I have to beg or ask my husband 50+ times for everything. what should I do?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
Then the dh should let her store it where she can actually access it herself! Short PP here and if I tried to get the tree down, the long box would slip out of my short arms and we'd have a green plastic explosion everywhere. I'd prefer it stored in the garage but my dh also puts it in the attic-ok, then he can get it back down. |
Anonymous
| People suggesting outsourcing: Have you actually done this? Where did you find someone? Care.com, friend, church? |
Anonymous
| My tree isn’t going up this year because my cat attacks it. But at least I don’t have to haul it up from the basement. |
Anonymous
Task Rabbit is great for stuff like this. |
Anonymous
Task Rabbit is an app where you can hire out things like this. You can get a young, inexperienced person for non-skilled things to do and real handymen with their own tools, etc. I’ve used them flee real times for things like the OP is asking about - DH was sent away off and on for work for many months and I just needed (well, wanted) help with minor things around the house. |
Anonymous
My father in law doesn’t work, doesn’t do any housework etc. Shortly before my marriage he told me that his secret to being happy is just wait until someone cares enough to actually do it. If he refused to wash dishes or do laundry his wife (80 hr a week job) eventually would. I’ve had some fights with him, but that was the biggest. I feel like deciding just to do it yourself lets the husband off the hook and lets the wife go on feeling like the husband doesn’t care enough to help. |
Anonymous
Nay!! /s 
|
Anonymous
https://www.handy.com/ https://www.taskrabbit.com/ |
Anonymous
+1. I once had someone come and help break down all of my moving boxes and take them to recycling. Or they can do things list items for sale on eBay, Poshmark, Mercari. Run errands for you when you're not feeling well, do store returns before you miss the refund window. There is a whole new world of efficiency out there! |
Anonymous
I'm so sorry. It does sound exhausting, draining and frustrating. I just don't think he is going to change which is why I wrote what I did. I would be working out what needs to be done and letting other stuff go (perhaps errands you do for him) as well as outsourcing. The kids aren't going to be young forever so give yourself a break during these years. Stop arguing with him. That's only wasting energy. Who cares if he doesn't want to return items, don't say anything. Just pack it up and return it. Job done. That is so much easier than it lying around and arguing about it and then getting frustrated about it. I would outsource as well. Don't ask, just do it. Honestly this is why I think people end up divorcing, the years of resentment built up by him being so useless. Only you can change something because he isn't going to do anything differently. I hope in a couple of years when the kids are older, things get easier for you. |
Anonymous
This. OP, he isn't going to change. You should just start handling things your way without consulting him. Really think, OP, about each thing you do and why you do it. Are you doing it for the kids? For yourself? For him? Figure out what actually matters to who. Kids are often satisfied with much, much less as long as they have a few key items that for whatever reason they care about. If you're doing things that nobody but you cares about, then you shouldn't expect others to help very much. |
Anonymous
|
Your husband should go get the boxes because it would make you happy.
When it’s time to put them away again, don’t store them in the attic. I wouldn’t be using those attic stairs if they are the way you describe them. Might it be that your husband is a little worried about the steps too? Go get a good sturdy ladder and the two of you can ge the boxes down with you waiting at the bottom to make sure he’s okay. It’d be a good bonding experience, and will probably go down in family legend. I learned a lot from watching my parents fight, and from watching them work together to solve problems. Those aren’t bad skills to learn. As for your stress, slow the hell down. I’m serious. You shouldn’t be as stressed as you are with two kids, kids who aren’t in school, so your time is your own. If you don’t want to make Thanksgiving dinner, get take-out. Your kids will be thrilled especially if one of the take-out options is pizza or Mcdonald’s. You are an adult, the beauty of being an adult is that there is very little you have to do. The Christmas decorations matter to you, and based on that, your husband should help you get them down especially if it is a difficult chore. Outsourcing to a handyman is a good idea, they are in business to do the jobs husbands (and some wives) can’t or don’t want to do. Nothing wrong with hiring one. I wouldn’t ‘have a friend help”. The friend had no vote in putting the decorations in that location, and the friend won’t be there to enjoy your family on Christmas morning. Also, a friend won’t ever look on your husband the same way if you tell her (or him) “Billy won’t get the Christmas decorations down”. They will think of your husband as a rat. Believe me, you don’t want your friends to view your husband that way, especially if the friend is an opposite sex friend. If you hire a handyman, your female friends will think “great idea!” and your male friends can’t argue about you hiring a legitimate professional to do legitimate work, and they will be in the wrong if they sniff about it. Finally, cool it with the dramatics. Five years ago, you were real excited about having a baby with your husband. You liked him enough to have another baby, and you like him enough to remain married. He’d figure it out if you died, just as you would. Most men don’t care about the dentist until their wives make them care, that’s how it was for my husband. |
Anonymous
| Divorce or outsource |