I'm finding this application process pretty stressful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not alone!

I have heard that boys especially are often out to lunch for this whole process. (Though, I am sure there are exceptions in both genders).

To reduce the fighting, I once heard limit your college discussions to a set time per week. At that meeting (like, say Sunday nights), the kid can present what they have done, what their plans are for the week, show you reminders/alarms on their phone, etc.

I think the more kids lives approach our own,as they must become responsible for meeting the deadlines, it is a stressful handover. Still, they have to learn how to manage this stuff.

Perhaps discuss this "meeting" plan with your DC and they will rise to the occasion. Maybe even say, "I have faith that you can manage this process, since you are almost an adult and will soon be in charge of your own life." (Even if you have NO such faith at all yet).

?

We did this and it worked well. It helped me rein in my anxiety and not let it bubble out in day-to-day conversations, but imposed some order on the process.

Plus, after each Sunday afternoon meeting, a glass of wine was timely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thankfully, my kid is on top of it.

The problem I'm having is trying to manage her expectations.

E.g. she is applying for an Ivy. While her stats are good -- 4.53 GPA with about a dozen APs when she graduates and a 1420 SAT, they're not IVY caliber. She has one smallish hook -- won a competitive scholarship to study language abroad (and has six years of the language). But, I don't think she'll get admitted, although 1420 is 98th percentile this year (scores are down across the board).

Then there is the matter of cost. We are a donut hole family so won't get need-based aid and while we have in-state tuition saved, there's a gap to go private or out-of-state. And I'm not sure borrowing for an ivy is worth it versus, say, UVA or William and Mary or going to a place with guaranteed aid for her stats like Miami University in Ohio. All of these are perfectly good -- even excellent -- schools for undergrads, even if they're not ivies. I don't want her to incur debt.

If you cannot pay for an Ivy League school, why is your DD applying to one?

[Anonymous]

Right now, where my kid is stuck is at a point where I can't help. It's getting the supplemental essays/short answer questions done. The Common App is finished, the main essay is done, transcripts have been requested and SAT scores sent. But DC has come to a compete standstill and simply can't get motivated to finish the last bunch of applications despite knowing when the deadlines are. I've decided not to worry; I'll ask one more time about a week out from the deadline, then drop it and the kid simply won't have those schools as possible options if things don't get finished.

My bigger stressor is my husband, who is sitting on the FAFSA when I've asked him repeatedly to look it over; I already found one issue that needed fixing when I reviewed it and don't want to pull the trigger on submitting until he's also gone through it in case I missed something else.

[Anonymous]

If that's NSLI-Y you're referencing, it's not a hook anymore. If it was an entire academic year instead of summer, perhaps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not alone!

I have heard that boys especially are often out to lunch for this whole process. (Though, I am sure there are exceptions in both genders).

To reduce the fighting, I once heard limit your college discussions to a set time per week. At that meeting (like, say Sunday nights), the kid can present what they have done, what their plans are for the week, show you reminders/alarms on their phone, etc.

I think the more kids lives approach our own,as they must become responsible for meeting the deadlines, it is a stressful handover. Still, they have to learn how to manage this stuff.

Perhaps discuss this "meeting" plan with your DC and they will rise to the occasion. Maybe even say, "I have faith that you can manage this process, since you are almost an adult and will soon be in charge of your own life." (Even if you have NO such faith at all yet).

?

We did this and it worked well. It helped me rein in my anxiety and not let it bubble out in day-to-day conversations, but imposed some order on the process.

Plus, after each Sunday afternoon meeting, a glass of wine was timely.

We've been doing this too. I will say that meeting ended up turning into a working meeting when he didn't do what was agreed to for the week. e.g. you were supposed to send your resume to the teacher who is writing a LOR, enter your recommenders into Naviance, update the list of schools you are applying to. Oh, didn't do it? Then we are doing it right now. Definitely helped to get the process going. And lately I've seen DS actually taking time to work on the supplements without me nagging and ask me to review them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thankfully, my kid is on top of it.

The problem I'm having is trying to manage her expectations.

E.g. she is applying for an Ivy. While her stats are good -- 4.53 GPA with about a dozen APs when she graduates and a 1420 SAT, they're not IVY caliber. She has one smallish hook -- won a competitive scholarship to study language abroad (and has six years of the language). But, I don't think she'll get admitted, although 1420 is 98th percentile this year (scores are down across the board).

Then there is the matter of cost. We are a donut hole family so won't get need-based aid and while we have in-state tuition saved, there's a gap to go private or out-of-state. And I'm not sure borrowing for an ivy is worth it versus, say, UVA or William and Mary or going to a place with guaranteed aid for her stats like Miami University in Ohio. All of these are perfectly good -- even excellent -- schools for undergrads, even if they're not ivies. I don't want her to incur debt.

If you cannot pay for an Ivy League school, why is your DD applying to one?

This. DS has stats to be competitive for some of those highly-selective schools but we aren't paying $70k/yr for college so they just aren't on the list. His reaches are only schools we can afford. He's mainly applying to safeties and matches with a high confidence of good merit aid. If you want merit aid you have to lean into finding safeties you love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not alone!

I have heard that boys especially are often out to lunch for this whole process. (Though, I am sure there are exceptions in both genders).

To reduce the fighting, I once heard limit your college discussions to a set time per week. At that meeting (like, say Sunday nights), the kid can present what they have done, what their plans are for the week, show you reminders/alarms on their phone, etc.

I think the more kids lives approach our own,as they must become responsible for meeting the deadlines, it is a stressful handover. Still, they have to learn how to manage this stuff.

Perhaps discuss this "meeting" plan with your DC and they will rise to the occasion. Maybe even say, "I have faith that you can manage this process, since you are almost an adult and will soon be in charge of your own life." (Even if you have NO such faith at all yet).

?

We did this and it worked well. It helped me rein in my anxiety and not let it bubble out in day-to-day conversations, but imposed some order on the process.

Plus, after each Sunday afternoon meeting, a glass of wine was timely.

We've been doing this too. I will say that meeting ended up turning into a working meeting when he didn't do what was agreed to for the week. e.g. you were supposed to send your resume to the teacher who is writing a LOR, enter your recommenders into Naviance, update the list of schools you are applying to. Oh, didn't do it? Then we are doing it right now. Definitely helped to get the process going. And lately I've seen DS actually taking time to work on the supplements without me nagging and ask me to review them.

This is a great idea - a set time each week (with wine after!) for college app discussions. I tend to just pass my anxiety on to my DD every time she walks past me. She actually pointed out that when she said she was doing something interesting/fun/happy, I would immediately say - BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SUPPLEMENTAL ESSAYS? every time. And she's right. Love the idea of a planned time to discuss.

(And I'm the weepy OP from the other thread! Weepy AND stressed, apparently!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thankfully, my kid is on top of it.

The problem I'm having is trying to manage her expectations.

E.g. she is applying for an Ivy. While her stats are good -- 4.53 GPA with about a dozen APs when she graduates and a 1420 SAT, they're not IVY caliber. She has one smallish hook -- won a competitive scholarship to study language abroad (and has six years of the language). But, I don't think she'll get admitted, although 1420 is 98th percentile this year (scores are down across the board).

Then there is the matter of cost. We are a donut hole family so won't get need-based aid and while we have in-state tuition saved, there's a gap to go private or out-of-state. And I'm not sure borrowing for an ivy is worth it versus, say, UVA or William and Mary or going to a place with guaranteed aid for her stats like Miami University in Ohio. All of these are perfectly good -- even excellent -- schools for undergrads, even if they're not ivies. I don't want her to incur debt.

If you cannot pay for an Ivy League school, why is your DD applying to one?

Pp here. Honestly? Because I don’t think she will get in and don’t want to discourage her by telling her not to apply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm right there with you, OP. My DS is a procrasinator, and the more I push for something (and I really try not to push) the more he resists.

I did do what PPs have mentioned and after a tension filled afternoon of starting the common app a few weeks ago, I ended up entering a lot of the tedious stuff on the common app myself. And got him started on his requests to teachers for recommendations, and did the transript requests and wrote his essay (although in his school, they spend time in English working on it).

I'm happy to report that we actually got one submitted last night! It was for a 10/15 early action deadline. And yes, I know I'm not supposed to say "we" submitted it, but it was certainly a "we" effort.

Oh goodness I just re-read this and it looks like *I* did the teacher recommendation requests and transcript requests. No, DS did those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm right there with you, OP. My DS is a procrasinator, and the more I push for something (and I really try not to push) the more he resists.

I did do what PPs have mentioned and after a tension filled afternoon of starting the common app a few weeks ago, I ended up entering a lot of the tedious stuff on the common app myself. And got him started on his requests to teachers for recommendations, and did the transript requests and wrote his essay (although in his school, they spend time in English working on it).

I'm happy to report that we actually got one submitted last night! It was for a 10/15 early action deadline. And yes, I know I'm not supposed to say "we" submitted it, but it was certainly a "we" effort.

Oh goodness I just re-read this and it looks like *I* did the teacher recommendation requests and transcript requests. No, DS did those.

Why are you afraid of the anonymous a-hole critics? If you did it, you did. I have done a lot of similar tasks. Clicking buttons to request some information, scheduling virtual campus tours, completed the common and coalition app details, etc. What's wrong with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is their life, not yours. Sure, help them with a spreadsheet, and then let go. They either meet the deadlines or they end up at Community College...

Community College is not part of our family's plans. We will do what's necessary to maximize my family members' outcome and CC does not fit that bill. You can choose not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm right there with you, OP. My DS is a procrasinator, and the more I push for something (and I really try not to push) the more he resists.

I did do what PPs have mentioned and after a tension filled afternoon of starting the common app a few weeks ago, I ended up entering a lot of the tedious stuff on the common app myself. And got him started on his requests to teachers for recommendations, and did the transript requests and wrote his essay (although in his school, they spend time in English working on it).

I'm happy to report that we actually got one submitted last night! It was for a 10/15 early action deadline. And yes, I know I'm not supposed to say "we" submitted it, but it was certainly a "we" effort.

Oh goodness I just re-read this and it looks like *I* did the teacher recommendation requests and transcript requests. No, DS did those.

If it makes you feel better, PP, I knew what you meant in your initial post. Congrats on getting one submitted!

If DD can just revise the CA essay, we can get two of hers out this weekend (two EAs that don’t require supplemental essays). Fingers crossed! And good luck to all the other stressed out parents!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this, but just help them guys. Most of the common app is just stuff an executive assistant would put in for their boss. Serve as the executive assistant. Type in your address and where you went to college and all that crap stuff that’s in the common app. Let them do the substantive pieces of their writing, asking for recommendations, choosing the colleges. The rest is really just filling out forms. If you buckle down this weekend you could get his his or her main one for early admission submitted.

But how does having a secretary at the age of 17 or 18 prepare them well for life??

In college, you won't be there, and they have to learn how to apply for internships while taking courses and being in clubs and having a social life. This is the year to help them learn how to juggle.

You really set them up for failure as freshmen if you do it for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is their life, not yours. Sure, help them with a spreadsheet, and then let go. They either meet the deadlines or they end up at Community College...

Community College is not part of our family's plans. We will do what's necessary to maximize my family members' outcome and CC does not fit that bill. You can choose not to.

It is not "your family's outcome." It is his (or hers) alone. They have to attend college solo, and succeed for fail there. You are not helping them prepare for those years by being too quick to jump in and save them now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is their life, not yours. Sure, help them with a spreadsheet, and then let go. They either meet the deadlines or they end up at Community College...

This PP is trying to take the competition out at the knees.