I'm finding this application process pretty stressful

[Anonymous]

<<My kid is a white boy with no LDs, and there is no way in hell I am going to let him think that someone with his advantages is also entitled to have a woman sparing him the tedium of administrative grunt work.>>

I really like how you think, and suspect that your son will make a great life partner in a few years!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:<<My kid is a white boy with no LDs, and there is no way in hell I am going to let him think that someone with his advantages is also entitled to have a woman sparing him the tedium of administrative grunt work.>>

I really like how you think, and suspect that your son will make a great life partner in a few years!

He'd still be too young for you

[Anonymous]

OP here; interesting discussion. I've got a few thoughts that are unrelated to each other:

1) Our school informed us (in bold type, with underlined words, no less!) that the college deadline (e.g. Nov. 1) is for the student only. Letters of rec and transcripts can come in two weeks later. Colleges recognize that the kids don't have control on that.

2) That one PP that said she wrote her kid's essay had mis-typed, and you'll see that in a later post.

3) I am the product of some of the PP's nightmare CC scenario. I was handling my app myself, no college advisor, no parent involvement, nothing. I was only applying to one college because I didn't know any better.

I had my application ready on the due date, and went to the post office to drop it off. Long story short, they postmarked it the following day, so the college informed me that I was a late applicant and would not be considered until the following summer.

I got in in August, but by that time housing was all done, and I didn't know what to do.

So I went to the local community college and lived at home.

I ended up transferring to a good university and ultimately ended up at Harvard Law School. So just saying, CC is not the end of the world.

That said, in our situation, it would be better for both my DC and for me for DC to move away. Due to minimal hands-on parenting or resources, I was functioning almost like a adult by the time I was 17. In contrast, my DC has the luxury of a lot of resources, and for someone like her, living away from home would be the logical next step in her development. So I totally understand that some PPs don't want to put CC as an option.

4) My memory is fuzzy as I haven't re-read this one post, but I keep thinking of one of the earlier posts in this thread where a PP said, if we just complete x and y, we can get out DC's app(s) this weekend (which would be last weekend, I think. But even if it's in reference to this weekend--) I just keep thinking about it. I'm curious if that PP's DC got their apps out.

I also can't wait until I'm in the position to say something similar. What a wonderful mental place to be in, the post-submission place! It will be nice to be on the other side, the waiting side. Still not heaven, but at least there will be no to-do list. Here is wishing to all of us on this thread that we get there soon and our paths are not too burdensome.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read all the posts but I’m shocked at the level of hand-holding going on here. This is why kids call their mom every day when in college and after getting married, why kids are still asking parents to proof their report AT WORK, and generally can’t be independent. Stop.

[Anonymous]

Please step in to help where you can, OP. It’ll be okay, and your child will not suffer because you assisted in the process. My children are all grown. They all appreciate the help I offered when they needed it, and they’re independent, regardless of the degree of support they needed/cherished during their college years.

Don’t underestimate how much they’ll mature between 18 and 22. Hugs to you, and I hope your fledgling will leave the nest as expected!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read all the posts but I’m shocked at the level of hand-holding going on here. This is why kids call their mom every day when in college and after getting married, why kids are still asking parents to proof their report AT WORK, and generally can’t be independent. Stop.

I’m 51, and I call my mom every day. I love it when my kids call me. I’m independent and successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please step in to help where you can, OP. It’ll be okay, and your child will not suffer because you assisted in the process. My children are all grown. They all appreciate the help I offered when they needed it, and they’re independent, regardless of the degree of support they needed/cherished during their college years.

Don’t underestimate how much they’ll mature between 18 and 22. Hugs to you, and I hope your fledgling will leave the nest as expected!

I agree with this advice. I have twins who are seniors. My girl twin completed the common app and Naviance on her own and with the help of her college counselor. She only asked me to confirm family information. Her brother was dragging his feet, I think, because he may have felt overwhelmed. I helped him complete it. He had the pieces of information but wasn’t quite in what order of importance and phrasing certain descriptions. It took the stress away for him. And, they both got it done with varying levels of support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here; interesting discussion. I've got a few thoughts that are unrelated to each other:

4) My memory is fuzzy as I haven't re-read this one post, but I keep thinking of one of the earlier posts in this thread where a PP said, if we just complete x and y, we can get out DC's app(s) this weekend (which would be last weekend, I think. But even if it's in reference to this weekend--) I just keep thinking about it. I'm curious if that PP's DC got their apps out.

I think this was me. No apps done, but the kid has a long weekend, so the weekend's not over yet LOL! The Common App now includes the little red clock symbol for Nov 1 deadlines. First job is to get the Common App essay done. He has kicked around ideas and written bits, but hasn't looked at it in a while. Nothing quite like a deadline to help crystalize one's thoughts.

Once the Common App essay is done and pasted in, he can start submitting. First app, a rolling safety with no supplement. Second, a low match with an easy supplement that shouldn't take long. Third, a target with EA. There's another possible target that involves a supplement that he liked a year ago and should get added to the list for good measure, but I'm trying not to broach that until these apps are done. Hoping by that point, he'll be on a roll. After that, on to the high target/low reach not due until Nov 15. After that first app or two, they will fall like dominoes, I hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:<<My kid is a white boy with no LDs, and there is no way in hell I am going to let him think that someone with his advantages is also entitled to have a woman sparing him the tedium of administrative grunt work.>>

I really like how you think, and suspect that your son will make a great life partner in a few years!

He'd still be too young for you

Boy's mom here, and I have no idea of his preferences, so let's not rule anything out

[Anonymous]

I don't recall my parents being very involved in my college search - other than dictating budget and insisting that I visit one particular school that my dad liked -- but 1) they hadn't been to college themselves 2) admissions was much less competitive then and 3) my sister went through the whole process the year before I did so from watching her and talking about it I'd learned what to expect.

Applying for college is, for most kids, the biggest project they have ever taken on, has a huge impact on the next phase of their life, and is one of the biggest purchases a family makes. I can't imagine a parent just telling their kid to go off and deal with it 100% on their own. Yes, some kids can jump right in and handle most of it. But, some find it overwhelming and need a coach to help them learn how to do it and there's nothing wrong with that IMO. Probably even more so this year when they aren't at school where it's easy to compare notes with peers or are getting info more easily from the school counselors.

My involvement has been starting things off by initiating college tours, talking with DS about his likes/dislikes from those, doing some initial research to narrow the overwhelming field of schools, teaching him about net price calculators and then letting him do the exploration to decide on his list. I've proofed his essay and common app and made some suggestions but he writes everything. We've sat down together to watch the info videos from his high school about how to handle their process for transcripts and LORs and I've coached him on how to ask via email for the recommendations. I worked with him to create a spreadsheet of deadlines and list of to-dos to meet those. We meet weekly to check in on how he's progressing.

I figure my role is to teach him how to manage this big project, how to get organized and stay on track plus being a proofreader. Some kids may not need the project management coaching but if the parent isn't proofreading things before they go out I hope your child is at least having a teacher or peer do that. FWIW, I also proofread for DH when he writing something important and he does the same for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:<<My kid is a white boy with no LDs, and there is no way in hell I am going to let him think that someone with his advantages is also entitled to have a woman sparing him the tedium of administrative grunt work.>>

I really like how you think, and suspect that your son will make a great life partner in a few years!

He'd still be too young for you

Duh, I was hoping to set him up with my daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't recall my parents being very involved in my college search - other than dictating budget and insisting that I visit one particular school that my dad liked -- but 1) they hadn't been to college themselves 2) admissions was much less competitive then and 3) my sister went through the whole process the year before I did so from watching her and talking about it I'd learned what to expect.

Applying for college is, for most kids, the biggest project they have ever taken on, has a huge impact on the next phase of their life, and is one of the biggest purchases a family makes. I can't imagine a parent just telling their kid to go off and deal with it 100% on their own. Yes, some kids can jump right in and handle most of it. But, some find it overwhelming and need a coach to help them learn how to do it and there's nothing wrong with that IMO. Probably even more so this year when they aren't at school where it's easy to compare notes with peers or are getting info more easily from the school counselors.

My involvement has been starting things off by initiating college tours, talking with DS about his likes/dislikes from those, doing some initial research to narrow the overwhelming field of schools, teaching him about net price calculators and then letting him do the exploration to decide on his list. I've proofed his essay and common app and made some suggestions but he writes everything. We've sat down together to watch the info videos from his high school about how to handle their process for transcripts and LORs and I've coached him on how to ask via email for the recommendations. I worked with him to create a spreadsheet of deadlines and list of to-dos to meet those. We meet weekly to check in on how he's progressing.

I figure my role is to teach him how to manage this big project, how to get organized and stay on track plus being a proofreader. Some kids may not need the project management coaching but if the parent isn't proofreading things before they go out I hope your child is at least having a teacher or peer do that. FWIW, I also proofread for DH when he writing something important and he does the same for me.

Your level of involvement is about what mine was...so of course I think it was perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here; interesting discussion. I've got a few thoughts that are unrelated to each other:

1) Our school informed us (in bold type, with underlined words, no less!) that the college deadline (e.g. Nov. 1) is for the student only. Letters of rec and transcripts can come in two weeks later. Colleges recognize that the kids don't have control on that.

2) That one PP that said she wrote her kid's essay had mis-typed, and you'll see that in a later post.

3) I am the product of some of the PP's nightmare CC scenario. I was handling my app myself, no college advisor, no parent involvement, nothing. I was only applying to one college because I didn't know any better.

I had my application ready on the due date, and went to the post office to drop it off. Long story short, they postmarked it the following day, so the college informed me that I was a late applicant and would not be considered until the following summer.

I got in in August, but by that time housing was all done, and I didn't know what to do.

So I went to the local community college and lived at home.

I ended up transferring to a good university and ultimately ended up at Harvard Law School. So just saying, CC is not the end of the world.

That said, in our situation, it would be better for both my DC and for me for DC to move away. Due to minimal hands-on parenting or resources, I was functioning almost like a adult by the time I was 17. In contrast, my DC has the luxury of a lot of resources, and for someone like her, living away from home would be the logical next step in her development. So I totally understand that some PPs don't want to put CC as an option.

4) My memory is fuzzy as I haven't re-read this one post, but I keep thinking of one of the earlier posts in this thread where a PP said, if we just complete x and y, we can get out DC's app(s) this weekend (which would be last weekend, I think. But even if it's in reference to this weekend--) I just keep thinking about it. I'm curious if that PP's DC got their apps out.

I also can't wait until I'm in the position to say something similar. What a wonderful mental place to be in, the post-submission place! It will be nice to be on the other side, the waiting side. Still not heaven, but at least there will be no to-do list. Here is wishing to all of us on this thread that we get there soon and our paths are not too burdensome.

Hate to break it to you, but the whole year is pretty stressful. My favorite part was when the acceptances started rolling in. Schools manage to pull off some fanfare (like confetti falling on the email announcement or the like). Then there is the big reveal when you find out how much merit aid they are offering. We were pleasantly surprised that she got generous offers from multiple schools. So that part of the process was fun. She felt sought after and in the driver's seat.

Trying to attend all of the Admitted STudent events (in a very short timeframe), while taking advanced high school classes was hard. As was the decision process. She is definitely the one who decided, but it felt very momentous and the best option was far from clear. In retrospect, she chose well. But my point is that all along the way, senior year was pretty stressful. And that was pre-CORONA!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:-For those who applied 20 years ago, the process has changed! When you child applies to multiple schools + keeping up their GPA in AP classes + extra curriculars, it is A LOT!

-All CC’s are not created equal. You are very fortunate in DCUM land that a certain GPA guarantees acceptance to UVA, UMD etc. Do you realize that does not happen in other states?
Additionally, not all credits are accepted.

I mean, I applied to college in 1999. I was taking multiple AP classes, had time-consuming extracurricular activities (including marching band and a part-time job at the mall), AND had to fill out an individual application for each college -- no common app back then. Individual essays specific to each school. Applications typed on a typewriter in the space provided. It was also the nascent days of widespread internet, so I actually had to go to the bookstore or library to read Princeton Review-style guides and request brochures from schools I was interested in way ahead of time through snail mail.

I got accepted into an Ivy, Stanford, and the small liberal arts college I ultimately attended. My classmates were super intelligent, self-sufficient, and self-motivated. I cannot even imagine how someone whose mommy had to orchestrate the application process would even fare in a top-tier school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:-For those who applied 20 years ago, the process has changed! When you child applies to multiple schools + keeping up their GPA in AP classes + extra curriculars, it is A LOT!

-All CC’s are not created equal. You are very fortunate in DCUM land that a certain GPA guarantees acceptance to UVA, UMD etc. Do you realize that does not happen in other states?
Additionally, not all credits are accepted.

I mean, I applied to college in 1999. I was taking multiple AP classes, had time-consuming extracurricular activities (including marching band and a part-time job at the mall), AND had to fill out an individual application for each college -- no common app back then. Individual essays specific to each school. Applications typed on a typewriter in the space provided. It was also the nascent days of widespread internet, so I actually had to go to the bookstore or library to read Princeton Review-style guides and request brochures from schools I was interested in way ahead of time through snail mail.

I got accepted into an Ivy, Stanford, and the small liberal arts college I ultimately attended. My classmates were super intelligent, self-sufficient, and self-motivated. I cannot even imagine how someone whose mommy had to orchestrate the application process would even fare in a top-tier school.

Correction, I applied to college in fall of 1998, graduated from high school in 1999.