I'm finding this application process pretty stressful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right now, where my kid is stuck is at a point where I can't help. It's getting the supplemental essays/short answer questions done. The Common App is finished, the main essay is done, transcripts have been requested and SAT scores sent. But DC has come to a compete standstill and simply can't get motivated to finish the last bunch of applications despite knowing when the deadlines are. I've decided not to worry; I'll ask one more time about a week out from the deadline, then drop it and the kid simply won't have those schools as possible options if things don't get finished.

My bigger stressor is my husband, who is sitting on the FAFSA when I've asked him repeatedly to look it over; I already found one issue that needed fixing when I reviewed it and don't want to pull the trigger on submitting until he's also gone through it in case I missed something else.

Apples don't fall far from the tree, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this, but just help them guys. Most of the common app is just stuff an executive assistant would put in for their boss. Serve as the executive assistant. Type in your address and where you went to college and all that crap stuff that’s in the common app. Let them do the substantive pieces of their writing, asking for recommendations, choosing the colleges. The rest is really just filling out forms. If you buckle down this weekend you could get his his or her main one for early admission submitted.

OP here. I agree with you, PP! I already did the stuff like the address etc that doesn't require her input. I'm going to wait a little longer, and if she doesn't get around to filling out her activities and what majors she is interested for each college, I'll just make my best guess.

Very few kids do these things on their own. Either the parents help or pay someone to.

Keep telling yourself this.

Some kids actually get their act together.

Though I will agree, senior year is ALOT.

(I hated the fact that all Admitted STudents Days seemed to span the same two weekends. In different parts of the country . And I think you were only allowed to miss two school days to tend to all of this. While they are taking AP's!)
I wish the colleges and high schools could coordinate, so high school demands subsided during the crucial few weeks between admissions and decisions. Perhaps, this will be less of an issue this year, due to COVID,
Though I will say that overnight visits to her accepted schools actually did help my daughter a lot with her final decision.

[Anonymous]

My daughter applied to college last year. It is very stressful. I think the US process is ridiculous and needs to be revamped. Way too time consuming and stressful. If your kid is having trouble getting essays done, make sure you have some state schools on the list. They have so many applications that essays just have to be good enough. Unlike ivys and other top schools where your essays really need to be as close to perfection as you can get.

Maybe have your kid do a couple of rolling applications like Pitt and Penn State to take the pressure off

[Anonymous]

I just finished my DS's app last night. Kidding, kidding

[Anonymous]

My tips.

yes, weekly meeting. we have been doing 10 minutes on Saturday morning for the past 2 months.

if aiming for Nov 1 deadline, remember if it is late, there is still the January deadline

I have helped with a few things. I did the FAFSA, which I guess most parents do.

I checked with the school to make sure the transcript request was done right It sort of was.

And I have double checked for him to see which schools require official sat scores and which want the SRAR. seems the common app guides the kid there. and then there is Pitt which wants both.

So acting more as an assistant who helps out when needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this, but just help them guys. Most of the common app is just stuff an executive assistant would put in for their boss. Serve as the executive assistant. Type in your address and where you went to college and all that crap stuff that’s in the common app. Let them do the substantive pieces of their writing, asking for recommendations, choosing the colleges. The rest is really just filling out forms. If you buckle down this weekend you could get his his or her main one for early admission submitted.

+1. (NP) After deciding to help this way, I am starting to feel better. With the deadline looming, kid was already throwing his hands up, saying "well, it's too late, I didn't get the teacher brag sheet done." And a ton of overdue homework assignments means he is paralyzed. I told him, no it's most certainly not too late... I helped with the form-filling administrative assistant part this morning.

All he needs to do now, besides keep his GPA from completely falling into the nether, is to write the activity descriptions, and essays, the most feared task of all. I pointed to things he's already written that he might incorporate, plus college-specific things students have recommended in random forums that one might include. Having some suggested content takes away the fear of the blank page a bit.

OP, I've been there done that with an older sibling and I couldn't even stop it from happening a second time around as my desperate pleas over the summer were mostly ignored.

If you are permitted to help with the administrative assistant stuff, proofreading the Common App form contents will already be done and will take a huge load off - I HIGHLY recommend this if your child lets you help. Try to get a good sleep on Halloween and plan to be up until midnight on Nov 1, credit card in hand, waiting for last-minute essays to be finished.

Also, once the Common App essay is done, the app can be submitted. Notice that many colleges' Writing Supplement section is a separate submittal, which can take place days after the app itself was submitted. Getting the app proofread, paid, signed, and submitted, administratively is a huge relief. Then the supplemental essays may feel like a much lighter weight to the kid. (This is no help for the colleges that like to put their supplemental essays in the college's questions section of the app.)

If you don't have permission to help with the administrative end, I would at least require proofreading of the app sections - kid can press the Preview button for the section, make a PDF, and email that to you. Very reassuring, plus you can then mark any mistakes with a red pen so they can fix it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually woke up at 2:30 all stressed out. My DC is a procrastinator and I can just see us on the upcoming deadline nights trying to get an application out and possibly missing something. My concern isn't "will DC get into X college," but just, "Will DC make the deadline?"

I just want my kid to fledge. Unlike the post from a mom who is getting weepy as she realizes her DC will be gone next year (which was a lovely post with sweet replies, btw), I'm just hoping my DC will be gone next year!

It doesn't help that I'm friends with a mom with a kid who is completely different than my kid, and the mom's not even involved in the process as her kid is so "on it."

Is anyone else stressed?

1. It's not your job.
2. It's not your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, once the Common App essay is done, the app can be submitted. Notice that many colleges' Writing Supplement section is a separate submittal, which can take place days after the app itself was submitted. Getting the app proofread, paid, signed, and submitted, administratively is a huge relief. Then the supplemental essays may feel like a much lighter weight to the kid. (This is no help for the colleges that like to put their supplemental essays in the college's questions section of the app.)

For some kids, this can take a very big weight off. Get that app in soon if the Common App essay is done, and then worry about the writing supplements afterward to the extent that they are separate submissions. It can be a much smoother approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is their life, not yours. Sure, help them with a spreadsheet, and then let go. They either meet the deadlines or they end up at Community College...

Community College is not part of our family's plans. We will do what's necessary to maximize my family members' outcome and CC does not fit that bill. You can choose not to.

It is not "your family's outcome." It is his (or hers) alone. They have to attend college solo, and succeed for fail there. You are not helping them prepare for those years by being too quick to jump in and save them now.

By doing this now, I'm freeing him up to focus on his school and essays. We teach our kids to swim, not throw them in the water and hope they survive. Assuming I do nothing and he ends up at a CC, his lifetime earnings and lifestyle will be impacted. How dumb that you'd be OK with that? Depends on the family, I suppose..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is their life, not yours. Sure, help them with a spreadsheet, and then let go. They either meet the deadlines or they end up at Community College...

This PP is trying to take the competition out at the knees.

Poor thing.. That's probably what her mom did to her..

[Anonymous]

I’m sort of... floored here. Lots of 18-year-olds manage to research colleges and fill out applications by the due date. If you have to nag your child to get each step done, they are going to flounder in college, no matter where they get in.

[Anonymous]

Just apply to Michigan everyone gets in

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just apply to Michigan everyone gets in

Emory has a better engineering program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is their life, not yours. Sure, help them with a spreadsheet, and then let go. They either meet the deadlines or they end up at Community College...

Community College is not part of our family's plans. We will do what's necessary to maximize my family members' outcome and CC does not fit that bill. You can choose not to.

It is not "your family's outcome." It is his (or hers) alone. They have to attend college solo, and succeed for fail there. You are not helping them prepare for those years by being too quick to jump in and save them now.

By doing this now, I'm freeing him up to focus on his school and essays. We teach our kids to swim, not throw them in the water and hope they survive. Assuming I do nothing and he ends up at a CC, his lifetime earnings and lifestyle will be impacted. How dumb that you'd be OK with that? Depends on the family, I suppose..

I was not dumb. I raised a responsible kid who did what she had to and got into 7 schools, with 7 merit scholarships.

She accomplished all of that because I had taught HER to handle such tasks, not because I did them for her.

I am sorry your child is not like that. I have certainly helped my child in the past. All I am asking you to consider is whether this has been your pattern all along, so your child relies on it.

Kids like that sometimes crash and burn at college they have NO practice managing their own lives. Just a word of caution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is their life, not yours. Sure, help them with a spreadsheet, and then let go. They either meet the deadlines or they end up at Community College...

Community College is not part of our family's plans. We will do what's necessary to maximize my family members' outcome and CC does not fit that bill. You can choose not to.

It is not "your family's outcome." It is his (or hers) alone. They have to attend college solo, and succeed for fail there. You are not helping them prepare for those years by being too quick to jump in and save them now.

By doing this now, I'm freeing him up to focus on his school and essays. We teach our kids to swim, not throw them in the water and hope they survive. Assuming I do nothing and he ends up at a CC, his lifetime earnings and lifestyle will be impacted. How dumb that you'd be OK with that? Depends on the family, I suppose..

I was not dumb. I raised a responsible kid who did what she had to and got into 7 schools, with 7 merit scholarships.

She accomplished all of that because I had taught HER to handle such tasks, not because I did them for her.

I am sorry your child is not like that. I have certainly helped my child in the past. All I am asking you to consider is whether this has been your pattern all along, so your child relies on it.

Kids like that sometimes crash and burn at college they have NO practice managing their own lives. Just a word of caution.

Sorry if I came across as mean. Your child is probably a go-getter who's normally on top of things and takes full responsibility. Mine is selective in terms what he wants to focus on so in areas where he is not, we need to push him or help out. I'd rather he get to a good college and let him fail than fail now and go to CC.
Question for you.. what would you have done if your daughter did not show much initiative with college apps knowing fully well how smart she is would you have let her fail and go to CC?