I have to beg or ask my husband 50+ times for everything. what should I do?

[Anonymous]

There’s a few household tasks I’ll ask my husband for help, one is getting things out of the attic or checking his work schedule so we can make plans for things to need to be done.

I’ve asked him multiple times to take the xmas tree and decor down. He just doesn’t. Would you just drop it and not do any decor this year? My kids are 2/4. 4 year old would probably notice but I’m so tired of begging

[Anonymous]

OP- I physically can’t carry the stuff down the narrow little ladder.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean he just doesn't get it? Does he forget?
Give him a time tomorrow to do it that you know he's free. "husband, at 3 pm tomorrow, I need you to go into the attic and get the tree. I'll remind you at 245."

[Anonymous]

I’d order a new one and have it delivered.

[Anonymous]

Get someone else to help you with the attic stuff, (girlfriend or hire someone) or, get a little tree and some ornaments at CVS. If you get someone to help you bring down the attic stuff, don't put the stuff back up there.

The broader issue is to create a LIFE--YOUR LIFE-- where you are not begging your DH to do anything. It is not fair, and it sucks, but it will help YOU feel better and not trapped by needing him to do this sort of stuff.

With respect to household repairs, just get a handyman. That was the best decision I made when I was in your stage of life/marriage/young kids. I had the handyman come when my DH was at work. I even had the handyman set up our (live) Christmas tree. DH would pout that he didn't get to pick it out, but if I waited for him, it would be a New Year's Tree!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean he just doesn't get it? Does he forget?
Give him a time tomorrow to do it that you know he's free. "husband, at 3 pm tomorrow, I need you to go into the attic and get the tree. I'll remind you at 245."

Always has some reason it’s not the right time, puts things off, says he will get to it but never does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean he just doesn't get it? Does he forget?
Give him a time tomorrow to do it that you know he's free. "husband, at 3 pm tomorrow, I need you to go into the attic and get the tree. I'll remind you at 245."

Always has some reason it’s not the right time, puts things off, says he will get to it but never does.

Then I would do what the poster above said. Get a friend to help, then don't put that stuff up in the attic anymore. Find a place to store it that you can get to it.
It sucks but you need to build the life you want, and in your case, you may need to work around your husband to do that.

[Anonymous]

You have to stop begging, it makes you look weak. Are you a SAHM?

1) Decide what hills you're ready to die on. For the decorating, it's unclear to me why you need to do it right now. It is probably equally unclear to him. If you have a reason, tell him the reason. If you don't have a reason, then why should it be a priority to him?

2) For the things that are really important to you, stop letting him get away with not following through on his commitments. Asking over and over and not imposing any consequences makes you look weak. Instead, don't let him off the hook. Stand firm and say "You agreed to do it today at 3, and I expect you to do it."

3) Pick things that will have consequences that he will feel. For example if he doesn't do the grocery shopping there won't be any dinner.

[Anonymous]

Just don’t decorate
At all
See if he notices

[Anonymous]

I would order new stuff and store it somewhere you can get to (not in the attic.)

[Anonymous]

Maybe he thinks he has plenty of time to get the Xmas tree down, since it isn’t even thanksgiving yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get someone else to help you with the attic stuff, (girlfriend or hire someone) or, get a little tree and some ornaments at CVS. If you get someone to help you bring down the attic stuff, don't put the stuff back up there.

The broader issue is to create a LIFE--YOUR LIFE-- where you are not begging your DH to do anything. It is not fair, and it sucks, but it will help YOU feel better and not trapped by needing him to do this sort of stuff.

With respect to household repairs, just get a handyman. That was the best decision I made when I was in your stage of life/marriage/young kids. I had the handyman come when my DH was at work. I even had the handyman set up our (live) Christmas tree. DH would pout that he didn't get to pick it out, but if I waited for him, it would be a New Year's Tree!

+1. I was going to say the exact same things including the fact that it isn’t fair. However, you need to be able to live your life and move forward the same way you would if you were divorced or if your DH was on travel. What would you do in that case? It’s more about not feeling helpless and ultimately getting done what needs to be done rather than putting energy into trying to change someone that isn’t going to change and not having anything to show for it at the end of it.

And if there is anything that impacts your DH directly or solely, do not take it on and let him deal with the consequences of inaction. Like if his parents are coming for Thanksgiving and the bathroom needs to be cleaned and the xyz done, be clear you are doing x and if he wants y done for his parents it’s up to him. Assume he is a competent adult that can get done the things he wants to get done (I assume he has a job where this happens) and keep it moving.

[Anonymous]

Too early for the Christmas tree. Let him do it the day after Thanksgiving like the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound unhinged

[Anonymous]

The simple answer is to QUIT doing stuff for him. Let him ask for clean underwear 50 days in a row and see how irritated he gets.