time to go when it’s time to go. Repeat calmly “Time to get in the car and go to school” I would only have shoes available in the car — no food (or a slice of plain bread if you must, nothing enjoyable like granola bars)

This is where you have to be the parent. Unfortunately, a lot of parenting takes effort and work. You can decide if you want to have a few bad days or a few bad YEARS. Your call.

He's too young to understand natural consequences beyond his need for his parent's attention, otherwise he would choose to eat to survive. He thinks he needs parental attention to survive, and he does! He can't make breakfast for himself yet otherwise he would.

Kids can understand natural consequences at 2 and 3. He’s 5.

I don’t argue.

“Time to put on your shoes. Do you want to put them on or do you want me to do it?”
“No shoes.”
I carry the shoes, the child can decide later whether to put them on.
“Time to get in the car. Are you going to walk like a bear or hop like a kangaroo?”
“I’m not going!”
I scoop up the child and go. Hold them with their back to you, one arm across the upper arms, the other under/immobilizing the thighs against you, that way they don’t hurt you when they meltdown.
“Do you want to get in the seat or do you want me to put you in?”
“I don’t want to!”
I’ve had kids who tried to be stiff as a board. Blow a raspberry on their stomach, tickle their armpit, whatever works to get a response they can’t control. You can get them into the seat, then a firm hand on their torso while you buckle, no hurting the child is involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you wake him up or does he wake up naturally? It honestly sounds like he is grumpy from bot enough sleep. My 5 year old wake up in the am fine and gets dressed in our bedroom usually a race with me or dad.
But after nap (somedays) if i wake her at the needed time she is miserable for 30 min since i interrupted her sleep cycle. No reasoning with her at all.

New poster here. Earlier in the thread OP stated his bedtime/wake up time and the kid is getting 12 hours and 15 minutes a night (6:30-6:45.) That is a lot for a 5 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Breakfast and clothes are optional. He can go to school in PJ’s and bring some dry cereal in the car. I definitely would not have this battle every morning. I would just keep repeating how long until we are leaving. “We are leaving in 30 minutes, 20, 10...etc.”

Seriously just drop the rope.

What would you do then at 7:45 if your child is not dressed and has not eaten and does not have shoes on? Do you just pick them up screaming and kicking and put them in the car? I am legitimately asking. I struggle to see past not doing anything for him and seeing how this plays out.

Yes, yes you do.

And when he's 8? 10?

I’ve done ✔️ t with a 13yo who thought I wouldn’t. All of a sudden, he decided that maybe I was serious. Oh, and reasonable. Asking him to get dressed, eat and brush his teeth before getting in the car was absolutely reasonable... after I brushed his teeth for him and carried him to car, and he had to go to school in just boxers without breakfast. (He had clothes in the backpack, and I even put in shoes. I was kind enough to park behind the school and let him get dressed.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not start the eating in the car habit. It is unnecessary. He can eat at home if he wants to eat. Do you want your car to look like garbage truck? Bad habit to get started.

My thought was choking risk but yea, it's pretty gross and dirty too.

[Anonymous]

Unorthodox solution here, but it works for a teacher in my life and it’s not like she has the choice to show up at school late:

Breakfast in her house is like dinner in other homes in that the whole family sits down at the table together. And breakfast is virtually anything her girls want *if* they are dressed, packed for school, hair brushed (she puts in the ponytails while they eat) at 6:30 on the dot. At 6:30 you can have chocolate chip pancakes and chocolate milk or fruit smoothies or even junk cereal that gets picked with this in mind. Sometimes there are donuts or fancy bagels. At 6:31 you get a plain yogurt. Her logic is there is no point in telling a kid at 6am if they don’t get out of bed they’re not getting dessert or screens or whatever—that’s hours away which is infinity in kid time. The rewards and consequences for her kids are immediate.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids. My oldest kid used to have fits about what he wanted to wear. I remember fights about wearing long sleeves during winter. I just pick my battles.

If your kid doesn’t want to get dressed, not eat breakfast, just take him to school in pajamas and no breakfast. Maybe give him a banana in the car. Done.

[Anonymous]

OP, I haven't read this whole thread but one of my kids always woke up grumpy. We finally figured out that if we just gave him about 20 minutes to do whatever he liked (we did not talk to him/ask questions/tell him to do anything/we kept his siblings away from him/exc) after his alarm clock went off that it changed everything. Once he had that time to regroup himself he would proceed with the morning without issue. I'm not sure if this would apply to your DC, but thought it couldn't hurt to suggest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, everyone.

A few things:
1. It doesn’t seem if he wakes up hungry. Breakfast seems to be another obstacle on his way. Should we do breakfast right away? Or breakfast in the car? I am not sure.

2. I won hundred percent agree with the no playing. How do we introduce this? How do we enforce it without more screaming?

3. He cannot sleep in his clothes. He runs very hot.

He doesn't leave his room until he is dresses. Period

This is where we keep stalling. He’ll just...scream in his room. Then what?

And to PP, I’d love suggestions and ive gotten plenty. Just because I don’t want to change his sleep does not mean I’m not here for help.

Nah. I’ve read the rest of the thread. You have rejected every single idea suggested. You are clearly not here for help. Buy some ear plugs and buckle up since the screaming will just get louder as he grows up.