I'm finding this application process pretty stressful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious. The posters who are saying they did everything by themselves with no help at all - are any of them men?

I'm the one who applied and it was late so I went to a CC, and I'm a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious. The posters who are saying they did everything by themselves with no help at all - are any of them men?

Dumb sexist question answered. Any others?

[Anonymous]

I have sons. Both excelled academically in high school and were organized, etc without any parental involvement. But, both were disorganized and overwhelmed by the college process. This is one thing that os too important to just let them flounder. So, for the 1st time in their educational careers, I stepped in and was probably way more involved that anyone here thinks is necessary, although I did not write essays. But any admin stuff, I did. Many of the schools my first applied to required some pretty crazy stuff requiring submissions on separate accounts that the students needed to establish on 3rd party websites. He did the substance, I did the admin. Its too important to let him mess this up. I'll teach lessons another time.
Older child got into his first choice, and had no problems adjusting from the suburbs to a major urban campus with lots of distractions. Academically and socially he is doing great, just like in high school. So my admin help and involvement in the application process did not infantailize him to the point he is not able to handle college.
#2 son is in the middle of applying, and I am ready to kill him. He refuses to work on applications and says he doesn't need my help. But, I had to establish his common app account, and will do all the admin work for him too. I am not worried about him falling apart in college- he is much more savvy than my older one. Again, this is too important to let him mess up, although he is doing a good job of it by refusing to write essays. I'm sure they will get done, but its awful right now. And once he is in, I will fade into the background. And he will do fine as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have sons. Both excelled academically in high school and were organized, etc without any parental involvement. But, both were disorganized and overwhelmed by the college process. This is one thing that os too important to just let them flounder. So, for the 1st time in their educational careers, I stepped in and was probably way more involved that anyone here thinks is necessary, although I did not write essays. But any admin stuff, I did. Many of the schools my first applied to required some pretty crazy stuff requiring submissions on separate accounts that the students needed to establish on 3rd party websites. He did the substance, I did the admin. Its too important to let him mess this up. I'll teach lessons another time.
Older child got into his first choice, and had no problems adjusting from the suburbs to a major urban campus with lots of distractions. Academically and socially he is doing great, just like in high school. So my admin help and involvement in the application process did not infantailize him to the point he is not able to handle college.
#2 son is in the middle of applying, and I am ready to kill him. He refuses to work on applications and says he doesn't need my help. But, I had to establish his common app account, and will do all the admin work for him too. I am not worried about him falling apart in college- he is much more savvy than my older one. Again, this is too important to let him mess up, although he is doing a good job of it by refusing to write essays. I'm sure they will get done, but its awful right now. And once he is in, I will fade into the background. And he will do fine as well.

+ 1. Exactly!

I bet most of the panickmongers who preach against this approach are paying a college counselor a ton of money to do it for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, things have really changed since I applied to college about 20 years ago. I don’t think my parents knew any of the various deadlines or pieces of the applications and definitely didn’t know which teachers I asked for recs (let alone writing the requests for me) or what I wrote my essays about. They took me to visit colleges but I handled the entire app process myself soup to nuts. Kept track of the deadlines, filled out the apps (by hand back then), compiled everything and mailed it off. Was accepted to multiple Ivys. I wasn’t planning on doing what it sounds like most on this thread are doing for my kids (still in elementary) but maybe I’ll be in for a rude awakening.

It's way harder now Dude.

[Anonymous]

Lessons learnt

1. It's like pulling teeth

2. " I am almost done" from dc usually means "nothing is done" as kids under-estimate the tasks

3. Give them small, concrete deadlines. Otherwise they will just day dream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have sons. Both excelled academically in high school and were organized, etc without any parental involvement. But, both were disorganized and overwhelmed by the college process. This is one thing that os too important to just let them flounder. So, for the 1st time in their educational careers, I stepped in and was probably way more involved that anyone here thinks is necessary, although I did not write essays. But any admin stuff, I did. Many of the schools my first applied to required some pretty crazy stuff requiring submissions on separate accounts that the students needed to establish on 3rd party websites. He did the substance, I did the admin. Its too important to let him mess this up. I'll teach lessons another time.
Older child got into his first choice, and had no problems adjusting from the suburbs to a major urban campus with lots of distractions. Academically and socially he is doing great, just like in high school. So my admin help and involvement in the application process did not infantailize him to the point he is not able to handle college.
#2 son is in the middle of applying, and I am ready to kill him. He refuses to work on applications and says he doesn't need my help. But, I had to establish his common app account, and will do all the admin work for him too. I am not worried about him falling apart in college- he is much more savvy than my older one. Again, this is too important to let him mess up, although he is doing a good job of it by refusing to write essays. I'm sure they will get done, but its awful right now. And once he is in, I will fade into the background. And he will do fine as well.

+ 1. Exactly!

I bet most of the panickmongers who preach against this approach are paying a college counselor a ton of money to do it for them.

+2. I'm basically the family college counselor. I find the whole process interesting and am a librarian so good at research and have spent a lot of time educating myself about it. I will say I don't just do the admin, I do things like account/portal set up with him. Tell him to sign up for school visits etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lessons learnt

1. It's like pulling teeth

2. " I am almost done" from dc usually means "nothing is done" as kids under-estimate the tasks

3. Give them small, concrete deadlines. Otherwise they will just day dream.

This is SO true in our house. #2 esp. gave me a chuckle. This is our conversation every. single. night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lessons learnt

1. It's like pulling teeth

2. " I am almost done" from dc usually means "nothing is done" as kids under-estimate the tasks

3. Give them small, concrete deadlines. Otherwise they will just day dream.

This is SO true in our house. #2 esp. gave me a chuckle. This is our conversation every. single. night.

Oh yes. I tried all summer to get them to work on essays (I have two boys), reminding them how busy they would be. Researched, printed out online suggestions for specific supplements, etc. Did anyone listen? No. Is anyone's Common App essay done? Nope. Sigh. "But we have until Sunday, mom." Gonna be a fun weekend.

[Anonymous]

I had the satisfaction of my dreamer DD who I HOUNDED to work on her college essay over the summer turning to me this week and saying - "thanks for encouraging me to work on all this early". RN we are drowning in supplemental essays (an Ivy reach school asks for almost 10 additional essays - wtf?!) but I am still basking in that thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lessons learnt

1. It's like pulling teeth

2. " I am almost done" from dc usually means "nothing is done" as kids under-estimate the tasks

3. Give them small, concrete deadlines. Otherwise they will just day dream.

hahahahahah YES.

[Anonymous]

I will admit that I paid a college counselor a ton of money over the last 4 months to keep my child on track with application and essays. I have the money and it has been a relatively stress-free experience. My DC has finished and turned in all the ED/EA applications. This worked well for our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, things have really changed since I applied to college about 20 years ago. I don’t think my parents knew any of the various deadlines or pieces of the applications and definitely didn’t know which teachers I asked for recs (let alone writing the requests for me) or what I wrote my essays about. They took me to visit colleges but I handled the entire app process myself soup to nuts. Kept track of the deadlines, filled out the apps (by hand back then), compiled everything and mailed it off. Was accepted to multiple Ivys. I wasn’t planning on doing what it sounds like most on this thread are doing for my kids (still in elementary) but maybe I’ll be in for a rude awakening.

It's way harder now Dude.

How is it harder? Do you mean the competition is more intense or the process itself is harder? (I’m asking seriously, I’m not there yet with my kids.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:-For those who applied 20 years ago, the process has changed! When you child applies to multiple schools + keeping up their GPA in AP classes + extra curriculars, it is A LOT!

-All CC’s are not created equal. You are very fortunate in DCUM land that a certain GPA guarantees acceptance to UVA, UMD etc. Do you realize that does not happen in other states?
Additionally, not all credits are accepted.

I mean, I applied to college in 1999. I was taking multiple AP classes, had time-consuming extracurricular activities (including marching band and a part-time job at the mall), AND had to fill out an individual application for each college -- no common app back then. Individual essays specific to each school. Applications typed on a typewriter in the space provided. It was also the nascent days of widespread internet, so I actually had to go to the bookstore or library to read Princeton Review-style guides and request brochures from schools I was interested in way ahead of time through snail mail.

I got accepted into an Ivy, Stanford, and the small liberal arts college I ultimately attended. My classmates were super intelligent, self-sufficient, and self-motivated. I cannot even imagine how someone whose mommy had to orchestrate the application process would even fare in a top-tier school.

Correction, I applied to college in fall of 1998, graduated from high school in 1999.

Maybe 20 years ago AP classes, marching band, and a job would guarantee you ivy league acceptances but that's not the case today as admissions are just getting more and more competitive. Nowadays it's a crapshoot even for kids with international awards and leadership positions in everything. Take a look at the acceptance rates, they've all fallen DRASTICALLY. Also, each school DOES still have specific essays - that's the whole point of supplementals. There's no doubt modern conveniences have made some aspects of college apps easier but in many ways, it's much, much harder and more stressful.

As long as parents aren't actively writing their kids' essays for them, I don't see anything wrong with offering support if they are willing to and the child needs it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious. The posters who are saying they did everything by themselves with no help at all - are any of them men?

My son is handling it pretty much all on his own, though he does meet with his HS guidance counselor frequently. The only thing I've done is handle the ACT registration--which he also could have done on his own but turned out to be a good thing with all the cancellations. I spent a ton of time on rescheduling and monitoring test-site closures, which resulted in him getting a slot this fall that he might not have finagled on his own.