I'm finding this application process pretty stressful

[Anonymous]

I would have tried to help her come up with a system to remember what to do when.

I would have talked him through the possible consequences of not making those deadlines. (Which, if you were not being melodramatic, would probably mean enrolling in a less prestigious private school, rather than a community college. There are always second tier private schools that have spaces left in the spring.)

I would have really praised any progress/independence/maturity he showed.

BUT, I would have started letting him experience the natural consequences of his actions at a younger age. I suspect your kid would not like that. He might have learned from that. It just sounds like this is the dance you two do, and he has that figured out. So he can do what he feels like because you will always step in rather than let him "fail."

It might have made a difference to be less of a rescuer when he was younger. OR, this is just how your kid is, and he will pay the price eventually. OR you will continue, even when he is in college to try to save him from the consequences of his choices. I don't think the latter is a good formula for raising responsible adults.

[Anonymous]

My DD was completely independent and in control of apps a few years ago. This year, my DS is struggling and needs more help. Different kids. Different time. She was able to visit her ED school 3 times. He has only seen his virtually. This year is particularly challenging and stressful for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Not sure if this deserves a separate thread or not, but my DC is not receiving responses to follow-up emails about their letter of recommendation from one teacher. This teacher agreed to write the rec last spring and teaches the subject that DC wants to major in at college. Being fully DL, it is impossible for DC to connect with the teacher through any means other than email. DC has contacted her counselor about this, but the teacher is still AWOL and Nov 1 is approaching.

Have any of your DCs experienced this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if this deserves a separate thread or not, but my DC is not receiving responses to follow-up emails about their letter of recommendation from one teacher. This teacher agreed to write the rec last spring and teaches the subject that DC wants to major in at college. Being fully DL, it is impossible for DC to connect with the teacher through any means other than email. DC has contacted her counselor about this, but the teacher is still AWOL and Nov 1 is approaching.

Have any of your DCs experienced this?

We are going through this as well. Both teachers have been provided all the inputs they asked for and in one case DC got to review the recommendation with the teacher. However, it has not been uploaded to Common App yet. Not sure if they are coordinating with the school counselor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if this deserves a separate thread or not, but my DC is not receiving responses to follow-up emails about their letter of recommendation from one teacher. This teacher agreed to write the rec last spring and teaches the subject that DC wants to major in at college. Being fully DL, it is impossible for DC to connect with the teacher through any means other than email. DC has contacted her counselor about this, but the teacher is still AWOL and Nov 1 is approaching.

Have any of your DCs experienced this?

We are going through this as well. Both teachers have been provided all the inputs they asked for and in one case DC got to review the recommendation with the teacher. However, it has not been uploaded to Common App yet. Not sure if they are coordinating with the school counselor.

Hopefully, the recommendations will be uploaded soon for your DC.

My DC's teacher is "ghosting" them and it is not clear if she will write the recommendation or not. DC has a backup plan, but it would sure be nice if the teacher returned my DC's email query. Nothing like compounding the stress for HS seniors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if this deserves a separate thread or not, but my DC is not receiving responses to follow-up emails about their letter of recommendation from one teacher. This teacher agreed to write the rec last spring and teaches the subject that DC wants to major in at college. Being fully DL, it is impossible for DC to connect with the teacher through any means other than email. DC has contacted her counselor about this, but the teacher is still AWOL and Nov 1 is approaching.

Have any of your DCs experienced this?

AT my kid's school, once the teacher had agreed, their name gets admitted to the college & career planning office and THAT office takes over.

Are you sure your kid is supposed to be following up, once the teacher has agreed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if this deserves a separate thread or not, but my DC is not receiving responses to follow-up emails about their letter of recommendation from one teacher. This teacher agreed to write the rec last spring and teaches the subject that DC wants to major in at college. Being fully DL, it is impossible for DC to connect with the teacher through any means other than email. DC has contacted her counselor about this, but the teacher is still AWOL and Nov 1 is approaching.

Have any of your DCs experienced this?

We are going through this as well. Both teachers have been provided all the inputs they asked for and in one case DC got to review the recommendation with the teacher. However, it has not been uploaded to Common App yet. Not sure if they are coordinating with the school counselor.

Hopefully, the recommendations will be uploaded soon for your DC.

My DC's teacher is "ghosting" them and it is not clear if she will write the recommendation or not. DC has a backup plan, but it would sure be nice if the teacher returned my DC's email query. Nothing like compounding the stress for HS seniors.

Kids are not supposed to see the rec. Colleges prefer that kids waive this ability, because it lends credibility to the letter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if this deserves a separate thread or not, but my DC is not receiving responses to follow-up emails about their letter of recommendation from one teacher. This teacher agreed to write the rec last spring and teaches the subject that DC wants to major in at college. Being fully DL, it is impossible for DC to connect with the teacher through any means other than email. DC has contacted her counselor about this, but the teacher is still AWOL and Nov 1 is approaching.

Have any of your DCs experienced this?

We are going through this as well. Both teachers have been provided all the inputs they asked for and in one case DC got to review the recommendation with the teacher. However, it has not been uploaded to Common App yet. Not sure if they are coordinating with the school counselor.

Hopefully, the recommendations will be uploaded soon for your DC.

My DC's teacher is "ghosting" them and it is not clear if she will write the recommendation or not. DC has a backup plan, but it would sure be nice if the teacher returned my DC's email query. Nothing like compounding the stress for HS seniors.

Kids are not supposed to see the rec. Colleges prefer that kids waive this ability, because it lends credibility to the letter.

They can't see it, but eventually, they can see whether it was submitted, just like the rest of their application requirements. There is an indication both in the Common App and in the college's admission portal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if this deserves a separate thread or not, but my DC is not receiving responses to follow-up emails about their letter of recommendation from one teacher. This teacher agreed to write the rec last spring and teaches the subject that DC wants to major in at college. Being fully DL, it is impossible for DC to connect with the teacher through any means other than email. DC has contacted her counselor about this, but the teacher is still AWOL and Nov 1 is approaching.

Have any of your DCs experienced this?

Yes. But he requested letters from 4 teachers before February break. He decided to do this knowing that he needed a couple of them early. Two uploaded by June. He reminded the other two by emailing something like this:

This teacher is an AP and also an alum of one of the colleges DS is applying to. Note the word strong...it gives the teacher an out if they don't feel strongly about student and also reassures student that they will write a strong letter

Subject: LOR reminder

Mr. XY,

Hope all is well. I'm sorry if I'm imposing. Are you still considering writing a strong letter of recommendation for me? I'm applying to a couple of colleges early and need your letter by September 29th. Your letter is important because you mentioned that l I'd be a good fit for your (alma mater). If you've changed your mind, I understand. If you need any additional info, please let me know. I've attached my updated resume and brag sheet that Ms. XX required for her letter.

Look forward to seeing you in the halls when hybrid starts.

Again, thank you so much!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if this deserves a separate thread or not, but my DC is not receiving responses to follow-up emails about their letter of recommendation from one teacher. This teacher agreed to write the rec last spring and teaches the subject that DC wants to major in at college. Being fully DL, it is impossible for DC to connect with the teacher through any means other than email. DC has contacted her counselor about this, but the teacher is still AWOL and Nov 1 is approaching.

Have any of your DCs experienced this?

We are going through this as well. Both teachers have been provided all the inputs they asked for and in one case DC got to review the recommendation with the teacher. However, it has not been uploaded to Common App yet. Not sure if they are coordinating with the school counselor.

Hopefully, the recommendations will be uploaded soon for your DC.

My DC's teacher is "ghosting" them and it is not clear if she will write the recommendation or not. DC has a backup plan, but it would sure be nice if the teacher returned my DC's email query. Nothing like compounding the stress for HS seniors.

Kids are not supposed to see the rec. Colleges prefer that kids waive this ability, because it lends credibility to the letter.

They can't see it, but eventually, they can see whether it was submitted, just like the rest of their application requirements. There is an indication both in the Common App and in the college's admission portal.

PP poster said kid actually got to REVIEW the recommendation. Just alerting other parents to the fact that this is frowned upon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if this deserves a separate thread or not, but my DC is not receiving responses to follow-up emails about their letter of recommendation from one teacher. This teacher agreed to write the rec last spring and teaches the subject that DC wants to major in at college. Being fully DL, it is impossible for DC to connect with the teacher through any means other than email. DC has contacted her counselor about this, but the teacher is still AWOL and Nov 1 is approaching.

Have any of your DCs experienced this?

Yes. But he requested letters from 4 teachers before February break. He decided to do this knowing that he needed a couple of them early. Two uploaded by June. He reminded the other two by emailing something like this:

This teacher is an AP and also an alum of one of the colleges DS is applying to. Note the word strong...it gives the teacher an out if they don't feel strongly about student and also reassures student that they will write a strong letter

Subject: LOR reminder

Mr. XY,

Hope all is well. I'm sorry if I'm imposing. Are you still considering writing a strong letter of recommendation for me? I'm applying to a couple of colleges early and need your letter by September 29th. Your letter is important because you mentioned that l I'd be a good fit for your (alma mater). If you've changed your mind, I understand. If you need any additional info, please let me know. I've attached my updated resume and brag sheet that Ms. XX required for her letter.

Look forward to seeing you in the halls when hybrid starts.

Again, thank you so much!

Sorry, but I think "strong" is too much. I am a professor and have been asked for recommendations from MANY students. None ever used language in their request which suggested what direction my letter should take.

It is understood that if you would not write a positive letter, you should decline. No need to to interject "strong." I think it is ill advised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm right there with you, OP. My DS is a procrasinator, and the more I push for something (and I really try not to push) the more he resists.

I did do what PPs have mentioned and after a tension filled afternoon of starting the common app a few weeks ago, I ended up entering a lot of the tedious stuff on the common app myself. And got him started on his requests to teachers for recommendations, and did the transript requests and wrote his essay (although in his school, they spend time in English working on it).

I'm happy to report that we actually got one submitted last night! It was for a 10/15 early action deadline. And yes, I know I'm not supposed to say "we" submitted it, but it was certainly a "we" effort.

I really draw the line at writing his essay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sort of... floored here. Lots of 18-year-olds manage to research colleges and fill out applications by the due date. If you have to nag your child to get each step done, they are going to flounder in college, no matter where they get in.

This is what I don't understand. At colleges, and you can tell which kids manage for themselves, and which just don't know how to function. You really can't hold their hand for every little thing, it is debilitating. For parents who claim their kids have "anxiety" or whatever - stop doing this to them! t will do wonders for their "anxiety" if you just have a little faith and steer them gently - not ride them every single day for months. Filling out their apps? OMG.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if this deserves a separate thread or not, but my DC is not receiving responses to follow-up emails about their letter of recommendation from one teacher. This teacher agreed to write the rec last spring and teaches the subject that DC wants to major in at college. Being fully DL, it is impossible for DC to connect with the teacher through any means other than email. DC has contacted her counselor about this, but the teacher is still AWOL and Nov 1 is approaching.

Have any of your DCs experienced this?

Yes. But he requested letters from 4 teachers before February break. He decided to do this knowing that he needed a couple of them early. Two uploaded by June. He reminded the other two by emailing something like this:

This teacher is an AP and also an alum of one of the colleges DS is applying to. Note the word strong...it gives the teacher an out if they don't feel strongly about student and also reassures student that they will write a strong letter

Subject: LOR reminder

Mr. XY,

Hope all is well. I'm sorry if I'm imposing. Are you still considering writing a strong letter of recommendation for me? I'm applying to a couple of colleges early and need your letter by September 29th. Your letter is important because you mentioned that l I'd be a good fit for your (alma mater). If you've changed your mind, I understand. If you need any additional info, please let me know. I've attached my updated resume and brag sheet that Ms. XX required for her letter.

Look forward to seeing you in the halls when hybrid starts.

Again, thank you so much!

Sorry, but I think "strong" is too much. I am a professor and have been asked for recommendations from MANY students. None ever used language in their request which suggested what direction my letter should take.

It is understood that if you would not write a positive letter, you should decline. No need to to interject "strong." I think it is ill advised.

If the teacher is not responding, then the teacher does not want to write that letter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if this deserves a separate thread or not, but my DC is not receiving responses to follow-up emails about their letter of recommendation from one teacher. This teacher agreed to write the rec last spring and teaches the subject that DC wants to major in at college. Being fully DL, it is impossible for DC to connect with the teacher through any means other than email. DC has contacted her counselor about this, but the teacher is still AWOL and Nov 1 is approaching.

Have any of your DCs experienced this?

We are going through this as well. Both teachers have been provided all the inputs they asked for and in one case DC got to review the recommendation with the teacher. However, it has not been uploaded to Common App yet. Not sure if they are coordinating with the school counselor.

Hopefully, the recommendations will be uploaded soon for your DC.

My DC's teacher is "ghosting" them and it is not clear if she will write the recommendation or not. DC has a backup plan, but it would sure be nice if the teacher returned my DC's email query. Nothing like compounding the stress for HS seniors.

Kids are not supposed to see the rec. Colleges prefer that kids waive this ability, because it lends credibility to the letter.

They can't see it, but eventually, they can see whether it was submitted, just like the rest of their application requirements. There is an indication both in the Common App and in the college's admission portal.

PP poster said kid actually got to REVIEW the recommendation. Just alerting other parents to the fact that this is frowned upon.

+1

Very much so! Please don't do that to your teen. OML. A recommendation is never intended to be seen by the subject - not in school, at any college level, or professional work. EVER. It nullifies the recommendation. If the teacher is not writing it when you need it, find another teacher - it means the first one doesn't want to write it, and they don't want to say so, and the recommendation will not be as good as it could have been.And please do not use the word "strong" when asking for something.