I'm finding this application process pretty stressful

[Anonymous]

I actually woke up at 2:30 all stressed out. My DC is a procrastinator and I can just see us on the upcoming deadline nights trying to get an application out and possibly missing something. My concern isn't "will DC get into X college," but just, "Will DC make the deadline?"

I just want my kid to fledge. Unlike the post from a mom who is getting weepy as she realizes her DC will be gone next year (which was a lovely post with sweet replies, btw), I'm just hoping my DC will be gone next year!

It doesn't help that I'm friends with a mom with a kid who is completely different than my kid, and the mom's not even involved in the process as her kid is so "on it."

Is anyone else stressed?

[Anonymous]

You are not alone!

I have heard that boys especially are often out to lunch for this whole process. (Though, I am sure there are exceptions in both genders).

To reduce the fighting, I once heard limit your college discussions to a set time per week. At that meeting (like, say Sunday nights), the kid can present what they have done, what their plans are for the week, show you reminders/alarms on their phone, etc.

I think the more kids lives approach our own,as they must become responsible for meeting the deadlines, it is a stressful handover. Still, they have to learn how to manage this stuff.

Perhaps discuss this "meeting" plan with your DC and they will rise to the occasion. Maybe even say, "I have faith that you can manage this process, since you are almost an adult and will soon be in charge of your own life." (Even if you have NO such faith at all yet).

?

[Anonymous]

I'm sitting at my desk crying. I have so many things to do for my actual job, and getting these applications done is stressing me out. My son is dragging his feet and I'm being borderline cruel to him because I'm so frustrated. In addition, my son is smart but immature, and everything is just so much more difficult under these circumstances. How do you get real recommendations when you missed so much in person time last year? Ugh.

[Anonymous]

I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this, but just help them guys. Most of the common app is just stuff an executive assistant would put in for their boss. Serve as the executive assistant. Type in your address and where you went to college and all that crap stuff that’s in the common app. Let them do the substantive pieces of their writing, asking for recommendations, choosing the colleges. The rest is really just filling out forms. If you buckle down this weekend you could get his his or her main one for early admission submitted.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to say it’s not just you, OP. I am super organized and a person who’s always planning ahead. My senior is super smart but does not share those traits!

Here’s hoping we all get through it!!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Omg 10:05, I'm so sorry.

My DD can be pretty mean verbally, to me, when I try to nudge her along. And it's nuts! She wanted me to look at some of her essays, and then is too busy to forward them to me. It's been 3 days. She's busy napping, or eating, or working out...omg.

I think part of the problem is there is a small to-do here, a small to-do there....like getting the letter of rec, or one college that wants an interview, and then there's the thank you email for the interview...just little one-off things, but they all add up. Overlay that with the essays (which I haven't seen except for one) and there's just a lot of unfinished, time-consuming crap.

I think I'm also stressed because this particular kid has been so difficult for so long; for my own sanity I need her to leave our house and grow up. Because I want her to fledge not just for her sake but also for my sake, I'm doubly invested on these apps getting done---so I can't "drop the rope" and let her sink or swim. I'd go nuts if she sank, and she stayed home and went to a junior college!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this, but just help them guys. Most of the common app is just stuff an executive assistant would put in for their boss. Serve as the executive assistant. Type in your address and where you went to college and all that crap stuff that’s in the common app. Let them do the substantive pieces of their writing, asking for recommendations, choosing the colleges. The rest is really just filling out forms. If you buckle down this weekend you could get his his or her main one for early admission submitted.

I'm with you on this, no need for this to add to stress, especially this year. 'Minions' do this sort of thing everyday for their Mgrs in the 'real world', many beyond their job descriptions. I don't buy into the idea that it stunts their growth, most kids are resilient and will find a way to settle into higher-ed and life with or without early hand-holding if this type of procrastination & organization is the current stressor, but as you said we're in the minority here.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP.

I'm 10:05, and part of my concern is that if my son can't get off his butt and get this stuff done, I worry that he's not ready to go off to college able to function without my constant oversight and nagging. I totally wish that we had done more this summer. I kept asking my son about it and he claimed that he couldn't do things like reach out to teachers until after school started. School didn't start until September 8, which really didn't give much time.

I am a recovering micromanager of my kids. For years, I was driving myself crazy until I took a step back and tried to allow them room to make their own mistakes. Unfortunately, I picked the worst possible time to do that, because the consequences are so great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this, but just help them guys. Most of the common app is just stuff an executive assistant would put in for their boss. Serve as the executive assistant. Type in your address and where you went to college and all that crap stuff that’s in the common app. Let them do the substantive pieces of their writing, asking for recommendations, choosing the colleges. The rest is really just filling out forms. If you buckle down this weekend you could get his his or her main one for early admission submitted.

OP here. I agree with you, PP! I already did the stuff like the address etc that doesn't require her input. I'm going to wait a little longer, and if she doesn't get around to filling out her activities and what majors she is interested for each college, I'll just make my best guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this, but just help them guys. Most of the common app is just stuff an executive assistant would put in for their boss. Serve as the executive assistant. Type in your address and where you went to college and all that crap stuff that’s in the common app. Let them do the substantive pieces of their writing, asking for recommendations, choosing the colleges. The rest is really just filling out forms. If you buckle down this weekend you could get his his or her main one for early admission submitted.

OP here. I agree with you, PP! I already did the stuff like the address etc that doesn't require her input. I'm going to wait a little longer, and if she doesn't get around to filling out her activities and what majors she is interested for each college, I'll just make my best guess.

Very few kids do these things on their own. Either the parents help or pay someone to.

[Anonymous]

Thankfully, my kid is on top of it.

The problem I'm having is trying to manage her expectations.

E.g. she is applying for an Ivy. While her stats are good -- 4.53 GPA with about a dozen APs when she graduates and a 1420 SAT, they're not IVY caliber. She has one smallish hook -- won a competitive scholarship to study language abroad (and has six years of the language). But, I don't think she'll get admitted, although 1420 is 98th percentile this year (scores are down across the board).

Then there is the matter of cost. We are a donut hole family so won't get need-based aid and while we have in-state tuition saved, there's a gap to go private or out-of-state. And I'm not sure borrowing for an ivy is worth it versus, say, UVA or William and Mary or going to a place with guaranteed aid for her stats like Miami University in Ohio. All of these are perfectly good -- even excellent -- schools for undergrads, even if they're not ivies. I don't want her to incur debt.

[Anonymous]

Gap year

[Anonymous]

I'm right there with you, OP. My DS is a procrasinator, and the more I push for something (and I really try not to push) the more he resists.

I did do what PPs have mentioned and after a tension filled afternoon of starting the common app a few weeks ago, I ended up entering a lot of the tedious stuff on the common app myself. And got him started on his requests to teachers for recommendations, and did the transript requests and wrote his essay (although in his school, they spend time in English working on it).

I'm happy to report that we actually got one submitted last night! It was for a 10/15 early action deadline. And yes, I know I'm not supposed to say "we" submitted it, but it was certainly a "we" effort.

[Anonymous]

2 boys here who graduated from college. Get them organized! Use either a spreadsheet or an old school binder. You/ your kid have to keep track of what is required from each school (application, essays, SATs, recommendations, FAFSA), deadline dates and then you need to double check that all the pieces actually made it to the college. These are a lot of details coming from different places. I was the organizer in the house so I set up “the system” while my child worked on essays. When you are applying to multiple colleges, it is A LOT.

[Anonymous]

It is their life, not yours. Sure, help them with a spreadsheet, and then let go. They either meet the deadlines or they end up at Community College...