Wife Is Mad At Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$8k is a very small upgrade budget, and if you do this later instead of ahead of move in, it becomes an infinitely larger hassle. Why do you feel like your opinion matters more than hers?

That is a weird take on OP’s post. Why couldn’t you flip that around and ask why her opinion matters more than his? If they are really only going to be in the house a few years, big projects don’t make much sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I went through building a new house and extensively renovating a fixer upper. We made all the decisions jointly. If one party did not like a choice, we go back to the drawing board, so to speak. There are certain things/styles I love that he hates, so I have to find work arounds.

That said, there were definitely enough times that we made what we thought was the prudent choice at the time, and in hindsight we both said, oh, should have splurged a little on that one, what's 2k or 5k in the grand scheme of things?

You guys have very different approaches to this house. You view it strictly from a practical point of view, ie, you're selling it in 3-5 yrs, therefore it's not worth the money and hassle to upgrade so much cosmetic stuff. She obviously views it differently. Are you sure she's on the same timeline as you regarding the length of time you'll live in the house? Regardless, you two need to compromise. You can acknowledge her desire to live in a beautiful space done to her liking while also suggesting that she prioritize certain things and save on others. Hopefully she's willing to meet you somewhere in the middle.

And that bolded statement OP, seems like the key to a successful marriage. No reason it has to be all or nothing, compromise.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford it, do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Is she generally a spendthrift? Are you generally a tightwad?

This won’t end well.

OP here. Not on material things like designer clothes but she spends a lot on good quality food, skincare, and things for the house. I’m not uptight.

This has got to be a troll or a woman posting as DH. Skincare gave it away

OP here. No. Unlike most, I take of my skin and know quite a bit about thanks for wife and mom. My mom was a dermatologist and taught me a lot about skin growing up. My wife takes very good care of her skin and had been teaching me to do that same. I don’t go all out but I use a vitamin c serum she uses, a moisturizer, and a sunscreen. Men can take care of their skin too.

+1. I’m a woman but my husband does the same thing. He isn’t not well informed about products, but he knows the word “ skincare”. Who doesn’t know that? There are many men who take good care of their skin. They may not use as many products as women, but you would be surprised how many men go to see a dermatologist for general skincare. There is nothing wrong with men having known of skincare and wanting to take better care of their skin.

I am a man. I take care of my skin. I only need three products, and they don't cost a lot. I have no idea what DW spends on her beauty products though. No doubt I'd be shocked. The only thing I notice about her personal care spending is that her trips to the salon cost 6x what my trip to the barber shop costs, and she goes to the salon much more often than I go to the barber.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she generally a spendthrift? Are you generally a tightwad?

This won’t end well.

OP here. Not on material things like designer clothes but she spends a lot on good quality food, skincare, and things for the house. I’m not uptight.

This has got to be a troll or a woman posting as DH. Skincare gave it away

OP here. No. Unlike most, I take of my skin and know quite a bit about thanks for wife and mom. My mom was a dermatologist and taught me a lot about skin growing up. My wife takes very good care of her skin and had been teaching me to do that same. I don’t go all out but I use a vitamin c serum she uses, a moisturizer, and a sunscreen. Men can take care of their skin too.

+1. I’m a woman but my husband does the same thing. He isn’t not well informed about products, but he knows the word “ skincare”. Who doesn’t know that? There are many men who take good care of their skin. They may not use as many products as women, but you would be surprised how many men go to see a dermatologist for general skincare. There is nothing wrong with men having known of skincare and wanting to take better care of their skin.

I am a man. I take care of my skin. I only need three products, and they don't cost a lot. I have no idea what DW spends on her beauty products though. No doubt I'd be shocked. The only thing I notice about her personal care spending is that her trips to the salon cost 6x what my trip to the barber shop costs, and she goes to the salon much more often than I go to the barber.

Ugh, that sucks. The pink tax is no joke! I am a woman and I feel lucky that my hair is a really pretty color (my favorite thing about my appearance) and it’s curly so I can get away with cutting it myself. It’s crazy what salons charge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:The problem with “give in and make her happy” is that she will not be happy if she married a contemptible pushover who gives in whenever she makes demands.

Have some backbone FFS.

Yes, I'm sure that she'd be a lot happier with a guy who doesn't care about what she wants.

Do you give your children everything they want, especially if they demand it with anger and tantrums?

No, and it’s not because you don’t care what they want and don’t want them to be happy.

If you give in to emotional blackmail, neither you nor the kid will be happy. And the same applies to emotional or sexual blackmail from a wife.

That analogy is scary. A wife is supposed to be an equal partner, so NOTHING like a child.

Children have neither the authority nor the judgement to make financial decisions . Is that how you think of your wife? If she is so childlike to you…maybe stop #*#ing her?

Act like a child, get treated like a child. If your adult partner, male or female, tries to get what they want through tantrums and blackmail, they lose their right to be treated like an equal partner. Not least because that person is no longer treating you like an equal partner, but is saying "give me what I want or else".

She is also trying to shift the grounds for decision from judgement to emotion (do what I want or I will be sad, do what I want or I will be mad at you), which is not the proper basis for financial decisions and should be rejected every time she tries it. Just like when a child tries it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with “give in and make her happy” is that she will not be happy if she married a contemptible pushover who gives in whenever she makes demands.

Have some backbone FFS.

Yes, I'm sure that she'd be a lot happier with a guy who doesn't care about what she wants.

Do you give your children everything they want, especially if they demand it with anger and tantrums?

No, and it’s not because you don’t care what they want and don’t want them to be happy.

If you give in to emotional blackmail, neither you nor the kid will be happy. And the same applies to emotional or sexual blackmail from a wife.

That analogy is scary. A wife is supposed to be an equal partner, so NOTHING like a child.

Children have neither the authority nor the judgement to make financial decisions . Is that how you think of your wife? If she is so childlike to you…maybe stop #*#ing her?

Act like a child, get treated like a child. If your adult partner, male or female, tries to get what they want through tantrums and blackmail, they lose their right to be treated like an equal partner. Not least because that person is no longer treating you like an equal partner, but is saying "give me what I want or else".

She is also trying to shift the grounds for decision from judgement to emotion (do what I want or I will be sad, do what I want or I will be mad at you), which is not the proper basis for financial decisions and should be rejected every time she tries it. Just like when a child tries it!

Oh boy. NP here and I say this with all sincerity: find a good therapist or at least read a self help book. This is not how healthy adults respond to poor treatment from their spouses.

[Anonymous]

Oh boy. NP here and I say this with all sincerity: find a good therapist or at least read a self help book. This is not how healthy adults respond to poor treatment from their spouses.

What do you think a man should do when a woman uses emotions to manipulate her husband to get what she wants? What is his response to this bad behavior?

🤷 Can’t see why you should respond any differently than when a kid does it.

[Anonymous]

Just get it over with or you’ll hear about it till you’re 60

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she generally a spendthrift? Are you generally a tightwad?

This won’t end well.

OP here. Not on material things like designer clothes but she spends a lot on good quality food, skincare, and things for the house. I’m not uptight.

This has got to be a troll or a woman posting as DH. Skincare gave it away

OP here. No. Unlike most, I take of my skin and know quite a bit about thanks for wife and mom. My mom was a dermatologist and taught me a lot about skin growing up. My wife takes very good care of her skin and had been teaching me to do that same. I don’t go all out but I use a vitamin c serum she uses, a moisturizer, and a sunscreen. Men can take care of their skin too.

You sound high maintenance too. You guys a good fit and will be broke soon

No. Go get some sunscreen and a vitamin c serum. That is just basic taking care of yourself.

I guess it is no surprise the men on DCUM are using Vit C serum and other skincare products their wives use.

[Anonymous]

If your wife doesn't care about spending almost $10,000 then she has an issue with understanding married life. You don't spend that much without BOTH spouses agreeing.

How about you go and buy a $10,000 motorcycle because you want it? How would she feel? Also, renovations can be made OVER TIME not all at once. Unless the house is broken, she can live in a good home without the "perfect" everything.

That's a spoiled attitude.

[Anonymous]

The problem is that you see this as a fight brewing. You both should be able to sit down as adults and discuss the budget you are working with, pros and cons or the potential upgrades, and what you are willing to sacrifice (savings, vacation funds) to make it happen.

Why do you feel like you can't have a discussion without the escalation?

And no, one spouse's opinion shouldn't outweigh the other's. Both viewpoints are valid and deserve to be heard.

[Anonymous]

How about you go and buy a $10,000 motorcycle because you want it? How would she feel? Also, renovations can be made OVER TIME not all at once. Unless the house is broken, she can live in a good home without the "perfect" everything.

True. Our house needed a lot of work. We did it over 5-10 years, $5,000 to $10,000 at a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Oh boy. NP here and I say this with all sincerity: find a good therapist or at least read a self help book. This is not how healthy adults respond to poor treatment from their spouses.

What do you think a man should do when a woman uses emotions to manipulate her husband to get what she wants? What is his response to this bad behavior?

🤷 Can’t see why you should respond any differently than when a kid does it.

Don’t you see that responding immaturely when somebody is acting immature is the exact thing that a kid would do? If somebody isn’t treating you well, you don’t escalate the conflict and start trying to act like your spouses father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she generally a spendthrift? Are you generally a tightwad?

This won’t end well.

OP here. Not on material things like designer clothes but she spends a lot on good quality food, skincare, and things for the house. I’m not uptight.

This has got to be a troll or a woman posting as DH. Skincare gave it away

OP here. No. Unlike most, I take of my skin and know quite a bit about thanks for wife and mom. My mom was a dermatologist and taught me a lot about skin growing up. My wife takes very good care of her skin and had been teaching me to do that same. I don’t go all out but I use a vitamin c serum she uses, a moisturizer, and a sunscreen. Men can take care of their skin too.

You sound high maintenance too. You guys a good fit and will be broke soon

No. Go get some sunscreen and a vitamin c serum. That is just basic taking care of yourself.

I guess it is no surprise the men on DCUM are using Vit C serum and other skincare products their wives use.

I don’t know about the connection to DCUM but women tend to be more in the know about the benefits of vitamin c serum (it helps protect against sun damage and can even help damage that’d already there), so yeah it makes sense that husbands of wives who are into skincare would learn about it and start using it too.