Have you even had the opportunity to have an affair you didn't seek out?

[Anonymous]

I've been married to my wife for 3 years and so far it seems like the temptation to have an affair is pretty minimal. I'm not sure why it seems like so many people cheat.

I'm an above average looking guy and did very well when I was single. But as a married guy I don't put myself in situations that are very likely to lead an an affair. I've had a couple cases where someone flirted with me in a bar but that's it.

For people who don't seek out affairs, do the opportunities come anyway? How? At work? (Doesn't apply to me)

Or do opportunities for affairs really only come to those who seek them out?

Curious to hear from people who didn't look for an affair but ended up in one anyway. I don't want to blow up my family with an affair, so I'm happy that it seems pretty easy to avoid.

[Anonymous]

Been married 16 years, big law trial attorney. I have turned down at least a half dozen open proposals for affairs. Probably more, but I can count those women who directly asked and some were very persistent. Most I met through work, only one was from the office. Think consultants, financial adviser to the firm, co-counsel, conference attendees, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Been married 16 years, big law trial attorney. I have turned down at least a half dozen open proposals for affairs. Probably more, but I can count those women who directly asked and some were very persistent. Most I met through work, only one was from the office. Think consultants, financial adviser to the firm, co-counsel, conference attendees, etc.

Yeah, I figured. I'm in a male dominated field with lots of work from home so not as much temptation for me so far.

[Anonymous]

When my kids were in day care, I had numerous affair opportunities because I did the after-work pickup and I would talk to the moms who were picking up their kids. Often I’d be with the mom for some time if her kid and mine had a play date. These moms came on to me, I didn’t come on to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my kids were in day care, I had numerous affair opportunities because I did the after-work pickup and I would talk to the moms who were picking up their kids. Often I’d be with the mom for some time if her kid and mine had a play date. These moms came on to me, I didn’t come on to them.

That seems so sloppy -- hitting on a dad at the same daycare? They were married and you were too? I'm social with lots of moms at our daycare but everyone is friends. How did they hint at being open to an affair?

Also don't get how people propose affairs at work without a lot of mutual flirting first

[Anonymous]

The first three years? Easy ... it might get more difficult (it might not) as you age and your dynamics change. I would never have considered an affair in year 3. Year 15? I'm considering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my kids were in day care, I had numerous affair opportunities because I did the after-work pickup and I would talk to the moms who were picking up their kids. Often I’d be with the mom for some time if her kid and mine had a play date. These moms came on to me, I didn’t come on to them.

Really? Are you sure these moms came on to you or were they just being friendly? I just find it hard to believe that you've had multiple moms at the daycare come on to you. 'm a very friendly person and I can see why someone who isn't used to interacting with this type of personality, would misinterpret my genuine interest in talking and joking around with someone of the opposite sex as being flirtatious.

[Anonymous]

The only thing I've got that comes close are women I knew back in high school that reach out to me.

[Anonymous]

Married 20 years. Nothing. I'm not bad looking. I'm friendly and funny. I socialize a fair amount. But I don't put out any kind of a flirtatious vibe.

[Anonymous]

Wife here. I've had multiple opportunities while on a vacation with my girlfriends or being out at a bar. When things are rough in my marriage, yes it's hard to not reciprocate but there's always that voice in the back of my mind that says not a good idea. I also haven't given up on my marriage but I can see it going differently if I have. Marriage is hard and it requires a commitment and a promise to yourself that you will not jeopardize your marriage even if you want to bail out of it.

[Anonymous]

Had an opportunity to have one when I was engaged to my now DW. I'd like to take credit for the fact that it didn't happen, but if I'm being honest I would have done it. We were really young, and so I guess I wasn't the rational level-headed guy I am now.

It was an opportunity that just popped up, not one I sought out. We were newly engaged (I think only about a month) and not yet living together. I was living in an apartment with a friend of mine (call him "roommate", and me, future DW, my friend, and future DW's friend "call her other girl") whom my friend was dating at the time were all hanging out one night.

Roommate worked shift work as a hotel manager and had to go to work that night. Future DW and I were finishing up our last semester of college and each had something to work on (it was 20 years ago, don't remember what) so she decided to go back to her place that night.

After she left it was just me an other girl. I will say she was known to be a bit promiscuous, so why I didn't see it coming I don't know. She had stayed over with roommate the past few nights but was going home that night. She was going to stop and see him at work for a bit before heading home. She had her bag packed and said she would come back and get it after she visited him, which made absolutely no sense to me and I told her so.

She just repeated that she'd come back and get it and needed to borrow my key. I told her that was fine, and to just leave it on the table downstairs (my bedroom was upstairs) and just lock the door handle on the way out since I would be sleeping when she got back (decided to just go to bed and get up early to work on my project, which may have saved my future marriage).

I woke up the next morning and my key was sitting on the night stand next to my bed. My door had been closed, so despite me telling her to leave the key downstairs, she had come up to my room and opened my door knowing that I was alone. That's when it hit me what had really almost happened the night before.

So yeah, I fortunately blundered my way out of an affair that had almost quite literally fell in my lap.

[Anonymous]

I'm single and can't even find anyone who is interested (that is also single) so I think it has a lot to do with the vibe you are giving off.

[Anonymous]

You would have to be quite the a-hole to have an affair within 3 years. but give it 15, kids, dead bedroom...things can happen without you meaning to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only thing I've got that comes close are women I knew back in high school that reach out to me.

Yeah, same, old flames have approached me several times over the course of my marriage.

[Anonymous]

Everyone has the opportunity. It’s called “Ashley Madison”. Take your pick of the lowlife, immoral whores on there.