Wife Is Mad At Me

[Anonymous]

I don’t know what the answer is but it would help if you didn’t sound so dismissive of the changes she wants. You say it looks basically the same, but obviously it doesn’t to her. You’re making her come across as high maintenance and frivolous.

And maybe she is! But it’s also very understandable to want to live in a nicer home and just because it wouldn’t be nicer to you doesn’t mean she shouldn’t have it.

I would try to see her point of view. Hopefully she will try to see yours too. And hopefully you both realize that neither kitchen nor this amount of money is actually worth arguing so much over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pick your battles

Do you guys have the money?

OP here. We have the money but that’s not the point. It will not any value to the house.

Not everything has to provide value to the home

[Anonymous]

It’s not that much money let her be happy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with “give in and make her happy” is that she will not be happy if she married a contemptible pushover who gives in whenever she makes demands.

Have some backbone FFS.

Yes, I'm sure that she'd be a lot happier with a guy who doesn't care about what she wants.

The things that look the same to you clearly don't look the same to her, and it'd be nice if you respected that. You might be surprised, too, at what will help resale. If she's got a good eye and is in touch with what's trendy, the house will sell faster, and possibly for slightly more. I recently sold a house that sold for way above asking price because the finishes were, though not expensive, very stylish. An almost identical house with more dated finishes sold for about $20k less, and the updated finishes cost way less than that.

I bet there are things you care about that she doesn't care about, OP. If you can afford it (even if it's not a good 'investment') do it. And I hope she would be similarly supportive of spending money on the things that make a difference to you.

[Anonymous]

If money isn't the issue then just do it. I've made changes to our house (DW here) that DH thought (and he would agree) will "look the same". Once it was done, he really liked it. He just couldn't see the difference beforehand (still can't 30+ years later). So go into it with a budget of 6-8K, let her do the upgrades she wants (they all sound reasonable honestly) and let it be. No, you won't get your money back at resale, but the house will feel better to her.

[Anonymous]

Is she generally a spendthrift? Are you generally a tightwad?

This won’t end well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with “give in and make her happy” is that she will not be happy if she married a contemptible pushover who gives in whenever she makes demands.

Have some backbone FFS.

Yes, I'm sure that she'd be a lot happier with a guy who doesn't care about what she wants.

The things that look the same to you clearly don't look the same to her, and it'd be nice if you respected that. You might be surprised, too, at what will help resale. If she's got a good eye and is in touch with what's trendy, the house will sell faster, and possibly for slightly more. I recently sold a house that sold for way above asking price because the finishes were, though not expensive, very stylish. An almost identical house with more dated finishes sold for about $20k less, and the updated finishes cost way less than that.

I bet there are things you care about that she doesn't care about, OP. If you can afford it (even if it's not a good 'investment') do it. And I hope she would be similarly supportive of spending money on the things that make a difference to you.

OP here. I thought hardware and finishes do nothing for resale value. The only thing I see that is good for resale value is doing custom built-ins in the closet.
The finishes in this house are nice and new. She wants them in a different color and shape ( draw pulls instead of knobs). The bathroom counter top is nice but she just wants a lighter gray. The bathroom floor is nice but she wants it to match the other bathroom. This will not improve our home resale value.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she generally a spendthrift? Are you generally a tightwad?

This won’t end well.

OP here. Not on material things like designer clothes but she spends a lot on good quality food, skincare, and things for the house. I’m not uptight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with “give in and make her happy” is that she will not be happy if she married a contemptible pushover who gives in whenever she makes demands.

Have some backbone FFS.

Yes, I'm sure that she'd be a lot happier with a guy who doesn't care about what she wants.

The things that look the same to you clearly don't look the same to her, and it'd be nice if you respected that. You might be surprised, too, at what will help resale. If she's got a good eye and is in touch with what's trendy, the house will sell faster, and possibly for slightly more. I recently sold a house that sold for way above asking price because the finishes were, though not expensive, very stylish. An almost identical house with more dated finishes sold for about $20k less, and the updated finishes cost way less than that.

I bet there are things you care about that she doesn't care about, OP. If you can afford it (even if it's not a good 'investment') do it. And I hope she would be similarly supportive of spending money on the things that make a difference to you.

OP here. I thought hardware and finishes do nothing for resale value. The only thing I see that is good for resale value is doing custom built-ins in the closet.
The finishes in this house are nice and new. She wants them in a different color and shape ( draw pulls instead of knobs). The bathroom counter top is nice but she just wants a lighter gray. The bathroom floor is nice but she wants it to match the other bathroom. This will not improve our home resale value.

All things being equal I would take a kitchen with pulls instead of knobs, easy.

But it’s okay to spend money on a home even if it won’t increase resale value. It’s a home, the place where you live your life, not just an investment vehicle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We spent 200K gut-renovating. You're getting off easy, OP!
Seriously, if you can afford it, make her happy.

OP here. We specifically chose houses that were move in-ready. We will only be here for 3, maybe 5 years tops. I don’t want to spend money that will not increase resale value.

I'm a DW, and when we were remodeling the kitchen, I had the same argument with my DH, except he's the one who wanted to spend a lot more to make unnecessary changes. I put my foot down. I told him he can work more and earn more if he wanted to spend more.

He also wanted to retire early, take nice vacations, etc... I had to constantly remind him that he can't retire early and travel if he keep spending money like this.

It's been 20 years now since that argument, and DH can retire at 59 in a couple of years.

To be fair, I have, over the years, been willing to spend more as we have seen our nest egg get to a certain point.


But maybe your situation is different.

Too much austerity early on. It isn’t a virtue.

Tell that to DH who is so thankful of my frugality.

And I wasn't that austere. We took very nice international vacations.

[Anonymous]

If you have enough money, just do it, before you have kids. Harder to do renos with kids in the house.

We don't know how to judge this because we don't know your incomes, savings, ages, if you have debt, etc.

[Anonymous]

How much was the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happy wife, happy life. If you have the money, do it.

I hate this saying. Don’t negotiate with (emotional) terrorists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happy wife, happy life. If you have the money, do it.

I hate this saying. Don’t negotiate with (emotional) terrorists.

Hate it or not, it’s true

[Anonymous]

ELFA closets would be a plus point to me as a buyer. As would a more attractive sink/counter.